The Last
by Adamantitanium
Summary: Megan wakes up in the world from the book/movie Divergent. She believes it's just a dream, a nightmare she can't wake up from. Will she get out? Can she wake up? Will she survive? WIP. Adventure, Mystery, and Romance.
1. People

I'm not sure where I'm going with this story but I hope you all enjoy it.

There is drug use and swearing so if you don't like those kinds of things, I recommend not reading this. I can promise that It's brief and there isn't a LOT of that sort of thing in my story but. . .Its up to you what you want to read.

I don't promote/support or encourage drug use.

Thanks,

RisughXD

* * *

I stare at myself in the mirror and pull my bottom eyelid down, drawing a thick line of black on it. I do the same for the top eyelid.

While assessing myself I notice that I don't look any less tired with make-up on. What a waste. I just look like one of those emo kids, depressing and dark. I sigh and rub my eyes smearing the eyeliner off.

Which only makes me look worse it doesn't completely rub off, now my eyes have dark circles around them.

My phone beeps 3 times and I ignore it, brushing my dyed black hair out and fixing my bangs to the side. Then I hear the loud car horn outside.

"Paging doctor faggot!" I hear from outside, and laugh. Its my best friend Tate. He's here to pick me up for school.

I rush to the window, squeezing the handle and throwing it open "SHUT UP DOUCHE!" I yell back. I look at his crappy red Toyota truck. It looks like there's a couple other kids in the back and some chick in the passenger seat, probably Harper, his bitchy girlfriend. I silently hope I don't have to sit in the bed of the truck.

I don't want to mess up my hair.

Grabbing my bag off the bed and scooping my phone into my jacket pocket, I pause and swipe my school ID off the hook next to my door and shove it into my jeans. I realize I didn't fix my bed but, don't care. Mom's at work already and my brother is probably too high to function.

I take a few deep breaths before running out the door and don't turn to lock it. Our neighborhood is mostly safe and I know my brother is in the house.

Probably in his room.

Whenever I pass his door I always get this weird feeling inside me, It keeps me from going inside.

When I get to the truck Harper is rolling the window down. _Fuuuuuuuuuuuck_ I think sadly. She smiles her bitch smile at me and cocks her head towards the back and I stomp away from the door. I toss my bag in first before climbing in and just barely acknowledge the others sitting against the cab.

Tate has a lot of friends and most of them are shitty. I always tell him they only stick around for free rides.

Cause its true.

"Hey Megan." The boy in back says. I know him, but only from school. His name is Josh. I smile and say hey but really, I don't care about these guys, Just like they don't care for me. The other two are Greg and Micheal. They're both older than I am by a year and I vaguely remember that Micheal dropped out of school.

 _Why the hell is he riding with us to SCHOOL then?_

"You look really tired" Comments Micheal, but I ignore it. I AM tired.

My hands are in my hair holding it all in place as Tate speeds towards the school parking lot. It was only a 5 minute drive but the wind has already thoroughly messed it all up. Long hair problems, I always think about cutting it.

But I don't.

We all get out and Tate walks over. "We're gonna bail after lunch, you in?"

I don't need to think about it, cause I know I have P.E after lunch. I hate P.E. ugh. Tate used to joke that if a zombie apocalypse were to ever happen, i'd be one of the first 100 to die cause I refuse to run.

"Yeah. I'm in."

"Cool, meet at the truck then."

When we skip school, which we do kind of often, we usually go to "The Gully" Its a large ravine like thing, water rushing through. Its off-limits due to how deep it is. They say if you fell in, you would never come back up.

The day passes by quickly and Its lunch time already. History was boring and I was held after Math by my teacher. Mr. Roberts. He reminded me that if my grades didn't improve he'd be sending another letter to my mother.

He's already sent two. Both of which I took out of the mailbox before she got to them. He always asked for my mothers phone number but I never gave it up.

If I did gave it to him, I wonder if my mom would even answer.

I'm at the truck before everyone else and I climb in to wait. When security comes around I lay flat in the trucks bed, trying not to get caught. I always get that exciting rush when escaping the school. My heart beating loud in my chest.

I hear them before I see them. Tate talking to Harper and Josh. Josh mentions that he has a treat and that we're going to flip out. I think maybe I should warn them that the security was just around here. . .

When I'm about to sit up I hear a shout.

"HEY YOU KIDS, WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING?"

Josh jumps in and almost lands directly on me. My hand is out to protect my face and I push his leg away. "Oh crap sorry Meg." He says and quickly diverts himself so he doesn't step on me. I hear the truck doors open and slam. Tate speeds out of the parking lot, the loud screeching of tires makes my heart race. Josh falls on his butt and grips the side of the truck.

I sit up in time to see the security guard running after us, red faced and angry.

I can't help but smile.

.

.

.

At the gully we find a nice spot under some trees, close to the edge overlooking the steep fall into the water. It's far enough away so the roar of the waters isn't too loud. We can talk without yelling.

It's always nice here, green and peaceful. The atmosphere is always soothing.

Tate and Harper sit close to each other leaning against the big tree. I sit cross legged with my back towards the truck and Josh begins climbing up onto a branch, what a nerd.

After a while a few other kids come and join us. They're from different schools I guess cause I've never seen them before. They introduce themselves as Ashley, Joseph and Cody.

They seem cool.

"Hey guys, this is Megan." Introduces Tate, gesturing to me, Like I couldn't introduce myself. I just smile awkwardly and nod my head at them. Ashley sits next to me.

"Nice to meet you."

Yeah, sure.

When everyone settles Josh jumps down and fetches a small baggy out of his jeans pocket.

"Whoa dude, you just keep that shit in your pocket?" Exclaims Joseph laughing.

"Yeah, near my crotch. No one searches there." He replies sticking his tongue out.

I know what it is without seeing it clearly.

It's Marijuana.

I only tried it once, when my brother Dale had some friends over for a party and nothing happened, so I'm not afraid of it or anything. . .I don't want to smoke though. It made my throat dry and I coughed for like 30 minutes straight.

Tate's eyes meet mine and he already knows how I feel about drugs, and drinking for that matter.

He has a nice face, very slim, his sandy colored hair is a muss on top of his head.

"Let's roll it up." Says Ashley excitedly, Cody doesn't say anything and I notice he has earphones in. He probably can't even hear us.

"I didn't bring any paper." sighs Josh.

"I have my pipe." Says Joseph. "Be right back." He gets up and walks over to his car.

Tate nudges me with his foot "You don't have to if you don't want to." He says, Harper smiles sweetly next to him.

"Yeah MEG, If you don't want to, you really don't have to." She mimics. That annoys me. I know I'm probably imagining it but she always treats me like I'm so much younger than they are. I'm 16, I can do whatever I want. NOT TO MENTION she calls me Meg, referring to the least liked character on Family Guy. She always does it.

Tate sits up and elbows her. "You really don't."

Joseph returns with a small glass object with a large bowl shape at the end, he tosses it over to Cody, who responds quickly and catches it before it hits the ground. His earphones fall out, but he just lazily tucks them into his shirt.

"Come on Megan, Its only once." Goads Josh. I sigh.

"Ever heard of 'Not even once'?" I ask and Joseph laughs. Its the 'no drugs' motto at school and it's all over the cities buses and on billboards. Everyone knows it.

"Its just weed." Says Ashley with a shrug, but she doesn't push me anymore than that. "I get greens!"

I know it's immature to give in to peer pressure but when the pipe goes around and gets to Harper, I already feel like doing it. My resolve weakens after everyone blows their smoke out and it smells sweet, sickly sweet.

It invades my nostrils and I scrunch my nose.

It kinda smells like sweat and blood.

How strangely disgusting.

I change my mind.

She lets Tate light one end while sucking on the other. When she finishes she doesn't let the smoke out, holding it in longer than the others and holds the pipe out to me. Her eyes are challenging me. I think she wants to hold it in till I give in.

I watch till she can't hold the smoke in anymore and she chokes it all out.

Good.

Josh hands her a soda. Where did he even get the soda? Shes coughing a lot and I think she might even puke.

Even better.

She chugs the soda but still holds the pipe out to me.

I hesitate.

I don't really want to do this.

I confidently take the pipe and wipe her stupid spit off the end she had her mouth on. I see the others looking at me expectantly. Tate just looks concerned.

The small glass object is warm in my hands.

"You sure?" He asks me.

Without answering I hold it closer to my face. It looks really innocent, but a lot of deadly things do.

All of a sudden I just picture my brother Dale, too high to even be my brother anymore. Always hiding out in his dark room like a bat in his cave.

I can't do it.

Sighing I pass the pipe to Cody.

Harper is smiling but I honestly don't care about her. Tate looks relieved.

No one says anything about me being too chicken, they don't say anything about me rejecting it at all.

The pipe goes around a few times and I just watch. I vaguely wonder if second hand smoke in this case would be the same as cigarettes.

My worry intensifies when Harper blows her smoke at me and before I can protect myself It surrounds me like a white ghost, the smell is foul.

I'm beginning to feel really light headed. Probably shouldn't have stayed near them while they were doing this.

They're talking but I can only hear the things I focus on and when they laugh, all of a sudden It's funny to me and I laugh too.

I lay back and stare up at the tree, the leaves moving so fast with the breeze. The branches rub together like they're trying to start a fire with their own arms.

I vaguely feel the blades of grass poking me through my shirt, and through my jacket. I spread my arms out over them. Definitely pokey. Like tiny green swords.

The sky between the branches is unbelievably blue, it looks so pretty. The green and the blue.

Someone passes me my backpack and I place it under my head, like a pillow. "Thanks" I giggle.

Why did I giggle?

Their voices start coming back and I want to sit up but I just can't muster the strength. Like i'm stuck to the ground.

My mouth feels sticky, and cottony, I lick behind my teeth.

"Man Josh, Where. . . Where did you get this shit?" I think its Joseph talking. "I'm blasted."

"I got it from Dale." He replies. My brother Dale? Hehe that's funny. But why is it funny? "Dude, you're drooling."

It's bothers me that my brother would be giving drugs out to other people but it slowly fades away with the noise.

I hear Ashley laughing, and Tate is mashing face with Harper. I close my eyes and feel the breeze through my fingers.

When did I lift my arm? I thought I couldn't.

Drifting in and out of sleep. The tree just swishes gently, and It lulls me back under into the darkness behind my eyes.

Maybe because I didn't actually smoke any, it just makes me tired?

Does this count as smoking it? I can't remember if second-hand smoke counts.

I can hear them again, and this time its Cody, I'm sure. "What's it called? Pineapple Express?" I know hes joking and I hear laughing. I realize its me laughing, and shut up immediately.

I feel like it takes forever for Josh to finally answer him and when he does, I can barely hear him. My eyes are closed again and this time I feel deeper into myself.

"It's called ' _Divergent_ '."

.

.

.

I can feel the sun shining through my eyelids, it makes them red, its so damn bright. I put my hand over my face to try and block some of the light.

I feel like I've slept a million years.

I don't hear anyone talking, maybe they all fell asleep?

"Hey you guys, what time is it?" I ask my voice sounds heavy from sleep, my throat a little scratchy and I lick my dry lips, my mouth still feels cottony. I spit once and drag my tongue across my teeth.

No one answers and I slowly open my eyes, they feel weird and It takes time for them to adjust.

That's when I realize no one is around me. I panic.

Did they ditch me?

No, I don't think Tate would ever ditch me. My heart is beating so loudly, I can hear it in my ears.

I stand, a little too quickly and I stumble a bit. I reach out to support myself on the tree but my hand catches nothing and I fall over.

I hit the ground with my elbow, which hurts a shit ton. "OWWWW." I blurt but instead of getting back up I roll over onto my back. I feel dizzy.

The sun is directly over head and it irritates my sensitive eyes again.

How can that be? It had to have been at least 4 o'clock and where is the tree? We got to the Gully at like 1.

Stretching my arm out I feel around for my bag. Then realize my phone is in my jacket. I take it out and hold it up close to my face and hit the power button.

The time flashes up

'4:17'.

 _What?_

Where the hell is the tree? Did they drag me somewhere else? Am I dead? My pulse loud in my ears still, I can't be dead. I get up and dust my back and jeans off.

I don't even bother with my hair.

I finally take a look around to survey my surroundings. I'm not at the gully, obviously.

All I see are fields, dense grasses and open space. I turn around and see trees.

So I'm near a forest? There's a tall beam over the top of the trees. Must be a building over there.

My bag is on the ground and I shrug it onto my back. At least they didn't steal my stuff and i'm still wearing my shoes. Glancing at my phone again to check my bars I start to worry because I have no service. Anger seeps through, lacing my anxiety.

I stalk off towards the trees. Where I'm hoping leads to the building that I think I saw.

About 20 minutes of walking and my anxiety growing, I finally see a wall. It looks like a building, but its too large and has no windows. I stare straight up. Its over 8 stories high. It also looks like its being built higher. Metal beams stick out of it abandoned and unfinished.

I feel like if I don't figure out where I am, I'm gonna go crazy.

My backpack feels heavier.

I for sure can't climb this wall, so instead I just continue along it.

Walking and Walking.

The only sounds I hear are my shoes crunching the branches and gravel with each step. I've calmed down a bit and checked my phone a few more times.

It's 5:46.

I stare straight ahead and squint to try and see if all my walking is actually for nothing.

"Hey, who are you?" I jump up, startled. The noise came from a man standing on a platform high above me. "Why're you out here?"

Hes holding a gun. I can feel the panic spread through me and my words are stuck in my throat.

I don't answer him.

My feet feel glued to the ground, making walking impossible. I just stare at him, un-moving.

He looks at me questioningly and another person joins him. They're both wearing black, with bullet proof vest's. Everything they're wearing is black.

They aren't military.

"I said WHO ARE YOU?" He says again, and this time there's anger in his voice.

"I'm Megan." I call up to him. Surprising myself.

The other guy draws his gun and they both disappear from the platform.

I think about running but before I can, a loud metal creak rings out through my ears and part of the wall is sliding apart.

Its not a wall, Its actually a gate. The two men are stepping out and I realize that one is young. Looks almost to be my age, he also has neon green hair.

They both have their guns up.

I drop my bag and put my hands up, like a criminal. They relax a little and step closer to me. The older one with graying hair puts his gun away. It doesn't make me relax. I feel like I might start crying.

"Are you Dauntless?" The younger one asks. I'm so confused, what is Dauntless?

"I'm sorry, but what?" I ask, my heart is hammering in my head.

Fear makes it hard to think.

"Faction-less?" The old man asks.

"What?" I answer. It all sounds really familiar but I can't. . .

The young one comes up to me and grabs my arm, twisting it behind my back. It hurts but I don't protest or fight back.

He could shoot me.

The old man comes up and looks at me closely, he's actually not that old.

"She has piercings and hair is colored. Shes could be one of us." Says the younger guy over my shoulder.

Why does that matter?

"Why is she all the way out here?" He adds. "It's off limits."

The old man doesn't answer, he just continues to scrutinize my face.

I can't put my finger on it but the Deja-Vu feeling keeps nagging at me.

I'm so confused and I can feel my self beginning to break down, my eyes are watering and my arm hurts.

Where am I ? Who are these people and what is Dauntless?

When the old man does answer, he sounds really tired. "It could be faction-less. They still look like us, remember? Or a lost transfer." He grabs my cheeks between his fingers and turns my face left and right, looking me in the eyes. "Are you from Amity?"

"I'm sorry Sir, I don't know where I am." I say, my voice shaky. His eyes narrow.

"Lets take her in then." He finishes, turning around. The younger guy lets my arm go and shoves me forward. Why is he so mean? I reach down to grab my bag, but he snatches it up.

"Give her the bag, Aaron." The old man snaps, and Aaron holds it out to me. When I reach to grab it he throws it on the ground.

What an asshole.

I start to follow them but I don't know where they're taking me. What if they take me somewhere and just shoot me?

Once through the gate I see buildings, tall buildings. It looks like New York or something, but that can't be because most of the buildings are crumbling or destroyed.

It looks like a scene from a movie about the apocalypse.

Plants growing out of cracks in the ground, reclaiming the city. The sidewalks are almost non-existent, blending in with the faded road, littered with potholes of every size and shape.

The road is clear though, no abandoned vehicles.

The guys are leading me to a large armored truck.

"Where are you taking me?" I ask, finally finding my voice. Its not shaky anymore and I decide that if they were going to shoot me, they'd have done it outside.

Aaron looks at me with an annoyed expression but doesn't answer. The old man just sighs and opens the back door. Motioning for me to get in.

"I'm not getting in." I stop walking towards the car. I just won't.

They have to tell me where they're taking me. I put my hand in my jacket and feel my phone.

I'm pretty sure it still has no signal but maybe if I dial 911 it'll still go through.

When Aaron points his gun at me I freeze, withdrawing my hand from my phone and pocket.

"Hands where I can see them" He spits.

My hands shoot above my head reflexively, I'm confident they won't shoot me though. It's against the law to kill someone. Plus I'm unarmed.

"Just get in the car. We're taking you to Dauntless compound. Our leaders will know what to do with you."

"This is kidnapping." I say quietly, neither of them are listening. Aaron walks up and yanks my arm, the same one I fell on and he twisted.

He pushes me towards the door.

I slide into the car slowly. The leather seat making noise. My bag on my lap. The door slams in my face when I try to look out. I quickly pull my phone out and turn it on. The time flashes up but I know for a fact it's wrong and I still have no signal.

 _Where am I?_

I shove the phone back into my pocket before they get into the front seats.

When they're both in, they don't even turn around to look at me.

The vehicle starts up. The engine is loud and rattles my bones. I realize my hands are shaking and my hair is sticking to my face. I'm sweating.

There aren't any seat belts.

My mind is racing. They probably know I have a phone, aren't they worried I'll call the police? Why are they taking me to their leaders? Is this a cult? What city am I in?

 _Where am I going?_

 _._

 _._

 _._

Dauntless?

By the time the vehicle stops the sun is already lowering. It was about an hour drive, through the empty city.

It's a giant building, They lead me inside passed a lot of people and all of them, I mean ALL of them are wearing black.

It's really embarrassing being led like this but I feel a lot safer with people around me.

Surely I'm not in any danger.

Aaron is holding my arm behind my back again, and my bag in his other hand. The old man leading the way.

People are staring so I put my head down and try to let the curtain of hair hide my embarrassed blush.

I feel like I've been caught by a security guard, shoplifting or something. Like I've been arrested.

When we're finally inside, they lead me through tunnels, I've never been claustrophobic but my anxiety is skyrocketing.

My heart feels like its going to stop at any moment.

Today hasn't been good for my health.

The path starts to point downwards and I know we're headed underground. Luckily there's still people.

Some stare while others just continue doing what they were doing. I don't recognize any of these people.

To my dismay there's less and less people the further we go in. We reach a giant room that resembles a cafeteria.

Rows and rows of tables lined up with people sitting at them eating.

This is where all the people are.

I scan the room. A giant crowd is before us and my two guards stop walking. Can't get through I guess.

A large group of kids come running in from the opposite side of the room, led by a tall angry eyed guy. I could see tattoos peaking out the back of his shirt when he turns to address the group, a girl with long brown/blonde hair, a shorter one with mocha colored skin. . .

"Oh my god" I hear myself saying. That's when everything clicks together.

I know where I am.

I must be dreaming.

I AM Dreaming.

I saw this movie a couple of days ago. Dale had it on in the living room while I was at the dining table doing my homework for once. I remember this because he was out of his room, and he even made me a bowl of cereal that morning. I had read the first book about a month before seeing the movie.

Aaron hears me, I guess cause he says "What?"

"I'm in a movie." I say exasperatedly. "None of this is real. I'm dreaming."

I know I'm dreaming and I think back. Being around that smoke must have effected me. I begin regretting having such crappy friends.

I remember what Josh called the weed. 'Divergent'. That was the name of the stupid movie! I must be crazy. I need to wake up.

I look at him and I can tell by the look on his face that he thinks i'm completely crazy.

"You don't understand." I say quickly. "I'm dreaming, can you hear me? I'm dreaming and I have to wake up." I'm starting to get frustrated and fight against Aaron's vice like grip.

That's when he releases me and punches me right in the nose. At first i'm shocked.

I hear the sound but all I feel is shock.

It doesn't register till I feel the warm liquid running down my nose. My septum ring pulsing with the throbs of pain.

I spit at the blood that threatens to enter my mouth.

My eyes begin to water up and my nose hurts SO MUCH. It could be broken.

Why didn't I wake up? I should've woken up. I fell on my elbow and that hurt. . .but that didn't wake me up.

I've been punched in the face. . .

But I didn't wake up.

This is my blood I think, looking down at my shirt. Its black and has the words "Live Free" across my breasts in white.

Well, it _used_ to be white.

I blink away the tears and try not to focus on how much my nose hurts. Aaron doesn't grab my arm again and the old guy hands me a towel, from god knows where.

I take it gratefully, without thanking him and put it under my nose.

The towel turns bright red.

"Why'd you have to hit her. Shes bleeding all over the place." He sighs. I don't care about who might have to clean this up.

"She said she needed to wake up."

I can't believe whats going on.

But I know whats going to happen.

The leader guy is going to show up and give some sort of speech and everyone's going to cheer.

Why the hell am I INSIDE of a movie and more importantly, why THIS movie?

I think back to the Ghost smoke that surrounded me, was it magic?

Soon enough a tall dark person walks up the the railings on the second floor. He leans over them, looking at the scene below and begins his speech.

I'm not listening to him, I don't even hear him. I'm staring at the girl who I know is the main character of this movie. Beatrice or something.

Tris.

What am I going to do?

If I can get hurt here, then what if I can die here? I still have my stuff. My phone, I even have my homework in that bag. This is so bizarre.

Before I know it, i'm sitting in a leather chair and in front of me is a large desk. I'm still holding the towel to my nose. Aaron places my bag on the desk and takes a place next to where i'm seated and this stupid old man whose name I still don't know stands on the other side of me.

The dark man just came in and goes to sit at his desk. Another guy walks in he's tall with piercings over his left eyebrow and tattoos on his neck.

"Whats going on? Aaron? Killian?" The dark guy asks, and I finally remember that his name is Max. The other guy is Eric. I feel a little better knowing the names of some of these characters, but aren't they just actors? What are their real names. . .?

Aaron remains silent and he looks intimidated. Killian the old man, is the one who speaks.

"We found her outside the wall. She doesn't know what faction shes from, but she looks like shes from here. She only knows her name." He says it like I might have no memory of anything. That relaxes me, at least I could pretend to be some sort of amnesia victim.

Until I figure out what the hell I'm gonna do.

"Well? Who are you?" Max asks me.

"My name is Megan."

"Do you know where you are?"

"I was told that i'm in Dauntless, but other than that no. I don't know where I am." I say removing the towel so that it doesn't block my mouth while i'm talking.

Max looks to Eric and back to me. He sits back in his chair. "And you had this with you?" He asks gesturing to the bag on his desk.

"Yes."

Eric walks up to the desk and I look at him. He doesn't look quite like he did in the movie. I look back at Max. Neither does he? Am I imagining everything? I am in the movie right?

Or what if because I saw the movie my imagination managed to conjure up copies and I'm stuck in my own mind?

But why this movie?

I snap back to the scene when I hear the loud unzip of my bag.

Eric dumps it all out onto the table. My composition books full of doodles, some mechanical pencils, my iPod and tangled earphones, my wallet, math textbook, school ID and some snacks fall out. I thank god when I see my ipod charger fall out after everything else. I thought I lost it. Must've been under everything.

Not that it matters here.

How can I explain all of this stuff? Won't they think i'm an alien or something? I can't remember the setting for the movie but i'm sure its supposed to be a futuristic world, and all this of the past are obsolete.

Max sits up, he looks interested in all my junk. He reaches out and grabs my yellow comp book. Flips through a few pages. Doodles.

He drops it and grabs my iPod. I think it's a little funny but when I see Eric glaring at me I frown.

"What is this?" He asks.

"Its an iPod. It plays music." I answer, truthfully. "it's not dangerous." I put my hand out, indicating that he could hand it to me and I can show him how it works.

He doesn't.

He just places it back on the desk and grabs my wallet. When he opens it, the Velcro ripping is loud and it sounds so unnatural in the small room. I flinch.

Everyone else stands like statues. Unaffected.

He turns it over and my change falls out. He plucks the dollar bills out and my state ID. My ID that says I'm from Illinois. I sigh cause I only had 6 dollars in there, not that it does any good to me in this world.

He leaves the money and stares at my ID. "Eel-I-noise?" He asks, and I can't help but laugh.

He looks up at my face confused and angry.

"Illinois" I start immediately becoming somber and look back at Eric, he's still glaring. He looks angrier after my laugh. I guess it was pretty dumb.

He hands the ID to Eric, who looks it over. I silently wish my picture weren't so ugly. I wasn't smiling, and my hair was a faded blue color. So faded it looked like a dead plant in that picture. Eric takes out a small tablet. It looks like an Ipad. He starts putting in numbers. Probably the numbers on my ID.

I know he won't pull anything up.

Silently I pray that they don't make me explain where I got the ID. I don't know how to explain something like that.

"Nothing." Eric states and drops the card onto the table.

"Full name" Max says, both his hands on the desk.

"Megan Dowry." I answer. Eric begins typing again. Doesn't even ask me for the correct spelling.

"Nothing." He says again. This time he looks at me. They both look curious.

I don't know where this is going but I can tell I'm going to be interrogated, maybe they just don't know what to ask me. That or it doesn't matter what I say because they've made up their minds.

I don't know which makes me feel more uncomfortable.

Max flips through my math textbook and I can tell he doesn't understand it. I don't think they really do math anymore. . . but I could be wrong.

"Where did you get all this?" He asks while flipping through the pages.

"I found it" I lie. "I found that when I was wandering around."

No one seems to question if I'm telling the truth so they just sorta let it go.

Odd.

Max starts putting the books and pencils into the bag, along with the money. He leaves the iPod and Id on the desk.

"Burn these." He hands the bag to Eric who tosses it into Aaron who catches it and leaves the room. I don't feel bad about the bag. I was borrowing it from Dale anyway, he probably never noticed when it went missing. The books. . .well, if I even get out of here I could probably steal one from a classmate.

I have more important things to worry about.

"You're dismissed Killian." Killian nods and leaves the room without a word.

"What are we gonna do about her?" Eric asks. I sit up straighter, I want to know too.

Max is quiet for a long moment and I start to get impatient. I only now realize that my nose isn't bleeding and it doesn't hurt as much. I must have been wrong about it being broken. I start picking at the dry blood on and around my septum ring.

"What do you suggest we do?" He finally says asking Eric.

I was afraid he'd ask Eric, isn't he the ruthless character from the book?

He was mean in the movie too right?

"Apparently she doesn't exist. We could just kill her and be done with it." He shrugs.

Max looks like hes taking this into consideration. My hands are sweating, and I feel like I can't get enough air into my lungs. I cant believe I haven't had a heart attack yet, instead it keeps beating painfully in my chest.

Max just stares at my face and I try to look pleading, hoping he won't just decide to kill me.

"We could take her as an initiate." Max says, not looking away from me. I don't try to settle my panicked breathing, I must look like a pathetic mess. I know what it would mean to be an initiate here. I'd just get beaten up and tortured. "Keep a close eye on her."

Eric looks at him clearly surprised. "She doesn't exist in the system, we'd have to report this to Erudite. She's basically dead. I'm not about to babysit. . ."

Its not a bad idea, but I vaguely feel like Max may have another agenda. Maybe I'm interesting enough to keep.

Or they're suspicious of me.

Max fingers the dark screen of my ipod, that's probably the case.

"We just won't tell Janine, put her under Fours watch and tell him to keep an eye on her if you aren't up to the job" Max cuts Eric off. Eric stiffens, shutting up instantly.

"Do you know what a Divergent is?"

I look at him, I can't say its the name of the movie, or book, or the name of the weed. That would be just crazy.

So I simply say "No." Which he accepts but he looks as though he doesn't believe me.

In this world, what am I though?

Would I be considered a divergent?

"If she doesn't make it through, or disobeys a rule, talks back or does anything you don't like just kill her then." Max says to Eric. Eric seems to like this.

"For now, just let her be an initiate. She already looks like a Dauntless. Have her train with the transfers and we'll see if she IS a Dauntless"

What the hell am I gonna do? Am I supposed to just wait for the movie or events, whatever to play out?

Then I can't be here, right?

What if I change something? Does the butterfly effect apply in movies? Will I get stuck here?

Am I going to die?

* * *

Please review!

This is my first story/fan-fiction.

Let me know what you think :D

[Note: Going back to do some edits, through the whole story but it's mainly just compacting short chapters and tweaking the alignment.]


	2. Tobias Eaton

When you lay there trying to fall asleep at night, What do you think about?

* * *

Eric leads me to the concrete room where all the initiates are supposed to sleep. It's empty, so I guess they're still eating or something.

I still have the bloody towel securely in my hand.

"Choose a bed and get changed." Eric says, he walks over to the entrance and leans against the wall with his arms crossed.

He's going to wait for me? I guess he has to.

Or maybe he's waiting for a chance to put a bullet in my head. I shiver.

The only open bed is closest to the showers. There's two stacks of clothing, one male and one female. I grab the male stack and the boots and make my way towards the showers.

I'm so not about to change in front of some scary guy.

I run the water from one of the sinks and examine myself in the mirror.

Both my eyes have dark circles around them. Probably from getting punched in the face. I gently poke at my nose. It's still tender, hurts a ton but It doesn't feel broken. . .

I wash my face and all remaining dried blood off from under and in my nose careful not to hit my septum ring. Then I tie my hair into a tight ponytail.

A shower sounds heavenly but Eric is waiting.

When I feel I've done the best I can with my face and hair, I begin to change my clothes.

Removing my shoes, but keeping my bra and undies.

I chose the male stack because I like the way male clothing fits. It's just a plain black shirt, some black pants and a black jacket.

The boots slide on without me having to untie them. I start to wonder if the female stack is any different.

With my clothing balled up under my arm with and bloody towel, as well as my old shoes, I walk out to where Eric is standing.

"What should I do with these?" I ask him. He doesn't answer but turns and walks out so I follow.

Through the hallway I notice a bin with clothes still burning inside.

I'm pretty sure it's the clothes from the other initiates and I toss my stuff inside without asking Eric.

I'm sure the less I talk the better.

He walks swiftly and aggressively. Like he is trying to intimidate anyone and everyone.

He does.

I stare at his back and wish I knew what was going to happen to me.

I recognize the way he's taking me. It's back to the cafeteria room. When we finally get close enough Eric turns.

"Over there is Four, he'll be your instructor, under my watch." He says pointing over to where Four is sitting with Tris and the others. I don't remember the other kids names right away but i'm sure I will when I see their faces up close.

Then he just walks away. I guess he expects me to go sit with them, or something.

How am I supposed to know what to do, if no one tells me?

When I walk up I realize there's no space on their table and I stand there awkwardly, I feel so stupid.

Like its my first day of school and have no friends to sit with at lunch time.

Four looks up at me questioningly. "What?" He asks. He doesn't sound mean but he sounds just like one of those jock guys that gets approached by a nerd.

Like _'What you wanna sit with us cool kids? hah'_

I fidget and I can feel the heat rise up to my face. I probably look like a lobster.

"Nothing." I answer and I turn towards the other table. There's one spot left next to a giant girl with blunt bangs and shoulder length hair. "Uhm, can I sit here?"

She looks up and so do two of the guys. "I'm not the boss of you." She says, but she's smiling. So I slide into the seat.

No one introduces themselves, so I don't feel the need to speak to them. This girl could probably kick my butt.

I don't eat. My stomach has been churning and feels like a bottomless pit. I''m afraid if I eat, I'll puke. I know i'll regret starving myself but right now I don't care.

Instead I try to focus on putting names to all these faces.

"Who are you?" Asks one of the guys.

I'm sure this one is Peter.

"I'm uh Meg." I answer, using the short version of my name. I feel like I've been asked a million times today.

"You a dauntless? Why're you sitting with us? Are you maybe another stiff?" He continues, and the other guy laughs, they're referring to Tris. The blunt banged girl is just smirking, while putting more food into her mouth.

Before I can answer a cup of brown liquid gets slammed down onto the table in front of me. I look up and see Eric.

He's looking at me with a warning in his eyes.

"She's Amity." He says simply without looking away from me. I know that that's one of the groups but I don't know exactly which one.

I know I have to start remembering more otherwise I wont be able to keep up the forced charade.

I don't think Peter believes that i'm Amity. I silently curse my dark hair and nose ring, which seem to be a Dauntless feature.

He leaves the cup and I'm guessing the drink is for me. I don't get to thank him because he's gone as quickly as he arrived.

He reminds me of batman.

The others are quiet for a while and I take that time to relax a little, wrapping my hands slowly around the drink. It's nice and warm. I didn't realize I was cold and the warmth makes me feel much better.

When I take a sip, it's coffee. Extremely bitter, like it has no sugar.

Yuck.

"I'm Peter." Peter says. "And this is Molly." He points to the girl next to me.

"I'm Drew." says the other guy.

I don't care.

"Nice to meet you." I say quietly, lying. I can feel eyes on me but i'm afraid to look around.

Do I have to explain to Four the situation? or will Eric do that?

"So why didn't we see you earlier? When did you jump?" Peter asks, holding a piece of bread. He looks at me suspiciously. I have a feeling I have to be careful around him.

I don't know how to answer my mouth opens and closes. Drew and Molly don't look up which makes it a little less nerve wrecking.

Peter's eyebrows raise slightly at my silence.

"She was in the infirmary." Says a deep voice from behind me. I turn and see that it's Four.

Peter accepts that answer but he looks at me like he knows I'm hiding something. Definitely need to be careful.

Four motions for me to stand and I do. I follow him to the side of the room.

This is it, I have to explain to him that I'm here to train to be a Dauntless and. . .

and. . .

and. . .What?

I have no idea.

I really don't have any idea what I'm going to do, or say. My chest tightens and my eyes begin to water. I stare at his back.

We stop at the edge of the room far enough away from everyone to have a quiet conversation and Four turns. I must've surprised him because when he looks at me, he looks confused.

I didn't mean to start crying.

"Why are you crying?" He asks, sounding a bit annoyed.

"I don't know." I sob out, I try to stifle my sobs and wipe the tears away with the jacket sleeves but the tears just keep coming. The feeling of being helpless weights heavily on my shoulders.

I just want to wake up and be home.

"You weren't with the other initiates. You didn't jump. You weren't on my list till the beginning of dinner. What are you doing here? Tell me the Truth"

He waits, probably to give me a moment to come up with my excuses. Or to calm down.

I look him straight in the eye.

The truth.

I know Four is a good guy in this and even if he doesn't believe me, I have to tell someone.

"I woke up outside the wall, and I don't remember anything from before that. Some of the other Dauntless led me here and I had to sit with Max, the leader guy. They said I either go through initiation or I die. Max said I was to be watched closely, and that Eric can kill me at anytime if I don't behave." I say quickly before the sobs take over again and I can't talk anymore.

They don't and I can feel the tightening feelings loosen as I let everything out.

What I told him was mainly the truth.

The look Four gives me makes me think he doesn't believe everything i'm saying, but what else can I even say?

We stand there for a moment and he looks around the room. He's staring at someone. . .

I look to see who he's staring at and it's Eric.

His severe stare calculating.

Eric probably guessed that I'm letting Four know my situation. I don't know why the leaders didn't explain it to Four.

 _'Oh here Four, here's another random initiate that you need to keep an eye on because she suspicious' blah blah blah_

Four sighs and talks a little quieter. "Look, I'm going to help you, But you need to tell me the complete truth." and then he asks in a whisper. "Are you a divergent?"

I look at him, why is he asking me that?

Does he think i'm lying because I don't want anyone to know i'm a divergent? I shake my head no.

He grabs my wrist and leads me out of the cafeteria.

That would make sense though, I think. If they decide to keep me around because they want to make sure i'm not a Divergent.

In the books the main villain was looking for Divergent.

He's walking really fast and I trip a few times trying to keep up. He's practically dragging me. He yanks me around to look at him and he tells me to "Sit"

I sit on the edge of a bed, and I see that he's just led me to the initiates dorm room.

I don't know whose bed this is.

"If you're a divergent, you have to tell me." He says, and this time he sounds stern. Even if I was a divergent, the way he's asking doesn't make me want to confess. "What was the result of your aptitude test?"

"I didn't take an aptitude test." I say truthfully. "I don't know what a Divergent is." That's a lie.

I did read the book, the first one. . .and I saw the movie. . . most of it.

He relaxes a little, and I feel really weird, I'm not supposed to have this much attention. He's a main character.

At most I should be just a background prop. He sighs again, and i'm starting to get annoyed.

"I'm not from here, alright?" I say quickly. He looks at me confused. My anger making me sound forceful.

"Not from this faction? What?"

"NO, I'm not from. . .this world." I say gesturing to everything around me. "I woke up here magically. I'm just some girl from Illinois and to top it off, this **world** is from a **book** I read. I shouldn't even be here."

"This world?" He asks, but now he's looking at me like i'm crazy. I know I can prove it though. I can just tell him I know whats going to happen. I can just tell him he's going to be in love with Tris. Or no I can tell him. . .

"Your name is Tobias. Tobias Eaton." I say confidently. Although i'm surprised I knew his last name.

He looks really really angry. "WHO TOLD YOU MY NAME?" He demands. I didn't expect this reaction, panic spreads through me. I didn't think. . .

"WHO. TOLD. YOU." He asks again and his face is an inch from mine. His ears are turning red and he's glaring. His hands grab the bed on either side of me.

"I. . .I. . ." I stammer. I thought that was the least likely response I could give to not mess up the flow of this world. Just saying his name. "I just know. I told you. All of this" I say quietly, gesturing again to everything around me. "Is from a book I read in my world. I just know things. SHEESH"

He doesn't move away, and I silently wish he would stop glaring. My heart feels like it can't handle anymore extreme emotion.

I'm just tired. I'm just scared.

I'm so so tired of all of this.

His grip on the bed loosens and he leans back. He starts to pace the room. I want to know what he's thinking.

That's when a couple of initiates walk in. It's Peter, with Drew and Molly. Peter sees us but he doesn't say anything. By the way I look, it probably just seems like i'm being scolded by Four.

"This isn't over." Four says before stalking out of the room. I don't like the way that sounds and I need to know if he believes me.

A few others start coming in and I just walk over to my bed, hoping that whoever owned the bed I sat on doesn't notice his or her sheets are all messed up.

I lay face down on my pillow. The bed is firm and the pillow is kind of pokey, the feathers, I could pull them out.

It reminds me of the grass I fell asleep on. The tiny green swords.

I can't believe how fast this day passed by. Like a blur.

I feel exhausted but its just my mind that's so tired. I lay there. I don't even know what to think about anymore.

When the lights go off and one of the initiates starts crying, I can't handle the noise because it makes me feel like crying too. I don't feel like comforting him either.

Besides nothing I say would matter.

My situation seems a lot worse.

It's probably selfishness but I realize I don't care about anyone in this room.

It can't all be real.

This calms me. I get up and kick my boots off. I'm going to go for a walk, they didn't say it was against the rules, or maybe I just wasn't there to hear them. . .

I don't care if they decide to kill me. . .Maybe I need to die.

Maybe it'll jolt me back to the real world.

The floor is cold and hard on my feet, but I'm much more silent this way. I don't know where I'm going but I keep walking.

These tunnels twist and turn in all sorts of directions.

It's like i'm in a creepy maze factory thing.

Soon enough I feel a cold breeze and I can hear rushing water. Like the roaring sounds of the gully.

I head in that direction until I'm standing at a bridge. The railings on one side are broken and some completely missing.

It's a long fall. . .

I take a deep breath and I step onto the bridge. Its metal and much colder than the concrete. The cold makes me shiver.

I look over the side, holding the rail tightly. I'm not afraid of heights but that doesn't mean I'm not afraid of falling.

Far below is a little stream, tiny rocks and pebbles. The fall doesn't look to be enough to kill someone on impact. . .it would be a slow death. But how would I know?

I carefully lower myself to the ground and swing my legs out so they're off the bridge, and I rest my head on the cool bottom rail, it feels nice on my cheek.

I can feel the cold breeze between my toes as I sway them back and forth.

Back and forth.

The noise of the stream helps me keep my mind clear. It's really relaxing.

I close my eyes and let the vibrations running through the rails distract me from the shivering of my body.

Maybe I could jump?

If I died here in this world. . .It's not a solid enough theory for me, I'm too chicken to ever go through with suicide. I dismiss the thought immediately.

"Thinking about jumping?"

I jump up startled and nearly have a heart attack.

I _was_ thinking about jumping.

My knee hits the rail when I stand and I almost fall backwards into the other railings.

I steady myself and stand up straight to look at the person who spoke. A little clumsily.

It's Eric.

"You could jump, you know." He says again. He's not smiling and his gray eyes are watching me carefully."You aren't supposed to be out here. It's against the rules. Remember what Max said?"

I gulp. Of course I remember what Max said. I told myself that I didn't care if they killed me

But I'm still afraid.

I back away from him, and he steps forward.

No one told me the rules. But I figure telling him that wouldn't matter.

"Well? You gonna jump? Or should I throw you off?" He asks, taking another step forward, he looks like he fully intends to go through with the threat of killing me if I broke any rules. He has a wicked grin on his face. I don't know if hes joking.

My heart starts hammering in my chest and my hands get clammy. I grip the railing for support while not taking my eyes off him.

I could jump.

My adrenaline is pumping, It's now or never.

If I think about it too long I might mentally talk myself out of it.

This guy is a danger. And compared to him throwing me, I'd rather jump. The sound of the stream becomes a deafening roar in my ears.

That makes it easier.

Before I can chicken out, I spin on my heel and launch myself off.

Closing my eyes.

It's quiet now. I can't hear the stream. I can't hear my heart beating.

It's going to be alright.

.

.

.

When I open my eyes again, i'm overwhelmed by a sense of disappointment.

I'm obviously not dead.

Instead i'm laying down on a soft. . .hospital bed?

The room is empty and I can't see past a tall white partition, separating the sections of the room. I notices several other beds across from me. All vacant.

One things for sure.

I'm obviously not home either.

I turn over and squeeze my eyes shut tightly.

This is a nightmare.

While my eyes are closed I make a mental assessment of the small aches and pains I feel in my body and I feel surprisingly. . .fine.

I don't feel like I fell off a bridge or rather _jumped_ off a bridge.

I hear some voices talking in hushed tones, they sound far away so I ignore them. Until one voice gets particularly loud.

"I know that you're awake." It says "Get up."

I open one eye and look accusingly at Four. I don't get up though, I'm exhausted and right now I wish I were dead. I close my eye again.

He sighs.

He rips the sheets from off me and I shoot straight up in bed, consciously aware that I'm still wearing my clothes, thank god. I look at him questioningly, and I hear myself sigh too. "I don't want to do this." I really don't.

I don't want to do anything, least of all get up out of bed.

"Do what? I haven't made you do anything yet." He says, but he's smiling now, so I don't know what to make of the situation.

"I just want to go home." I snap back at him. My frustration just bubbling, roiling. Threatening to explode in the form of a full on tantrum.

"You mean back to your world?" He snickers. My anger dies, like an extinguished candle. Replaced by a depressing weight on my shoulders.

"Yes." I whisper and reach into my jacket pocket and feel for. . .nothing.

Wasn't my phone in my. . . _Oh my god._

My phone was in MY jacket.

The jacket I put in that burning barrel. I feel completely defeated.

The weight feeling all the more heavy like it could crush me and i'll crumble into myself.

I don't though.

"What do I have to do?" I ask him, almost pleadingly. "What can I even say? If anything changes here, what if I can't go home?"

I always come back to this theory. That any change could possibly. . . prevent my escape from this world.

I watch him go from smug to thoughtful, then he pulls up a chair and takes a seat. I can tell he means to have a conversation. He doesn't speak first. I think he still has it in his mind that I'm crazy.

"Well to start off, you can just answer my questions. . ." He starts but trails off like he's not sure what he's saying, or that he's embarrassed to go along with some random stories. "You're from another world and you're trying to get home? and you know things about this world because you read them in a BOOK?"

"I read about this world from a book, yes. It was also adapted into a movie." I realize I'm sounding a bit bitchy, but only because I feel like a child trying to convince my mother that my imaginary friend is real. "and yes, I really just want to go home."

"So you know a lot more than just my name?" His eye brows rise questioningly. I look at them, kind of bushy but otherwise they're perfectly shaped, and they don't have piercings over them . . . "and you can't tell me anything more because it will change the natural course of this world?"

 **Piercings.**

I remember those grey eyes and that evil grin.

Wait how am I alive? I remember jumping off the bridge and then waking up here.

What happened in that time?

"Well?" Four asks impatiently.

"How did I get here?" I ask, and he looks confused.

"How did you get to this world?" He asks.

"No, I mean how did I get to the infirmary?" I sigh, maybe Four is an idiot, or maybe it's my fault for not being more clear.

It's obviously my fault.

"I don't know, Eric informed me that you we're brought here. For now let's focus on the more important stuff. Alright?" He sounds annoyed. I don't blame him, but to me, being alive. It's kind of important.

So Eric brought me to the infirmary? I decide I don't care because either way I'm still stuck here.

But I'm losing time.

How much time is passing in my world while I'm confused and or unconscious in this one?

"What time is it?" I counter. He goes on to tell me that its still very early in the morning. Around 4, and that training starts at 8. Just like school.

"Okay, Four." I say calmly swinging my legs off the side of the bed. I'm facing him completely. "I DO know a lot about this world, and yeah you're right. I can't, or erm, I think I can't tell you anything that could change things here because it might threaten my only chances of getting home."

Hes quietly looking at me, waiting for me to continue. So I do.

"I don't know the specifics and I don't know why I'm here. But MY theory is that I need to try and stay out of the way and let this. " I gesture to the world around me. I like to use my hands when I talk. "Play out the way it was meant to, without my interference, and then maybe i'll just wake up at home, in my own world."

I wait for him to say something, anything. And I realize that i'm clutching the sides of the bed. pulling at the sheet under me.

"If you die?" He asks simply.

"I'm not sure" I say and it's true If Eric hadn't saved me would I be back home? Did Eric really save me? It's a weird and confusing thought but not unlikely. It's also true that I don't know what will happen if I die.

All this and I don't know anything concerning myself. I just know a little too much about everyone else. I don't know anything that I _want_ to know.

"What if you can't get home?"

"I never thought about that."

I honestly didn't.

"You wouldn't share some of your information? Even if it meant saving lives or changing the world?" He asks and right now he looks a bit. . .angry. I guess he's allowed to.

When I think about being in his position and some person knows everything that I want to know but wont tell me. . .

"You come here out of no-where, you know my name, which only a selected few know, you claim to be from another world and you know a lot about this world but you wont _share_ any of that knowledge with anyone. Do you see how infuriating that is?" He put my current thoughts into words.

Saying it that way makes me seem like an extremely selfish person. I want to tell him that I don't see any of this as real.

That I don't see everyone here as actually. . .here?

Am I wrong?

I nod my head yes. I know how infuriating it is but if he's reacting like this then that means he believes me. Even just a little bit.

"So you believe me?" I say and I don't try to hide the excitement in my voice. If one person believes me then maybe they can help me. I feel hopeful.

"Tell me one more thing, and I think i'll believe you." He says, sitting back in his chair. When he said those last things, he started leaning forward.

I know what that he wants me to share something that I know, but I can't think of anything off the top of my head. I look up at the ceiling,

 _There must be something harmless I can share._

I think about Tobias, and I think about Dauntless or whats going on trying to remember this movie or book, _anything_. . .and then I think of Tris. It comes to me then that she has a tattoo, or rather she gets one.

"Tris, or Beatrice Prior." I start and he recognizes the name, of course he does. I think, I feel myself starting to smile. "She's going to get a tattoo. Three birds on her upper shoulder or chest, area. One for each of her family members." I finish and I realize that I feel good knowing these things.

It gives me a small sense of power.

Even though I probably shouldn't use that power. It feels good to have it.

Maybe I'm not so helpless. I feel a bit proud that I can remember these things now but

I guess my life depends on it.

I can see him thinking deeply, and obviously the tattoo part hasn't happened yet cause he'd have noticed her with a new tattoo. Now I just have to wait for it to happen and he'll believe me right? because not only did I know his name, but I predicted the future. Something no one could've known.

Maybe that is a little too much wishful thinking.

"I guess we'll have to wait and see." He says standing. He motions towards the door and this time i'm confused, it's too early for training right?

He notices that i'm confused. "For now you have to survive and make it to the end, right?"

I nod and stand, I start to feel tired again. I know whats ahead, and I know that between here and 'the end' is a lot of crap. I'm no where near done but my mind feels finished. I have this little bit of hope though and I can use this.

 _I can do this._

 _Survive._

 _._

 _._

 _._

I wake to the sound of Four banging something against a metal pipe.

No dreams?

"I want everyone in the pit, 2 minutes." He says, leaving. I was able to get at least an hour and a half more of rest.

I sit up and watch the tired faces around me start preparing themselves for today. I'm not ready for it either. I wipe the sleep from my eyes and don't feel rested. I silently hope I won't be at a disadvantage due to lack of sleep.

I watch Tris tie her hair up, and her friend.

Christina? yeah Christina, exchange some words.

That's when Tris's eyes catch mine. Blushing I look down at my boots, focusing hard on tying them even though I can just slip them on. I want a distraction cause it's like I've just been caught staring at my crush or something.

I can't say how relieved I am that no one talks to me, or even pays any sort of attention to me. Including Peter. I'm at the back of the group following slowly but fast enough so that I don't get left behind.

At the pit we stop and Four steps up to explain that there's two stages of training. I notice Eric sitting casually on a block of cement. Eyeing each of us down. Assessing us I think.

When his eyes fall on me further away in the back, I think I imagine his eyes narrowing a fraction. I look away quickly, awkwardly. If he saved me last night from committing suicide. . . does that count as suicide?

. . .How do you thank someone for that?

Maybe I don't need to.

More importantly if he actually did.

 _WHY_ did he?

When Four finishes his monologue, Eric starts.

"The rankings will also determine who gets cut."

"Cut?" Its Christina.

"At the end of each stage of training the lowest ranking initiates will be leaving us." He stands and he looks almost happy, breaking such terrible news.

"To do what?" Another boy asks, I think he's Tris' other friend. Al.

"There's no going home to your families so, you live faction-less." He says it casually with a shrug like its common knowledge.

What's so bad about being faction-less?

It's better than being dead right?

"Why didn't we know about this?" Another guy asks. Will.

"It's a new rule" He continues. I'm hoping the other rules will be discussed but instead. . .

"A new rule? Somebody should have told us that." Its Christina. Again.

I get the feeling like she's the one who asks the questions everyone else are to afraid to ask.

I look at Tris' back, she's taking all this like a champ. I can't help but notice that she's actually really pretty.

No wonder Four falls for her.

"Would you have chosen differently? What, out of fear?" He says, staring straight at Christina. I'm glad its not me. His eyes are like javelins, piercing through your very soul. It might just be me that feels like that. I've never encountered someone so scary before but everyone else might have. They live in this world after all. "I mean if that's the case you might as well get out now."

At his last comment I glance around. No one moves. We can really just leave? I keep myself from asking where I can go to get out of here.

Where would I go anyway, right?

"If you're really one of us, It wont matter to you that you might fail." He continues.

"You chose us. Now, we get to choose you."

A laugh escapes my lips very quietly. Like a whisper.

I didn't **choose** this.

I wouldn't have chosen this, If I were even given the chance.

An elbow hit's me hard in the side. Its Peter. He doesn't say anything but there's a question in his eyes.

What? Why did I laugh?

 _If only you knew._

Next thing I know we're all watching Four demonstrate some fighting moves. Before I can decide if I can handle any of this, I'm being handed a gun.

Its cold and heavy, much heavier than it looks. I've never held a gun before.

I just watch as everyone starts aiming at the dummies not 7 feet away and start firing. A few people hit it.

Most don't.

I try to aim it but I find myself swaying. The trigger feels so foreign under my finger. There's no circle aim-y thing for me to look through, just a little metal thing on top that everyone seems to be using.

I copy them to the best of my ability and when I squeeze the trigger I have to really squeeze hard, it's a struggle. When the shot fires out It goes through my entire body. I feel like my shoulder was just hit by a truck and I jerk upwards. My shot hits the very top right of the wooden board, missing the target by far. I look around to see if anyone noticed how pitiful that was.

No ones even looking at me.

After a few more tries I give up. I just can't get used to this recoil. My arm feels like its going to fall off.

I hate this.

Without warning everyone starts dropping their guns onto the table and taking off in a sprint. I have to push myself to follow them but my legs feel like noodles. I don't feel steady.

It must be cause the tension, I was so tense with that gun in my hands.

I do take comfort knowing that everything is going the way it should. If I fail, i'll just go to faction-less right? I can disappear from there and just wait this all out.

With that in mind I don't run quite as hard as everyone else. I'm far in the back.

Four doesn't even acknowledged my existence. I'm alright with that. It means no more questions and I wont be tempted into telling him anymore threatening facts or 'predictions' about this world. He might just be mad at me though because I've just let him in on the fact that his whole life is. . .pre-determined.

I don't even look to watch where we're running, I'm just staring at my feet.

Left, right.

Left, right.

My breathing steady. Why did I always skip P.E? Running isn't all that bad.

I almost run right into Molly, who was in the back of the group and I look up to see why the hell we've stopped. I curse myself for not paying attention.

A distance away I see what looks to be homeless people. crowded around and pretty much doing. . .nothing.

They look dirty, hungry and tired. Some of them look like they could fall over and die at any moment. It's just like in the movie.

Peter teases Tris, saying that those people are going to be her new family.

She doesn't say anything back to him and I can't help but wonder why she isn't standing up for herself.

"Go say hi." He urges.

It comes to me that those homeless people are faction-less. If I fail, i'll go there. I have a hard time convincing myself now that it might not be so bad.

They wouldn't choose that life if they had a choice. Just like in my world.

I don't notice when we change the scenery again and we're all back inside. We get paired up against each other and everyone just starts hitting their fore-arms to their opponents fore-arms. I'm not familiar with this.

How can everyone else just know what to do?

I'm paired with Molly and she doesn't seem to care that I look confused. I watch everyone else before I start with her and she just falls in. I'm grateful she's not being mean to me.

Eric enters the room and my anxiety grows. He looks annoyed.

Maybe it's just resting bitch face.

Next thing I know, Eric is calling for the first jumper and the last jumper to enter the ring.

We all crowd around Molly and Tris. I make a mental note that Molly is indeed the last jumper.

They get into stance and just stand there. I honestly don't feel like this stance is a fight one. It looks so weird.

I vaguely hear Eric saying something about old and new rules but I just stare at Tris. She looks like she knows exactly what she's doing here, she has determination in her brown eyes.

I envy her. She's trying to belong, and she already does.

It's pre-determined.

It might not be that part of the movie yet but even though I know shes going to make it. I find myself worrying for her.

She's going to get her butt kicked. I glance at Four and he looks back at me his left eyebrow raised questionably.

He walks closer to me and whispers

"What?"

I hear Eric say "Go."

And the fight begins, or well, lack of fighting. Tris steps down and off the mat when molly advances on her.

"Tris is going to get beaten." I whisper back at four. He doesn't answer, just watches the fight.

Maybe it's a little too obvious she's going to lose.

I guess I thought Four would be able to help her. He doesn't in the movie, I don't know why I find myself wanting it to be different.

But I do.

I can't watch as Tris gets punch. I glance at her on the ground and I see Eric motioning to Molly to finish her. I close my eyes tightly.

When I peek again Tris is unconscious. They drag her off the mat and Christina tries to get her to sit on a bench. Four eyes me accusingly. I told him so. He walks away and hands Christina a foil pack and she begins to press it on a large lump forming on Tris's cheek.

Eric looks around and he finally notices me. I try to look like I was watching the whole fight but I fail. I turned away from it unable to watch someone get destroyed.

"You." He says and I already know he's talking to me. Four notices too, but there's nothing he can do.

It was already obvious that Eric has more power here.

Four couldn't even help Tris.

Eric jerks his thumb towards the mat, and turns to a tall lanky guy, much taller than me. Al, his name is Al.

Well great. I have to fight a boy. I probably shouldn't even call it a fight.

When we go into the ring. I put my hands up like how I would think to do in my world with my fists in front of my face.

Al is in front of me and he looks confused.

"Adjust your stance." Says Four in a guiding tone. I look at the way Al is standing with his elbows out and fist a bit inward.

Almost like he's going to cross his arms and I listen. I shift so I look just like Al.

Eric is staring fiercely and I can feel the hairs on the back of my neck rise.

All eyes are on us.

Al looks like a gentle giant and I feel like I can use that to my advantage. Or try to. I've never been in a fight before. I'm guessing neither has he.

He steps forward first and I step back, instinctively.

So that's why Tris walked off the mat.

I mentally scold myself.

 _Don't take another step backwards._

I see Al's fist coming, it's slow. Unsure. I dodge easily to the side and push his arm so he loses his balance.

He regains his stance and we're staring at each other intensely again.

I feel a bit more confident.

Maybe he doesn't want to hurt me cause I'm a girl. I bet Eric thought i'd get my butt kicked by a boy, but he just gave me a small advantage.

A fight against a giant teddy bear.

I feel much more confident, and continue to just dodge his slow punches.

"HIT BACK." Eric yells, and It makes me jump. I realize that I haven't been throwing any punches. I look at Al. He still looks unsure.

I step forward to punch and I just. . .

 **Can't.**

For the same reason Al can't hit me. . . He probably could if he really tried though. . .I dismiss the though, sure that Al couldn't.

I know he's gentle. I don't want to hit him.

I see Al's fist coming again and this time I don't move.

It connects with my cheek.

The impact makes me spin, It was a lot more powerful than I thought.

Ugh.

The whole room is spinning. Even when I feel the cool mat under me. I close my eyes and let the adrenaline fade from my ears. Slowly letting the sounds drown back in.

My skull feels like its been cracked open, my jaw feels unhinged.

It hurts so so much. I almost regret letting him hit me. I don't spit the blood I taste in my mouth out, I swallow it because I know they're all watching me.

I can feel strong arms haul me off the side. I'm too hurt to be embarrassed that I'm being dragged. Dragged by Four and Will.

Al looks sorry and I think I see him mouthing it to me a few times.

Maybe I can't hear yet.

They seat me next to Tris and I put my head between my legs to stop the spinning.

Then I remember my nose and I instinctively feel for it on my face, my mouth and my teeth. It's all here. I quickly take my nose ring out and shove it in my pocket and thank god I haven't been hit in the nose again.

I don't want to risk having that in during another fight, or another blind side.

I remember once in school a girl got into a fight with this other girl, and her lip ring was ripped right off her face. She had missing teeth too.

Usually when people notice you have them, they'd try to hit you there. Do the most damage.

I lick the large gash I have on the inside of my cheek. It stings and I can feel the bruise forming on the surface already.

Even though Al was the one who just kicked my butt with one punch. I silently thank him for being kind enough to hit me in the cheek.

Why didn't I think to take it out?

My first loss.

It was my first fight too.

My head between my legs helps the dizzy feeling go away but I still feel like if I were to stand I'd look drunk.

Someone nudges me and I look up to see Tris handing me her ice pack. She's smiling and I think I stare a bit too long before taking it from her because she leans forward a bit and becomes completely focused on the other fights.

I guess I just admire her. She has a purpose here.

Eric calls everyone to come check the board. He's just put up the names and rankings.

I find my name behind the number 20, that's 2 above the red line. This surprises me. I didn't hit my target at the shooting range and I lost my fight.

Maybe I lasted an appropriate amount of time against Al? I look around and I see Tris.

She has a determined look on her face.

I look back at the board. Her name is under the red line.

I remember this. It's much different though because I'm here and i'm in it, experiencing it all for myself. I can't lie and say it doesn't make me a bit . . . smug about being in the clear.

Maybe I should try harder.

"If you're still under the red line by the end of the first stage. You're out."

When we leave the training area, I hear Christina, Al and Will trying to cheer Tris up.

Reassure her that she'll be able to improve.

Before I think about it I open my mouth. "You'll become a Dauntless for sure."

It sounds incredibly weird.

Incredibly true.

But so damn weird.

She looks at me and her eyebrows are raised. "Thanks, I think." She says and I immediately feel embarrassed, but she smiles. "You're Meg right? I saw your name, you held out pretty well."

I'm not surprised that she's such a nice person.

She's the heroine.

I _want_ to be friends with her.

"Yeah, that's me." I reply and Al apologizes to me for knocking me out. I convince him that I'm alright and that's what he was expected to do. He accepts it.

"Let's go get tattoos." Suggests Christina.

"Alright." Answers Tris. She looks at me. "You wanna come too Meg?"

"Yeah Meg, you should totally come. Maybe we could all get matching tattoos." Christina jokes.

I can feel myself smile and I go with them, This is when Tris gets her tattoo.

They continue their friendly banter all the way to the darkly lit shop. There's music playing.

So they do listen to music here, I probably should have remembered that from the movie. It's a minor thing though.

Tris walks off to talk to a lady who looks to be Asian. She kinda looks like my mom. Her face is angular and severe. Her almond shaped eyes complements her look. She has a look that says 'don't mess with me'.

I miss my mom.

But i'm used to missing her. I've missed her for a long time.

Sometimes things happen and they force people to change.

They become people you hardly recognize.

Christina and Will try their best to pull me into their conversations and I'm grateful for that. She shows me a couple tattoo designs and asks for my opinion.

They're all very nice.

When they see I'm distracted she stops trying to engage me and that's alright. Will takes all her attention and i'm happy to see them flirting.

"You aren't going to get one?" I ask Al, who's just been standing near the entrance.

He shrugs. "If I fail, I'd rather not have a reminder of it on my body for the rest of my life."

When you look at it that way, it's a really logical decision.

But maybe _**I**_ could use a reminder.

"Hey Meg, check this one out." She says and she walks up to me holding the clear plastic. It's small and simple. In fact its a quote.

 _'Be brave.'_

"Doesn't it seem kind of fitting? You know, for our situation?" She laughs. But it does fit.

"It's extremely fitting."

That's when Tris walks up to us. She's smiling. She pulls her shirt to the side a little and right on her shoulder are three little black birds.

 **Ravens.**

"One for each person in my family."

* * *

Thanks for reading.

Please review!


	3. Killer

"Would you choose longevity over purpose?

Immortality over meaning?"

* * *

The next morning I feel horrible. The aches and pains have finally got to me.

Not to mention I didn't let my hair out before bed so, I have a tender sore spot in the back of my head where I slept on my ponytail.

I look at my face in the mirrors by the sinks and showers. My eyes look sunken, blue circles around them, my nose is in better shape but a large purple bruise covers the left side of my jaw. I guess i'll leave my hair down today.

I splash my face with cold water and run my fingers through my hair taking the pony tail out. Thank goodness my hair is straight and not curly. Curly hair is nice but I can't imagine fighting to survive and having to manage my hair at the same time.

At some point today I need a long hot shower.

"Well, don't you look like a ray of sunshine." Says Peter who is standing at the sink adjacent mine. I don't answer because I'm not a morning person, I just shrug at him and turn back to stop the faucet.

When I'm walking past him he grabs my arm and turns me to look at him. "What?" I snap and I self consciously take note of the curious eyes glancing in our direction. I'm really really not a morning person. I hope my face shows how much I don't want to be messed with this morning.

"Woah, no need to bite my head off." He says releasing my arm. "Just thought i'd help you out."

This confuses me and before I can ask him what he means he puts both his hands on my shoulders and turns me around. I can feel him tugging at my hair and I turn around to stop him but instead i'm staring at a white fluffy little feather.

He holds it up to my face and then drops it. We both watch it float down onto the cement floor. I'm about to thank him but he opens his mouth again.

"Maybe you're used to feathers." He laughs. "Sleeping with the chickens."

I just turn and walk away. I know an insult when I hear one and I'm not going to thank him for the feather plus, I'd rather not start trouble. I'm in enough shit.

I see Christina and Will standing at the door. To my surprise they're waiting for me. I can't express how much better that makes me feel.

Tris is already in the training room when we get there. She must have been here early training to raise her rank.

Should I have a schedule memorized?

I look around the room, and I find myself relieved that Eric isn't here. I let the air out of my lungs, I guess I was holding my breath.

Everyone walks over to punching bags and just starts training. It's really annoying how they all know what to do. Like they're programmed.

For all I know they could be. They've all been written in this way. Each one has strings controlling them.

Right?

"Good morning." Says Four, snapping me out of my silent fuming. I look at him and I can tell he's **not** having a good morning. I'm pretty sure it has to do with Tris having a new tattoo and me being right. He shrugs in her direction. "You were right."

"I know." I say with a sigh, surprised that I don't feel good about it and I start walking to the only remaining punching bag.

He follows me.

"Any other surprises?" He asks, taking his place behind the bag, holding it firmly as I take my first punch. It's weak because he doesn't even move.

"Nope." I'm not about to tell Four his future. It's the only power I have here, knowing what's in store for them meanwhile they control what happens to me.

His eyes narrow. "You know that if something happens, you're responsible. These are all people around you. Not puppets. You can help them all but you're _choosing_ not to."

I stop and look him directly in the eyes. This isn't part of the movie. My heart starts beating fast and I can feel myself starting to panic.

He's right.

He's _**so**_ right.

Why didn't I think about it that way?

The lights feel brighter and I start to feel dizzy with guilt. I haven't done anything yet but I already know that everything that comes after. . .and I AM choosing not to say anything. I'm being beyond selfish.

I have to rest my head against the bag. I think I hear Four ask if i'm alright but I feel like i'm submerged under water. Drowning in my own selfishness.

If I don't say anything to the victim. . . the person about to be stabbed.

If I don't _**warn**_ them.

Doesn't that make me the same as the person holding the knife?

Will I be the bad guy in this version?

The one trying to save herself?

I'm consciously being led to the bench where I sit with my head between my legs, this might become a common position. Maybe it's the hunger catching up to me paired with this overwhelming guilty feeling in the pit of my stomach but I feel so hollow.

Four leaves me alone and goes back to being an instructor. I feel eyes on me but I can't think about them right now.

"Why the hell are you taking a break right now? You haven't even started yet." Says an angry voice. I know it's Eric. So he's arrived.

Fuck him.

I feel like crying but I also feel. . .like hitting something. I'm so angry and depressed I just want to die. I can't remember ever feeling like this, so filled with a crushing anger, I feel like i'm going to implode and explode all at the same time.

How dare Four place the blame on me. Even if it's future blame, he's naming me responsible for whatever happens. This is a goddamn movie. SO what if i'm only thinking of myself? If I don't then who will?

Why should I care about anyone here?

 _ **They're NOT real.**_

Not to me.

"WELL? INITIATE?"

I look up to see his glaring grey eyes. His hands are balled into tight fists.

I'm not afraid of him.

I'm too angry for fear.

I focus all my anger into my glare while I stand, not taking my eyes off him.

Its literally a glaring contest. I see someone walk up to Eric from the corner of my eye and I hear the sound of someone clearing their throat.

Neither of us looks away.

My hands hurt and I open and close them. My nails were digging into my palms. My hands were balled into fists too.

Before I even know what's happening. I feel strong arms wrap tightly around me. I'm still glaring at Eric but he's smirking now. His eyes look amused. Someone is holding my arm tightly, almost enough that it hurts.

"What, going to hit me?" Eric laughs. I see red flashes behind my eyelids.

I don't remember lifting my fist to hit him.

I don't even remember seeing people rush to stop me.

I don't even remember stepping forward.

I just feel so angry. I hate this world and I hate everything.

None of this is fair.

I don't know who is holding me back but I curse them to hell.

"What about you?" I say through gritted teeth. "Are you going to kill me? Are you going to throw me to the Faction-less? Big bad boss?" I throw the threats he and Max concocted in his face in a voice I don't recognize. I want to make him angry.

It works.

His face distorts into rage and for a second I feel my anger driven bravery waver. Replaced by fear. I almost regret everything I've ever done in my life.

He takes one giant step forward and grabs a fist full of my hair. Yanking me forward and out of the arms that, now that I think about it, were probably holding me back to protect me.

My hair feels like its going to be ripped out. My scalp is on fire.

I instinctively grab onto the arm that has a hold of my hair and dig my nails in. His grip doesn't lessen. If anything he just raises it higher pulling my hair even more.

Hes dragging me outside now and I don't know where. He's not looking at me but I keep glaring. I glance at the arm and hand that's clawed onto his.

The tiny 'Be Brave' tattoo looks darker, the veins in my wrist bulging and making the words look harsh, it's almost ironic.

He finally throws me onto the ground. I land hard on my hands and knees. I hear a door slam.

My nails made large scratches down his fore-arm. I've drawn blood.

Good.

At least he let go of my hair. The back of my head still burns and now my knees hurt.

I glare back at him and I stand slowly. It's quiet and he's glaring back.

He's tensed, like a lion ready to pounce and tear his prey to shreds. The adrenaline running through my veins is like fire and I have to hold my self back, I can't just flail crazily like a Magikarp. That would be ineffective.

The blood on his arm excites me, I feel dangerous. I remember him saying they should just kill me and be done with it.

I want to kill _him_.

I want to make him feel like they SHOULD have killed me when they had the chance.

My mind goes blank and I run at him with my right fist raised.

He's fast and he catches it in his large iron grip. I raise my other arm to strike and he just grabs that one too. I'm struggling against him trying to get my hands free.

I go to kick him and he puts both of my pathetic fists into one of his hands and with his free hand he deflects my kick and punches me in the gut, HARD.

I cough, my vision blurs and I feel my legs give out.

NO.

I'm not done.

I pull back with all my strength and weight to try and free my hands again. When that doesn't work I go in to try and bite him. He smacks me right in the face.

At that exact moment he releases my hands and I fall backwards onto my butt.

All my emotions disappear replaced by pure shock, all my anger is just gone.

Poof.

My cheek is stinging and my gut feels like he punched a hole through me. I instinctively put a hand to my injured cheek and look up at Eric.

My mouth hangs open, I can't believe he slapped me in the face.

 _ **SLAPPED** ME_

He stands there, like a statue of perfect patience.

"Are you done?" He asks me, barely above a whisper. I jump at the sound of his voice and I just can't handle this. . .I stand up and walk straight up to him.

"Don't try that again." He warns, his brows knitting together with fustration.

I don't listen.

I raise my right fist but I have no more anger to fuel me and he immediately grabs it tightly, before I can hit him. I don't fight to free it.

My vision is blurry and I realize my eyes are watering, I can't see him clearly anymore. I'm being consumed by sadness, my insides are gone and I just want him to hurt. I _need_ to hurt him back. Before I crumble.

I know its pointless but I raise my left fist and I hesitate before bringing it down onto his chest. He doesn't capture it like he did the other.

There.

I've hit him.

Barely.

The tears are flowing freely now and i'm sobbing loudly, sucking air in and transforming it into loud gasps of pitiful noises. My knees buckle from beneath me releasing me from my craze and my whole weight sags to the floor. He lets go of my right fist.

I'm so pathetic.

I want to go home or at this point just disappear.

To him this must have been like dealing with a giant toddler throwing a tantrum. I've all but effectively scratched and tried to bite him.

I sob till my throat is dry and my cheeks burn from the salt in my tears. Till I can't even breathe. All the while Eric is just standing there.

I hate him for seeing me like this.

It's quiet now, with the only sounds coming from an occasional sniffle. My lungs hurt. Everything hurts and I feel really empty.

I didn't accomplish anything from my outburst.

"What brought all this on?" He asks moving towards me. I don't answer. I'm actually not sure how to answer or if I can. I open my mouth and nothing comes out.

When my eyes meet his again, he doesn't look so scary and mean and I just feel embarrassed so I look away. Why did I want to kill him?

He grabs the hand I have pressed to my cheek and rips it away, I press it to the cold concrete. He then grips my chin, turning my face to examine his work.

"I got you good." he says.

I can literally feel a hand print on my cheek and I laugh. I sound like a raspy dying fox that's smoked cigarettes my whole life and it makes me laugh harder. It hurts a ton but I can't help it. I just clutch my stomach and laugh.

I'm crazy aren't I?

But he's laughing too.

.

We sit like that for a moment longer. Even after the laughter dies down and the echoes become silent.

Hes leaning against the concrete wall with his injured arm slung casually over his knee. His other leg extended. He seems to be relaxed. Sure that i'm not going to go crazy again. I won't.

I'm seated with both my legs under me. It's uncomfortable and not to mention I'm already really sore. I probably look like a mess.

I should be okay now.

When I finally look around at where we are I realize its just an empty room. Maybe used as a separate training. On the far wall lean punching bags and spare equipment. It could also just be a storage space.

I wonder what the others are doing right now? Probably thinking about how suicidal I am.

Eric stands and offers me his hand. I look up at him and he's not smiling but he doesn't look angry. Just expectant. I slide my free hand into his while still holding my stinging cheek. It's a faded sting and I imagine it looks like a giant red hand print over an equally giant blue bruise.

His hand feels rough and calloused.

These hands feel strong and large and they make me feel impossibly vulnerable. Like he could crush my hand into dust.

"Let's get you looked at." He says and pulls me up. My legs feel stiff and he literally lifts me to my feet and releases my hand, Its absence leaves my hand feeling even more vulnerable. "Can you walk?"

I just nod and follow after him, my feet bare. Making little pitter patter noises with each step. My hand hangs to my side, feeling weird with nothing to do. I wipe it against my pants. He glances back at me a few times, maybe to make sure I don't fall over and die at any moment. I dismiss the thought that I may look much worse than I feel because I feel pretty shitty.

Would he let me go and grab my boots?

At the infirmary a kind looking tattooed lady with extremely short blonde hair looks up at us from her desk. When she sees Eric she stands up quickly. "Sir."

Oh, right. He's a leader.

I sit on the nearest gurney and she brings all these weird smelling creams and ointments and one long needle. I glance at Eric and he just takes a seat on the bed next to me.

That needle is large.

The shot, thank god, was for Eric. Which he administers to himself and motions for her to just work on me.

She starts on my face, spreading a foul smelling ointment around my eyes and over my abused cheek. I wonder what it's supposed to do besides make me feel slimy.

She starts to lift my shirt and my hand shoots up to stop her reflexively. I don't want to remove any clothing in front of anyone, it's not just because Eric is here. I don't know this woman.

We both glance at Eric and then back at each other. I'm hoping he'll tell her to just leave it. He doesn't say anything but he sighs and turns away, gentleman like.

"I won't lift it too high, you don't have to take it off. There's no need to be embarrassed" She says reassuringly. "I just want to treat your stomach."

I'm about to question how she knows my stomach hurts when I realize I've been clutching it. I move my arm and she lifts my shirt slowly. She doesn't look surprised and she doesn't ask how I got hurt.

I wonder how i'd answer if she did ask.

The cold air on my exposed stomach gives me goosebumps. I suck air in sharply when the cold ointment gets rubbed over the start of a deep dark bruise that spreads over my abdomen. When I tense to fight the cold, pain shoots through like cramps but her slow circular motions rub the pain out. I'm getting a belly rub, like i'm a dog but I am oh, so grateful.

I could be a dalmatian with all these spots.

She makes me drink a clear thick nasty liquid, painkillers I guess and adjusts my bed so that I'm not laying down but i'm also not sitting straight up and then turns to fix Eric up.

The drink soothes my throat but tastes like lotion.

Yuck.

He has to get stitches and I immediately feel guilty. His face shows no sign of pain when the needle goes in and out of his skin pulling it closed.

Maybe the shot was to numb it?

I can't watch anymore so I turn away and focus on the numbing tingles in my fingertips and the way my eyelashes keep touching the ointment on my cheeks.

My breathing is even and raspy.

"So are you going to tell me what made you crazy?" Asks Eric breaking the silence.

"It's just a misunderstanding with Four." I sigh without looking back at him.

I can never tell Eric.

"ahhh, You have a crush on him and he doesn't feel the same back?" He says this mockingly, like it's not uncommon for some love-struck girl to go crazy at being rejected.

I turn and glare at him, shocked that he'd come up with such a stupid theory.

Do I really look like a dumb love-struck girl? I start to feel better that he had to get stitches and wish it hurt him.

"I don't have a. . ." I start and then I just sigh again and lay my head back. "I don't care what you think."

As soon as I say that, I feel weird. I feel unsure but why would I care what he thinks?

But how does that make sense? If I was rejected by Four why would I attack Eric?

"My advice. I think you should avoid Four. He's a coward and he's weak."

At that I look back at Eric who is lounged in his bed too.

What a weird thing to say. He glances at me and shrugs then stares up at the ceiling. I realize the Nurse lady has left us alone.

I decide I don't need to watch what I say if we don't have an audience.

"Are you giving me dating advice?" I ask and I don't disguise the shock and disgust in my voice. I hardly feel like Mr. personality would have any good advice on anything involving social interactions with others.

Unless it's a fist-to-face situation.

"Not dating advice, just advice in general, or if you would prefer. A warning."

"What makes him a coward?" I ask. I can't help but be curious.

Four seems like he couldn't have a cowardly bone in his body but then I remember Eric and Four don't like each other.

"You aren't just saying that cause you don't like him right?And why would you care?"

He sits up and faces me and I flinch at the movement thinking he's going to hit me but nothing comes. When I look at his face he's smiling. It's an almost cute smile. I can't help but find that I prefer his angry scary face more though.

He's unpredictable.

A smile is more threatening than a scowl.

"I don't care." He shrugs. "But YOU were the one who attacked me over an argument that you're having with HIM." He continues and I feel the heat rise into my face cause he's right. "I don't like Four, but i'm not going to get involved in his lovers quarries."

"Oh, right." I say embarrassed. I can't look at him cause it's so weird but I don't want Eric to think Four likes me and that I like Four for that matter.

Four belongs with Tris and drama like this could threaten that.

"I don't like Four and he doesn't like me, it's not about love or like. He just made me really angry. . ."

"It doesn't really matter. Just learn to keep yourself in check. Emotions cloud your thinking and make you stupid." He says and he runs his hand through his hair. I see the stitches, there's ointment over them and it looks shiny, red, and gross.

He see's me examining the stitches, a grin spreads across his handsome face.

His smile makes me feel like i'm walking on egg shells, or near a time bomb ready to explode at the slightest prod.

My stomach turns nervously. Anxiety.

"You effectively scratched me and then tried to bite me. Do you want to pull my hair too?" He asks mockingly, leaning forward as though to let me grab his hair.

His hair is a light brown color. His face is close to mine, I know i'm blushing.

I really tried to bite him.

I don't grab his hair or comment on how he actually pulled my hair first. It's stupid.

Besides his hair is so short I don't think I could get enough in a fist to actually pull.

When he sees that i'm not going to do anything he sits back again and I relax a fraction. He almost looks disappointed. like what? 'No more fight left in you?'

We sort of just sit there quietly and I think about my first day here.

My first day in this world.

"You saved me." I say softly and I look at him, I realized that I said it as a question.

"It surprised me." He says simply and his eyes meet mine. He's confirmed it. Answering my question.

But his eyes. . .They're so impossibly calm and gray and deep and. . .Pretty.

He saved my life.

We stare at each other for what feels like eternity. Neither of us want to ask the other why.

Why I jumped.

Why he saved me.

My chest feels tight. The longer we stare the tighter it feels. I almost feel like I need to put some of that special ointment on my chest.

It's painfully strange.

He stands quickly as if about to leave. I almost feel disappointed.

 _Almost_

I want to ask why he saved me and I know it'll eat away at me until I find out. I'm about to ask but instead. . .

"It's almost lunch break. As soon as that's over I expect you to go back and finish the day." He says sternly and he's heading towards the door.

"Don't lose on purpose, ever again"

I have to fight again? I groan inwardly.

"What if I don't want to fight? What if I lose?" I ask and he turns sharply, his face betrays the earlier playful-ness.

The casual guy who asked if I wanted to pull his hair.

Maybe it was just an illusion?

His face is severe again and his eyes are a stormy gray. Its dizzy-ing how he can change so quickly. Just like the weather.

"Then you aren't trying." He says through tight lips. "And you're better off at the bottom of that chasm."

It's as though he's slapped me in the face all over again.

I know i'm not trying as hard as I should. . .As hard as everyone else is trying and I'm not surprised that someone noticed.

But no one knows how hard it is for me to even. . .move.

When all I want to do is disappear.

"I never asked you to save me, you know." I whisper and I hate how weak and childish I sound.

I stare at my hands.

He doesn't say anything and when I look up to see why, It's because he's already gone.

I don't know how long I just lay there, staring at the ceiling but I don't want to get up.

The nurse comes in and out occasionally and never says anything to me. I silently thank her for this time to myself.

When she stops coming into the infirmary I remind myself that lunch breaks have probably begun.

I HAVE been trying, screw Eric.

I go to sleep and silently dream that I won't have to wake up.

I get up and have to convince my feet that they won't shatter upon impact with the floor.

I have to summon the willpower to exit my house and that the door knob won't judge me if I can't.

I have to carry myself everywhere even when the weight is too much to bear.

No one knows the battles we fight internally every day, how much of it we spend just going through the motions.

Where the most impressive thing you did that day was get out of bed.

"You're alive." Says a female voice in my ear, breaking through my silent depressing thoughts, but so accurately countering everything.

 _I am alive._

I fake a smile at Tris and notice that she isn't alone. Christina, Al, and Will are also here.

Christina looks harsh, like shes been beaten up. A cut on her eyebrow and a matching cut on her lip.

I don't have to pretend to be hurt because I feel weak and tired from depression and when I turn my head to smile at them all, the movement is slow and they notice it.

"How are you alive?" Asks Will, excitedly and he takes a seat at the end of the bed, pushing my feet to the side. "I didn't expect you to look. . .not dead."

I laugh. The heavy feeling lifting a fraction but the sound is off. Unnatural.

They all start to settle in, waiting for me to answer. Christina doesn't look bubbly and happy as usual.

"I'm fine." I lie but in actuality everything on the outside IS fine. I smile at them and they all seem accepting. "Are you alright Christina?" I try to divert the attention to her. "They have a bunch of ointments here, they really help."

"I'm good." She says but she sounds spiteful. Is she mad at me?

She stands and walks out, Will goes after her and Al takes his place at the end of my bed.

Tris pushes me gently over and sits next to me and her expression is thoughtful, she drops my boots near the bed.

Thank god she brought them.

"We thought you might be dead." She says guiltily. I don't blame them. Eric is pretty scary and the way he dragged me out of the room. . . I don't tell them that he actually didn't really even hurt me. Just thoroughly slapped me.

I'm afraid that it might tarnish his reputation and he'll actually come back and kill me.

If you speak of the Devil, the devil shall appear.

But that doesn't explain why Christina was so cold.

"Well one, Eric came back in a worse mood than usual so we thought he killed you." Starts Al and he grabs my toes, like we've been friends forever, not like he's the guy that knocked me out yesterday. I'm listening intently and I don't mind the touch, I like the familiarity. "Two, Four looked worried. Three, Eric took his anger out on Christina and held her out over the chasm. Four . . ."

I gasp and sit up. My gut no longer hurts but it still feels tender and I hate the way the ointment rubs onto my shirt. Like wearing sunblock and having it accidentally rub off onto your bathing suit. I interrupt his listing and he stops touching my toes. I rub the ointment off onto the back of my arm.

I remember the part in the movie where Christina concedes and Eric flips out.

"So she blames me for putting Eric in a bad mood?" I say sadly, putting my arms over my eyes, I'm starting to get a headache. I _AM_ the one who attacked him.

What did I expect? Just being here was bound to change a few things.

I'm grateful they don't ask _**WHY**_ I attacked Eric. Maybe they just assume I'm suicidal.

"She'll get over it." Says Tris reassuringly. I look at her from under my arm and I notice Four standing in the doorway, awkwardly.

As if he's unsure whether to stay or go.

He's looking at Tris and she's looking back at him. I realize i'm smiling now. They must already like each other. At least that's going smoothly.

I hope.

"We're gonna go grab lunch." She says quickly and gets up, pulling Al along with her. I look between them confused. They don't have to leave.

When she looks at me she adds "I think Four needs to talk to you."

I watch as Four passes Tris and I can't help but feel like there's something wrong here.

"I see that you're alive and well." He says. He doesn't sit which makes this so much more awkward. I was trying to figure out why I felt weird about them passing without a greeting. "I'm sorry for what I said. I realize it wasn't fair."

It's not fair. I glance at the arm over my eye and my stupid 'Be Brave' Tattoo is there like a reminder that i'm a chicken and i'm only trying to save myself.

I can see that Four is getting frustrated with my silence but I don't know what to say.

I accept your apology?

I'm the one who should be sorry. I'm the selfish one. I'm the one who would chose myself over anyone here.

But I don't apologize.

"When she came down that hole. The very first jumper." He starts and he looks like he's seeing the memory. His eyes have that faraway dreamy look. "I just knew I couldn't leave."

I nod, I know.

"I'd been planing to escape because I've been suspicious of the changes and whats going on around here." He admits. "And then, out of nowhere, here comes this girl, that just _knows._ "

He's talking about me now.

He starts pacing and I just watch him walk back and forth.

"I hate not knowing what's going to happen. I hate not being prepared. Then you predicted the future and all of a sudden I realized how I have no control over anything that happens in my life." He runs a frantic hand through his hair. His eyes look wide and I'm starting to feel nervous, like he's snapped. "You already know what's going to happen, cause it's pre-determined, and that means nothing I do. . . The choices I make. They aren't mine."

I reach out to grab him without really meaning to, I'm afraid he's really snapped.

I want to comfort him, hold him together.

He's spiraling and I can relate to the feelings of losing control and fear of the unknown. Even though I'm the cause, I want to fix it.

It's my fault.

He just looks at my hand and finally takes it in his own, It doesn't feel like Eric's. Before I realize it, i'm pulling him towards me, he comes willingly and takes a seat next to me on the bed and rests his head on my shoulder. I can feel him shaking, his breathing is erratic and I know his heart must be beating at a hundred miles per hour. I know what it's like to panic.

I still don't know what to say.

So I don't say anything and I let him sit there.

We're the same.

We're both lost.

Soon he starts to calm down. He closes his eyes a few times and I can tell he's fighting to take control.

"Can you tell me about your world?" He asks in a whisper. I feel like he's a baby bird and I need to protect him.

I just nod.

I can distract him from his world.

I can distract myself from this world.

When I find my voice I tell him about airplanes and oceans, about sharks and bears and deserts. I tell him about the president and about the different countries. I use my hands to describe the giant ships that distribute trades across the oceans. I tell him about beaches and sunblock.

And he just listens.

Then I start to talk about my family.

His hand reaches up to my face and his finger brushes lightly against my cheek. "You're crying." He says.

I didn't realize.

I shrug him off and wipe the rest of the tears off myself. Trying to act cool but I know crying and blubbering is the farthest thing from cool.

I remind myself that Four belongs with Tris and that I want them together. I almost want to tell him.

They're soul mates.

"Well, I'm worried that I might not get to go back home." I say slightly above a whisper and trying to sound harsh. But I'm also worried that i'm becoming too selfish.

"Maybe that wouldn't be so bad." He says and he stands. I silently curse because it's like he answered both my worries.

I look up at him and his brown eyes are so gentle and reassuring like a brother. For a moment I think it really might not be so bad.

"Maybe."

Is it really so easy to let go? To give in?

My stomach growls and my face turns red.

"Lunch is almost over. If we hurry we can get some food." He says with a laugh, and he holds his hand out to me.

I stand without taking it and I motion for him to lead the way. He cocks his head, drops his hand and starts walking out. I try to walk slow enough so I stay behind him rather than next to him.

If what I did in the infirmary leads him on I could get myself into some real trouble. Now that I see him standing so straight and walking so confidently. I feel weird that I wanted to comfort him. He's stronger than me.

"So about what happened in there. . . " I start and he turns around, his right eyebrow is raised.

"It didn't happen." He says and he's smirking.

"Good, cause I told Eric that I didn't like you." I laugh. "I mean I don't like you like that, cause I really don't but uhm never mind." If anyone else were to see that situation they'd also think it was a lovers reconciliation. That is so not the case.

"Oh right about that, what happened between you and Eric? Obviously he didn't kill you." He asks but I couldn't answer him because we were already at the cafeteria and Al is waving us to come join them.

I smile, and this time I feel like its genuine.

I can try, and in time it'll come naturally right?

I sit between Tris and Al. Tris hands me a piece of warm bread and I thank her wholeheartedly.

It tastes amazing, but It could be because I've barely eaten anything since I arrived here.

"You think that tastes good? You have to try the cake." She says smiling.

Four takes a seat across from Tris and I see them make eye contact. She looks away first, shyly.

Four tries to hide his smile behind a cup of whatever it is he's drinking and I feel happy.

Everyone's laughing and having a good time, and even Christina seems to be happy like she's gotten over her previous scare.

She tosses rolled up pieces of bread into Will's and Al's mouths.

She even throws one for me too. I wasn't able to catch it but I tried.

It's really nice.

Maybe it wont be so bad.

* * *

Thank you for reading!

Magikarp is a fish from Pokemon.


	4. Butterflies

I don't own Divergent or any of its characters.

"Everything will be okay.

In the end.

If it's not okay.

It's not the end."

[Unknown]

* * *

Tris tells me that we're on our way to the wall. Like a field trip. We all pile into a rusty old train and it has no seats.

No seats.

We're all expected to just hold onto the walls or something.

The train starts moving and jolts me to the side. I apologize to Tris when I grab onto her. I don't know how she can manage to stay perfectly balanced. She just smiles and assures me that it's no problem.

I notice some people aren't on yet and I watch them run and gracefully jump into the separate cabs. I'm so relieved I never had to do that.

"As Dauntless, we fight to protect every life inside the fence. That's why we train you the way we do." Says Four. Standing casually, he's holding onto a rail on the roof of the cab. Here I am clutching at every crack I can stick my fingers in trying to keep myself from falling into other passengers.

Why are there no seats?

Tris silently holds her arm out to me, and I give her the most grateful look I can manage and link my arm into hers. She makes sure I don't fall into anyone. I feel much safer and I turn to focus on Fours speech.

"To teach you not to give up. . .And to find out who has what it takes." Hes quiet and everyone looks thoughtful. Even I'm thinking about whether I have what it takes.

It makes me sad that out of everyone here I'm probably the least likely to make it. I see Peter at the far end of the cab and he mouths 'you don't' and I glare at him. Like I don't know.

The train starts slowing and I'm so glad we don't have to jump off.

"Even though its been silent out there for years, that can change at any moment. So we have to be ready for everything." He finishes as everyone starts getting off the train.

We walk up flights and flights of stairs till we're at the top of the wall, my breathing becomes labored from all the stairs but I feel invigorated.

It's amazing being up this high. I can see fields as far as the eyes can see.

"Hey, its you." I hear a familiar voice and I turn to see Aaron. He's smiling, with no gun in his hands.

"Yeah." I say and I'm smiling too. It's weird seeing him and not being angry, he did punch me in the face. I guess he was just doing his job.

I hear Tris asking what's out there, and Christina tells her "monsters". I know she's joking but I can't help but feel like there _are_ monsters.

There are monsters everywhere. I turn from Aaron and walk to where everyone is looking over the wall.

"and Amity farms." says Will. Tris told me he was from Erudite, and I know that all the smart people are from there.

"Oh, I know but beyond that." Presses Tris. I squint my eyes to try and see further past all the fields. I'm no eagle, so of course I can't see anything.

"The places that never recovered from the war." Will answers.

I don't think Tris is satisfied with this answer so she asks Four. Who I just now notice is standing a bit behind us away from the edge but also looking out into the distance.

He's afraid of heights.

"Let's just say they built the wall for a reason." He replies. He glances at me like I might know but I honestly don't.

I find myself wondering what's out there and wishing I read the other books. I worry that what I do know might not be enough. I ponder that thought and look back at the city. It's amazing how big it is.

All trapped inside these giant walls.

The tall forms with shattered glass, sunlight glinting off of them at every angle.

It's not abandoned even though it's not all being used.

So broken and beautiful.

"So why'd you leave Amity" Asks Peter and I realize he's talking to me.

"Uhm I guess there wasn't enough excitement?" I say and curse myself for making it sound like a question.

"Yeah, right." He laughs. "You sure it wasn't for the Dauntless hotties?" He teases breathing into my ear. I shiver and feel squirms in my stomach. I know he's teasing but i'm not experienced when it comes to love and like or boys. Tate always protected me from other guys, like a real older brother.

No one ever tried anything with me.

"You wouldn't know, you aren't a Dauntless yet" I say breathlessly, I tried to tease back but It just made me feel embarrassed. I scamper away and hide behind Tris. I don't turn or look at Peter for the rest of this small outing.

* * *

-Back at the compound-

We're all throwing knives at targets with a persons outline drawn onto them. I wonder when i'll ever need to throw a knife at someone. I'm relieved to find that i'm actually pretty good at it.

If I aim at the head I can at least hit them in the stomach or the arm.

My knives stick into the board pretty easily even though they aren't in the actual circle located on the targets chest.

I'm so focused on my own throwing that I don't notice Eric enter the room and survey us. I only notice him when I hear him say "Well go get it."

I shake my head and continue throwing. Only one of my knives have stuck inside the circle now but I feel really good about that. I try to ignore Eric but my mind is so annoyingly aware of him now that I know he's near.

My tiny accomplishment feels so insignificant now.

"Everybody stop." Says Eric.

Tris looks straight ahead her face full of annoyance. She looks like she wants to throw a knife at Eric.

From the look of her target, with all her knives stuck firmly in the circle, she wouldn't miss.

"Go stand in front of the target." Eric commands Al. I look to Four and he shrugs at me.

Can't do anything. I feel a little guilty cause I should've seen this coming and I could've warned Al.

The more caught up in this world I get, the more I forget.

The thought makes me nervous. What if I develop PTSD? I'll never be the same after this that's for sure.

Everything plays out accordingly right up to where Tris yells "Stop."

I realize I'm chewing on my nails and i'm glaring at Eric.

He never even looks at me.

She takes her place in front of the target and Four starts chucking knives at her. Eric instructs him not to be so safe or whatever.

I flinch at every knife thrown. Even though I know they won't hit her.

Four would never hit her.

The last one nicks her ear and then it's over. I let the air out of my lungs, I guess I was holding my breath in anticipation, I always expect things to be different.

"Worried about her?" Says Eric and I jump. He's right next to me but he's not looking at me.

Why isn't he looking at me?

"You scared the shit out of me." I whisper harshley, clutching my heart. It feels like it will jump right out and leave me. I wouldn't blame it.

"Good." He says and walks away. So very confusing.

He leaves and everyone starts following him. Four looks at me questioningly but then turns to Tris who is annoyed at him for cutting her.

"You cut me." She says and I hear her voice break. I know I should probably leave and let them talk. . .So I do, I turn and I'm the last one out.

Tris comes out right afterwards though and she looks like she might cry.

I don't say anything. I just walk next to her, trying to send her waves of reassuring energy.

When we walk into the dorms, i'm so ready for a shower. I leave her at the door when everyone starts crowding around her congratulating her for her bravery.

Even Molly.

All I care about right now is a shower. I still have the sweat of the first day on me and it's disgusting. I fish under my mattress where I shoved the female set of clothing and rush to the showers. Thank god this set includes underwear and a sports bra.

How the hell do they live like this? and everyone still looks clean. . . It never occurred to me that maybe they found secret times to shower. . . if they did. . .

 _oh gosh_ I'd be the only dirty one.

Maybe it goes along with the fact that i'm from Amity? Since I can apparently be said to sleep with chickens.

When I get to the showers I realize that there are no. . .doors, covers, or curtains.

I wait till everyone leaves and luckily I don't have to wait too long. Everyone is hungry and ready for food. I hide when I hear Tris asking where I am and if they should wait for me.

It's so kind of her but I need this shower, more than food.

I strip and turn the water on immediately, the water is cold and I hate it so I rush. I wash my hair and then my body scraping away all the yucky-ness of everything. When I feel clean enough I grab the towel that was hanging in the stall and wrap my body.

I wring my hair and go for my clothes.

The clothes are gone.

 _WHERE are my clothes?_

I look around the shower area frantically, I know I put them right outside. I really don't want to wear my dirty clothes, but I guess I have to. I'll just put them on and ask someone where I can get some new ones.

I walk dejectedly back to the shower area where I dropped my dirty clothes and to my horror and shock those are gone as well.

 _Oh my god._

I clutch the towel and look around. Someone is fucking with me. I thank god that the towel is giant and covers everything.

They must still be in here if they can steal my clothing from right under me. I curse myself for being so unobservant.

How could I not know someone was still here?

I've just been ninja'd.

I start going through peoples items near and around their bed hoping for a spare set of clothing I could borrow and come up empty handed. I go over to Tris' bed but I don't have the heart to take her clothes even though I know she'd be totally okay with it.

I almost change my mind out of desperation.

But then I hear boots against concrete and I panic. I run over to the entrance and hide against the wall.

As long as they don't come into the dorm they won't see me. My breathing is erratic, I clutch the towel to make sure it doesn't slide and I use my other hand to cover my mouth.

Fuck my life! I think over and over. I try to think of anyone who would do this and I can only come up with Peter.

He's an asshole and this seems like something he'd do.

The boot sounds stop right outside the door and I hold my breath and close my eyes.

Please, please, please just leave.

And then the person comes in.

 _NO!_

"What the fuck?" Says a deep voice, surprised and I don't want to open my eyes. I want to die.

It's **Eric**.

I peek at him and wish over and over that I could become invisible.

"Why aren't you dressed?" He asks and I open my eyes again, my face is on fire, I feel too exposed. He turns away, and I wonder if Eric is a good guy.

"I took a shower and someone stole my clothes." I admit turning away from him so that we're back to back.

I hear a sigh and I turn around to see him unzipping his jacket.

My heart is beating extremely fast and he turns around and looks at me as he walks to the nearest bed and drops his jacket onto it.

His stare is intense.

It sends my heart into a full gallop.

My heart is literally doing back flips and cartwheels.

He's taking his black shirt off and I have to look away but he's still staring at me with the same expression. I want to peek but I don't want him to see me peeking.

Why is he undressing?

I'm not ready for this, I say to myself.

And with Eric?

My first time?

I'm hyperventilating.

I open my mouth to say no.

And then my vision goes black and I feel the fabric of his shirt over my head. I pull it off and hold it in front of me.

Confused.

My mouth snaps shut.

"Don't look so disappointed" He says smirking darkly, looking me over and I blush. He's shrugging back into his jacket and I hear the zipper.

"I'm not. . .I didn't. . ." I start but I shut up because I actually did think. . .I'm too embarrassed so I just pull the shirt over my head and pull my hair out through the top. The shirt is giant and it covers everything but I keep the towel on.

"Just wear that for now and STAY here." He says and walks out the door.

I watch him leave and I sag onto the bed. I'm such an idiot, I can't believe I actually thought that I was about to have my first time. SO EMBARRASSING.

Why did he even come in here? I want to die.

He can't possibly know what I was thinking, I reassure myself as I comb through my long black hair with my fingers. Pulling the knots out.

It takes a while but Eric finally comes back and he's wearing a new shirt under his jacket.

He tosses a pair of pants at me and I catch them gratefully.

He turns around when I start pulling them up and removing the towel. I hate that i'm about to go commando but as soon as I get these clothes on i'm going to go and get some new ones. It'll only be a little while I remind myself.

But somewhere someone has my dirty clothes. Ew.

The pants are way too big. I put my fingers in the belt loops and pull them together. I guess I can walk around while holding the pants closed. . . Then I remember my boots, I can make a belt for myself with the shoelaces. I roll the bottoms up so they don't drag.

I turn around and head to my bed. Eric turns around to see where i'm going and I hold my boots up to him "Boots" I say and I feel so stupid. I'm holding my boots up with my right hand and using my left one to hold up these pants.

He just smirks. I'm just glad whoever took my shit didn't take my boots too.

I sit down and start to unlace one of the them then lace the string through the pant holes, consciously aware that Eric is still waiting.

"Did you need something?" I ask not looking up at him. I stand, slip my boots on.

One without the laces and the other with them. I feel silly.

I start walking over to the door while still tying the stupid laces for the pants. My chin holding the shirt up and out of the way.

Eric grabs the laces right out of my hands. "You can't just tie them like that. Anyone could pull them loose." He says and he begins double knotting it for me.

His head is level with mine and I can smell his hair. It smells clean and like shampoo. He ties them really tightly and double knots them.

I have a feeling I might have a hard time untying them myself later on.

He looks up, his face really close to mine. I find myself holding my breath around him. I started holding it when he grabbed the laces from me and my lungs are about to burst. I let the air out slowly, and stare back at him. "What?" I ask. impatiently.

The faster I get away from him the sooner I can stop feeling so . . .weird.

"Nothing. You weren't in the dining area. Four said he'd go look so I volunteered instead." He says and that surprises me.

"Why'd you volunteer?"

"So I can keep Four away from you. I'm glad I did, it was worth it." He grins and raises his eyebrows suggestively. "Oh, and if you need help un-tying the laces, just come find me. I'll help you get them off."

My face is on fire and I glare at him. I know he didn't see anything, I took care not to let anything show. I want to slap him in the face but I don't, he actually saved me and i'm glad it was him over Four. I just walk past him and towards the dining area.

I'm vaguely aware that he's following me.

"Why are you following me?"

"Don't flatter yourself." He snaps. And I stand up straighter. "I'm heading back the same way."

Well don't I feel sheepish. I don't say anything else.

When we reach the entrance I can see Tris and Four and everyone sitting at the same table as usual. They glance my way and I have my arm up to wave at them.

Eric grabs that arm and I spin to face him.

Why does this happen?

"I expect you to return those clothes." He says into my ear. I try to pull my wrist out of his hand but he has a tight grip on it.

Butterflies.

All I feel are butterflies.

"There's a clothing depot a few doors down from the tattoo place. Get yourself some new clothes and some extras." He adds before releasing me and walking away.

He leaves me at the door and I just feel really awkward. The butterflies are fluttering wildly in my stomach. I'm not totally sure what it means.

When I turn to walk over to the table I don't look at them, I watch my boots. One is all floppy cause there is no lace holding the boots lip down.

I just showered but I feel dirty.

When I sit down no one says anything right away so I silently hope that maybe they didn't notice.

Of course they did though. They we're looking at me.

"What the HELL was that?" Christina whispers to me, her face leaning low to the table. I let my bangs fall into my face while I blush.

"I don't know what to say." but I'm smiling and she starts smiling.

"Then say everything." Interjects Al who also looks interested. Tris and Will are smiling too. Four just sits there as though waiting for me to explain. I see a warning in his eyes, the same kind of warning look Eric gave me when he gave me a cup of coffee.

The warning is probably warranted though. Eric is dangerous.

"Well. . ." I start but before I can say anything Christina asks

"Is that HIS clothes you're wearing?" She says and the look on her face is pure shock. It makes me laugh.

"It IS!" Says Will, "Scandalous!"

And I'm laughing with everyone.

"It's totally not what you guys think cause that would be impossible." I say after we've calmed down a bit. "Someone stole my clothes and Eric came to the rescue." I explain.

Christina and Will exchange glances. "So he saw you naked?" She whispers.

"Oh my god, no." I say quickly and I look round to see if anyone heard her, this is so embarrassing. We're all leaning in really close.

"Wait someone stole your clothes?" Asks Al and everyone sits back looking thoughtful. I guess thinking about who would do that.

I have an idea who it is but I don't say. I glance around the room and I don't see Peter or his lackeys anywhere.

"Do you like Eric?" Asks Tris finally, but she looks worried.

"NO." I say without hesitating, I don't look at Four either because I don't want to see him react. I don't tell them that Eric makes me feel weird, and that he teases me. I especially don't say anything about the butterflies still fluttering in my gut. "That would be toxic."

Besides there's no liking a guy like that right? I think to myself. It would be totally unhealthy and not to mention impossible. I'm sure there are rules against initiate and leader relationships.

I'm not about to break any more rules.

Christina is smiling at me and I can't help but blush. "Oh, oh, Will look, she's blushing."

"Your Amity is showing." Says Al, and they start laughing again. I'm confused because I don't know what that means.

Tris laughs too but she also has that worried look. I finally look at Four and he looks worried too.

Tris gets serious again and picks at her food. I know somethings wrong.

"Hey are you alright?" I ask, nudging her. She just smiles up at me and says yeah, its nothing. But I try to think about what it is.

If I've missed something about this part of the movie. It feels weird to immediately detach myself to look at it from a faraway spectators view point. I come up empty but Al taps me on the shoulder.

He explains what Peter said to Tris about her parents, it was when I was hiding waiting for everyone to leave so I could shower.

I'm really really starting to hate Peter.

When dinner is over and everyone starts to leave for the dorms. Four taps me on the shoulder. "Can I talk to you?"

At first i'm worried that it's about the whole Eric thing, and then I remember the Eric thing and I start blushing.

Tris waves but she looks back and forth between us suspiciously. I really hate this. It's like Four is cheating on Tris with me.

I open my mouth but close it cause she's already walking away.

"Uhm, yeah I actually have to go and get new clothes. You can show me where." I say and with that Four leads me up stairs past the tattoo shop. I glance inside and see Tori tattooing someone.

When we reach the clothing depot, I notice everything is black. I walk to the first rack which is just shirts. This is going to be really easy.

The depot is empty and I feel like its safe to talk.

"Janine Mathews was here today." Four begins in a hushed tone. He starts browsing through the shirts across from me. "Something is going on." He hints that I might be able to share some insight onto what that something is. "They're hunting Divergent."

If she was here then that must mean we're getting closer to the climax of the story I think. I stare at the black of the shirt.

It's funny how we're browsing through shirts that are all exactly the same.

I try to remember what's actually going on because I know they aren't just hunting Divergent.

"You don't need to tell me what might happen but I would really appreciate it if you could tell me if it's all going to be okay." He says again while I'm thinking about what I should say. He has a sort of desperate look in his eyes.

I know what it's like needing to hear those word's, needing someone to tell you 'Everything's okay.'

"It's going to be alright." I say to Four.

Which isn't exactly lying because I know he and Tris survive the whole movie or book or whatever. I grab two shirts and move onto the pants. "Just promise me you'll look after Tris. You need to be around her at all times."

"Why?" He asks. and I want to hit him with something.

"You already felt how she's might be special, you told me the first time you saw her. She IS special." I say quietly and I see recognition come over his face. I don't feel the need to straight up tell him that Tris is Divergent. He probably already knows.

"Yeah, she is." He says and I can't help but feel like he's finally admitting it to himself.

Just love her already.

I grab a pair of pants and Four throws a pair of socks on top of my pile.

I go over and grab a bra and a couple of under wears and thankfully a pair of shorts. I don't know how much longer I'll be here but clean underwear sounds so nice.

Four shows me where I sign out the clothing I want and he explains that we have a set amount of points each month to spend on clothing and other necessities.

By the time I get back to the dorms the lights are out and I can barely see. Everyone is either sleeping or trying to sleep.

I find my bed and shove all the clothing under my mattress. Everything except one pair, which I try to change into, quickly.

Hoping the darkness is enough to hide everything.

I do have trouble with Eric's stupid knot which is triple knotted but I manage to get it undone, I place the shoelace in my untied boot, too lazy to re-lace it.

Eric's clothes are folded and placed neatly at the foot of my bed and I crawl in.

I close my eyes and sigh. Everyday seems to get more and more eventful and equally stressful.

I'm getting attached to a fictional world.

Janine Mathews was here. She's supposed to look like the actor from titanic. Rose. So I know she's pretty.

But she's the main villain.

I start thinking about how weird it is that everyone here in this world is actually here and in my world they have identical doppelgangers. I can't wrap my mind around how that's possible but I always come back to the theory that all this was conjured up from my head.

Maybe I'm lying in a coma.

I shut my eyes tighter and try to listen, and try to project my soul or whatever out of my body.

I listen hard thinking that maybe I could actually be in a coma and someone might be trying to get me to wake up.

Maybe someones trying to talk to me right at this moment?

Maybe I could possibly hear them and use their voice to pull me out.

But all I hear are snores in the room around me.

Then I hear crying. But I know now that it's Al. I sit up and try to search through the darkness and find where his bed is.

I get up and follow the crying sounds. I bump a few beds and apologize but no one answers me in the dark.

When The crying is loud I know I've found his bed.

"Al." I whisper and his cries die down a little.

"W-what?" He asks.

I sit down as close as I can to the bed and I reach out. I find his hand and I grasp it.

He doesn't yank his hand out of mine and I feel his large soft hand close around it securely.

I think quietly how his hand feels nothing like Four's brotherly hand and nothing like Eric's scary hand.

His crying isn't as loud but I know its because he's pressing his face into his pillow, it's muffled. I lay my head on the side of his bed. My butt hurts cause the ground is hard but my hurt butt compared to Al's aching heart. . . I think I can handle being a little butt hurt.

I start stroking Al's hair like how Dale used to do for me, to get me to go back to sleep when I've had a nightmare. My heart aches when I think about my brother.

I don't do the humming part because others are trying to sleep.

Soon Al completely quiets down and his grip on my hand loosens. I think he's asleep. I slide my hand out from his and start to stand. Using the two beds i'm between to help me up.

My legs are stiff from sitting and of course my butt hurts.

"Wanna hold my hand till I fall asleep?" I hear and I snatch my hand away from the bed next to Al's. To my horrid disgust it's Peters bed. I can't see him in the dark but I hate that I was sitting next to where he was laying down.

"You wish." I hiss to the darkness.

I hear chuckles as I feel my way with my feet back to my bed.

The only light comes from the hall, outside the dorm.

When I lay down I feel really good about myself. I just helped one of my friends go to sleep. Surely Karma has something good in store for me tomorrow.

I feel myself smiling because I just thought of Al as my friend.

But I have made friends here.

I lay there with my eyes closed for a while and focus on the sounds of the breathing and snores around me. One giant sleep over.

But I can't sleep.

I groan and turn over but that's not comfortable so I turn on my other side, not comfortable either.

The bed springs are loud with each movement and I'm trying hard to stay quiet.

Finally I give up and lay flat on my back to stare at the ceiling through the darkness.

I wonder what Eric is doing. I'm sure that since he's a horrible person he can't sleep at night either.

So with that in mind I get up out of bed and I grab his stack of clothing. I tiptoe out the entrance and into the hall.

I can't possibly find him in this maze of a place, but I like to think I'm bringing his clothes with me just in case I run into him.

I really just want to go to the chasm again.

The sound of the water might help sooth all the nerves from today. I just want to go there for a little bit.

I try to dismiss the thought, no the _hope_ , that Eric might be at the chasm this late at night.

The walls turn this way and that and soon I can hear the waters. My heart starts beating faster as I get excited. I'm glad I remembered my way around.

There are dim lights up so I won't accidentally walk off the bridge in the dark.

When I get to the bridge my hopes are high and I feel giddy but when I squint through the darkness and dim light I can see that no one is here.

The sound of the water is really soothing but It doesn't dispel the disappointment I feel.

I don't know why I thought he might be here.

Just cause he was here the first time.

My feet touch the bridge and its cold, just like last time.

I go to the same spot and put Eric's clothes down to sit on so my butt doesn't get cold. I swing my legs over, just like last time.

The cold air creates goosebumps all up my bare legs, up to the bottom of my new shorts.

I press my cheek against the cold railing, just like last time.

The vibrations run through my whole body, reverberating with my shivers due to the coldness. I don't regret not bringing my jacket even when the coldness bite at my bare arms. I just feel really glad I came.

I close my eyes.

It's so peaceful.

Just like last time.

I don't hear him coming and I don't open my eyes to look for his arrival.

I _feel_ him near and It frightens me when I realize that i'm so aware of him.

"Are you going to jump again?"

I don't answer him right away and when I do, I have to squeeze my heart tightly to keep it from fluttering out of my chest.

"Only If you catch me again."

* * *

Thank you for reading and thanks so much for any and all reviews.

I really appreciate it.

Hope you enjoy and keep reading.


	5. War

Sometimes it's okay if the only thing you did today was breathe.

We're all a little fragile.

* * *

He doesn't say anything and for a moment I'm tempted to look to see if he's really there.

Then I feel the bridge vibrate with his steps and the zipper of his jacket being pulled down.

He drapes his jacket over my shoulders and I can feel his warmth.

The butterflies in my stomach flutter so violently, I might become nauseated. I have to keep the giddy voice in my head from taking over because I just received an indirect hug from Eric. I'm ashamed of myself.

"Why did you come out here?" He asks finally, interrupting the sweet silence.

"Why did you?" I counter. My eyes are still closed and I actually don't open them even to peek to see if I've irritated him.

I won't admit that I came in hopes of seeing him and I also hope he doesn't see his clothes under my butt.

That might give away the fact that I probably expected to see him.

I hear him sigh and settle next to me. Far enough away so we don't accidentally touch. My left eye peeks at him unwillingly and I see him staring out into the darkness, his legs dangling over the side of the bridge like mine.

It's so impossibly quiet and I remember Al crying himself to sleep.

"Why did you do that to Al today?" I ask softly.

"If you have to ask why then you shouldn't have come out here tonight." He says back, but I don't understand what he means.

"And Christina?" I ask my voice raises an octave.

"Dauntless isn't for the weak."

"I didn't win a fight today." I say remembering him telling me not to lose.

"You didn't even have a fight today." He sighs.

He has a point but I was trying to make a point too. "If I lose tomorrow, will you make me hang from this bridge? Will you make me stand in front of a target for Four to throw knives at me?" I whisper. I open my eyes to look at him and he's already looking at me.

He looks so handsome even without a lot of lighting. It's painful to think how someone this handsome could be so evil.

I can see he's annoyed and I feel like the purpose of my questions is to annoy him. A part of me feels like we will forever be at each others throats.

The fighting is satisfying enough though I hate admitting it.

"Yeah. I will." He says and I don't know why I'd expect any other answer. "But I might throw the knives myself, and my aim isn't as good as Fours. I'll give him that."

He's closer now and his voice is a little louder. I hear the threat in his words and It makes me shiver with excitement and with fear.

"You infuriate me." He adds and scoots closer so our legs can brush against each other. It sounds funny when he says it like that and scoots closer to me. If I make him that mad why is he moving closer to me?

"And you terrify me." I admit, and its true. It's all kinds of fear mixed into one and I know it can't be healthy.

I'm starting to feel tired and I know it's time for me to leave.

When I start to stand, so does he. He doesn't help me up and it's almost like he's intentionally avoiding touching me now.

I hold his clothes out to him.

"Thank you." I say simply and he takes them fom me. I'm about to turn when I see him throw the clothes over the side of the chasm. "Why did you do that?" I ask, and I try to see where the clothes landed, I'm not sure if I could find my way down there though.

"I don't need them."

He confuses me and makes me so angry. Why did he say I needed to return them if he was just going to throw them away? I turn and begin to stalk away and I half expect him to grab my arm and turn me around but it never happens.

I shrug his jacket off and let it fall to the ground.

* * *

The very next day I have to keep wiping the sleep from my eyes and i'm yawning way too much. I'm able to take a quick shower while everyone goes to breakfast and Tris promise's to grab me a muffin.

I eat it quickly before going in to the training room.

Four and Eric are standing near the mats. Everyone isn't even inside when Eric announces that Tris has to fight Peter.

I glance at Four and he looks back at me accusingly. Well I fucked up again. I glare at him,

If he wanted to blame me, then two can play at that game because he can step up at any time to save Tris.

Tris doesn't look surprised and I hear Christina say that Eric is just trying to get back at her for yesterday.

I glare at Eric.

Tris walks up to the mat and Four stops her to give her some advice.

My anxiety eats away at me and I'm chewing my nails again.

If I step in Eric might have some sort of worse punishment for her but if I don't step in she gets her butt kicked by Peter.

Peter says something about going easy on her if she cries and when she hits him in the throat I silently wish in this version she wins.

But it doesn't happen like that. He starts hitting her hard and I just cant. . . I look away, and I flinch every time I hear her grunt in pain.

"Watch." Says Eric near me, he says it demanding. I glare at him and I refuse to look at Tris getting destroyed.

My heart starts hammering in my ears and I want to hit him. He glares right back, and when I don't look back to the fight he strides across to me intimidatingly. He grabs my chin and forces me to watch. I close my eyes but Eric hisses.

"Watch."

My eyes snap open.

Why is he doing this?

I watch unwillingly as Peter throws Tris to the ground. I don't see Four anymore and it's because he's left the room.

No one notices Eric forcing me to watch this horrible display because they're all watching it themselves. I see Christina flinch as her best friend gets pounded.

Peter is on top of her and he rains fist after fist upon her face.

I don't remember it being quite this brutal.

Eric's finger press into my face and it starts to hurt.

He doesn't release me even when Peter looks to him as if asking permission to finish her.

Peter looks at me too and I look at him pleadingly. Hoping that He won't go through with it.

I don't know what Eric does, but he doesn't say anything and Peter finishes Tris off with a kick.

Eric finally releases me and I feel heavy and defeated. Christina beats me to Tris and both Will and Al start to carry her off to the infirmary.

I look at her unconscious face and I'm apologizing over and over in my head. I want go with them and make sure she's okay but one look from Eric and I stop. I tear my eyes from his and I refuse to look at him again.

"Well, what're you all standing around for?" He yells and everyone scatters like cockroaches out of the training room.

I start to follow and i'm relieved that Eric doesn't stop me.

I hate him.

Peter rushes past me, bumping me.

The impact isn't that hard but I feel so weak that and fall against the wall. I vaguely realize that I've sagged to the ground.

After taking a few deep breaths I stand and I'm alone in the hall.

Everyone is already gone and I don't even know where they all went.

What am I supposed to be doing?

My chest feels tight and I wrap my arms around myself.

Why did he do this?

Its so painfully different from the movie and the book. I'm so confused.

At first I feel like looking for Four, but that doesn't feel right.

Then I feel like going to the infirmary, but that doesn't feel right either.

So instead I walk aimlessly through the hallways and find myself at the cafeteria. I can't eat so I just sit at a table with random initiates on it.

One of them a boy who's name is Edward I think says Hi. I smile weakly at him and he goes back to talking to his girlfriend.

I press my cheek to the cold table. Why does everything have to be so complicated?

"Hey, you're Tris' friend right?" Says a cute dimpled guy with Mocha skin. Uriah.

I feel like I can't say that I am right now but I nod without taking my face off the table.

He laughs and introduces himself.

"Meg" I grumble out.

He gets the hint that maybe i'm just not in the mood for talk and leaves. I just don't have the heart to feel bad for being so rude.

I think I fall asleep because I feel someone shaking me from behind urging me to wake up. I look around sleepily. It's Al.

"Come on sleepy head, we're going to miss the train." He says.

I get up and realize I'm in my bed. "How long was I out?"

"About a day." Say's Al. "But it's alright, it was a free day and I watched over you."

Everything is a little cloudy but the urgent look on his face makes me rush, and I'm running after him. I vaguely recall him saying the word train.

We're being handed vests and I shrug it on without asking what they're for.

But I remember. It's that game thing.

War games.

I can't believe I slept a whole day.

But I've done it before.

When I was too depressed to get out of bed.

I push the thought to the back of my head that. . .No one came to check on me. I wish Al had woken me, instead of let me sleep and waste a whole free day. I could have gone to visit Tris.

We make it in time and the train is still stationary. I must be really lucky.

I take back the thought of being lucky when I see Eric standing by the door at the far end of the cab.

Of course he's going to be here I tell myself.

I'm the one who shouldn't be here but I hide inconspicuously between Al and some random girl. Who I think is a Dauntless Initiate.

She doesn't seem to mind.

I notice Four take his place at the door we just came in from. He's watching the tracks expectantly. I almost feel like telling him "She'll be here"

The train starts moving and Christina and Will join us. They form a protective circle around me, which I know they don't do intentional but I silently thank them.

I look out the window because I see a flash of brown.

Right now Tris should be jumping on the train.

Sure enough, Four reaches out and In comes Tris.

Eric makes his way to the back and to Tris who is catching her breath.

"Who let you out?" He asks.

I answer with her, she says it out loud while I mouth it quietly to myself. "I did."

Eric's eye brows rise "You did?" I find that I mouthed his line too. "Okay."

Even that one.

When Tris comes over to us she doesn't look like she's been beaten she just looks ready and excited. She's so strong. I smile at her and she immediately smiles at me. Christina places a hand on her shoulder.

I look at Four and he's looking at Tris. I know he feels her strength too.

Four throws the bags down and I don't flinch, I was prepared. I feel a silent resolve in the back of my heart. I don't want to be caught off guard again.

"The game is simple. Just like capture the flag." Four explains.

"Weapon of choice." Says Eric purposely making his voice louder than Fours.

Molly rolls her eyes.

"Call that a gun." She scoffs and I mouth her words.

Pew, Eric shoots her in the leg and I watch her crumple to the ground in pain.

Darts with pain liquid inside.

Eric bends down and pulls the dart out of her leg.

"Neuro-stim dart." He holds it up.

Blah blah blah. I wonder what it feels like to get shot by one. It simulates the pain of a real gunshot wound. Ooooh, exciting.

Only lasts a couple minutes? Even better.

"Two teams, Four and I are captains." He almost sounds excited.

I sit up straight because of course I don't know who's team I'm going to end up on. I hate not knowing where I belong in this.

I shouldn't be on either team.

"You choose first." Four says and Eric does.

He doesn't even look around before saying Edward.

Four calls Tris a stiff and people seem surprised that she's his first choice and blah blah, lets get on with it I silently fume.

"Mmmm, picking the weak ones so you have someone to blame when you lose."

"Something like that." Four grins.

I chuckle to myself because Four wins and it's because of Tris that he wins. Good for you Eric, you big loser jerk.

They go on calling names and I'm annoyed and hurt that I haven't been called yet.

When four finished calling all of Tris' friends, Al, Will, Christina and it's Eric's turn to chose.

There's only me and 3 other Dauntless born initiates. I'm the last "Transfer" left. I shift nervously from foot to foot when I feel Eric look us over.

I refuse to look at him.

"Meg." He says and I close my eyes and grit my teeth.

Four nods at me and I find myself glaring at him. I think he's being mean to me in place of Tris because Tris doesn't know that I. . . I just accept that I deserve this.

Because I feel like I do.

When I look at Tris and the rest of them they smile guiltily at me but I smile back reassuringly. I don't care about this game. I'll be alright.

I want to congratulate them already.

I'll probably just go and hide somewhere till I hear that Tris has the flag.

I take my place with the rest of Eric's band of assholes.

Of course he has Peter is on this team. I wonder what'll happen if I shoot my own teammate.

We all get off the train in a dark area. Following Eric till he stops. I notice the large Ferris wheel extremely far away.

That's where they are.

That's where I wanna be.

He turns around and looks at us all expectantly.

"Well?" He asks. "Whats the plan?"

I step back as pandemonium arises, everyone is talking over each other trying to figure out a plan.

I sigh cause it's pointless.

We lose.

Game over.

"Let's send her over to scout and act as a decoy." Peter says shoving me forward, no one objects because this whole team is full of jerks.

I'd just be shot full of darts.

Eric shrugs "Not a bad idea." He says. I still don't look at him so I don't know what kind of face he has on tonight.

I'm holding the dart gun to my side, instead of up like everyone else. I doubt I'm going to use it.

I even consider chucking it but I still fantasize about shooting everyone here.

Instead of going with Peter's dumb plan, which someone said wouldn't work because I wouldn't make it half way there, and would probably get taken out by only one dart. I don't argue with that.

They come up with the plan where Molly of course stays with the flag that is located conveniently in a tall little circle shaped building and everyone spreads out to make sure there are no cracks in the defense.

Peter, Edward and two Dauntless born are the offensive party and are responsible for retrieving their flag.

No wonder why this team loses I laugh to myself.

"Why don't you come with us? So we can use you as a meat shield?" Peter asks, poking me with his gun. I wish he'd just leave me alone. I don't answer even though I really want to and he actually does leave me alone.

I guess mainly cause the game has started and everyone is getting into place.

I start walking in a direction no one else is going. I'll just sit somewhere till it's all over I think happily to myself. Easy peasy.

I turn a few times, I'm completely alone and I find some stairs that lead to the roof of a two story building. I can watch from up there, I think to myself. I take the steps two at a time and have to climb a ladder to get the the top and it almost makes me change my mind.

Once on the roof, I realize that it's kind of really dark and I can barely see. I notice the enemy teams flag all the way near the Ferris wheel.

Tris has probably already climbed it and discovered where our lame hiding spot is.

I sigh, and wonder how long this game with take. Glancing at my feet I start to kick at the gravel on the roof.

*clang* clang* The noises come from the ladder. My eyes scan the roof. No one is up here with me. I see Molly at the top near the flag looking around. The roof I'm on actually connects to the other roofs and they could climb up here and sorta just Spider-man their way to the flag.

I worry that I might actually see more action than I thought.

So I end up climbing off the roof and slowly zigzagging through the buildings. Why haven't I seen anyone yet? I start worrying.

Then I hear the gunshot.

Before I can turn in the direction it came from I feel the dart hit my thigh. An extremely sharp pain shoots through my leg and I fall onto my hands and knees. I turn myself and sit against the building. Quickly pulling the dart out.

It hurts more than anything I've ever experienced and I have to grind my teeth to keep from screaming. I don't want to attract more people.

I'm squeezing my leg trying to cut the pain off. I squeeze so hard like i'm trying to take my leg off.

That's when I see a figure walking up, I grab my gun and point it at them frantically. My hands are shaking and it makes the gun shake too.

My whole body is tense and the pain makes little specks across my vision but I can still see.

Its fucking Eric.

Of course its Eric. I just can't deal with this jerk.

If he's not pretending I don't exist he's shooting me in the leg.

I just can't understand him.

He has his gun pointed at me and I don't see anyone else around, I don't see anyone else screaming and yelling in pain.

I don't look at his face. I don't want to see his eyes.

Eric shot me.

I point my gun at him and I pull the trigger, I know he shot me.

It hits him in the leg and he falls to one knee without even making a sound. He's not even 6 feet from me.

We both have our guns aimed at each other.

He doesn't shoot me again.

What is he waiting for?

How can someone so big be so silent, I wonder.

Damn ninja.

The pain in my leg is fading and I remember when they said it only lasts a few minutes.

A real gunshot. . .I shudder at the thought.

Minutes do pass between us and my arm starts to ache from holding this position, the blood pulsing in my ears.

Why doesn't he say something?

And why did he shoot me?

I mentally debate with myself over whether or not I should just shoot him again.

I finally search for his face but he's half in the shadow of another building. I was going to let his face be the deciding factor, but I can't even see it.

I'm tired of these games.

If I get another dart in me maybe the pain will make it easier for my heart to detach itself from the cancer that is Eric.

I laugh then.

Because I admitted to myself that his evil has stained me. It excited me, hurt me, made me cry.

Made me aware.

We stop looking for the monsters out in the world when we realize they're inside of us.

My monster is clawing at the edges of the pit inside me.

Recognizing its opponent.

Ready to start this war and end it all at the same time.

I steel myself, ready for the pain.

I drop my arm to my side and let the gun roll out of my hand.

I'm smiling.

"Just shoot me already."

* * *

My eyes are closed when I hear another gunshot but I don't feel any immediate pain.

I glance around me and find the dart not 2 inches away from the top of my head, stuck in the wall.

 _He missed._

The gun is back in my hands quicker than I thought possible. I roll over the side and fire two times in his direction without aiming. I don't wait to see if they've hit him.

I see him press against the building from the corner of my eye.

My leg feels stiff but I kick off and into a sprint around the side of the building.

I hear and feel a few more darts whiz past me. I'm relieved that those don't hit me because then I probably won't be able to get away.

I'm running. The wind is whipping through my hair causing it to slap at my face. My heart is beating so fast with excitement. I don't stop running even though I can't hear anyone in pursuit.

My boots pound the ground like a drum.

I keep going till I'm near the Ferris wheel.

No ones here? They we're that confident, they didn't leave anyone to guard their own flag?

I thought their flag would be here, maybe its actually not.

I can't see the green where I thought I did from that rooftop.

My lungs are on fire and I have to stop to catch my breath. My throat is so dry that I gag a bit and have to swallow down the saliva that builds.

I bend over with my hands on my knees and spit a few times onto the ground.

When I've finally recovered I look around again.

Their flag is a neon green and ours is a neon orange. I actually didn't intend on going to look for it but now I feel like I can find it.

Footsteps sound from a bit away, the gravel crunching gets louder and louder.

It sounds like more than one person. I breath and I feel confident rather than panic-y.

I crouch beside what looks like a generator and steady the gun on top, looking over in the direction of the noise. Having the gun stationary helps keep my hands from shaking it around so much.

"We already looked over here." Says a male voice, I don't recognize.

"So the fuck what? We'll look again till we find it." Says an annoyed Peter. I almost squeeze the trigger but I stop. Relieved that it's a teammate, even if its Peter.

It's not Eric.

I stand and walk to join them, They all have their guns up and pointed at me. I notice that Edward isn't with them, probably got annoyed and ditched.

I'm holding my hand up with the gun as if surrendering.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Asks rhe male Dauntless Initiate.

"The same thing you are." I say honestly. "I think they hid it up in the Ferris Wheel." Pointing my gun up towards it. I swear I can see the faint glow of green lodged in the middle.

"I'm not going to climb that thing in the dark. You go Vi." Says the male Dauntless Initiate.

"Uhm how about no?" She says.

Peter turns swiftly and shoots them both in the legs.

Out of nowhere!

I watch surprised and aim my gun at him in case he plans to shoot me too. He doesn't even look at me.

Is he just always prepared to be violent?

When they fall onto the ground in pain, both shouting profanities at him, he kicks their guns out of their hands.

My heart is beating excitedly and my eyes feel too wide.

"What the fuck Peter?!" She screams at him, angry spit flying from her mouth, like shes foaming. She looks crazed.

The guy tries to swipe at Peters leg.

I shoot him in the arm without even thinking and he swears at me calling me horrible names.

My chest tightens a bit but I don't feel guilt.

I feel good.

I feel dangerous.

I already know what Peter is thinking.

He wants to be the one to get the flag.

Peter looks at me and I'm aiming my gun at him again. His eye brow is raised but he doesn't ask me why I shot the guy too.

He doesn't raise his hand or drop his gun. Its just hanging from his hand to his side.

It felt good to shoot someone else. I wish It was Eric but it's good enough.

"Lets go get that flag." He says simply.

I don't know why I'm going to help him.

Maybe I'll shoot him before he gets the flag and claim it for myself.

Maybe he plans to do that to me.

He begins climbing up the wheel via a small ladder located between the large frame support holding the wheel in place.

I stay on the ground and watch our surroundings.

Guarding, keeping watch.

I notice his gun is leaned against the ladder at the bottom.

"I can see it." Peter says excitedly calling down to me.

Good.

When he grabs it and climbs down I can shoot him and take it. He doesn't have his gun.

"Fuck!"

I look up at him, he's reaching out to grab the small fabric that's sticking out. His fingers inches away.

He can't reach it.

 _Useless_.

Without thinking I climb up quickly. The bars are cold and rusty. I reach the bar that he's standing on and tap his boot.

He looks behind him and down at me. He already knows what I have in mind.

Its what I think Four and Tris did together.

This was a two person job to begin with.

This is where Tris learns of Four's fear of heights.

Peter moves over to make space on the bars, like he can read my mind.

He's smart.

He's Erudite.

I climb, not saying anything and we're shoulder to shoulder. I step up higher onto the last bar.

He reaches around me, clutching me around my waist and he wraps his right leg around the ladder while I step off and onto a part of the metal holding the ladder to the support. I start reaching for the flag.

The wind is howling and I can feel Peters arm tense and un-tense with each breeze.

I have to tip toe and reach farther. I'm confident that I can reach it though.

My eyes are focused on the neon green. My fingers brush against the nylon fabric.

 _So close._

I've almost got it.

My left foot steps a little too far off the small piece of metal and slides off.

My heart stops for a second when I think Peter is going to let me fall.

He doesn't though.

Peter grunts and his arm holds tighter around my waist. Pulling me back to the ladder safely.

I hear his silent curses for me to be more careful but I ignore it and wrap my right arm around his neck and begin reaching again. He slides over to take my space on the ladder when I step off it again. To give me more reach.

Just a bit more.

When I get my pointer finger snagged on the little corner piece of fabric, I pull. To my relief it slides right off and I have it. Securely in my left fist.

I have the flag.

I slowly get back onto the ladder and Peter unwraps his arm and starts climbing down.

I fume silently because that means he'll be down before me. He can grab his gun before I get mine.

I hold the flag between my teeth and begin to descend.

Not ready for the confrontation at the bottom.

When I'm close to the ground I feel Peter put his hands on my waist and I tense immediately

Is he going to throw me off?

But he just lifts me down off the ladder and onto the ground.

He didn't need to.

I can do it myself.

I don't feel anything at the touch. No butterflies, no excitement.

I don't react to Peter.

Not like I do to Eric.

I grit my teeth at the thought. It makes me sick. I can still feel where the dart hit me on my thigh.

Instead of thanking him I grab my gun which is closer than his. I aim at him and he puts his hands up.

I don't forget that Peter is an enemy.

"You have the flag." He says confused.

He didn't go for his gun or try to stop me from getting mine so I wonder why I can't lower it. I'm in control.

I don't say anything because the flag is in my mouth but I see a figure behind him near the building.

I fire two shots, right past Peters ear without hesitating. I hope the sound makes him temporarily deaf.

"FUCK, WHY DID YOU SHOOT ME AGAIN?" Yells the Dauntless Initiate from behind Peter. I hear him fall to the ground. Still cursing.

I'm such a bad-ass.

My chest wells with pride. It feels bitter sweet but I accept that.

My second time with a gun in my hands.

I don't even care that I shot that guy like 3 times. It's almost funny.

I _almost_ laugh.

I lick the fabric of the flag between my teeth.

I have the flag.

Peters eyes are wide. He thought I was going to shoot him.

I was, actually. He's lucky that guy showed up.

* * *

We don't have enough time to make it back to everyone before we hear cheering.

Tris has finally gotten our flag.

But I have theirs too.

Peter is running beside me, we ditched the two Dauntless born.

We're running up to the crowd of both our teammates and theirs. They have Tris lifted up onto their shoulder cheering into the night sky.

"We're too late." Peter says with a sigh.

It was a good run. I look at him and finally take the flag out of my mouth. I have to lick my lips cause they're dry, I was breathing through my mouth. I toss the flag into his face and he catches it.

From the top of my lungs I yell, without looking away from Peter.

"IT'S A DRAW!"

I don't even think its allowed but I don't care.

It wasn't in the movie OR the book but I don't care.

I just don't care.

Peter holds the flag above his head triumphantly and people start turning to look at us.

It's quiet at first and my heart is beating painfully, I'm still pumped on adrenaline from yelling and running and shooting. I see Tris look at us from above everyone, her eyes are wide as she spots the neon green.

And then the cheers erupt once again, louder than before.

They fill my ears.

It fills my whole being.

People are running and touching me from all over.

They lift Peter who has the flag.

And I don't even care that I'm not the one they throw into the air.

I'm still being congratulated.

That's enough.

I'm smiling and accepting their praise.

Even from Christina, Al and Will.

I touch Tris' hand as she's being passed through the air over me and she smiles at me.

The crowd starts moving but I stand still.

Then I spot Eric.

He's leaning casually against a building, watching the congratulations and cheering. He looks particularly bored. His eyes catch mine. He kicks away from the building and starts to walk away. Turning his back to us all.

I'm always watching him walk away.

I consciously feel the gun in my left hand. I put my finger over the trigger and trot over to catch up to him.

He doesn't turn around and just keeps walking. I wonder if anyone will hear the sound of a gunshot over all the cheering and yelling.

I'm aiming directly at the back of his head.

I feel dangerous,

I feel deadly and It's so exhilarating.

I don't care that they're just "Neuro-stim darts".

He'll have to react to a dart in the back of his head.

I feel a grin spreading across my face and take a deep breath in and pull the trigger while blowing all the air out.

*Click*

He stops walking.

*Click*

I pull it again, confused.

*Click* *Click*

 _Well, fuck me._

I'm all out of darts.


	6. Sheep

Alice: How long is forever?

White Rabbit: Sometimes. Just one second.

.

* * *

I start laughing and I drop the gun on the ground. It clatters loudly, scattering the gravel around.

I ran out of darts!

I can't believe I ran out of darts.

Part of me feels like i'm lucky. If I shot him who knows what would have happened.

But of course this is bound to have some sort of consequence.

Strangely I look forward to it.

The clicking sounds are still fading from my ears.

*click* *click*

It's all too funny. I'm clutching my stomach cause the laughing makes my gut hurt.

Eric is facing me now and he looks furious. Beyond furious.

I don't even care.

He doesn't have a gun and there's way too many people around.

What's he gonna do?

Kill me in front of all these people?

 _Hah._

This time I turn away from him. I walk back to the crowd without turning around. Confident that he won't come after me. I feel his stare on my back even when I'm safely submerged in the sea of people.

Christina, Will and Al are smiling at me when I make my way to them, a draw means no one loses, so everyone is celebrating.

Even the Dauntless guy I shot is being congratulated by all his friends while he tries to play off that the darts didn't even hurt.

He gives me dirty looks whenever I glance in their direction, I did shoot him 3 times and the thought that I would shoot him again if I had to do it all over, surprises myself.

Before I can think too much into that I feel a hand on my shoulder. An icicle of fear shoots through my heart and clears my head but It's just Peter. I relax instantly.

 _Just Peter._

He's smiling.

"We make a pretty damn good team." He says and I agree. We didn't even have to say anything. We just knew what to do and did it together.

This also bothers me.

"Yeah surprisingly, even though you're such a dick." I laugh shrugging the nagging feeling in the back of my heart away, I don't want to work well with evil. I can't ever forget that he's my enemy.

He laughs too.

Four taps me on the shoulder and I turn, I vaguely realize that Tris has disappeared but I know where she's gone. She's probably soaring over the city right now. I'm not jealous because the thought of it scares me more than Eric.

How strange.

"Congratulations." He says, and I shouldn't be hearing this from him. He's supposed to say this to Tris, when Tris gets back. "You know, I wanted to say you were really good out there tonight. You we're really. . ."

My hand is up to stop him. "Stop." My eyes search for Tris as though I can switch places with her right this moment.

He looks at me confused, as though I'm irrational and can't accept a simple compliment.

But this isn't a simple compliment and I am very irrational.

"You're supposed to be saying those words to Tris." I say when I feel as though I can calmly look him in the eyes.

Before he can say another word, I'm gone.

The voices, cheers and laughter become faint noises behind me.

I walk for a while and I keep walking till I hear new sounds.

A different kind of cheer.

It's the Dauntless borne, they're all waiting below a zip line. Securely fastened to a large wall with a target painted grossly on it. As though the bodies soaring down are torpedoes and the target is where they'll hit.

No one notices when I blend into the crowd. Pressing my shoulders to theirs. They're watching hungrily as a girl comes zooming down.

As though she's meat and they're all rabid hyenas.

They're yelling at her to pull the brake.

I watch as the sparks fly off her, after she frantically finds and finally pulls the little handle brake.

Like a firework.

My heart stops when I think she's still coming in too fast. When I think she's going to hit the target but she stops, her nose just inches away from it.

The breath escapes me in a grateful rush and my lungs deflate appreciatively.

Why do I always torture myself with thoughts that it will ever be different? When I know whats going to happen and yet my heart pounds with worry fear

and. . .doubt.

Her face lights up as she roars, throwing her arms into the air triumphantly.

Her blonde and brown hair frames her pretty face like a mane.

When she drops out of the harness they catch her.

They carry her.

They accept her.

I accept her.

My body is jolted backwards, someone has grabbed hold of my jacket and is pulling me away from the scene. I struggle to get out of it but the strong hand grabs the back of my neck.

A hand is over my mouth before I can scream.

No one turns in my direction.

I'm in the dark now and someone is pressed up to me, holding me against the hard concrete wall. The strong hand is still over my mouth.

My hands grab at air, searching for a weapon frantically. I claw at the arms. I'm flailing but they're so impossibly strong. My foot finally finds them and I kick, trying to push them away.

I lick the hand that's over my mouth and it immediately removes itself but before I can scream a fist slams into my cheek and i'm sent flying towards the floor.

The taste of blood fills my mouth. Bile begins to rise up. The pain is severely disorienting.

My hands are in front of me to catch myself but it's dark and I slide. My elbows scraping against the hard floor.

I roll onto my back so they can't get on top of me, my legs outstretched to kick at their advancing form. I need to keep them away.

It's only one person I think to myself over the raging pulsing in my ears.

But I'm wrong.

There are arms from behind and they pull at my hair trying to get my arms. I grab at the nearest ankle and pull hard. They fall. I roll onto my stomach and get onto my hands and knees. But the first attacker has their arms around my waist from behind. Lifting me off the ground.

He gets my arms behind my back and holds them securely when I try to elbow him. My head slams back him and connects with his face. I hear the crunch of cartilage when I smash his nose.

"Stop fucking fighting." Spits a male angry voice right in my ear and the second attackers fist slams into my abdomen, forcing the air out of me. I almost pass out from the pain but I can't stop.

To stop would be to surrender.

To surrender is to _die_.

I flail wildly trying to free my arms. Willing him to let me go. Praying that he'll let me go.

But second attacker is in front of me grabbing my legs to keep me from kicking. He puts them between his legs to free his hands. I try to kick him in the groin but they tighten locking mine in place.

"Let me go!" I yell and a hand is over my mouth again stopping all further noise.

Cold metal is pressed to my forehead and I stop moving immediately.

It's just the dart gun I convince myself.

But I'm so afraid.

"Yeah you know what that is right bitch?" Says the person in front of me. The coldness is gone and I feel it strike me like lightning across my other cheek.

It stings and I feel really dizzy. . .

His hands tug at the front of my shirt.

 _NO!_

"You said we were just going to shoot her." The one behind me says and he pulls me away a tiny bit but the other guy has my legs and we go nowhere.

Then I realize that the guy in front of me is the Dauntless born I shot earlier.

He rips the other guys hand from my mouth and I open it to scream.

He jams the cold metal in and I gag, my eyes watering.

I close my eyes to fight the tears and wait for the dart that will shoot me right in the throat. Can I die from that? Will it cause me to choke to death?

But then several things happen at once and time seems to slow down.

All of a sudden the gun is gone and the Dauntless born in front of me is being ripped away by a force I can't see.

My legs are free.

As soon as I feel the ground I kick off it, propelling myself and the guy holding me backwards into the wall.

He grunts roughly at the impact and his arms drop me.

I'm free.

When I hit the ground I hit it with my elbows rolling over onto my stomach and I push myself up. The effort is painful and draining.

*bang* *bang*

I flinch at the shots.

The Dauntless guy goes down. Holding his leg and cursing at the pain.

It's just darts.

*Bang*

Another shot and the noises stop altogether.

He's unconscious.

My breathing hurts and I'm swaying, I'm about to fall over.

I _am_ falling over.

The world tilts.

But I don't hit the ground.

I fall into Eric.

.

.

.

When I come to, I see that i'm on a roof.

I frantically search for Eric.

The danger isn't gone yet.

I was attacked by foxes and then saved by a Wolf who would just devour me himself.

I think I'm alone.

I hurt all over so I lower myself down onto my back. Unwilling to get up just yet.

When will the pain stop?

Above me is the night sky, a dark blanket with different sized holes poked through them in random chaotic patterns.

And of course I feel him before I see him.

The beast inside me begins to pace around the edges of it's pit restlessly.

When will I be able to sleep?

I don't get up though.

My eyes close and I feel like I can still see the stars through my eyelids.

"Get up." Says Eric. His voice is harsh but not as harsh as I'd imagined.

When I saw him last, his face was beyond furious. This voice doesn't match.

"No." I say firmly. I will always fight back against Eric even when I have no fight left.

It's what he expects.

"Now." He says but instead of more harshness all I hear is a tired man.

My eyes shoot open and I prop myself up onto my elbows, conscious of the pain everywhere.

He's glaring at me, but his glare is weak and my fear of him dissipates.

Where is my challenger? My opponent?

My monster shudders through me disappointingly and becomes dormant.

There is no threat?

"If I don't?" I ask, but I'm already propped up. I'm halfway there.

I see his chest deflate with a sigh and he walks over to me. The distance between us shrinking and the butterflies crawl into my stomach, not broken into full flutters yet but prepared to take flight. Their veiled wings rub against my ribs faintly, tickling me from the inside. My chest tightens reflexively.

I'm disappointed that I haven't gotten over him just yet.

The butterflies are just a painful reminder.

I'd rather feel fear than feel. . .this.

"You surprise me again." He starts, stopping just a few feet away.

Perhaps he means when I tried to shoot him.

Or when I told him to just shoot me.

I curl up and wrap my arms around my legs but I don't stand.

"You saved me again." I admit.

Just a while ago I willed him to shoot me so that It would be easier to hate him.

To detach myself from him.

He missed.

But did he really?

"A wolf doesn't concern himself over the lives and opinions of sheep." I say because in actuality I've always known the striking contrast between us.

He's the wolf while I'm the sheep.

And he is the Wolf that leads me further and further astray

While I wait patiently to be deceived and devoured whole.

I was a fool to think he was my opponent.

I'm obviously not worthy enough.

But why then does he concern himself with my life?

Why then does he concern himself of my opinion, winding me up always is it just to see my reaction?

"You're right." His eyes harden. "They just devour them."

Of course. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad.

He hears my laugh and looks confused. Still angry looking but also confused.

The laugh sounds natural and easy.

I'm crazy.

but I heard that's a Dauntless quality.

"So why don't you leave me alone? So I can get back to doing all my sheep shit." I continue to laugh.

He could just release me and walk away from me like he always does.

And I'll be unwillingly fine going back to the way things were.

The wolf shouldn't concern himself with me.

The silly sheep pretending to be a wolf chomping at butterflies.

"You confuse yourself." He snarls. "You are no sheep."

Now it's my turn to be confused.

My laugh stops and I search for his eyes with mine. I give him a questioning look because I don't know what he means. Surely I am.

Surely I have always been.

"You are not a wolf, but you are certainly no sheep." Still using the metaphor.

"Then what am I?" My breathing hitches because he takes a step forward.

"I'm still trying to figure that out."

My heart swells at the implication of his words and the slightest of movement as he steps ever close to me.

When I stand I feel stronger and weaker all at the same time.

"Then what about you?" My heart is beating achingly quickly as I wait in anticipation for his answer.

"In complete awe of you."

One step closes the distance between us.

The butterflies take flight

and when his lips touch mine,

The wolf devours the not-so-sheep whole.

Heart, body, mind and soul.

.

His lips are soft and urgent.

I've never been _really_ kissed before, not like this.

My heart is always beating so fast but right now I'm not the only one.

His hands are holding my face securely to his, his fingers tangling into my hair and I can hear his pulse through them.

It matches mine in perfect rhythm.

When we break apart, unwillingly and shyly.

We breath out in perfect unison.

His face wears a smile that makes my chest tight.

and his eyes are the softest I've ever seen them.

My hands are on his chest curled around his jacket lapels

His hands move from my head gently down over my hair, my shoulder and then find a perfect place around my waist.

The light touches ignite my insides and I feel hypersensitive.

Goosebumps spread all over my body and make my hair stand on end.

I want to touch his face, but my hand is hesitant.

It's like a dream.

If all this is a dream

I hope I never have to wake up.

I'll stay here in this world. . .

Then I realize in this world Eric is still a villain and I know what is to come.

What he's going to do.

What he's capable of.

And if its one thing I've learned from being here is that some things happen regardless, if not to the intended parties, it happens to someone else.

I step back, away from him because I know I can't ever really trust him.

and he can never really trust me.

His eyes watch me curiously as I take another step back and his hands slide away, his right hand catches mine before I'm too far and it holds me in place.

It doesn't matter how perfect this moment is.

Because all good things come to and end right?

I'd rather break my own heart now than give him more ways to destroy me later.

"We should get back." I say quietly. Regrettably.

His eyes register my words and he immediately drops my hand, too soon, it leaves my heart stinging and my hand so impossibly empty.

The dream is over and we're back to reality.

Or at least this reality.

I follow him to the edge and down the stairs, we aren't that far from where the celebration is still happening.

He doesn't turn around again and It hurts my feelings. All I do is stare at his back.

Where does this place us?

I'm comforted by the fact that we don't have to walk much farther, all my pains are coming back and I feel like one giant bruise.

The lights get brighter and the noise gets louder.

"Eric." I call to him before he can leave me at the edge of the crowd.

It's the first time I've ever called him by his name and it sounds foreign to my ears.

He turns to look at me and I find myself un-surprised that his face is harsh and severe. His eyes are the same angry gray as they were the first time I saw him.

It makes my heart hurt but it also strengthens my resolve.

He makes it easier.

Eric and I aren't meant to be.

as I was never meant to be here.

Without another word we separate and I watch him till he's gone before I weave my way back through the crowd.

Everyone starts going inside so I follow.

It feels weird, almost like I'm floating, ghosting through. No one looks at me and no one notices me.

My feet just carry me forward.

Left, Right

Left, Right

I can always count on my feet.

"Meg!" Tris yells to me, and I see her standing near Christina and the others. She's beckoning me to come over so I do.

Max appears and everyone quiets down, suddenly.

It's a harsh reality, really. If it even is. I can hardly be sure anymore.

"If you're ranked above the red line, you'll move on to the second stage of training. If you're below it, we'll waste no more time on you." Max paces on the second floor. My neck hurts from watching him. "Here are your rankings."

The board appears and I glance hungrily at it, desperately even, I look for my name and the number.

18\. Meg

Instant gratification.

I don't even care how I made it.

Tris is number 20 and Al is number 21, which is right above the red line. I don't know how i'm above them.

Peter's name is behind the number 1. Followed by Edward.

At least he might not get stabbed in the eye with a fork, I laugh to myself.

I also try to convince myself that I gave Peter the flag for that reason.

You're welcome Edward.

But of course Edward was never in my mind throughout that whole ordeal.

It's weird how I never noticed that Edward was the best. I guess I never paid much attention to the background characters.

When I find him in the crowd he's unsmiling.

His girlfriend didn't make it.

Bad things happen to everyone. I'm not the only one.

But here I am just watching and letting it.

Just like Four said so long ago.

All these people around me and I choose not to help them.

Maybe I can't help them.

because I can't even help myself.

Max congratulates us on the outcome of the War Games and everyone cheers I'm brought back out of my silent brooding thoughts.

Christina cheers and screams in my ears.

Will is shaking us full of excitement.

I think I see Eric turn away on the second story, leaving the room.

I should probably stop looking for him.

It would make it easier.

Maybe for the both of us.

We all go to the dorms and I fall face down onto my pillow. Exhausted.

I'm thoroughly beaten.

I think I might still be wearing my boots.

And then everything goes black.

.

.

.

The next day we're all led outside and to a building connected to the Dauntless compound. it's nice to be outside during the daytime.

The sun feels great.

It warms me to the core, could it be that i'm becoming a little cold?

At first I thought i'd have to take a trip to the infirmary before doing all this strenuous work but I feel strong today. Sore but strong. Maybe I'm building muscle.

We're hauling sacks of food, necessities and other stuff out of trucks and onto piles that I'm guessing gets distributed in Dauntless and other Factions.

It's a mix of people dressed in all blacks and people wearing oranges, reds and browns.

It feels like Halloween. Too bad they don't have that here.

The people in non-black colors are Amity, I think, because they so obviously look like farmers.

I sigh after lifting another giant bag, they're really heavy and even though I got amazing sleep last night I'm still sore from the events of yesterday and I wish I could've slept in for another 50 years.

I feel different though and I can't decide if it's good or bad different. I just know I feel good. Accepting.

Maybe I've skipped all the steps of depression this time. The thought makes me smile to myself.

I've been watching Tris all morning because I know that since we're transporting goods her mother will appear and give her a warning about Divergent.

"So we pass the first stage of training and this is our reward." Says Christina, who always manages to find the smallest sacks. "Glamorous."

I smile to myself and grab another bag.

"So none of your Amity friends are here?" Asks Al.

"None that I recognize. Besides, they might not recognize me either." I lie easily. He drops it cause even he has to admit, I don't look like Amity.

Once the trucks are loaded Tris rejoins us. She looks disturbed but as soon as someone comments on it she puts her poker face back on with that same kind smile.

We ride back in the trucks to the entrance and go back into Dauntless pits.

.

They warned me that stage 2 of training is the most difficult.

I remember needles and fear, so I'm already not looking forward to it but at the same time, this is where I get to find out if I'm a Divergent, just like Tris

and just like Four.

We're all sitting in a white room, chairs on both sides against the walls. Waiting to be called in for our very first fear simulation.

No one is talking to each other. They just glance nervously at the door and at their feet or something.

I can't say i'm looking forward to it but I can't quell the excitement building in me. I wipe my hands on my pants every time they get sweaty.

My right leg is bouncing up and down in anticipation.

The door opens and Molly has to be escorted out, they support her and half drag her down the hall. Her face is so pale. Like a ghost.

It makes my heart beat rapidly and my leg bounce faster.

I try to take a mental assessment of all my fears.

Preparation.

One is dying and having to stay on earth while everyone goes on with their lives and i'm completely invisible to them.

Two is being struck by lightning.

Three is drowning, but I think everyone fears that.

Four is just straight up dying and death in general. Having maggots eat my decaying flesh.

Five is never being able to go home and see my brother again. . .never thanking him for. . .I can't get into that right now because I'm starting to panic as I think about my next fear.

Six is Eric

For many reasons. I'm afraid I'll never get over him, I'm afraid he's already over me, he pretty much embodies all of my fears.

I know I have a bunch more though. Enough for everyone still waiting, but I can't think of them all right now.

My thoughts get interrupted when Four calls Tris' name. I squeeze her hand and send her my positive energy. Christina does the same.

Their footsteps squeak loudly against the clean floor.

I'm right back into my worries as soon as the door closes behind her.

A fear simulation will make me face all these fears but how will they appear to me?

Not even 10 minutes later Four comes out and calls another name.

I'm waiting forever for my turn.

My anxiety eats away at me, I'm chewing my nails down to the skin.

When he finally calls my name I all but fly to the door.

My chair scrapes along the ground on accident and I notice a few people jump at the noise.

"Excited?" He says curiously. "Not many people are excited to face their fears."

"I'm not most people." I say as I take a seat in the metal chair. Its warm from all the previous bodies.

Four starts to explain how to beat all the fears and what the simulation does when I hold my hand up to stop him.

"I know." I say. I want to start.

He grins. "Of course you do." and he's bringing the giant needle over to me. I'm also afraid of the needle but I'm not sure if I'm afraid enough of needles for them to appear in my fear landscape. I hope.

"Be brave." He says and I feel the needle pierce my neck and I have to keep from tensing. The liquid feels like peanut butter. I close my eyes ready to enter. My hands are gripping the armrests.

I re-open my eyes and blink a few times. I'm still in the room. I look around confused.

Four is gone.

I'm about to get up when the noises start.

My heart is hammering as I see and ocean of their tiny black and brown hairy bodies pour in from under the crack in the door, out from the tiny cracks in the walls, everywhere.

The sound of their scurrying is sickening and I gag.

 _Spiders._

I close my eyes and I can feel them crawling up my pants.

Over my arms.

I try to force myself to calm down but they're invading my mouth, they crawl into my throat and into my ears.

I can't breathe.

I claw at my neck and swipe them away.

I choke on their legs and and when I open my eyes I can see them crawling all over my face.

I try to scream but my mouth is too full of them.

And then all at once

They're gone.

My eyes are still closed tightly. I hear waves, they're so soothing, and I vaguely feel the sensations of being rocked back and forth.

I pry my eyes open and I find myself on a tiny raft. Sea gulls are cawing over head. I squint my eyes against the sun.

The waves start getting rough, my raft is breaking apart. I panic as I try to reassemble the pieces.

My body is starting to get wet and cold.

Then I'm under.

Salt water burns my throat and my eyes and I'm not just drowning, I'm being pulled under and thrown violently.

I flail my legs wildly trying to get some air.

When I break the surface, all of a sudden I feel a jolt of vertigo.

I'm sitting up-right, brushing dirt off my face and coughing it out of my lungs.

Why does everything end up in my mouth?

Half my body is under and I have to dig my legs out.

All around me is dirt walls. I look up and see a graying sky.

It finally registers that I'm in a grave.

My grave.

There are people standing around it. I can't see their faces and dirt begins to rain down on me.

I'm being buried alive.

My legs are still under and I claw frantically, dirt lodging itself under my nails.

The dirt rain keeps coming.

"Please stop!" I yell up the them. "I'm alive!"

It doesn't ever stop.

The dirt over my legs keeps getting higher and the dirt rain comes faster.

Instead of fighting more I lay back and let them bury me.

I'm standing in my kitchen now and I can't remember why I went in there.

My brother Dale walks in from the front door, shutting it behind him. He drops his keys on the counter.

"Hi." I say shyly and I'm starting to smile. I missed him.

His dark brown hair is disheveled, his skin pale and he has blue circles around his tired eyes.

He doesn't look up.

I try to tap him on the shoulder but my hand goes right through him.

I panic and start to wave my arms through his head.

"Dale?" I call.

"Dale!?"

"Mom?!" I turn from him and run through the house till I find her lying still on her bed upstairs.

She has one of her shoes on and she's fully dressed.

The expression on her face is lifeless. She has dried tears streaked down her raw cheeks.

Her head is tilted to the side.

She's still breathing so I know she's alive.

Next to her lying on the bed is a picture of me.

I'm dead.

I try to grab her shoulders and shake her but I fall right through her.

I fall through the bed and through the floor.

Passed the kitchen again and through that floor too.

I keep falling.

My heart hasn't stopped beating but its erratic.

How much more?

I'm not falling anymore and I look around, afraid of my next fear.

There's a door in front of me.

My hand is on the door knob, and i'm turning it.

When the door is fully open.

He turns and looks at me.

His gray eyes stormy and angry.

Before I can shut the door he's at it and his hand keeps me from closing it.

I'm pulling, pulling and pulling but he's too strong.

My hands slip and I fall backwards.

The door slams open and he's on top of me. Pining me down.

His hands are around my throat.

Choking me.

I stare up at his face.

At his eyes.

And my heart stops.

Four is comforting me, brushing my hair and telling me to breathe.

I do breathe but my heart feels like its going to tear right through my chest.

Even though its over, it all felt so real.

My eyes are watery and I realize that i'm crying.

My hands are shaking.

Whats worse is that I thought all this was a figment of my imagination, I have no theories for how I was able to go deeper into my own mind when I thought I might be trapped in it to begin with.

"I don't see any reason why they would think you're a divergent." He says "You did great."

I don't feel like I did great.

I don't even feel like I faced them all. I kind of did when I was being buried alive but the rest. . . Gosh.

Those weren't even the fears I made an assessment of.

I try to stand but I feel like my feet will shatter when they touch the floor.

I feel fragile.

"So i'm not a Divergent?" I ask.

"Well it doesn't seem like it. Are you aware that you're in a sim?" He asks and I shake my head no.

"It all feels so real."

"Then you have nothing to worry about, everything seemed pretty standard."

Four tells me that I can sit there until I'm okay enough to leave.

"What if i'm never okay enough to leave?" I ask him and I laugh a little nervously. I'm actually serious about that cause I don't think I can move without being broken into a million pieces.

"I can call Eric to come make you move." He says jokingly.

We both laugh even though the joke stings me.

So maybe Four's forgiven me?

.

.

Christina is talking about her fears and I notice Molly sitting alone in a corner, I almost feel like checking up on her but I change my mind.

Tris looks disturbed and I know its cause she's worried about Four finding out she's a Divergent.

I'm not a Divergent.

Al tells us about some guy who got so scared he had a heart attack and died.

"I guess we have that to look forward to." Jokes Will but I honestly think I could have a heart attack, i'm fearful of when I have to endure all that again.

Everyone starts complimenting Tris on her time and Peter walks up.

I realize Tris' time was really good but Four never told me how long I was in my sim.

"What's amazing is that Tris is going to knock you right out of Dauntless." He says and his comment is aimed at Al.

"Shes not going to knock me out of Dauntless." Al says back lazily, almost rolling his eyes.

I lean back and watch the exchange.

"She's gone from being one of the worst to one of the best. Someone's got to take her place at the bottom." Peter adds.

"Just stop, Peter." I say firmly and I give him my best 'Open your mouth one more time' look.

He looks at me and smirks but he doesn't stop.

"Why don't you tell us how you do it? Tris? No one gets through it that fast. Why don't you tell us your secret?"

"I don't have a trick." She says shrugging.

"At least tell your friends." He says and I stand, I've had enough.

He backs up and walks away, still smiling.

"What's he talking about? Is there some way to make it easier?" Al asks Tris. I glance between them and I know one of the most dreaded moments of this movie is coming up soon. I have to tell Four to stay near Tris.

"No, I'm not doing anything." She says nervously. Christina, Will and Al, all look at her quietly.

.

.

We had a short break before we were supposed to go back into the fear simulation rooms but everyone is talking constantly about their fears, it doesn't seem like a break from them at all.

Tris asks me once what my fears were but when she see's my face she apologizes and tells me I don't have to share.

She's almost too good for this harsh world.

The cafeteria is stuffy, It makes me feel like it's my first day all over again.

Then all too soon it's my turn, my appointment with fear.

When my hand is on the cold door knob I hesitate.

Mostly because it feels like in my simulation already.

Where _he's_ standing behind the door.

I glance at my 'Be brave' tattoo for the first time in ages. It's always there but sometimes I forget. Just like actual bravery.

Sometimes I forget I have that capability.

Like right now.

When I turn away from the door and leave.

My feet take me everywhere through the compound, until they take me outside.

I take a seat on the steps of the Dauntless entrance. They remind me of the steps into a famous museum.

My elbows are propped on the higher steps as I lay back and drink in the sun.

My eyes are closed and I start humming to make my nervous-ness go away.

I'm afraid of the simulations but I'm also afraid of the consequences I'll have to face for not going.

I wonder if Four had to go look for me.

Maybe he just took the next initiate in.

Could I possibly get sent to faction-less for this?

I hum louder.

Till my thoughts are all music.

"Excuse me." Says a woman's voice kindly.

My eyes snap open and I'm staring straight into the icy blue eyes of Janine Mathews herself.


	7. Slowly, Surely

"Nothing is permanent in this wicked world

Not even our troubles."

-Charlie Chaplin

* * *

She's smiling at me so openly and friendly.

So nonthreatening.

"Whats your name?" She asks me, and she's holding her hand out to me as though to help me up.

I hesitate before taking it.

Its cold, like she's a vampire, so bony and maybe i'm just biased but I feel like her darkness is crawling onto me.

Like the Venom symbiote attaching itself to a new host.

As soon as I'm up I release her hand.

She's still smiling.

"Megan Dowry, Amity transfer." Says Max from behind her.

I tear my eyes away from her endless blue and finally look behind her.

She's flanked by Max, several Erudite in lab coats as well as. . .

Eric.

My heart tightens when I look up at him.

He's not looking at me though.

That's alright.

"It's a pleasure to meet you Megan." She says and it sounds genuine. One of the scientists hands her a see-through tablet with my face on it.

I can see that it's a profile of me and the large insignia of a tree is through it transparently as well as the flame of dauntless. Probably to signify my transferring.

I wonder who had to do that.

Put me into the system.

For some reason I bow immediately. Unsure what the custom is for meeting someone obviously above my stature.

When I look back up at her she looks amused.

"Come Megan, walk with us." She says and she puts her arm over my shoulder.

Like I have a choice.

Max smiles at me proudly as though I'm a loyal pup, when I glance at him unsure what to do.

Strange.

"How do you like your new life at Dauntless?" She asks.

"I like It very much."

This is only a half lie.

"You we're humming. I see you we're able to keep some of your Amity with you, That's good." She remarks, which makes me nervous. Do only Amity people hum? She says good but I can sense the disapproval in her voice. It's almost sickeningly motherly.

We're led to a room far from the familiar paths and I have to struggle to keep my heart calm, for fear that she can feel it.

Inside it's all white and modern. A large white desk with nothing on it sits in the middle. The wall behind everything is replaced with glass so we can see out. The only view there is the Erudite building in the distance though. How typical.

Max and Eric stand at the door on either sides while she leads me to a seat. I wait till she moves behind the desk to sit in her own, larger chair before I settle in the chair in front of her.

It's respectful and I can see in her eyes the appraisal, I almost feel pleased with myself.

The scientists left us a while back and entered into a separate room, and I can imagine if they we're all in here it would be too crowded.

"How is your training going?" She asks, just like a mother would ask her children how their day at school was.

I can't tell her that I just skipped a fear simulation so I just say "It's going well"

She nods but looks down at the tablet in front of her, as if to check. It's probably documented there. She looks back up smiling again as though she had confirmation.

This woman makes me very uncomfortable.

"Megan, do you know what a Divergent is?" She asks me, and her fingers intertwine themselves on the desk. Straight to the point.

"Yes, but aren't they a myth?" I lie, effortlessly. My heart skips a beat.

"Well recent studies lead us to believe they are very much real." She starts. "We want our future generations to be aware of the danger they pose to our way of life, to all of us as a whole. Do you understand how they could possibly be a threat? "

I nod. Understanding.

"I'd like to ask you a favor actually, can I trust you?"

Her smile never leaves her face.

I nod again. "Of course."

But instead of asking her favor she glances down at the tablet as if it'll tell her that she can trust me.

"I see your aptitude test came up Dauntless." She says looking back to the tablet. "I'm glad you chose wisely, rather than to stay in Amity. I understand that the transition may have been a bit rough."

My heart skips a beat because I didn't take an aptitude test.

"Within our factions we take the term 'Faction over Blood' very seriously. You understand don't you?" She asks, and her blue eyes look concerned,

is this about my humming?

"It's a good thing I have no blood then." I say confidently, although I'm not sure what is on my profile. If they have any listed relatives.

She doesn't glance down though.

Instead she laughs, lightly. It sounds so clear and beautiful. Her eyes are bright.

It's confusing how someone so evil can seem so harmless.

This must be how she manipulates people. I silently wonder if that's how she got control over Dauntless.

Or maybe she promised them power.

The conversation is all over the place, is she trying to confuse me? Maybe catch me in a lie?

"Erudite and Dauntless will be working very closely together from now on." She states and now her blue eyes are intense and they stare right into my soul. "I want to know if we can count on you to cooperate when the times comes."

"Of course." I say, without nodding. I try to make my stare equally intense but really Janine intimidates me more than anyone.

Maybe even more than. . .

Eric.

Her answering smile is vibrant and she sits back. "Good."

I stand to leave when I think it's appropriate.

No one tells me to sit back down.

"Oh and Megan?" Janine calls to me, I turn around slowly. "If you ever need anything, don't be afraid to ask."

"Thank you." I say bowing again. Even though it feels strange. I hear her laugh a little.

When I reach the door Eric leans over to open it for me without looking at me.

I try my best to stare down at the ground.

When i'm outside I finally breathe.

In and out

I close my eyes to steady myself.

That was _intense_.

When my legs finally move to take me away from here the door opens again.

It's Max.

It feels weird thinking of Eric being in that room alone with Janine.

Max looks me over and his smile is just as bright as Janine's

"Good job in there." He comments and his hand is up ruffling my hair. Like i'm a dog. I shrug the uncomfortable feeling off of me. Like they're glad they kept me. "We may stop by later to observe your Fear simulation."

My heart stops and I'm about to ask why, because I don't have another one scheduled today and I also sort of just skipped the last one.

but the door opens again and this time Eric steps out.

He shuts the door behind him with a slam.

The sound is loud in my ears and I flinch.

I'm standing in the hallway with both Dauntless leaders.

How awkward.

"We'll walk you back." Says Max.

I nod and follow after him, I don't know my way back from here anyway.

Eric is behind me and It feels like he's staring daggers into my back.

My scalp is prickly and my hair stands on end.

Does he hate me?

I try to focus on the sounds of our marching boots.

We're on the second floor of the cafeteria and It feels strange to be looking down at everyone.

I see Tris sitting with everyone and she looks up.

I don't wave because I'm afraid.

Four looks up too and he looks concerned but also a bit angry.

I keep walking with them till Max turns and gestures to stairs that lead down. I guess they lead to the cafeteria.

How is it that I never noticed how close that room was to where everyone is enjoying lunch?

I bow my head respectively at him and he smiles again.

"Where did you learn that?" He asks before I can start heading down.

"I'm sorry?" I ask.

"The bow, I like it, shows respect." Says Max. "Humility."

I accidentally look at Eric and he just looks bored.

And as usual he's not looking at me.

It makes me a little angry, but It feels good to feel something other than sadness and longing.

I turn back around and walk down the stairs.

The echo of my boots in this empty space makes me feel so alone.

Four is waiting at the bottom with questions in his eyes.

I almost want to turn around and go back up the stairs and that makes me smile.

"There you are." He says and because i'm smiling he starts smiling. "Where did you go? Did you just get in trouble?"

"No actually I was. . ." I was just about to answer but then Four looks up at the stairs behind me and his smile disappears instantly.

The words stick in my mouth, confused silence.

And then a hand is wrapped around my arm securely, yanking me to the side. Pulling me down the hallway, away from Four.

Four watches as I'm being dragged away.

I plead with my eyes for him to save me.

But he just looks sorry and turns away, heading back to the cafeteria.

He can't fight Eric.

Just like I can't, not anymore.

Because he expects it.

His grip around my wrist is too tight. It hurts.

I'm trotting behind and he's pulling me along like a dog on a leash.

I stare at the ground.

When I look up again we're in the white room where we wait to be called in for fear simulations.

My heart starts beating extremely fast and I dig my heels into the ground and pull back.

"I don't. . ." I start.

"You have no choice." He cuts me off without turning around to face me.

It sounds harsh but it also sounds like he's saying that _He_ has no choice.

He pulls me forward again and my feet are literally being pulled like I'm on a jet ski.

"Please, Eric." I say pleadingly. I think I could start crying but stop myself by clutching at my chest applying pressure over my aching heart.

Because I've said his name.

He stops pulling but doesn't turn around.

His hand is on the handle.

Why doesn't he ever look at me?

He turns the handle and opens the door.

With another strong pull he sends me through it.

My hands are out to stop from falling and I go right into the metal chair.

It's cold.

No one's used it for a while.

He follows me in and closes the door behind him.

The slam makes me flinch.

I stand there staring at the ground.

I won't accidentally look at him again.

He walks over to the console and begins preparing the fear simulation.

He's going to see all my fears.

He's going to see that he's one of them.

I'm terrified and trembling, my hands feel numb.

"Sit."

I sit.

I press my cheek to the side into the metal, looking away from him.

Closing my eyes tightly.

His hand brushes my hair out of the way, it's light and fleeting.

But it stings my heart.

The needle slides into my neck.

Its a dull pain.

But it's so fast.

I am brave.

And then my throat is full of spiders.

I hold my breath.

I keep my eyes closed till I hear the ocean.

I take one look and

Instead of staying on the raft I dive right in.

I'm in my grave now and I lay there while the cold dirt rains down on my face.

I close my eyes for sleep.

Then i'm looking at my brother.

This time _he's_ laying on the bed and I can smell the sickly sweet scent

and the white ghost of smoke swirls around me.

I wave it away and walk down the stairs.

leaving my brother in the darkness.

I walk out the already open front door.

I'm falling now but when I panic over the falling sensation I imagine I'm flying instead

It's over quickly.

And now I'm standing at the door.

my hand is on the cold metal handle.

It sends electricity up my arm and into my heart.

And I stare at it for a little bit.

but slowly,

I lift one finger at a time

off

the handle

Painfully

I turn away from the door

and I walk away.

.

When I'm safely out of the simulation I feel like I can look at Eric.

Still fueled by my surprised store of bravery.

So I do.

He's looking at me too and he doesn't look mad or angry.

Almost curious.

"You didn't open the door this time?" He asks.

 _This time?_

but then I realize of course he already knows.

The simulations must be recorded.

He can watch my fears over and over again.

"No." I whisper the volume is barely above a single breath.

He looks down at the small tablet in his hands and types something in, his fingers are lighting fast.

I didn't open the door.

When he looks back up to me his angry mask is back on.

And I feel tired instantly.

He saps the rest the energy out of me.

"You did well." He says but it doesn't sound like a compliment. So I don't thank him.

He walks back over to the console and I start to get up out of the chair.

"Did I say you could leave?" He snaps.

I stop and slide back in without an answer.

It's so quiet, the only noise is the clicking of keys and I wonder what he's typing.

"Don't tell anyone about your meeting with Janine." He says breaking through the silence with his demanding voice. I can feel him turn to look at me. "Understand?"

I nod robotic-ally.

"Moreover. Don't trust anyone. Not Four, Not Max, Not Janine."

I nod again but my mouth opens.

I close it quickly.

"What?" He asks.

His hand grabs my chin and makes me look at him.

Why are his eyes always so angry?

Why are they so impossibly gray?

The butterflies flutter faintly but they hurt.

"What?" He asks again, demanding an answer.

"What about myself? Can I trust myself?" I ask even though I already know the answer.

"No."

"What about you?" I ask in a hushed whisper. It makes my heart crumple. I know the answer to this too.

"Especially not me."

His eyes don't change. They're still severe, still intense. The piercing over his eyebrow glints dangerously off the light of the room.

"Will you ever trust me?" The question breathes out of me before I can stop it.

and for a moment he doesn't say anything, Like he didn't hear me.

For a moment I've slipped.

Maybe he didn't hear me.

but then he whispers in an equally hushed tone.

"Never."

When he walks away back to the console I slip out of the chair and start to leave again.

This time he doesn't stop me.

I hesitate at the door though.

I silently hope it doesn't become a habit these fear simulations stick with me.

I think I hesitate for too long because Eric reaches in front of me and opens it for me.

We are back to not looking at each other.

It swings open before me.

So I step out.

Out of my body

and I leave my heart inside.

.

.

.

The door closes behind me and I flinch disconnectedly.

Hope that doesn't become a habit as well.

Four is sitting in one of the metal chairs and he looks up at me guiltily. I can tell he wants to apologize.

But when he starts I hold my hand up to stop him.

"It's alright, Four." I say and I smile at him. It feels hollow but at the same time It's much easier now.

If I can't feel, then I can't hurt.

Right?

But I don't forgive him.

Just like how he won't forgive me.

I walk back to the cafeteria alone, where everyone is waiting.

.

.

.

"Hey Meg are you alright?" Asks Al.

"Yeah I'm alright, just still effected by the fear simulations." I answer truthfully with a casual shrug.

"It definitely takes a lot of you." Agrees Will.

"At least none of us has had a heart attack yet." Jokes Christina

and we all laugh.

.

.

.

Soon it'll be over right?

And I can go home?

.

.

.

I'm sitting outside the Fear simulation room in a metal chair waiting for my turn.

Today Tris is ahead of me and when she comes out she looks really bothered.

This is when she heads to Erudite to see her brother. Kaleb.

I stop her with a hand to her shoulder.

"Do you want me to come with you?" I ask her and I really mean it. I'll go.

She looks like she wants to say yes but then she says she doesn't want to get me into trouble.

Four steps out and calls my name.

Tris slips away.

I follow him inside and sit in the chair, It's nice and warm.

"Tris just left for Erudite." I say to Four and he turns around to look at me, he's holding the needle. "You have about 30 minutes to an hour to save her from Peter, Drew, and Al at the chasm"

"What?" He asks me and his mouth hangs open.

I shrug.

"Just thought you should know."

I grab the needle from him and stick myself in the neck.

.

.

.

At nighttime Tris doesn't show up at the dorms and neither does Al.

I turn over and close my eyes.

.

.

.

At breakfast I'm sitting with Christina and Will.

We talk about how we're going to spend our free day today.

Cause we have no simulations.

I'm almost about to tell them that I plan to spend it in mourning.

But of course that's crazy.

I'm not Dauntless yet.

When Tris walks in, she looks strong and confident. I slide over to give her space to sit between me and Christina.

She smiles at us. I squeeze her hand reassuringly. But I have no positive energy to send her today.

"Is that your sweater?" Asks Christina.

"No." Tris answers with a little laugh.

"So what happened to you last night?"

and then the metal cups rattle on the tables, because Tris jumps up.

Al just touched her shoulder.

I flinch at all the loud metal sounds.

Way too loud for my sensitive ears.

"Tris, can I talk to you for a second?" Asks Al desperately. "I just wanted to say that I-I'm sorry. I don't know whats wrong with me. Could you ever forgive me?"

Tris stands and I watch.

I mouth her words with her,

"If you ever come close to me again, I will Kill you."

"T-Tris." Al stammers at her, his eyes sad and his hands are shaking.

His look is so sad it makes my heart break for him.

And I feel.

So I hurt.

"You just stay away from me, You are a coward." Tris yells.

Al nods his head sadly and turns to leave.

I'm standing, even though I don't remember getting up.

I start to follow him out but someone grabs me by the arm. It's Christina.

"Leave him." She says and the look in her eyes says 'He's not our friend.'

Tris looks at me like if I go after Al, then she'll hate me.

The look makes me uncomfortable.

"What if he can't live with the guilt?" I ask but what i'm really asking is

What if _I_ can't live with the guilt?

.

.

.

There are worse pains than what I'm feeling right now.

There are people around me feeling worse, I tell myself.

But then who will care about me here?

.

.

.

I remember when I wanted to die.

When the world took drained me for all that I had

Dale was there.

My brother was there.

He got me out of bed.

He made sure I ate.

He used all of his willpower to get me out the door and back into the world.

All his willpower, he used on his baby sister.

and left none for himself.

He got me out of the darkness

But I didn't turn around to make sure he got out too.

.

.

.

My boots are pounding the ground.

It echoes off the concrete walls.

My heart is like a drum.

I will myself to go faster.

The chasm's water is roaring in my ears.

Al is going over the side.

 _No._

I'm sliding over the metal and my hand is outstretched.

My hand snatches the hood of his jacket and my arm is yanked hard, I'm jolted forward sliding off the bridge too.

My adrenaline is pumping and I grab hold of the railing with my other hand.

I'm still sliding the metal scrapes at my clothes, my boots drag through the grates.

I'm falling too.

A sharp pain shoots through my arms and they feel like they're going to be ripped off.

But I don't let go.

Al and I are both dangling off the bridge.

I look down at him slowly afraid that If I look away from my hand it'll let go.

He's looking up at me, eyes wide and full of fear and shock.

His jacket is sliding off of him

"REACH!" I scream.

But he doesn't

He just looks up at me with a sad smile

Tears glittering in the corners of his beautiful brown eyes

then he slips.

"NO!" My scream echoes off the stone walls.

and I close my eyes tightly so I don't have to see.

I try pulling myself up but I'm not strong enough.

It's like an eternity is passing but in reality its only been a few seconds.

I can't hold on much longer. . .

My fingers are slipping.

 _This is it._

Maybe it wouldn't be so bad.

But someone grabs my wrist.

 _Eric?_

It yanks my arm again and I swear I hear a pop.

My eyes snap open and it's Tris.

Thank god for Tris.

"I've got you." She says roughly, her stomach is pressed into a rail and Four has his arms around her torso.

I realize i'm crying because her face gets blurry.

They're pulling me up.

I slide back onto the bridge and my fist is still clutching Al's jacket tightly. My knuckles are white. I can't feel them though.

I lay on my stomach and my cheek is pressed against the cold metal.

We're all panting.

Tris has her hands on her knees bent over breathing heavily.

Four is hovering protectively in front of the opening in the rails, maybe to block us from seeing. . .

I close my eyes.

"Meg, Meg?" Tris calls and she's helping me sit up, she props me up against the rail.

She's crying too.

I just want to get off this damn bridge.

I'm still holding onto Al's jacket.

"She's dislocated her arm . ." Says Four, kneeling down next to me. He has my left arm. "We have to pop it back in."

I whimper. I can't handle anymore pain.

The nausea is taking over.

Tris grips my other hand tightly

"It'll be over quickly." She reassures and I look into her sad hazel eyes, the tears flowing freely down her puffy red cheeks.

Four shoves me hard and a scream rips through my mouth.

I cough as bile rises and burns through my throat threatening to fill my mouth. I swallow it back down and grit my teeth.

I'm crying harder now

They're telling me to let go of Al's jacket but I can't.

I shake my head no.

Please no.

My head is shaking no.

I can feel myself being pulled and Tris's arms are wrapped tightly around me

We sob together like that for a while.

Until Four tells us we need to leave so that they can retrieve. . .

We stand slowly and Four leads us down the hallway.

He's supposed to take Tris away and comfort her at this part, but he can't If i'm here.

I hug Tris tightly and then gently untangle myself from her.

She looks at me confused, through the tears.

"I'm. . .I'm gonna go check on. . .The others." I say with much effort. It's so hard to breathe.

Tris nods sadly and lets Four pull her away.

He avoids my eyes as he puts a comforting arm around her.

I hear him whisper to her. "I'm sorry about Al."

I'm sorry about Al too.

And then I turn and walk blindly back to the initiates dorms.

My feet carry me

Left, Right

Left, Right

I can

Always

Count on my feet.

Even when I'm blinded by tears.

.

* * *

 **.**

 **Eric's POV**

"I like that one." Says Janine with a genuine smile. "How is her behavior towards other Initiates?"

"Standard." I answer in my military tone.

"I see, well, have her tested for Divergence and let me know the results. If she's anything like her brother we could really use her." She says dreamily, as though remembering a better time. Planing for an even more destructive future.

The fact that she knew even though her profile was perfectly faked that she was that assholes sister, doesn't surprise me. Max shares everything with her. The moment she came into his office with all that bizarre shit he already knew. He probably told Janine that same day.

I slam the door loudly on my way out.

Fuck Janine.

Outside I see Meg flinch, her small pale face hardens with effort as she tries her hardest not to look at me.

I'm much better at this little game than she is.

That's the problem with Meg, she doesn't know herself.

"We'll walk you back" Says Max and they turn to walk away. Her small form seems hesitant to have her back turned toward me. She still treats me like a threat.

Good.

Thinking about her rejection makes me furious, I glare at her back through her long straight black hair, vaguely remembering when I had it wrapped securely in my fist.

How I wish I could grab hold of it again and pull until I hear her scream.

How could she still step away from me?

How dare she walk away from me.

How could she have such an infuriating effect on me even when I've been avoiding her all this time?

This feeling inside me is weakness.

We reach the stairs back to the bottom floor and she's turning to head down.

She does that stupid bow like before, that too makes me angry.

"Where did you learn that?" Max asks her.

"I'm sorry?" Her voice is annoying.

"The bow, I like it. It shows respect." He answers her. "Humility."

She accidentally looks at me and I give her my best bored expression and look to the side.

When I look back at her she's already turned away, looking at the ground.

I see a spark of anger in her eyes, It excites me.

Her fight always does.

I have to begrudgingly admit that.

When she tried to shoot me in the back, It surprised me, it angered me but I had to have her.

I have to have her at her rawest moments, when she shows her true self.

She starts heading down the stairs and Max looks to me.

"Janine ask for a test?" He sighs.

"Yeah, so what?" I say casually with a shrug. We don't have to always be at Janine's beck and call.

"Just do it now and get it out of the way." Max adds dismissively.

Instead of arguing that I have better things to do, I go.

I already saw her first fear simulation.

I watch it religiously.

Especially because I'm one of them.

It helps me sleep at night.

My boots echo off the cement walls as I descend the stairs.

Then I see her, talking to that smug jerk face. He's smiling.

What the fuck is Four doing here and why is he talking to her?

Four glares at me and I have to resist the urge to punch him in the face.

Instead I grab Meg by the wrist and drag her down the hall towards the Fear simulation lab.

I'd like to see the look on Four's stupid face but of course I'd have to see Megs face too and I can't have that.

She's not fighting me as hard as i'd expect. Not until we get closer to the room. Maybe she realizes whats going to happen.

Her lack of fight disappoints me.

Maybe she doesn't fight because I expect it.

"I don't. . ." She starts and I get that stupid uncomfortable feeling in my chest.

 _Fuck_

"You have no choice" I cut her off before she says she doesn't want to go because I might just let her.

But I can't have her going back to Four.

My hand is on the doorknob and I'm about to open it already.

"Eric, please." She says pleadingly, and I hesitate.

The way she says my name. It sends a shiver through me.

I grit my teeth and throw the door open, pulling her through.

She flies past me and her black hair is a blur.

She stumbles and catches herself on the metal chair.

Maybe I shouldn't have flung her so hard. . .No, I don't care.

She stands there staring at the ground.

What happened to her fucking fire?

I want to hurt her, make her fight, make her feel.

But instead I walk over to the console and start up the simulation, establishing a connection.

I reach under the console and grab the large needle, making sure its been filled with serum. The clear yellow fear serum.

One of the best things to come out of our connection to Erudite.

"Sit." I say harshly. I feel like it's the only way I can talk to her.

She sits immediately facing away from me.

Holding the needle I step toward her.

Her deep brown eyes refuse to look at me and when I get closer she shuts them tightly.

Her black hair is in the way.

I gently brush my finger over the pale creamy skin of her neck, moving it out of the way.

I wonder what it would have looked like in its natural color.

Touching her was a bad idea.

I'll regret that later.

I stick her in the neck.

I step away from her but now that shes unconscious I can watch her freely.

If I had shot her that night at the war games things would've been much easier.

Why I couldn't bring myself to do it, even when she challenged me to, still bothers me.

I could have fucking shot her.

I should have fucking shot her.

My hand brushes against her cold cheek involuntarily.

"What are you doing to me?" I whisper.

I couldn't fucking shoot her.

When I look back to the console to watch her fears play out

I don't care about all her other ones, I just watch impatiently, waiting for her to get to the damn door

Her hand is wrapped around the door handle

 _Finally_

But what is she doing now?

Slowly, she lifts each finger, gingerly off the handle

First her pointer

Until her thumb is the only thing still touching it

My heart is hammering in my chest because I willed her to open the door

I needed her to open the door

but instead shes walking away

She's walking away from me

Even in her fucking fears.

She stirs in the chair and I glance at her.

My knuckles are white gripping the side of the console keyboard.

and she looks directly at me like she knows.

Is it really that easy for her to walk away from me?

I have to know.

"You didn't open the door this time?" The question is out of my mouth before I can stop it.

She whispers "No."

I can't let her see my anger so I turn away quickly and begin typing in her results calming myself down with the clicking of the keys

She was only in the sim for about 10 minutes, Max will like this I think angrily.

"You did well." I say hoping she's have some sort of reaction, but she doesn't which annoys me even more.

Instead she starts getting up.

"Did I say you could leave?" I snap, but of course she could've left.

I have to remind myself that I only want her to stay because I don't want Four to have her not because of myself.

He's surely waiting outside.

But then she might tell him about her conversation with Janine, not that it divulged any important information.

"Don't tell anyone about your meeting with Janine, understand?" I ask her.

She nods her head.

Hopefully she's not stupid enough to actually do that, there aren't many people here who know of Janine's presence in Dauntless.

"Moreover. Don't trust anyone. Not Four, Not Max, Not Janine."

She should already know better than to trust anyone but I remind her, and in a way remind myself as well.

I watch her pale face nod and her mouth opens to say something but she closes it quickly.

Without intending to I grab her by the chin and force her to look at me.

I want to hear her voice.

"What?" I ask.

But she doesn't answer and she's still trying to look away.

"What?" I demand.

She unwillingly faces me with those impossibly brown eyes

Why are they so sad?

That annoying feeling starts in the pit of my stomach and I drop her chin immediately

"What about myself? Can I trust myself?" She asks in a hushed whisper, but she already knows the answer

"No" She obviously doesn't already, because if she did she'd know deep inside her that I effect her. More than fear, more than anger.

"What about you?" another whisper.

"Especially not me." I answer harshly, because I don't trust myself around her. I confuse the want to hit her or kiss her for fuck's sake.

Her eyes search mine and I let them, her brown eyes hold me in place.

"Will you ever trust me?"

Her last question catches me off guard I'm snapped out of my fuming, I was almost not able to hear it.

I almost want to pretend I didn't.

The feeling in me becomes impossibly uncomfortable

And I know it will be a weakness

One that I can't afford to have

Not with the future of Dauntless

"Never." I say but it's as quiet as a breath because I know she can never trust me either.

For a moment I've slipped

I acknowledged the feeling

Which means I know it's there.

I return to the console and try to forget about all of this

She gets up to leave and I watch her hesitate at the door.

She seems less lively than before. Her shoulders slump, defeated.

 _Why?_

My hand is on the handle and I open the door for her.

She doesn't look at me.

Even though I will her to look at me.

She steps out

sneaking a bit of my heart out

and takes it with her.

* * *

I'd actually like to give thanks to User: MyhusbandsaPRICK for her support and her amazing stories!

They helped me overcome a small bout of writers block. I was almost unsure of how to continue. XD

I recommend reading her work be sure to look her up!

Thank you for reading and as always for reviews.

Hope you enjoy!

* * *

If I had a flower for every time I thought of you,

I could walk through my garden forever.

-Alfred Tennyson


	8. Choosing - Ages 20 & UP!

This chapter may also be inappropriate for ages below 20

Read responsibly!

"When you see a person

Without a smile

Give them yours"

-Zig Ziglar

* * *

When I find Christina and Will, they take one look at me and they already know.

Maybe it's because I still have Al's jacket held tightly in my hands.

They envelop me into a hug, and Christina strokes my head.

I'm crying a lot today.

And there's no way I can shut my feelings up anymore.

They're flowing freely out into the open.

"It's alright." Christina coos gently and she makes me sit on the end of her bed.

The springs protest loudly as the three of us get comfortable.

When I start to calm down Christina starts to braid my hair. It's soothing and makes me feel much better.

I keep wiping the snot and tears off on my jacket cuff and when I get frustrated by it I take it off an throw it on my bed but then I feel too exposed and too vulnerable so I put it back on.

"Should we. . .?" Will asks and we both know what he means.

I stand and walk over to Al's bed. It takes me a moment to let go of the jacket, and let it lie there but It feels like It needs to be there.

Even though he must be so cold without it.

Apparently everyone here in Dauntless have a different way of mourning. They acknowledge death when it happens, they don't plan a funeral or anything like that.

When we get outside and head towards the chasm, my feet start dragging.

The braid on my back feels too tight and it hurts my head.

Christina's grip on my arm gets tighter and tighter the closer we get and Will just looks angry.

At the chasm dozens of people are gathered around and most of them are drunk.

This surprises me.

I watch as Eric steps up to address the crowd but there's so much noise. When I see him all I feel is sadness, my tears start flowing again until I can't see him anymore.

"Quiet down everyone!" Eric yells. and The muttering and noises all stop, till the only sound is the quiet bubbling of the chasm's stream. "Thank you. As you know, we're here because Albert, an initiate jumped into the chasm."

My heart hurts when I hear his words. Christina is silently crying next to me and Will has his face down. They've lost a friend.

I've lost a friend.

"We do not know why." Eric continues. Any other time i'd love to listen to his voice, but right now It makes me angry because he's smiling. "and it would be easy to mourn the loss of him tonight. But we did not choose a life of ease when we became Dauntless. And the truth of it is Albert is not exploring an unknown, uncertain place. He leaped into vicious waters to get there. Who among us is brave enough to venture into that darkness without knowing what lies beyond it? Albert was not yet one of our members, but we can be assured that he was one of our bravest!"

Cheers erupt through the crowds and confusion sweeps over me.

How can Eric say that Al killing himself was brave?

Someone passes a drink around and everyone drinks deeply.

But I pass.

Even Christina and Will take a gulp.

Christina's face puckers as she swallows it down.

"Yuck" She says.

"We will celebrate him now and remember him always!" Yells Eric with a similar drink in his hand. He raises it high up. "To Albert the courageous!" Then he takes his own giant gulp.

And then my tears start pouring out again.

This place is so fucked up.

I turn away from everyone, towards the hall and try to walk away but I stumble a few times.

Christina and Will have already become inebriated and didn't even notice me walking away.

I'm far enough so the sounds aren't blaring in my ears but I can still hear them echo-ing through the halls.

"Al-bert! Al-bert!" They chant, it matches the aching beats of my heart.

If I had said something sooner maybe Al would still be alive.

The story was meant to contain his death in it and when I read it in a book, or watched it in the movie it never effected me quite this much.

Is it my fault this time?

How many times and in how many worlds has he died?

And in this one. . .

I just can't. . .

"Why are you crying so much over him?" I hear a low angry voice from behind me.

"Because he was my friend." I say quietly without looking.

He grabs my arm and pulls me down the hall.

Why is he always dragging me?

The glint of his piercings off each wall light reminds me of when i'm riding in a car at night and I'm looking out the window at the passing streetlights. It shines and becomes dull then shines again.

I don't have any more energy.

He takes me all the way outside and the nighttime air surrounds me. It's cold, then he lets go of my arm. So I stop walking.

Because my legs fail me.

When he turns around again he looks expectant. I don't understand.

"Well?" He asks me.

And I stand there looking at his beautiful face and start to cry again.

"Oh don't fucking cry. He was brave enough to see himself out." Eric says and his face distorts into an annoyed grimace. If he doesn't want to see me cry then he shouldn't have bothered me.

"That wasn't bravery!" I yell through my tears. "Bravery would have been to keep living!"

"What do you know about bravery?" Eric yells back, and he stalks up to me and yanks my arm out, he pulls the sleeve up, exposing my little 'Be Brave' tattoo. "Just because you got it tattooed on your pretty little arm, now you're an expert?!"

I shrink back at his words, they stung me. I regret the tattoo more now than I ever have.

A reminder to be brave is now just a reminder of how I am not brave at all.

"Why do you even care?" I sob and I sit down, I can't stand anymore.

He doesn't answer for a moment and as always I think it's because he's left.

When I look up again he looks defeated, his hand is in his hair smoothing it back and he takes a deep breath.

My heart feels like it can't take much more of anything. I want to leave.

"Could you. . ." I start but I'm afraid.

"What?" He asks, but he doesn't sound angry.

"Can we ride the train?" I ask and I'm sniffling. The tears fall in even intervals and I alternate wipes between my already soaked jacket sleeves.

He sighs deeply.

I don't know if its too late and I don't know if the train even runs at night.

"Can you even manage a run?" He asks, and I wonder the same thing. The way he asks makes me think its because we'd have to jump on.

But he doesn't say no.

"Never mind." I say changing my mind.

But he grabs my arm and pulls me up to stand.

"Just fucking try." He says.

So I breathe in deeply and let the air out, trying to calm myself down.

He leads me over to the tracks and looks at his watch. I never noticed that they have watches here. It would be nice to have one.

"It should be here in 10 minutes. We'll wait here." He announces to me. When he looks at me his eyes have a dangerous glint "Are you done with the fucking crying?"

"I don't know. But if you don't want to see me cry i'll ride the train myself." I say confidently. The growing annoyance is helping me push back my sadness and guilt.

"So why did he jump?" Eric asks me, and he sounds almost curious.

"Does it fucking matter?" I yell at him.

"Only if he was your boyfriend." Eric admits with a shrug.

"What?" I ask incredulously.

"You. Fucking. Heard. Me."

But I couldn't have.

Why would it have mattered if Al was my boyfriend.

"What if he was?"

"Then good riddance." Eric says non-nonchalantly.

I turn to walk away from him no longer wanting to ride the train with this maniac, he plays with my heart and treats Al's death as if it means nothing.

My head gets pulled back and I feel him tugging at my braid.

"Don't touch me!" I yell at him, grabbing my braid out of his hand. He's smiling and doesn't let go, he tugs again lightly.

Maybe he's drunk off that stupid drink everyone was passing around. He did drink some.

"I'll touch you, whenever I damn want." He growls, his smile turns into a scowl and he pulls me in by my braid.

His lips crush mine with urgent strength

like he needs this

I need this

I put all my anger and anguish into this kiss

and he brings all his anger into kissing me back,

His tongue forces its way into my mouth

He tastes sickly sweet but so warm and desperate

My whole body is alight with his touch and when he places his hands on my waist I feel like I'll burst into flames.

We break away for air.

He's staring into my eyes, and I hold his anxious, burning gaze for a moment

I want to feel his mouth on mine.

He walks me back slowly until I'm against a building

Before I know it, he's got both of my hands in a vise-like grip above my head, and he's pinning me to the wall using his hips

His legs presses up between mine

I whimper from the pressure but I feel as though he isn't close enough.

His lips are on mine again and this time they're more demanding.

He forces my mouth open and our tongues begin a slow dance, circling, tasting.

His breathing is ragged, matching mine

All the muscles in my belly clench, when his slow kisses move down my neck and to the small exposed area above my cleavage

More noises escape my mouth before I can close it tightly

My eyes close, while I try and suppress the need that grows deep inside me, but I have to watch

I open them again and gaze down at him

One of his hands run down my back, slowly gently, teasingly sliding beneath my shirt.

His gray eyes watch mine dangerously.

his kisses trail back again and he breathes hot air into my ear

kissing my jaw and then leaving his lips on my neck

and then too soon he pulls away

leaving me so painfully yearning for his touch.

He smiles darkly and takes another step back

I lower my arms and they ache deeply and I glare at him

"Don't look so disappointed" He says, smiling.

My monster had lain dormant for so long It frightens me when I feel my insides rising to Eric's silent challenge.

I feel strong and aware

How does he do this to me?

My mind is too hazy to think coherently

Then I hear the train

and we're running along side it, the braid whips my back

and even though I feel stiff, I feel wild

My legs feel stronger than before

Eric gets on before me and when I get close enough I reach for the same bar he used to pull himself up

Before my hand can grab it he grabs my wrist and pulls me safety in

and against his hard chest

Our breathing is ragged again, this time from the running

The run was exhilarating, I can feel a smile on my face

Eric's hand is pressed against my back, keeping me from falling over as the train turns toward the wall

"That was amazing!" I exclaim looking out over the passing buildings my heart beats erratically

When I turn back to look at him and see why he hasn't released me yet I'm greeted by his mischievous grin.

My hand reaches up to his face first hesitantly but I'm growing more confident

the skin of his face is soft and smooth, he has little stubble but I find that I love it.

and as I brush my thumb against his lower lip he breathes out and the warm air excites me

His eyes close and he holds me closer, he moves back further into the safety of the train and the air doesn't assault us.

I yearn for his kiss but it never comes so I reach behind him and grab what little hair I can

He chuckles because I've finally pulled his hair.

and he leans in while I pull him to me

His eyes are still closed and I start slowly

I brush my lips to his softly, retreating

and then I nibble on his bottom lip

He shivers and it arouses me

His eyes snap open and he looks almost carnal.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

SKIP TO NEXT CHAPTER IF YOU DON'T LIKE SMUT

* * *

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

 **Erics POV**

I feel her hot breath as she bites my bottom lip and I can't control myself anymore

I pull her further to the back of the train away from the doors and lay her on the ground

she wraps her legs around my waist

When I look down at her

she looks up at me

Her beautiful brown eyes are wide with wonder and curiosity

I want this to be slow

I lift her head and yank the stupid band out of her hair to get rid of the dumb braid

My mouth needs to kiss her on every inch of her fucking body

I start at her ear, then her neck

Her soft moans ignites a deep aching feeling in my groin

I need to feel myself deep inside her

I need her to be mine completely

My hands pull at her jeans buttons willing them to be removed

When they stay stubbornly I yank them open and the button flies off, I have to move away from between her delicious legs to remove her jeans so I rush and pull them off

Her pale legs exposed, I'm between them again and I run my hand up her legs and reach for her underwear

.

 **Megs POV**

 **.**

My pants are gone so quickly

I'm ready but I'm so afraid

His hand runs up my leg, trailing down to my underwear

I tremble at his touch

My hand reaches out to stop him

 _Not yet_

I lean up and pull him back down to me

Into a deep kiss and his hand grabs my leg tightly he pressed me closer to him

I can feel his hardness through his jeans

but it only makes me more afraid.

.

 **Eric's POV**

 **.**

I can't fucking handle this

Her mouth is on mine and I have my hands under her lifting her to me, as I lower myself to her.

I finger the edge of her underwear and I can feel her wetness

 _fuck_

I slip my hand in and she is oh-so fucking wet

She moans and arches into my hand

Could this be her first time?

I lift myself off her and go to unbutton my jeans but her hands stop me

I can't fucking stop now

but she doesn't stop me instead she unbuttons it for me

she gently slides my pants down

Her brown eyes watching me, fucking teasing me.

She hesitates before grabbing me

A moan escapes my lips

She's caressing me, using both hands

 _Fucking hell_

I throw my head back in pleasure

her touch is ecstasy

When I can't handle any fucking more

I pull her underwear to the side

and with one thrust i'm sheathed inside her

Her sharp intake of breath reminds me to be gentle

But I don't think I can

She so wet and she tightens around me

and I start to rock against her in time to the rocking of the train

slowly at first

She rises with each thrust to meet me

She's moaning and I can't help but move faster

My thrusts become harder.

.

 **Megs POV**

 **.**

It hurt so much and then he went slowly, easing me into each powerful thrust

The dull pain became a sharp ecstasy

He's so big and my legs tense with each movement

I claw at his back through his shirt.

Oh-god

Why didn't he take his shirt off

oh-god

I know when he's close because his thrusts become harder, more urgent

and when he comes, he throws his head back and gasps for air

and he falls back down onto me, without removing himself

I feel so impossibly, deliciously full

completely satisfied

"fuck" He says close to my ear out of breath, and we laugh together

Its a bright and playful laugh

The sound mixes with the trains constant clicking.

He moves off of me and slowly, gently removes himself

He probably knew it was my first time.

The thought makes me blush.

I close my legs instantly when he's not between them

I watch him zip his pants back up.

and I just feel

Awkward

Did we really just do that?

.

.

.

Eric is holding my arm to keep my steady while I get my jeans back on and it definitely makes me feel a lot more composed but I'm still extremely embarrassed.

And I blush deeply when I realize my jeans button is missing.

Eric chuckles darkly and I'm sure it's because of that.

I run my hand through my hair to separate what's left of the braid, and Eric shifts his hold from my arm to my waist and pulls me closer to him.

He leans against the wall and I lean into him with my back against him.

"Where are we going?" I ask curiously, because we've been on the train a while.

It's really dark now and I'm almost worried to stay out longer with Eric.

He kisses me lightly on my neck, breathing hot air into my ear, which makes my insides squirm.

I'm still sore from the first time but I can feel the ache of desire burning in me still.

What has Eric awoken in me? It's almost a bit scary.

"It's a secret." He says as he slides his hand under my shirt. His hand on my lower abdomen slowly making its way up stopping below my bra.

My hair stands on end and goosebumps spread all over my body.

I shiver against him involuntarily

I can feel the low rumble of his chest as he chuckles lightly.

"You are such a tease." He whispers, sliding his fingers under my bra, but he doesn't go all the way and it disappoints me.

"You're the real tease." I admit with a sigh, slowly turning to face him, he slides his arm out of my shirt and to my lower back and I wrap my arms around his neck.

This feels like a dream.

My cheek is pressed against his chest and I can hear the steady beat of his heart.

Like a beautiful and painful dream.

Are these memories worth the pain?

How will I function when I wake up from all of this?

"What are you thinking about?" Eric asks me almost slightly annoyed.

I don't look up when I answer, and I answer truthfully.

"I'm thinking about when I have to wake up." I say. "When we go back to Dauntless and. . . go back to hating each other."

"You know neither of us has a choice." He says tilting my chin up to look at him and then his eyes are staring at me intensely. "What do you think everyone else is going to say? When they find out we're fucking? They'd all assume you rose in rank cause you're good in bed."

I sigh deeply. "But then what am I to you? If you got what you wanted from me, you don't have to keep bothering me."

"You're done with me so quickly?" He scowls at me, anger flashing in his eyes but I just press my cheek harder to his chest.

I wasn't telling him to leave me alone, I was saying it's alright for him to leave me alone.

"This just doesn't make sense, you're. . .you. And I'm. . . "

"Mine, you're fucking mine, understand?" He says harshly.

But I'm used to his harsh tone.

"When I become Dauntless. . . " I start but I know for a fact that after the final test there may not be a Dauntless left.

And that is when Eric will break my heart, I silently pray that he won't be the one to inject me with that mind-less drone serum.

"When you become Dauntless you won't be able to get away from me. Not ever." He says it like a threat but equally a promise.

I laugh, the sound is forced and angry.

For now i'll enjoy Eric

And then when the time comes. . .

I'll try my hardest to let him go.

I now he'll help me, he makes it a little bit easier with his lies.

This story needs a villain, and that's why they have Eric the youngest ruthless Dauntless leader.

"We're close." He announces and I step away from him, to look where we are.

In the dark I see tall buildings, and one building in particular catches my attention.

"It has 100 floors, we're going to the 20th floor." He says when he notices what I'm looking at.

"What is it for?" I ask nervously.

"You'll find out." and with that he jumps. When he's about to hit the roof he rolls to break his fall. I panic for a second but hurl myself off the train and into the cold air, my heart must regret being mine, with all this stress.

I try to roll the way Eric did but I think I failed cause I scrape my wrist and the tiny gravel on the roof sting my palms.

"Well that sucked." I sigh and he laughs, leaning in to kiss me but I stop him with my hand. "Nope. Not until I see the surprise."

He glares at me darkly, He's not used to rejection.

Even sheep have teeth, and I will bite him.

He leads me off the roof and to the side of the building where we climb down metal steps, it reminds me of the War games.

It wasn't so long ago.

I stare at Eric's strong back and before I can think, I leap off the last step right on top of him.

He grunts from the impact but good-naturedly takes my legs to hold me in place as I wrap my arms around his neck.

"Piggy-back-ride." I laugh. I feel him tense beneath me when I breathe into his ear.

"If anyone see's us I hope you know their death is on your hands." He says annoyed, and yet he doesn't make me get down.

"What if I beg for their lives?" I breathe in his ear again and this time I brush my lips against his ear lobe. He tenses again and I feel his muscles ripple beneath me, my chest pressed against his back, and I tighten my legs around him.

"If you keep doing that we won't make it to where we're going." He growls.

"Well I'd stop, if you would just tell me where we're going and why." I try to sound annoyed but I'm really enjoying myself.

Eric has successfully distracted me from my despair.

I feel stronger now, and It may just be because of the new experiences I've tasted tonight but I like how I feel.

Raw, and dangerous.

I can make Eric feel, as much as he can make me hurt.

I might regret this later. . .

The streets are so quiet and abandoned at night, the only noise is the sound of Eric's boots clomping aggressively along towards one of the largest buildings.

When we finally get there I contemplate getting down but he doesn't give me a chance till we're all the way inside.

We get into an elevator which makes me really nervous because I wonder if it even runs.

He pushes in the number 20 and sure enough, we shoot up.

The ride is jarring, it makes me feel like my insides were flipped, probably cause I wasn't on my own feet.

When the elevator doors open again

The sight takes my breath away

I slide consciously off Eric and step towards everything

The large circular stage with 5 large bowls perched intimidatingly on top

This is where countless 16 year old's choose a life for themselves through their factions

A ceremony that determines how they'll live for the rest of their days.

I peer curiously into each bowl, conscious that Eric is watching me intently off to the side.

"Grey stones for Abnegation.

Lit coals for Dauntless

Water for Erudite

Earth for Amity

Glass for Candor." Eric says from behind me, his voice is strong

and it makes me wonder what went through his head and heart, when he transferred out of Erudite.

I almost ask.

But maybe I don't need to know.

He probably wouldn't tell me anyway.

I close my eyes for a moment and try to picture myself surrounded by people, someone filling each chair in the rows and rows behind me

Waiting patiently for me to make my choice.

"When we leave this room, you will no longer be dependents. But full fledged members of our society." Eric's voice rings out over the silence, and I smile when I look at him. "Faction before blood."

He's trying to make this real.

The 'faction before blood' part makes me angry, at Eric because in a few days time he's going to. . .

I can't think about this right now.

I close my eyes again and breathe deeply to keep myself from thinking about the inevitable.

"Megan Dowry." Eric calls, and he even holds out a small pocket knife.

He nods respectively and holds it out to me.

The small object is so intimidating, but maybe because he's telling me to choose.

I take it from him careful not to touch him, cause I know he wants me to, and I want him to see I won't touch him.

His eyes narrow a bit.

When I make the small slice I watch as the thin line turns red and thick in an instant. The blood pooling in the middle of my palm.

And then I look at each bowl.

How can someone choose?

I feel like an outsider looking in trying to understand how one person can limit themselves. No one person is only Abnegation.

No person is only Amity. And even a Dauntless has fears they can't overcome.

"Are you going to fucking choose or what?" Eric snaps, but he doesn't sound harsh. I think its the Erudite in him, struggling to understand my hesitation.

I'm obviously expected to choose Dauntless, and I have to fight the urge to choose something different just to piss him off.

"Well I don't want to go back to Amity." I joke lightly. He smiles a bit and shakes his head as though trying to fight it.

I walk up and sprinkle my blood over the unlit coals and wipe the rest off on my jacket.

Maybe the fact that they're unlit makes my blood not count?

There is no sizzle, there is no acceptance.

But Eric claps

The sound is loud in the empty place.

I silently wonder if it's much louder when its empty than when everyone claps in unison.

Eric looks proud and his smile is dazzling.

He takes one long stride up to me and his lips are on mine, hungrily

As though he knew when I chose Dauntless, I was choosing him.

I wont admit it though

Because then I'd have to admit that despite myself I've fallen

Jumping into the chasm would probably hurt less.

I flinch at the thought because of. . .

I kiss him back, deepening it with urgency.

He pulls back, arms around my waist and give me a questioning look.

"What's the matter?" He asks, and he almost sounds worried like maybe for some impossible reason I don't want him.

"Why am I so afraid of losing you, when you aren't even mine?" I ask in a whisper and when tears threaten to invade my sight, he kisses me again

Deeper than before, as though he mirrors my fear

Because he knows, just like I do

What the future holds

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SKIP TO NEXT CHAPTER IF YOU DON'T LIKE SMUT

* * *

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He backs me slowly towards the table and he lowers me gently on my back, I prop myself up on my elbows to watch him.

I don't feel the need like I did before, but I can see in his eyes that same wild look of lust

I'll indulge you Eric.

As though he knows my thoughts he leans down and kisses my exposed stomach

I let a soft gasp escape me as it sends a tingling shock through my body and I lower myself flat on my back.

"I wish you wore a fucking skirt." He mumbles through kisses, he trails over my abdomen and kisses along my bra as he begins to slide my pants off once again.

I close my eyes as my legs become freed and he bends my right leg up to kiss my inner thigh, moving from the inside to behind my knee and back again to my hips.

"mmm." I say smiling to myself, the tingles are so overwhelming.

He rubs his stubble over my sensitive leg and I giggle.

I reach for him and pull him up to kiss me

He climbs up onto the table, knees on either side of me and lowers himself into the kiss, his movements are so fluid and confident.

His tongue far more dominant than mine.

His husky scent invades me, envelops me.

I gaze into his intense eyes and without speaking I will him to roll over onto his back, I gently push him and slide myself on top straddling him with my legs.

His warm strong hands caress my legs then brush over my butt, resting on my hips.

I rub gently over his bulge, still tucked safety in his jeans and he glares up at me.

I slide off him to un-button and un-zip his pants, he's much bigger than I thought, how did he ever fit?

I lick his tip, and I hear his soft groans

At first I hesitate because I've never done this before. . .

But his moans empower me, my hormones raging

I grab his length and lick from top to bottom before wrapping my lips securely around it.

At first I suck gently and then I suck harder my hand rubbing the length I cant fit in my mouth as I slip it in and out

My tongue dragging against it.

"Fucking shit Meg" Eric groans.

I stop and lick my lips

"Just get on!" He demands angrily and I comply, slipping my underwear off first.

I'm straddling him once more

His hand reaches down to guide himself inside me and I stop him

"Fucking tease."

He says it like its my name.

I rub against him just barely letting him in, brushing over my still sensitive bud.

The pleasure is blinding.

Then his hands are a blur as they grab my hips, his nails digging in

I finally give, guiding him in myself, I hear as he inhales sharply

This position puts him deeper than before and he pulls me further down, the pain is sharp at first and I let out a gasp of pain when he hits my core

and he guides me once more, rolling my hips against his

My hand on his chest to steady myself as I move back and forth in a soothing, steady motion

His breathing is labored and after a few more I can feel him arching up towards me in release.

I made him feel this.

He doesn't let me up though, his hands hold me to him.

"I can't get enough of you." Eric admits, he sounds so defeated, as though he was fighting his desires.

I don't want him to say that he loves me, not now.

He doesn't.

I slide off of him and stand on weak legs, while I slip my underwear back on, followed by my jeans and then my boots.

All while my back is to him.

Maybe I can't live with his darkness after all.

I silently hope he hasn't just passed it on to me.

It's a little bit easier now, to think about leaving him, about him leaving me.

Maybe because deep down inside me I know it'll hurt him just as much.

I feel his arms wrap around me from behind.

And his warm lips rest on my neck

"I'm no good for you."

"I know." I answer, leaning back into him.

I've always known.

.

* * *

 **.**

 **Eric's POV**

 _What am I gonna do?_

 _What has she done to me?_

I thought I wanted her because I couldn't have her

Because I shouldn't have her.

But now that I have her, I don't want to give her up.

She's _mine._

As soon as Erudite is in charge and all the fucking Divergent are gone she won't need Meg anymore.

Where the fuck is her piece of shit brother?

* * *

Probably won't have much more of this. . .Smut. . .It's difficult lol.

Please review and thank you for reading!


	9. Lost

"It takes one second to say Hello.

And a lifetime to say Goodbye."

* * *

We exit the giant choosing ceremony building and back into the night air, and he tells me that we need to walk back because if we were to wait for the train we probably wouldn't be back to Dauntless until morning.

Sigh. "I wouldn't have come if I knew that." I snap at him and he shakes his head with a slight smile.

The more I think about going back to Dauntless the more my insides turn in uncomfortable squirms.

And right now it's not because of the thought of separating from him.

I stare at Eric's back as we walk silently through the streets.

I wonder how far Dauntless is.

I wonder how far _Abnegation_ is.

It's the thought that there are only _2_ days until the war on Abnegation that eats away at me.

The rest of today, then tomorrow is the final test, then the morning after is when it begins. . .

Can't I do something?

Should I do something?

Will I do something?

My heart starts beating faster, when I think about running there, to I don't even know where, and finding Tris' parents or shit, even Tobias' father.

Doesn't someone warn them though? I can't remember, and it's infuriating me.

Why the fuck can't I remember?

Why is Janine even doing this again? Why does she hate Divergent so much?

"What?" Eric asks me, and I didn't realize he turned around. I wipe the scowl off my face and try to soften my features, I can still feel the angry lines and frown.

"Nothing." I snap, because the more I look at him the angrier I get.

His eyes search mine and for a moment I'm afraid that I'll give something away.

But that's impossible.

He sighs deeply and continues to lead on.

We've been walking forever and I can feel my legs aching and I'm starting to drag noticeably behind.

Eric turns around and finally notices. "We're almost there."

Maybe I could run? No, Eric is much faster than me.

I focus on my boots as I try to hasten my pace.

Left, Right

Left, Right

My thoughts are racing.

I can go to Abnegation.

I'll warn them and maybe catch the train back to Dauntless before the day of the final test.

Maybe there will be consequences for my disappearance but I can lie.

Eric wouldn't expose himself so, I could get away with a lie, I hope.

I'll say that I became inebriated during the. . .

My heart aches painfully and press on my chest to stop the hollow feeling from returning.

Al's beautiful brown eyes haunt me.

Nope, If I leave I won't go back, not willingly.

"We'll go up from here." Eric's loud voice snaps me out of my sad thoughts and I look up to see a tall faded red building, this is where they jump into that hole right? I notice the track is perfectly leveled to the roof but it's much farther than the roof I jumped to earlier.

I wonder If I would've made this jump if I were a real initiate.

"We'll go in the way all initiates are supposed to go in." He says with a smirk.

I give him a small tight smile and he frowns a bit, he doesn't bother to ask what's wrong now.

Probably because he thinks I'm just distancing myself for when we re-enter Dauntless.

It's half true.

We have to go inside the building and up the many flights of stairs to get out through the roof and he's way ahead of me, my legs are already burning from walking so far and now they ache painfully climbing these freaking stairs.

When I finally exit, Eric stands at the edge precariously, as though he'll fall at any moment.

 _Deja-Vu_

He turns to me.

"Alright, listen up. I'm Eric one of your leaders." He starts, grinning at me from ear to ear and I can't help but smile at this, until my heart fills with an unknown dark feeling and I just stare at him blankly. "If you want to enter Dauntless, this is the way in. If you don't have the guts to jump, then you don't belong in Dauntless."

Those are the exact words he said to Tris, Christina, Will. . . Al, and now I'm hearing them myself.

The thought's of them safely inside of Dauntless, unknowing, un-suspecting, innocent of what's to come fill me with a silent rage.

All the initiates go down that hole, into their new lives.

Fuck Dauntless

and Fuck Eric too.

I glare at him dangerously and do one of the stupidest things I could ever think to do.

But maybe the bravest thing I've done while here.

"Is there water at the bottom or something?" I ask mimicking Will's question from the movie.

His face flashes with first confusion and then anger, his pierced brow raised incredulously.

He opens his mouth to say something.

How could I have known what Will said, right?

And then I shove him off the ledge.

.

* * *

.

 **Eric's POV**

When I hit the net something snaps inside me.

She just asked me the same question one of those initiates asked that day.

I even remember my own answer.

 _'I guess you'll find out'_

What in the actual fuck?

How could she have known?

My anger is seething, roiling, threatening to explode out of me.

I clamber out of the net and run for the stairs, of course we have stairs to enter dauntless from this building.

We use that hole as a scare tactic to weed out the weak ones.

Dauntless doesn't train mediocre people on how to be less mediocre.

I run with a purpose, my breathing calm, I know my body.

I feel my leg muscles tense and un-tense with every foot fall.

My fuel is pure rage and adrenaline, I crave the blood pulsing loudly through my ears.

When I reach the top I slam through the doors

Only to be greeted by an empty roof

Where the fuck did she go?

Anger blinds me and I punch the wall until my knuckles bleed.

The physical pain is nothing.

The weakness inside me crawls painfully through my chest like a snake coiling and uncoiling devouring me from the inside.

 _When I fucking find you Meg_ I scream in my mind.

And then the red hot rage takes over.

.

* * *

.

 **Four/Tobias POV**

I decide to check on Meg that night, after Tris was safety in my apartment.

I told her i'd be right back, and she just nodded knowingly.

When I saw Meg hanging from the chasm, with Al's jacket, silent tears of anguish decorating the edges of her sad brown eyes, I was afraid.

Afraid that she would just let go.

And yet Tris moved before me.

She didn't hesitate to save a friend.

But that's because Tris doesn't know.

Would Tris still consider Meg a friend if I told her?

I need to ask her though, If I would have gotten to Tris in time, If I would have saved her without the warning.

If Al was supposed to die.

I have so many questions.

And so much anger.

I'm just about passing the entrance to Dauntless when I see her blur of black hair. Eric is dragging her outside. . .

She's crying.

I find myself hesitating yet again.

How un-Abnegation of me.

I press myself against the building and follow them out, what if all this time Meg was placed?

What if she was a spy, sent to weed out suspected Divergent within Dauntless?

I can't hear them but I know they're arguing.

He snatches her wrist and yells something about her tattoo and she flinches back as though she's been hit.

Her small pale face with streaks of tears down her red cheeks raw from crying, wears a look of shock.

I desperately want to hear what they're saying.

Pressing myself even closer I sneak out and around the building, but now they're heading to the train tracks.

 _What the fuck?_

Without thinking I run and silently roll behind the wall near the train loading docks directly between the actual tracks and the Dauntless compound building.

My feet barely touching the ground, I must be silent.

I can hear them right around the corner, I press myself closer to the wall, willing myself to become the wall. Praying not to be seen or heard.

"You. Fucking. Heard. Me." It's Eric.

"What if he was?" Its Meg and the annoyance is apparent in her voice.

"Then good riddance." What are they talking about?

I hear the gravel being stepped on extremely close to where I am and shrink back, they could walk right past me at any second.

My heart pounds painfully at the thought of being caught.

Why the hell am I sneaking around?

The boots on gravel sound stops when Meg yells "Don't touch me."

I almost jump out, thinking no, willing myself to do something.

To help her.

"I'll touch you whenever I damn want." Eric growls, is he drunk?

When I peek. . .

Disgust washes over me in shuddering waves.

 _What the fuck?_

I can hear her soft whimpers and my my stomach tightens and rolls up to my chest like i'm about to throw up.

A hand is to my mouth to keep the bile that's risen up from spewing forth.

And then I run, run back into Dauntless.

My fists clench and un-clench, the skin over my knuckles stretch with each motion.

Meg is despicable, does she think she can raise her rank through Eric? Is she using him?

Or is he using her, a helpless initiate.

Maybe he wanted an easy lay and took advantage of Megs despair and desperation?

What he promised her a good rank?

Confusion weighs heavily on me as I make my way back through the tunnels.

"What the fuck?!" Someone yells. "Get the fuck off me!"

The sounds of a struggle get louder as I find myself running towards the initiates dorms.

Once inside I see Peter breathing heavily.

His right hand covered in blood.

His eyes are wide with fear and anger.

My mind finally begins to register the howls of intense pain coming from the man lying in a pool of blood on the ground.

A knife protruding disgustingly out of his left eye.

Edward.

"What did you fucking do?" I don't recognize my own voice as I step towards Peter, trying to drown out to sounds of desperate pleas coming from Edward, begging someone to pull the knife out.

Peter shakes his head at me and backs away. "I-I didn't, he attacked me and I fought back, I didn't mean to fucking. . ."

And I actually believe him.

Even though I despise Peter, and I will him to be the one on the ground in pain.

I wish he were the one at the bottom of the chasm.

But this happens all the time. Peter attacked Tris out of jealousy at her rising rank and Edward probably attacked Peter out of his jealousy at being second to him.

"Help me get him to the infirmary." I snap, and I kneel down to put both hands under Edwards body to lift him, I consciously avoid looking at the disgusting. . .

Peter complies and mirrors my actions on the other side of him, and together we carry Edward to the infirmary.

I wash the blood from my hands in the infirmary sink and pinch the bridge of my nose to stop the growing headache. It doesn't help that Edward is still howling and begging.

"Please!"

The headache pulses behind my eyelids, and I grit my teeth in response to the pain.

Instead of staying to watch the process, instead of turning Peter in, Instead of running back to the much needed comfort of Tris.

I head to the fear simulation lab.

.

* * *

.

 **Meg's POV**

My body is sore but I push myself to run faster.

I jumped off the roof and onto the tracks and ran down them until fear prickled the back of my neck. I realized Eric could run back onto the roof and see me running on the tracks.

I need to get out of sight.

I stop and glance around frantically, my heart is beating excruciatingly quick, and I can hear it loud in my ears.

My hands are shaking as I climb down off the platform and continue running underneath, my lungs burn for air.

But I don't know where Abnegation is.

 _I don't know where Abnegation is_

 _I don't know where Abnegation is_

 _What if I don't find Abnegation?_

I shut my eyes tightly to stop my anxiety from taking over.

 _Just fucking follow the tracks till I see rows and rows of exactly the same house._

Boring gray, I tell myself

I keep going till I can hear the sound of the train rattling the tracks above me and I stop in fear.

The metal protests and scrapes along loudly.

What if Eric is on that train?

I press myself against one of the beams.

 _It's too dark to see me._

But I wrap my arms around myself to stop from panicking.

My eyes are closed and I feel the vibration of the support on my back, I don't open them again till the trains loud clicking and roaring are far into the distance and the vibrations stop completely.

Then I begin once more.

But I thought Eric said the train wouldn't be coming around?

Maybe he doesn't know the schedule as well as he thinks.

 _God, this fucking sucks._

I stop to take breaks often, worried that my body won't be able to make it there.

But I'm fueled by rage and desperation.

I need to do this

If not for everyone else, for myself

I don't want to be selfish

I want to be brave.

Soon enough the buildings begin to thin out and get smaller even but the sky is getting lighter too.

Hope begins to fuel me and make me stronger.

 _Just a little more._

I vaguely count how many overpasses I ran under and how many red buildings I passed, everything looks the same and then

Across a large open space, over lawns of freshly cut grass is a giant white building with hardly any windows and a giant sign over huge glass doors

Then I stop

Because I'm lost

I squint to see what the white banners say. . .Just Balances.

and a sign that reads MERC IS MART

I'm _so_ lost.

I fall onto my hands and knees and laugh hysterically to myself

My body is too tired and depressed to move so I sit on my butt and watch the sun rise up over the _Candor_ Headquarters.

I have the rest of today

Then tomorrow is the test

Then nothing.

What the hell do I do now?

.

* * *

.

 **Christina's POV**

The next morning everyone is scrambling around shouting and rushing I keep my eyes closed and listen to the chaos, we stayed up late last night to help clean the blood off the ground.

Because apparently Edward attacked Peter last night and Peter stabbed him in the eye in self defense.

And I think I may have drank too much of that drink they passed around cause my head is throbbing and my eyes feel heavy

All I want to do is sleep in and enjoy our last free day.

"Christina, hey wake up." Will says as he shakes me gently.

"Noooo, let me sleep." I grumble and turn over away from him, I really just want a few more minutes.

"You have to wake up somethings going on." His tone is worried now.

"You are so lucky that you're cute." I snap, but I sit up immediately, rubbing the sleep from my eyes and yawning loudly.

I stretch a bit and look around.

Will and I are the only ones left in the room.

 _What?_

"Where is everyone? Tris? Where's Meg?" I ask curiously, but Will shrugs.

I didn't see Meg come in last night but I passed out pretty quick, and I know that Tris is with Four. . .

"Come on, hurry up!" He grabs my hand and I barely have time to lace up my shoes before he's pulling me out the door.

"But I didn't brush my teeth" I whine at him.

"You can do that after!" I hear him laugh but I'm really starting to get annoyed, there better be a fire or something.

We reach the pit and have to elbow a few people out of the way to reach the front and to my horror Meg is on her knees with her hands securely behind her back.

Eric is glaring at her murderously standing a few feet in front of her and on both sides of her are Dauntless guards, holding guns _pointed_ _at_ her.

"Whats going on!?" I yell and I try to get to her but Will puts a hand on my shoulder and watches. I glare up at him but the burning in his eyes tells me he wants to know just as badly.

Meg doesn't turn at the sound of my voice and everyone is crowded around murmuring about how she ran away.

 _She ran away?_

I look back at her and she just calmly glares back at Eric.

She's going to die!

I always thought she was suicidal but this is insane.

Was she that sad about Al?

Is it because of the pressure?

Was she afraid she wouldn't pass the final exam?

Why didn't she tell any of us?

Four and Tris walk in and when Tris see's whats going on, she tries to run to Meg as well, but Four stops her.

I push past more people, vaguely aware that Will is following me, I have to ask Four whats going on.

"Four! Tris!" Four looks up angrily. He is an instructor but it's not fair for him to have favorites, he always liked Meg and Tris more than everyone else.

I ignore his asshole face and speak directly to Tris.

"They say she tried to run away last night, do you know whats going on?"

But Tris looks just as lost as I feel.

"Everybody listen up!" Eric yells and the murmuring gets quiet. "We have here, a run away initiate, we don't know why she ran, but we WILL get to the bottom of this. For now everyone is asked to go about their day normally. Her punishment will be announced at lunch break."

When I glance at Meg I swear to god I saw her laugh a little, still glaring at Eric.

 _I NEED TO KNOW_

"I saw the guards drag her inside, she didn't even fight them. She's fucking crazy." Says Peter a little to the side.

"Well if she fought she'd probably have gotten shot." Says some other guy.

"Wait you _saw_ her get dragged in?" I ask interrupting his conversation.

"Was I fucking talking to you?" Peter snaps at me incredulously.

Then I watch as Eric grabs her arm, a little too hard and yank her to her feet. He dismisses the guards and they lower their guns and leave the pit before Eric pulls her along to the tunnels.

I have to fight the urge to follow them.

.

* * *

.

 **Four/Tobias' POV**

"I'm gonna go find out okay?" I reassure Tris as she asks what going to happened to Meg.

But I really want to know too. I leave Tris with Will and Christina and follow Eric all the way past the cafeteria and to the stairs heading to Max's office. I catch them right at the top heading down the hallway out of view.

Eric is holding her arm tightly as she struggles to keep up.

But she doesn't look scared she just looks. . .accepting.

Which confuses me.

They said she ran away?

But I thought she was with. . .Eric?

"Eric." I say, calling him to stop. He turns, we're right outside Max's office now.

Meg looks at me with a confused expression and she tries to shrug Eric's hand off. He squeezes tighter as though trying to break it and I can see her grit her teeth against the pain.

"Get the fuck out of here Four, this doesn't concern you." Eric snaps at me, he gives me his usual death glare but I've never been afraid of him.

He knows this.

"Yes it does, she's one of my initiates." I say firmly, although its a weak ass excuse.

"She ran away, they found her outside Candor Headquarters and brought her back here. End of story." Eric explains angrily. I haven't seen him this angry before, not since I was first and he was second in our initiates ranking.

I have to fight the urge to make him explain what happened last night, but then I would have to admit that I saw them, and that could make things much worse. . .

For both of them.

"Meg?" I ask.

But Eric pulls her to the side before opening Max's office door and violently shoving her inside. Slamming the door behind him.

My hand is on the handle to go in after them.

But its locked.

Is Max in there?

I relax a little when I don't hear any sounds of a struggle but my confusion and worry don't dissipate.

Instead of just standing outside the door, I head back down to the cafeteria and back to Tris

To await the announcement of Meg's punishment.

.

* * *

.

 **Meg's POV**

Eric shoves me inside and closes the door behind him, I think he even locked it because I heard a faint click.

Max isn't inside.

Fear prickles up my spine and makes my hair stand on end.

I quickly maneuver my arms under my butt and slide my legs though to get my hands in front of me. It hurts my shoulder but it's necessary. The rope burns my wrists when I twist them around.

I'm starting out with a disadvantage.

I run behind Max's desk, unprepared to face Eric.

When he turns to me, he looks shocked and then amused.

"What the fuck are you doing?" he asks and he shakes his head and pinches his bridge as though fighting off a headache.

And then I'm confused.

"Isn't it obvious? I'm not ready to face you." I say incredulously.

As though it's obvious.

No amount of time could prepare me for the moment when i'd have to face Eric again after pushing him off that roof.

He comes at me from the left and I run to the other side.

My hands are still bound so I feel really vulnerable.

Now we glare at each other from opposite sides.

"If you run from me again, I will kill you." He threatens me.

"If you guys send me to Faction-less does that count as running?" I snap at him.

He comes at me again and I run again.

He leaps over the desk and I feint towards his direction and turn back around to the other side.

We're running in circles around Max's desk.

It would be humorous, if I were not genuinely afraid to get caught.

He locked the door for a reason.

"Who said you were going anywhere?" He asks me harshly.

"Well isn't that the usual punishment?" I ask, and he starts side stepping around the desk

I kick the chair at him to block his path.

"Just let me fucking untie you." He snaps at me, pushing the chair back into place, and reaching for me, I duck out of his grasp and run back to the other side.

To safety.

"No. I don't trust you!" I yell.

This is all really childish but I can't handle anymore bullshit.

He might not untie me.

"Well I don't trust you either, but you don't see me acting like a little bitch." He says darkly.

"We'll we finally have something in common then, we're both little bitches." I glare at him. "What more do you want from me?"

He laughs and takes a seat in the chair, apparently over the chase.

I relax a little because the sound of his laugh isn't hysterical, or borderline crazy.

And my heart is beating much too fast to keep this up.

It'll surely stop.

"What do I want from you?" he asks after quieting down. "Well first I want you to let me fucking untie you."

"Why did you lock the door?" I ask, suspicious of him.

When they dragged me inside, I saw Eric's knuckles, I know he's murderous right now.

He's like a shark, that has the scent of my blood and we're in a swimming pool.

"I promise not to hurt you." He says, but the look in his eyes say otherwise.

"Prove it." I say angrily.

He grabs his knife from his belt and drops it onto the table.

"Slide it over" I demand.

He does, but watches me intently.

"What if Max comes to the door?" I ask him, turning slightly, so I can grab the knife and free myself.

Eric shrugs, and leans comfortably back in his chair.

After I get the binds off, I rub my sore wrists, trying to get the feeling back into them. Dropping the knife and rope onto the desk.

"So then what'll my punishment be?" I ask.

"What do you think it should be?"

"You'll let me choose?"

"I'll let you choose." He nods.

 _What is going on?_

Unless they already decided. An Eric is supposed to kill me.

"Well this seems to be punishment enough." I admit gesturing to the room and to him.

His face turns into a scowl and he starts to get up.

I grab the knife.

"What're you gonna do, stab me?" He asks as though challenging me.

Could I?

"I could always just stab myself." I admit.

"You aren't that fucking stupid."

"I beg to differ. I slept with you." I counter. Even though it was a low blow.

The thought of what we did last night makes me sick to my stomach.

"I have to admit, I didn't expect this." He says gesturing to me. "I thought you'd come back defeated, and accept your punishment."

"And come crawling back to you?" I cut him off. "If you didn't notice, I was dragged back here."

He becomes furious at that and I throw the knife at him when he lunges at me over the desk, it just barely misses him and lodges itself into the wall.

His fingers just barely brush the back of my jacket as I sprint to the other side of the desk.

He glances at the knife in the wall and back at me, his gray eyes shocked.

I'll admit I'm kind of shocked too.

.

* * *

.

 **Eric's POV**

Obviously I've underestimated her.

My mistake.

The thought is almost amusing.

I didn't expect her to put up such a fight.

This'll be fun.

She's already at the other end of the desk.

She's fucking fast. I'll give her that.

The desk won't protect her though.

And she can't run forever.

This time I walk slowly, putting my hands up in surrender.

Giving her my best non-threatening look, I even smile at her.

Her eye brows raise questioningly and she doesn't move, hesitating.

When I get close enough I swipe at her, she ducks immediately crawling between the desk and the guest chair.

I watch her as she rolls onto her back and slams her foot into the chair, it comes flying towards me, fast.

My hands are already to stop it but I didn't expect her to be up already, when I look back at her, away from the chair the metal leg hits me in the shin.

That fucking hurt.

I fall to one knee, gritting my teeth against it, this is starting to get really annoying.

Before I can react she's behind me her arms around my neck.

She pulls backwards, the rope becomes tight against my throat.

When the fuck did she grab the rope?

I instinctively grab her wrists from behind my head and pull, leaning forward, using the weight she had invested into the choke against her, throwing her over my shoulder.

She hits the ground flat on her back, a soft straggled cry escapes her lips as the air gets knocked from her lungs, she missed the chair by an inch.

Play time is fucking over.

I grab the rope and throw it in the corner, taking both her wrists in my hands, securely and pull her towards me, stepping over her, avoiding her flailing legs.

She's weak.

She struggles trying to pull her wrists from my grasp.

I force her to stand. Putting my arm around her waist, my hand on the small of her back, pulling her body against mine while holding her hands over her head. Just like last night.

"Why did you run away?" I ask her into her ear, she trembles deliciously. "You can't ever escape."

 _I've got you now._

 _._

* * *

 _._

 **Meg's POV**

"Fuck you." I breathe.

Before he can do or say anything else I swiftly knee him in the groin and he collapses to the ground.

Releasing me, I stagger backwards.

My breathing is ragged from the struggle, adrenaline shooting through my veins, my heart hammering in my ears.

My chest and lungs hurt from getting slammed on my back, I'm lucky I didn't hit the chair.

And now i'm standing over Eric's hunched form.

I'll admit it was a low blow, kicking him in the groin, but I was severely at a disadvantage.

"Are you done?" I huff, stumbling back a bit and prop myself against the desk on my elbow before I fall over.

Watching Eric cautiously to make sure he's not feigning.

He doesn't answer me.

My shoulder is kind of sore from when I twisted it around to get my hands in front of me instead of behind my back but it was necessary.

I roll my shoulders to massage the pain out a little, vaguely remembering that I had dislocated it previously.

Eric groans on the ground, his sounds are almost kind of pitiful.

He _locked_ the door.

The thought makes me shiver with fear.

God Eric, you are such a monster I think sadly looking down at him.

His jaw flexes, clenching his teeth against the pain and his eyes are closed.

I step towards Eric and bend down, tapping his boot with shaking hands.

I start to worry that Eric won't be able to stand back up and that Max will come at any moment.

I'm definitely going to be sent to Faction-less now.

I stand and nudge his boot with my own, softly.

"Hey are you going to be alright?" I ask, nudging his boot again.

To my relief he starts sitting up, leaning back against the wall, panting. He's definitely in pain.

His vicious gray eyes stare daggers at me.

"You fucking kneed me in the-" He starts with a low growl but I cut him off.

"Yeah, I'm sorry. But you kind of deserve it." I shrug stepping towards the door.

I'm not actually sure what i'm going to do now but I'm not going to wait for Eric to recover enough to attack me again.

"Where the fuck are you going?" He snaps.

I sigh deeply, struggling to calm my nerves.

My hand is already around the handle, unlocking it with the other.

As soon as the door is unlocked, I feel much safer.

Braver.

"I'm going to wash off last night, and give you some time to cool off." I admit sadly, the win making me a little bit brash. "Come find me after you clean all this shit up."

When I close the door behind me, I can still hear his howls of rage.

It makes my heart skip beats, almost excitedly. Exhilaration fills me.

Of course I'll have to face him again.

He's like the final boss in a video game. His first form, second form and final form.

Although I don't have an unlimited amount of lives.

Game over.

My feet carry me swiftly to the dorms, I don't stop to look for Four or Tris, or anyone. Although I would love to see a familiar face.

I want to be clean when I have to face my fate.

Faction-less.

The thought excites me a little, I can escape and go explore the world.

I wonder how far i'll be able to go.

Assuming Eric doesn't just straight up kill me.

The halls are empty and I silently wonder if its because everyone is waiting with bated breath to hear about my punishment.

This must be a very exciting week. Finals, a suicide, a runaway and then a war on abnegation.

When I finally reach the dorms and go inside, the only person present is Peter.

His hair is dripping wet, probably having just taken a shower.

He looks up, expression shocked.

"I thought you'd be half way to Faction-less by now." He admits, incredulously.

"I could still end up there." I shrug at him. "Anyway you should probably get out of here."

"Why?" he asks.

I'm about to tell him that Eric might come in here any second and that Peter could become a casualty of our feud but I change my mind and walk directly to the showers, kicking my boots off before entering.

Peter can steal them if he wants.

Without stripping I turn the shower on and the cold water comes spraying out, over my head, my face, my clothing.

Drenching me, and making me tense, flinching at how unbearably cold it is.

But it makes me aware.

I can feel every part of my body waking up.

Almost as though I've been sleeping this whole time.

It's like I'm standing in the pouring rain.

My eyes close involuntarily as I let the water cascade over me.

It's too cold to soothe my aches and pains but it's good enough.

"What are you. . .?" Peter asks me and he's come closer to the showers.

"It'll be dangerous if you stay." I tell him without opening my eyes, water drips into my mouth but I swallow it. "Don't touch my boots."

He laughs, and I feel a slight smile ghost over my own lips.

Each drop of water that connects against my skin calms me down in fractions, eroding my fear and guilt. Almost to where it's bearable.

Soon enough I can hear Peters footsteps becoming faint as he leaves the dorm.

I'm finally alone.

I brace myself for the crushing and overwhelming pain that is sure to follow, now that I have no distraction.

The crushing defeat of my failure.

I didn't make it to Abnegation.

To my surprise the sadness never comes.

But instead an overwhelming rage takes over and I see red through my eyelids.

My fist slams against the shower wall, crunching sickeningly.

Sharp pains shoot up my arm and I cradle my abused fist to my chest.

I laugh a little because of how much I hurt on the inside and the out.

But I didn't wake up.

Maybe I won't ever wake up.

Its funny how they call it heartbreak when it feels like every part of your body is broken too.

I did this to myself.

Dragging my feet I head to my bed and grab out the spare clothes.

Stripping slowly, peeling each layer of soaked clothing off my skin like I'm shedding a second skin.

Whenever I try to use my hurt fist, it sends horrible dagger like pains all the way up my arm.

Hopefully it isn't broken.

What a small thing to make this situation much, much worse.

I can hear footfalls outside the dorm and I brace myself for Eric, but instead I'm greeted by Tris, Christina and Will.

Their anxious and worried expressions warm my heart a bit, but the thought of my failure still stings.

I've failed them.

They don't know, but they still wrap their arms around me. Embracing me, holding me. My darkness, my selfishness.

Eric is not the only one that can hurt me.

"Peter said you were in here!" Tris exclaims, reaching me first.

Her voice is calming.

I'm surprised Peter would tell them, maybe he knew I needed someone.

"Are you crazy?!" Christina yells at me punching me hard in the shoulder. It hurts. "Why didn't you tell us? Why did you just run away?"

I flinch at her tone, confused.

"What happened to Al . . .It's not your fault. . ." Tris starts.

"We're all hurt over Al, Meg. You aren't alone. We're all here for you." Will says sternly.

"I know, I'm sorry." I say defeated-ly.

But I'm not just sorry for running away from them.

I'm not just sorry about Al.

I'm sorry for everything else too.

They're genuine.

I'm a fool for thinking they were my friends.

They're much too good for me.

I don't deserve them.

Christina's eyes soften and she hugs me again. They crush my throbbing arm and I let out a soft cry of pain.

"Are you hurt?!" Tris exclaims grabbing my fist and examining it closely.

"Self inflicted." I answer before they can suspect anyone of hurting me.

"Let's go to the infirmary." Will says in a no-nonsense tone, they start dragging me, Tris holds my abused fist protectively.

Will grabs my boots and actually helps me slide them back on.

We reach the door but Eric is standing there looking as murderous as before.

Everyone stops, and I vaguely hear Tris' sharp intake of breath.

Will starts to move in front of us protectively, I see Eric's eyes flick to him angrily and then back to mine. Holding them in place.

I step out of their hold and place a reassuring hand on Will's arm, I would much rather they didn't get hurt by this raging maniac.

His gray eyes stormy, raging. The muscles in his neck tense. The tattoos move each time he swallows.

Christina grabs my arm tightly.

"Leave us." Eric snarls at them.

They start leaving hesitantly, only when I give them my best reassuring smile and shrug do they guiltily turn and leave.

You're all too good for me.

I'm not surprised that Tris stands there defiantly.

She's the Heroine, she'll always try to save someone in need of saving.

Even if they are undeserving.

As undeserving of her as I am.

"Tris, I'll be alright. I promise." I say to her smiling but the turmoil in my heart is real, I have to struggle to keep my voice steady.

I can see Eric relax a little, as though to get Tris to leave.

"Are you sure?" She asks. But I think she's asking Eric.

"Get out of here Stiff." He huffs, he must still be in pain from our first bout. It almost makes me laugh, a small chuckle does escape me.

Eric grabs me by my shirt collar and yanks me forward.

I glare into his eyes but I can't fight the smile already on my lips.

His face is a mask of anger, he's almost baring his teeth.

But I can't help it. It's almost too funny.

I'm trapped in this fictional world, with this impossibly fictional angry person.

Tris runs up to put a hand on Eric's arm. "Stop it!"

"I won't hurt her." Eric snaps at Tris, lying. He does release me though, and I'm safely on my two feet again, I back up until my back is against the hard concrete wall.

My fist throbs, and I think it's getting swollen.

This situation is indeed, much worse.

"I'll come see you in a bit, okay Tris?" I ask her, and I'm almost getting annoyed that she doesn't leave, I'm not in a rush to die but I'd rather not stall the inevitable. "We're just going to talk."

Tris' eyes search mine and I try my best to make them look brave, and sincere.

The effort actually makes me feel braver and calms my racing heart.

She nods once and finally turns away, her footsteps receding down the empty hall.

I watch her until she's gone before I turn back to Eric.

He looks almost relaxed.

"Round two?" I ask incredulously, with a small laugh.

His relaxed posture is immediately thrown.

Like he's Jacob black erupting through his human form and exploding into his giant wolf.

If only this were Twilight. I'd be dead by now. Or maybe an awesome vampire.

His hands wrap around my neck tightly, choking the air out of me. Pressing me further into the wall, lifting me off my feet.

 _God this hurts._

My hands grab at his arms, instinctively. My abused fist screaming in pain at being used.

I don't close my eyes.

His eyes are holding mine in a burning anxious glare.

The storm is definitely raging

But his hands loosen.

I slide back down onto my feet.

 _What the fuck?_

"You disappoint me." I say my anger is building. I expected his rage. I expected his hate. I expected this fight.

He rocks back and laughs out loud.

His laugh is vicious, forced, predatory.

Startling me to the core.

I'm instantly filled with shock and confusion.

"You are so fucking infuriating." He admits.

"So kill me." I say angrily, stepping forward. "Or finally, send me to Faction-less. Big bad boss."

"That would be too easy." He shrugs. Stepping forward, he brushes a strand of wet hair away from my neck, gently touching, skin to skin.

I tense at his touch, flinching away from it.

There are no more butterflies.

* * *

Hey hey!

I hope my random SMUT scenes didn't scare anyone off :P

Please and thanks for reading and reviews!

I really appreciate it.


	10. Game Over

"The devil doesn't come dressed in a red cape

And pointy horns.

He comes as everything you've ever wished for."

-Tucker Max

* * *

We stand there glaring at each other for what feels like eternity.

Neither one of us ready to throw the next punch.

But also because I'm not sure how to reply to his 'That would be too easy.' Shit.

All I know is that he fills me with rage and a crushing helplessness.

Together those emotions eat away at my insides.

I vaguely wonder if the lack of butterflies signify that I've gotten over him, or if i'm too far gone.

I just can't accept it.

There is definitely a dark and unwanted feeling there.

A weakness.

My heart beats painfully, and each beat matches the throb of my slightly swollen fist.

There is no way that I can win.

"So what now?" I ask breaking through our silence.

His burning gray eyes become extinguished calmer, curious as he deliberates the question.

"Why did you run away?" He asks in his usual harsh tone. "And don't fucking lie to me."

"I wasn't going to wait for you to recover." I joke.

He grins slightly.

Relaxing his posture.

"You know that's not what I'm asking." He sighs, and leans back against the wall opposite from me.

"I don't know how to answer you." I admit.

I really don't.

I was running from a million different things it seems.

"Fine" Eric says dragging a hand through his hair, he notices my fist and kicks away from the wall reaching, I flinch and step back.

He scowls and grabs my wrist.

"Stop touching me! I just took a shower." I argue.

He squeezes hard, as though trying to snap it in half. I gasp as the pain sends white spots across my vision.

I kick him in the shin, hard because I remember he got hit by the chair there.

But instead of incapacitating him, It makes him more forceful as he pushes me up against the wall, still holding my wrist.

I push at his chest with my free arm but he's always going to be more powerful.

Then his lips are on mine ferociously, he forces my mouth open with his own.

What if someone fucking sees this?

When his tongue invades my mouth I bite down hard, and I taste his blood.

He inhales sharply, and withdraws.

"That fucking hurt." He growls.

"Good. Don't kiss me again." I threaten.

He releases my wrist and grabs me around the waist lifting me off the ground.

I actually try to knee him again but he sweeps me off my feet and against his chest.

Holding me sickeningly bridal style.

"What the fuck Eric!" I say panicked when he starts walking into the dorms.

He wouldn't dare.

"I'll put you down when you tell me why you ran." He snarls. Taking another step intimidatingly.

I struggle against him, pushing harder, ignoring the pain in my fist.

What the hell is he thinking?

What do I say?

We're inside now and my heart is beating loudly in my ears.

I'm hyperventilating.

"Okay, okay!" I say my voice frantic.

He stops.

I'm unsure of his intention.

But I don't want to find out.

"I ran away because. . ." I start and I look up as his terrifyingly beautiful gray eyes.

"Well?" He asks.

"I ran away because I love you." I lie as innocently as possible.

His expression becomes blank immediately and he tenses against me.

Shocked.

I use this moment of his stunned silence to wrap my arms around his neck.

And pull him into a soft kiss.

He doesn't kiss me back.

Probably shocked.

Maybe I'm over doing it.

His brows are furrowed.

And then he starts putting me down slowly.

Back on my feet and then he let's go of my waist.

I slide my arms off of him and take a step back.

He watches me, almost with a wary look.

Like I'm the dangerous one.

And then without a word he leaves.

Walks right out.

Have I won?

I was once told that nothing scares a man away faster than using the word love.

I'll admit the word love scared the shit out of me too.

I can't believe I just said that to him.

It's almost worth it to have Eric leave speechless.

But now the battle is changed and I have no idea what to expect from him.

The horrible consuming pain in my heart might indicate some sort of truth to it.

But he could never know that.

My lips burn from when I kissed him.

I head over to the sinks and spit a few times, washing my face with the cold water.

My hands are shaking.

I grab the towel I ignored earlier and start drying my still damp hair.

I'm exhausted. The lack of sleep is apparent in the faint blue circles under my eyes.

I can almost hardly recognize the girl in the mirror staring at me.

Dark brown tired eyes, long damp hair, pale lifeless skin.

I'm like a zombie.

I lean into the sink and put weight on my hurt fist.

Trying to get the pain to wake me up.

Wake the fuck up.

.

* * *

.

 **Tobias/Four POV**

I'm rushing to the dorms because Tris asked me to make sure Meg was alright.

When I get there I don't see Eric, or Meg.

Where did they go?

I head inside and look around, nothing is out of place.

Where is Meg?

Worry prickles up my spine.

I leave the dorms and head for the chasm, its the only place I can think of.

Dozens of people are standing around at this time of day.

"Have you seen Meg?" I ask Uriah, a Dauntless born initiate on my way there.

He shakes his head bewildered.

 _Fuck._

I ask another person who also denies seeing her.

"Excuse me have you seen Meg?" I ask someone tapping him on the shoulder.

"No?" He answers and when he turns I see that it's Peter.

When I get to the chasm no one is there.

More worry.

I run all the way back to Max's office and knock on the door, no one answers.

It's unlocked so I let myself in.

This room too is empty.

Nothing is out of place.

My heart is beating excruciatingly quick, And I feel responsible for Meg.

What if I'm the only one who knows her secret? She must feel so impossibly alone.

And I've been angry at her all this time.

She went to Eric for comfort.

I pant, putting my hands on my knees to catch my breath.

Where. . .?

Before I know it I'm running to Eric's apartment.

I've honestly never been there before.

My fist is pounding on the door.

I realize my hands are shaking.

I listen closely to any sounds behind his door.

At first I think no one is inside, its quiet.

Until I hear shuffling and items being thrown out of the way.

The locks are being pulled back, and Eric opens the door to glare at me.

"What do you fucking want Stiff?"

"Where the fuck is Meg?" I demand.

"She should be in the dorms." He answers feigning indifference.

I don't believe him and push past him into his apartment.

His room is empty.

Besides and over turned table and a smashed chair.

Even his bed is perfectly kept.

I rush to his bathroom and throw the door open.

Empty.

I stalk back to Eric.

He watches me with a bewildered furious glare.

"She wasn't in the dorms. Where did she go?" I ask again, annoyance heavy in my voice.

I have to control the urge to punch Eric in the face.

"Why would I care about some pathetic little initiate?" Eric snaps.

"I saw you last night Eric." I admit, angrily. Letting that dark and ugly secret out.

Eric's face just looks surprised and then enraged.

"You fucking-" He starts, taking a step towards me.

I can take him, I could destroy him.

"Where is she?" I demand. "Or I'll fucking tell Max."

Eric stands straighter.

"I don't fucking know, but I'll find her." He says, and he has a deadly look in his eyes, he slams a fist into the wall before stalking out of his room.

I hope I can find her first.

.

* * *

.

 **Meg's POV**

At first I have no idea where I'm going.

But I saw the building before, through Jeanine's office so I know I must be going in the right direction.

My feet carry me confidently through the streets.

Left, Right

Left, Right

Just like always.

It was unbelievably easy to get out of Dauntless.

Even with everyone looking at me, no one asked me anything and no one stopped me.

Eric probably thought I wouldn't try to leave again.

But actually. . .

I would feel really, really stupid if I got lost again.

Luckily there are people on the streets today.

"Hi, do you know which way to the Erudite building?" I ask a woman wearing Blue.

She obviously does.

She eyes me suspiciously, looking at me from over her glasses.

I smile at her expectantly.

"Just keep going straight on this road and turn right at the end, then left, and straight again." She sounds so no-nonsense.

Erudite are smart so I already know she's not bullshitting me.

The closer I get the more people dressed in blue and white there are.

I'm definitely heading to hell.

When the buildings end, I can finally see the glass monument with the same freshly mowed grass around it, like candor headquarters.

I vaguely wonder who the fuck cuts their grass.

But it's only a passing thought to help quell my anxiety, I wipe my hands on my pants for the third time.

My hand hurts less now, maybe because I've gotten used to the pain.

Some people look at me funny, suspiciously even, as I make my way down the winding sidewalks.

Probably because I'm the second Dauntless to show up here.

I don't know why I came here.

I'll probably regret this.

But I'm already at the doors.

With my hand wrapped firmly around the cold metal handle.

Nothing to lose.

I take a deep steadying breath before opening them and stepping inside.

The cool air assaults me and I shiver.

Of course its cold here.

"Excuse me miss, but you can't be here." A man comes at me, he's wearing glasses too and is flanked by another man who looks identical.

"Can I be here, if I wear your glasses?" I ask threateningly, when he tries to put his hands on me.

He stops, and I wonder if its because he went through the same situation with Tris.

I hope Tris whooped his ass.

"What the fuck are you doing here!?" A loud booming male voice yells over the silence of Erudite.

I flinch.

When I look up, above me on a winding staircase is Max.

Who is glaring down at me.

Beside him are two other Dauntless.

Well _fuck_.

"Well initiate!?" Max asks harshly.

"I'm here to speak to Jeanine." I say calmly.

But my heart is in turmoil.

He eyes me suspiciously.

And starts coming down the stairs, walking intimidatingly up to me.

My throat feels tight.

Even though the air in here is cold, I can feel myself heating up.

I put my hands up ready for a fight when the two Dauntless come to stand on either sides of me.

Neither of them touch me.

They both have guns.

"Now, why would you want to talk to Jeanine?" asks Max standing directly in front of me, closing a tight circle around me.

"Why would you?" I ask bravely, but it's a struggle keeping my voice steady.

His eyes narrow.

But then the corners of his lips turn up into a smile.

It makes a weird crawling sensation ghost over my spine.

"Alright" He says with a shrug, full of authority.

I eye him suspiciously.

He takes a step to the side, and holds his hand out like he's letting me go.

Just a small opening, when I walk past him he stares down at me.

I head up the stairs just vaguely aware that they're following me.

Their footsteps loud, like they're marching.

With each step up these stairs, I start to regret more and more coming here.

Once at the end of the stairs I top and look around unsure which way to go.

"Straight" Max commands from behind me. I listen.

Heading straight down the hall past dozens of glass offices and cubicles.

I spot Caleb Prior and he looks up curiously, sitting at a computer, one of many in the rows and rows of desks.

But I try to look ahead.

When I reach the far end, Jeanine spots us through her wall, standing immediately.

She gives Max a questioning look, almost reproving.

"Meg, to what do I owe this pleasure?" She asks, kindly. Once I get inside her little glass box of a room.

She gestures for me to take a seat. Which I do.

The chair is so modern and soft.

It doesn't feel right.

I start getting this queasy feeling in the pit of my stomach.

"Would you like some water?" She adds eyeing me with her intimidatingly blue eyes.

I forgot how nice she was.

It makes me uncomfortable.

"No, thank you." I answer, gripping the armrests.

I'm not here for the water.

Jeanine looks at me expectantly, and when she sees that I won't talk, she waves a hand for Max to get out.

He does, but I think he hesitates.

I don't hear the sound of his footsteps leaving until Jeanine tilts her head at him.

When I finally hear their footsteps recede from behind me I lean forward.

"You're going to lose."

She smiles, which confuses me.

"You are just like him." She laughs lightly, she tilts her head back and her short blonde hair bobs lightly.

Now I'm extremely confused.

This is not where I thought the conversation would go.

My mouth turns down in an involuntary frown.

I was already afraid, but now I realize I might be in big trouble.

"I already know I'm going to lose." Jeanine says walking around her desk.

I don't ever look away from her.

"Your brother told me."

What the fuck?

"What?!" I ask incredulously.

"I'll admit, when I first saw you I was so excited, I almost told you right there." She gushes, her blue eyes alight with excitement.

She even touches me lovingly on the head, running it through my hair.

I flinch away from her hands.

"Where is my brother?" I ask demanding-ly.

Where is Dale?

When was he here?

"Oh, he left." She says disappointingly, her lip even pouts a bit. "He went back."

I try to stand but she puts an arm on mine to stop me.

"He'll be back though." She says with a longing smile.

What the fuck is going on?

My thoughts are racing and my heart feels like its going to explode.

Someone enters the room, and she takes a small metal object from him.

Hiding it from view, my panic is spiking through the roof.

"You see, when he told me I would lose, I was already prepared. I'm still going to go through with it, though." She explains, twirling my hair between her fingers. "This is all just a pastime, my goal is much more. . .ambitious in nature."

Strong arms hold me down in the chair.

Max.

When did he come back inside?

Jeanine moves the hair away from my neck.

I tense, and kick away from her desk, forcing the chair to hit Max, he lets out a sharp exhale of air and the other two dauntless rush over to detain me.

They force me to stand, pushing the chair out of the way.

Max has my arms behind my back.

My injured fist screams in pain.

I struggle until one of the Dauntless points a gun at me.

This fucking sucks.

Jeanine smiles lovingly, stepping back towards me. "We don't need that." She says to the Dauntless who lowers his gun.

"What are you going to do to me?" I ask angrily, fearfully.

"I'm not going to do anything to you. I want you to become a Dauntless, and I want you to go through my sim."

"Why?"

I don't understand any of this.

"Because Meg, this is our story. You don't belong here." Jeanine says sadly.

Like I don't already know that.

But when was dale here?

And why didn't he come for me?

"But don't worry, after this, you'll fit right in. I actually made this serum for your brother." She sighs, flicking the side of a large needle. "But you are perfect."

None of this makes any sense at all.

Max kicks the back of my knees forcing me to fall onto my own.

Pulling my hair back violently to expose my neck.

Jeanine gives him a warning glance, before kneeling in front of me.

She gently touches my cheek and gives me a sickeningly loving stare.

Her eyes are too blue.

The serum is as blue as her eyes.

"You are going to be alright Meg. I promise." She whispers.

Plunging the needle deep in my neck.

I gasp in pain as I feel the liquid filling me.

I'm hyperventilating.

Max releases me and I fall to my hands and knees.

I'm panting, trying to breathe.

But I'm getting tunnel vision.

The ground under my hands feels far away, but it's right under me.

I can feel it.

I close my eyes unwillingly.

And the darkness takes over.

Game over.

.

.

.

When I open my eyes again the first person I see is Jeanine.

She's smiling at me, with both her lips and her bright blue eyes.

I feel tired.

But also okay.

Nothing hurts.

"How are you feeling Meg?" She asks me, her voice is laced with honey, it's so sweet.

In my hands is a glass of water.

I take a small sip, the water swishes down my throat.

The water is good here.

"I feel fine." I answer her honestly, after swallowing another sip.

"Are you ready to go back to Dauntless?"

At first I'm unsure, but I think she notices my uncertainty.

"You have your final test tomorrow, and then you become a full fledged Dauntless." She beams at me, like she's proud of me. "I'll be there to watch, and wish you luck. I know you'll do fantastically."

The corners of my lips turn up in an involuntary smile. "Oh right, I can't believe I forgot about that."

I'll finally be a Dauntless.

"Max will be taking you back now, alright? Don't cause anymore trouble." She says reprimanding me.

"I won't." I say nodding my head.

I shouldn't have ran away.

It was selfish of me.

I stand up and notice Max is waiting expectantly, holding the door open.

"Thank you." I say smiling and I walk out before him.

His answering smile is patient, authoritative.

But I'm not sure which way to go to leave.

Max puts a hand to the small of my back and starts leading me straight.

His hand on my back sends a prickly uncomfortable tremble up my spine.

Like insects.

I take a deep breath to calm my nerves.

We continue walking past glass cubicles and rooms.

Should I have remembered coming in here?

I pass by Caleb Prior, and I smile at him.

He looks at me confused.

But doesn't he know me?

He's my friends brother.

My smile becomes a frown when he continues to look bewildered.

Oh well.

Erudite is really pretty.

I vaguely wonder why everything is made of glass.

Max leads me down flights of steps, I feel each one firmly under my boot.

When we reach the doors I feel like I've forgotten something important.

But I dismiss the thought when Max opens the door for me, and I step out into the warm sunlight.

It warms me to the core, I give a involuntary shiver.

It was really cold inside.

I feel powerful, as though the sun revitalized me.

I squint my eyes against the bright light, at the road.

We're heading for a giant black vehicle.

It looks really familiar, but It couldn't be.

I've never ridden in one before.

A Dauntless opens the door for me and I nod my thanks before sliding in onto the leather seat.

He then walks around and gets in on the other side, sliding next to me.

Without meaning to I put my hand in my jacket pocket.

But I have nothing in my pockets.

"When we get back to Dauntless I'll give you time to relax before sending Eric to fetch you for the announcement and your punishment, understand?"

"Yes sir." I answer.

But what was my punishment?

"You'll be cleaning guns for the next unforeseeable future."

Oh, okay. That doesn't sound too bad.

Considering I ran away.

At least I'm not going to Faction-less.

I lean back into the seat and rest my elbow on the door handle. Pressing my cheek into my hand as I gaze out the window.

Buildings pass by as blurs, they drive fairly slow, but I know the ride is a short one.

I count how many red buildings we pass but I lose count quickly.

I vaguely feel the Dauntless next to me shift uncomfortably in his seat.

His elbow pokes me in the side.

Soon enough the vehicle stops, the engine continues to run.

Humming loudly through my bones when it becomes stationary.

It shudders as though it doesn't want to stop moving.

When my hand is on the handle to open the door, Max is already opening it for me.

Maybe I'm slower today.

I flinch when the door slams behind me.

When did my feet touch the ground?

"If someone asks you where you were what do you say?" Max's voice is right next to my ear.

I know the answer to this.

"That you took me to the wall, to show me what it means to be a Dauntless."

To be a Dauntless is to protect all life in the fence.

Dauntless maintain peace and protect all factions.

That's why I want to be a Dauntless.

To protect my friends.

I won't run again.

"Very good." Max says smiling. He puts his hand on my back again, leading me up the large steps into the compound.

My heart beats painfully at being back here.

I'm excited.

Max opens the doors for me once again and I step inside.

I'm nervous.

People glance at me curiously.

I put my head down embarrassed by all the unwanted attention.

"Meg!" It's Christina.

I let out a breath of relief and take a step towards her advancing form.

Her face is full of concern and curiosity.

I haven't been a very good friend to make her worry.

But I'm with Max. I turn around and look at him questioningly.

He nods his head, giving me permission.

When I turn back around I'm being tackled by her full weight, I stagger trying not to fall over.

I laugh at her show of affection.

"We've been looking all over for you!" She says angrily, slapping me on the arm repeatedly.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry." I laugh deflecting each blow.

Her face softens and finally breaks into a smile. "I told myself if you were alive I was going to kill you myself!" She punches me in the arm.

"I'm sorry." I say. "Thank you for worrying about me."

But why would she think I was dead?

"I'm fine." I say reassuringly. "How are you?"

I know she must be sad over Al's death too, I was selfish and ran away, instead of consoling my friends.

There are people around me hurting too.

"Well I was worried about you but if you're really okay. . .We need to go tell Tris and Will. Everyone was out looking for you!" Christina explains.

They didn't know I went with Max?

She links her arm in mine and starts leading me to the Pit.

When we get inside people are still looking at me, questioningly and reprovingly.

Sheesh I know I ran away but why does everyone have to make me feel worse about it?

The nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach makes me feel a bit nauseous.

Christina tiptoes and looks around, searching for Tris and Will.

I look around too.

Glancing at each entrance and searching through the dozens of faces.

But instead I find Four, his eyes are wide and angry.

He comes over to us intimidatingly.

"Where the hell were you!?" He says severely, I flinch at his tone.

"I was with Max." I say defensively. His expression becomes surprised and then confused. Then finally becomes angry.

Which makes me really confused.

But behind him is Tris who immediately wraps her arms around my waist.

"I'm so glad you're alright." She huffs, catching her breath.

I breathe in her comforting scent.

"Sorry for making you worry." I say sadly, squeezing her tightly with one arm because Christina is still linked around my other.

Four grabs the arm I have around Tris and looks at it confused. Turning my hand over in front of his face.

I don't like this familiarity.

So I snatch it away from him.

Giving him a questioning look.

What is his problem?

He looks back at me suspiciously, his mouth is a thin line.

Dark brown eyes narrowing by a fraction.

But strong arms wrap around all of us as Will pulls the three of us into an embrace.

I close my eyes as the familiar bubbly feeling fills me.

They make me feel so happy.

I feel as though I haven't seen them in forever.

"We thought Eric might've killed you." Will says next to my ear.

It makes me laugh.

"Why would he kill me?" I ask incredulously.

But three pairs of eyes look at me confused.

Fours expression becomes even more severe.

Tris looks worried.

What's going on?

"I need to borrow her for a minute." Four says and everyone releases me, regretfully.

He pulls me away and out of the Pit, towards the infirmary.

His grip is tight around my wrist.

When did he grab my wrist?

When we're right outside he pulls me around to face him.

"Where the hell were you? Tell me the truth." He says harshly.

Maybe I should tell him.

He's my instructor.

"If I tell you will I get in trouble?" I ask curiously.

His eyebrow raises incredulously.

But he grabs my chin and turns my head to the side, brushing my hair away from my neck.

I reflexively step back away from him.

Why is he touching me?

My heart is beating painfully in my chest as I begin to hyperventilate.

"I'm not going to hurt you." Four says reassuringly. "Tell me where you were, I promise you won't get into trouble. I won't tell anyone. You can trust me, remember?"

He steps forward with his hands up gesturing good faith.

I can trust Four.

Why was I not supposed to tell him I was at Erudite anyway?

"I was at Erudite. Jeanine wished me luck for tomorrow." I answer truthfully. "She told me not to cause anymore problems."

Four looks distraught. "Did Max force you to go?"

"No. . .?" I say confused.

When did Max take me there?

I blink a few times because I start to feel dizzy.

My hand is on the wall to steady myself, but I don't remember moving it.

"Answer one more question for me." Four says and he sounds like he's in pain.

I nod my head vigorously.

"Where are you from?" He asks.

The question confuses me greatly.

What faction did I transfer from?

Why does that even matter?

I thought we weren't supposed to talk about our old factions.

"Amity?" I ask like a question because I'm unsure what he means. He runs a frantic hand through his hair and his eyes have become wider.

"Listen to me, it'll wear off and you'll remember everything." Four says urgently, his hands are on the sides of my face. "Try to fight."

When did he grab my face?

I grab his arms and try to take them off.

"Four, get off!" I say panicking. "What the fuck are you even talking about?!"

He releases me but as soon as he does another person has me.

A hand grasps my shoulder tightly and I gasp in pain as I get thrown against the wall.

The impact forces the air out of my lungs.

It's Eric and he looks extremely angry, his gray eyes are burning.

"What the fuck?" I ask incredulously.

I'm instantly angry.

My heart hurts.

"Where the fuck have you been?" He asks me harshly, and when he tries to grab me Four stops him, gripping his arm tightly.

"Eric. Stop." Four says calmly.

Eric turns to glare at him.

"You don't tell me what to fucking do Stiff." Eric snaps at him, snatching his arm out of his grasp.

My hands are shaking so I clench them tightly to my side.

I can hear my heart beating in my ears.

"She was with Max." Four says.

Eric looks back at me and his pierced brow is raised slightly.

What does any of that matter?

Eric is a leader shouldn't he already know I was with a fellow leader?

"Can someone explain what the fuck is going on?" I say, struggling to keep my voice steady.

"What the fuck did you guys do to her?" Four asks, animosity filling his voice.

Eric looks surprised and just continues to look at me questioningly.

"Well, I wasn't informed of this." Eric says almost calmly.

He takes a step towards me and I step back instinctively.

He scowls and grabs me by my wrists pulling me forward.

I have to force myself not to kick him in the shin.

He releases one wrist and grabs my chin, the same way Four did.

"What the fuck is on my neck?" I ask incredulously. "Will you guys stop touching me?"

My free hand is trying to pry his hand off of my wrist, curling under his fingers.

This is ridiculous, one for an instructor to put his hands on me like that.

Another for a leader for fucks sake, to touch me.

I struggle out of his grasp.

"You watch her, while I go. . .Actually it's none of you business." Eric says dropping my chin and wrist immediately.

Four glares at Eric's retreating form.

"What is going on?" I ask Four and I can feel tears building behind my eyes threatening to spill.

Am I in trouble?

My wrists throb from being handled so roughly.

He gives me a sympathetic look.

"Shh, shh, don't cry." He starts, reaching for me but I flinch back. "You'll be alright. . ."

But that doesn't sound true.

I'm afraid.

"I'll go send for your friends." He says shaking his head. He has a faraway look.

I nod my head and tears start escaping.

My heart is beating so painfully.

He leaves.

.

I'm on my bed in the dorms now.

When did I get here?

When I look up from my pillow, I'm alone.

I sit up and instantly feel dizzy. Like I've experienced vertigo.

Is my mind. . .

I stand up quickly, swaying a bit, catching myself on the bed before I fall over.

A queasy feeling begins at the pit of my stomach and I stumble to the toilets.

Bile rises up, burning my throat, filling my mouth before pouring into the metallic dome. My hand holding hair out of the way, while my other hand supports me against the wall.

I sag to the floor next to the bowl.

Breathing heavily.

Letting my head roll to the side.

I feel like shit.

The fluorescent lights attack my eyes.

I close them trying to blink away the dizziness.

Another retch.

More puke.

.

Now I'm at the sinks.

splashing cold water over my face.

Rinsing my mouth out, spitting several times.

I remove my jacket and drop it on the ground.

I feel really hot.

The girl staring back at me in my reflection looks pale, sallow, almost sickly.

Am I sick?

Maybe I really should have gone to the infirmary.

I close my eyes involuntarily.

The girl in front of me does the same.

.

There are noises around me now.

"Hey, Meg are you alright?" Asks Will.

I open my eyes and I'm sitting at our bench in the cafeteria.

My breathing is labored.

"Uhm yeah, I'm fine." I say, licking my lips. They feel dry. My mouth feels cottony.

Tris' cold hand touches my forehead, I vaguely feel a sheen of sweat over my face and I wipe it with the back of my jacket.

My hand goes into my pocket to grab something out.

But there's nothing in my pocket.

"What time is it?" I ask forcing my eyes to look at everyone around me.

It's just Will, Christina and Tris.

"It's almost 7, it's 6:46." Says Will and my eyes focus on him.

He looks at me with concern and pushes a plate of food at me.

When I look at the food my stomach feels hollow.

But I remember puking so I don't want to eat.

"Hey." Says a voice, and I look to see Peter.

He's holding his fist out to me.

"What?" I ask.

But I hold my hand out under his fist.

He drops a small black object into my outstretched palm.

I almost don't feel it.

It's a piercing, a small black ring.

"What's this?" I ask confused.

Does it look like I have piercings?

"It was yours, I'm just returning it." He shrugs with a grin.

"Oh, okay thanks." I answer.

I don't watch to see if he leaves.

I press my cheek to the cold table.

and close my eyes.

.

"Hey Meg, they're making an announcement." Christina whispers in my ear.

I open one eye at a time and let the sights and sounds flood back in.

Overwhelming my senses.

"What time is it?" I ask, dragging my tongue across my teeth.

"It's 7:03." Will answers. He's my personal time keeper.

"Are you alright?" Tris asks me rubbing my back. "Do you want to go lay down in the dorm?"

"I'm fine, i'm fine." I say with a small tight laugh, waving my hand lazily.

I'm sitting up now and my eyes focus on Max on the second floor, leaning over the railing.

Eric stands a bit in the back.

When our eyes meet, my heart skips a beat.

I apply pressure on my sternum.

How strange.

"Everyone quiet down!" Max's voice booms and echoes over the cafeteria. It's much too loud.

But it becomes quiet again.

I vaguely feel like I'm underwater and Max's voice becomes muffled.

I swallow a few times as my mouth fills with saliva.

All of a sudden there's a giant screen, a hologram flickering over the open space and everyone is craning their necks, crowding around to get a good view.

Al is walking up to the edge of the chasm. . .

I turn away, unable to watch.

My heart hurts.

Max's voice is inside me now, as though it went through my ears.

"An act of bravery and courageousness!" Max says.

But where did the rest of the words go?

My cheek is on the cold table again.

Closing my eyes.

"Camaraderie!"

.

When I open them I'm standing and everyone is around me, patting me on the back.

Pulling and pushing me into embraces.

Giving me words of congratulations.

Commending my bravery.

What did I do?

More vertigo.

"Sorry for your loss." It's the Dauntless nurse with blonde hair, she kisses me on the cheek.

I'm confused and my heart is beating excruciatingly fast.

I wipe my hands against my pants.

"Hang in there, girl." Says Uriah and he kisses me on the cheek too.

I glance around frantically for Tris or Christina

But everyone around me is Dauntless I don't know.

Then someone is pulling my jacket from behind.

Pulling me to a safe place.

.

I'm sitting on the stairs leading up to the second floor.

Eric is kneeling in front of me.

The back of his hand is against my forehead.

I flinch away from his hand.

"How. . ." I start.

Glancing frantically around me.

Whats happening?

"You're having a reaction. Keep breathing." He instructs. "Take deep breaths."

I listen, breathing in and out.

Inhale.

Exhale.

.

I'm sitting in the chair in Max's office.

I search for Eric.

He's standing to the side, behind me.

I let out a sigh of relief.

Max looks at me with concern, and taps the desk with his fingers.

I can almost feel each tap in my soul.

I open my mouth and close it immediately because I have no words.

I watch as Max slides back and opens his desk drawer, taking out a small silver case.

He gently places it on the desk and the metal scrapes across it, making horrible screeching noises.

But I'm afraid to close my eyes.

He prepares a needle.

I wipe my sweaty palms on the armrests.

Eric tilts my head to the side, pulling my hair out of the way and over the backrest.

I leave my head tilted even when Eric isn't holding it.

Max hands him the syringe from across his desk.

I feel a wet sensation being rubbed over my skin.

Antiseptic wipe?

The liquid in the syringe is a beautiful blue color.

Blue like Jeanine's eyes.

"Relax" Eric's voice says, its smooth, and soothing.

I relax without meaning to.

"The serum was meant for her brother." Max says, he sounds disapproving.

"Then why are we using it on her?" Eric asks, he sounds curious.

My brother?

I'm listening intently.

Faction before blood.

I have no blood.

I feel the needle sliding in, and I gasp when the liquid starts filling my neck, making goosebumps spread over my body and my hairs raise.

"Meg, have you been having any strange symptoms?"

I'm sitting up straight now and I can feel a band aid on my neck.

"What?" I ask, but I feel like Max asked that question minutes ago.

No one answers.

"SB1." Max nods to Eric.

"5 ml, every 2 times a day, until after their final." Eric confirms.

.

I'm outside now.

And Eric has his hands on my arms, gently shaking me.

His gray eyes are filled with concern.

How strange.

It doesn't match.

He opens his mouth but I don't hear the words.

"What?" I ask.

Everything comes into focus now.

His gray eyes hold me in an anxious stare.

"Are you alright?" He asks, his lips move perfectly with each word.

"Uhm, yes. I think so." I answer and I swallow, testing my throat.

I stretch my arms and stomp my feet, assessing myself.

I feel good.

He eyes me questioningly, with his pierced brow raised.

My hand is up smoothing his brow.

"It looks like a smiley face." I laugh.

But I withdraw my hand immediately, covering my mouth with it.

I just touched a leaders face.

He sighs, pinching his bridge as though fighting a headache.

"You'll be alright after tomorrow." He says.

"Cause I'll be a Dauntless." I say smiling, the thought of finally finishing my initiation is thrilling.

He sighs deeply.

"Yeah." He says tiredly. "You'll be a full fledged Dauntless."

"When am I supposed to start cleaning guns?" I ask curiously. Max told me that my punishment was going to last for almost forever, basically.

"We'll have you start next week, alright?" Eric asks me, he sounds really nice, patient.

He's not as scary as I remember.

And he's got a really handsome face. . .

My face heats up as I realize i'm staring at his lips.

"Go back to your friends." He commands, dragging a hand through his hair.

"Okay." I answer, turning on my heel, walking to the stairs.

When I turn to go down them I see Eric put his forehead against the wall from the corner of my eye.

Maybe he's tired.

I shrug and continue down the stairs.

But my heart hurts.

"Meg!" Tris exclaims grabbing my hand. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, you seem kind of out of it." Christina supplies.

"uhm, yeah I'm fine actually." I say smiling at them.

But my heart kind of really hurts.

.

* * *

.

 **Christina's POV**

We're all sitting at the table now and Meg looks lively, she has some color in her cheeks.

We get her to eat a little by making it a game.

I'm rolling a piece of bread between my hands, into a ball. Just like before, and we toss them into each others mouths.

"Meg!" I call and she opens her mouth obediently. I toss it but it bounces off her cheek.

She laughs clutching her stomach.

Everything seems back to normal.

"Hey guys!" Yells Uriah cheerfully. His dimpled face is so adorable. "Meg, Tris, Christina, and William!"

He walks up behind Tris and Meg, twirling a strand of her black hair around his pointer finger.

I think he might be flirting.

"Hi Uriah." She answers plainly.

Meg seems oblivious.

I've never seen them together ever, I didn't even know they knew each others names.

"So we're having a little get together tonight, up on the roof." He starts, his brown eyes are twinkling. "You guys are more than welcome to come."

My chest swells excitedly.

This is our last night as initiates, we should definitely party!

"I'm so in!" I squeal. "So are they!" I add gesturing to a confused looking Meg and an indecisive Tris.

They're both too cautious and should let loose sometimes.

It would do them some good.

"Perfect, I'll see you girls tonight, and you too Will." He says winking, oh-be-still my beating heart.

Will nudges me from the side, I wink at him.

He knows I only have the hots for him, but I can still look, as long as I don't touch.

"But what do they plan on doing?" Meg asks confused.

"Well the last time I went with him, I was put in a zip-line and dangled over the city." Tris laughs.

Meg gives her a horrified look, brows furrowed.

"Oh, lets do our make-up and make our hair pretty." Will jokes, femininely

But it's no joke to me.

"We need some dresses!" I exclaim.

The idea taking form in my head.

I am an unstoppable force.

"Get up, get up!" I yell, sliding out of the bench and running around behind Tris, I put my hands under her arms mockingly dragging her out.

She laughs lightly and complies.

"Where are we. . ." Meg starts to ask but then she stops, she still gets kind of sad at random times.

I think she hasn't gotten over Al yet.

I press her cheeks between my hands and get her to make a pucker face.

Trying to send her my positive energy.

"Getting dresses!" I exclaim, while she stands.

I link my arms into theirs and begin the walk to the clothing depot.

Will follows behind us obediently, my sexy shadow.

"I don't really want a dress." Meg complains, and Tris agrees with her.

They are so alike.

But total opposites.

Tris is bright, maybe its just because of her hair, and Meg seems kind of dark and mysterious.

But again it could just be because of their hair.

Once inside the dimly lit shop, I drop their arms and run to the racks of dresses. They're mainly black but some of them have trims of red.

Tris hesitantly joins me, but Meg stands by the door.

I give Will a look saying 'Make her move'.

When he sees my face he gently pushes her towards us, and it's like she realizes she just fazed out and joins us, cheerful again.

I find a super cute strapless black dress and I already know that I want it.

I hold it in front of myself and model it for Will, he whistles loudly.

Making me blush profusely, but I love it.

Tris laughs, shaking her head at us.

Meg flips through dresses smiling, blushing.

"Oh for goodness sake you guys!" I complain, neither of them have found a dress yet.

And I'm getting the feeling like they aren't even trying.

I grab the first one that I find with thin straps and flares out at the waist, holding it out to Tris.

She accepts it begrudgingly.

"Do this for me" I pout. She sighs.

I grab another one, that's long sleeved, V-neck and also flares out at the waist.

Holding it out to Meg, she reaches out to take it but her hand stops half way.

I close the distance myself and she moves again, smiling gratefully.

I realize that I gave them dresses opposite from each other.

"Do you like it?" I ask hopefully.

She glances down at it and smiles "Yeah, it's very pretty."

When we go to sign them out I insist that we use my points because it was my idea, they argue but I'll never let up.

We rush back to the dorms, Will carrying my dress.

He insists that he wants to wear his regular clothes. I don't mind because honestly, the boy looks good in anything.

"Go put them on now!" I snap at them and they laugh, walking together to the showers.

Will turns around when I start to strip, although he could watch.

I don't mind.

The dress fits perfectly, and I love it.

When I walk to the sinks, checking myself out in the mirror I do a little turn.

Will kisses my bare shoulder, making lovely tingles through me like electricity.

"What should I do to my hair?" I ask him excitedly.

"Leave it, it looks good the way it is." He answers charmingly.

I pout, it doesn't seem all that exciting.

Oh well.

I rummage through my stuff till I find the make-up I bought a few days ago.

When Tris comes out she twirls her dress, giving me a shy smile.

It goes well with her curves.

"Wait till he sees you in that." I wink at her. I'm obviously talking about Four.

It's a secret thing, because I know it's against the rules.

She blushes and tries to hide her face behind her hair.

So cute.

Meg doesn't come out for a while, and I start getting worried.

Tris looks behind her when she notices my worried glance and walks back towards the showers.

I drop everything onto my bed and walk in after her, worry prickling up my spine.

But Tris comes walking out holding Meg's hand lightly, she's blushing profusely.

Her pale face is completely red.

I let out a relieved sigh.

Gosh Meg.

The dress looks good on her also. But it looks like she lost some weight.

Depression really does a number on some people.

Which is weird because I thought Amity was all about kindness and happiness.

Always happy.

"Are you alright?" I ask trying to keep my voice calm.

Sometimes I wish I could slap her in the face and tell her to get over it.

But If I did that I might accidentally break her.

"Yeah, I was just embarrassed, I don't usually wear dresses above the knees." She confesses.

"Well you know what kind of dresses I used to wear." Jokes Tris and we all laugh.

"Let's do our make-up." I command, pulling them both to sit down on my bed.

I hand Tris some red lipstick because it would look great with her hair. It might be too bright for Meg because she's kind of pale. . .

"You sure you're alright?" I ask her again, she wipes a sheen of sweat from her neck, I never noticed she had a bandage on. . .

She nods vigorously, smiling.

I touch her fore-head with the back of my hand.

Her temperature is fine.

"You would look good with some eyeliner." I exclaim, and I start drawing a careful line over her top eyelid, and then her bottom one. She pulls it down to help.

It makes her dark brown eyes, much darker.

She blinks a few times, adjusting.

I can't help but notice the light blue under her eyes.

"Thank you." She smiles, I smile back.

But my heart aches for her.

Tris doesn't put the lipstick on. ARRGH!

"Tris!" I say reprovingly.

"I don't wanna!" She complains.

"Then you need eyeliner too." I laugh, Meg helps her put it on, while I head to the mirrors to put on my own make-up.

I decide to go with a light eye shadow and liner on my bottom lid.

I don't want lipstick in case I kiss Will, he would just complain.

My heart flutters at the thought of his lips.

I slap my cheeks a few times to pretend I'm not blushing.

"We don't even know what time to go up to the roof." Meg complains.

"We can go up anytime!" I gush, trying not to be negative.

"Should we go now?" Will asks.

"I don't know about being early to a party." Tris says, which is actually smart.

Cool people don't show up early.

"Should you go invite Four?" I ask Tris and she blushes, shaking her head no.

Meg flinches.

What?

"Meg do you have a secret boyfriend?" I ask her and she looks up with eyes wide.

"No." She says shyly.

"Did you have one in Amity?" Asks Will.

"Yeah, hippie, how was all that free love?" Says the most annoying voice in the world.

"I just didn't find the right guy." She answers with a shrug.

"Where are you guys going all dressed up?" Asks Peter.

"None of your business." I snap at him.

He shrugs and walks away.

He always shows up randomly. . .

"Oh hey Meg, where's that piercing you got back?" I ask her. I remember her having a nose ring on our first day.

She looks confused and then goes over to her bed where she dropped her clothes, fishing through pockets.

When she comes back she hands it to me.

"What you don't want to put it on?" I ask her incredulously, wondering why she handed it to me.

Her eyes widen innocently.

"I don't have any piercings." She says confused.

Which is really, really confusing.

"Sure you do, you had one on your first day. In your nose." I say. I know she did.

She puts a finger in her nose and makes a funny expression.

We laugh.

But recognition crosses over her face and she takes the ring back, sliding it through her septum. She had to push it a little and her eyes watered.

She opens her mouth once and closes it, but opens it again

"Wow." She says, bewildered, wiping the tears carefully not to smudge her eye liner. "That's weird."

The ring makes her look Dauntless.

Stronger.

Maybe she needed it back.

How did Peter get it?

"Is Peter your boyfriend?" I ask her playfully.

She cringes in disgust.

And I laugh.

Of course not.

Maybe Al was her. . .

I decide it would be best not to bring up Al.

We're all finally starting to smile again.

It's our last night as initiates.

* * *

Chapters are like a roller coaster, they go up and down.

I'd like to thank everyone for reviews.

And apologize for writing/updating so slowly.

Thank you MyhusbandsaPRICK for always reviewing, it really keeps my spirits high!


	11. Withdrawl

"In the very depths of hell,

Do not demons love one another?"

-Anne Rice

* * *

 **Eric's POV**

"Increased blood pressure and heart rate, decreased coordination, slowed reaction time, pupil dilation regardless of exposure to light." Max list's off Meg's symptoms to Jeanine who looks focused, tapping a pen to her desk making irritating clicking noises. "But her behavior has improved, if not by much, shows more interest in friends." Max finishes with a shrug.

Like friends fucking matter.

"And the memory loss. . . the way she regards everyone is astounding." Max complements. "Almost as though she's a new person."

But that makes me sick to my stomach.

She almost is a new person.

"Keep administering it then. When we have the box, that's her deadline. She won't be able to leave." Jeanine says clicking her pen again. "With the serum she won't interfere and she'll belong like everyone else."

"Why not keep her at Erudite then?" I ask incredulously.

Meg obviously knew too much.

That's why they're keeping her quiet.

"If Dauntless had delivered her the day she arrived, none of this shit would be necessary!" She snaps, loosing her calm for a moment. "You started her at Dauntless and that's why she's going to be a Dauntless."

"And if we just kill her?" I ask, not like Jeanine can do anything about it. "Eliminate the whole problem? What is the point of all of this?"

Erudite need us more than we need them.

I have to admit that I thought about killing her once.

It might've saved me all this bullshit.

Neither of them could call my bluff.

"Eric." Max snaps at me, giving me a death glare, slamming a fist onto the table.

"You forget, Eric. That we can just inject you and control you as well." Jeanine threatens.

My rage boils beneath the surface.

But they could, I try to calm myself down.

"Then explain why you're risking everything over one little girl." I say through gritted teeth. Although I could be asking myself the same fucking question.

"Fine." Jeanine snaps tartly, Max gives her a shocked expression.

And this just got a hell of a lot more confusing.

"Our world is held by a string of pre-determined events, in an uninterrupted sequence. Like a story if you will." Jeanine starts.

"A story?" I ask incredulously. If shit is pre-determined then why do anything at all? What's the point of living?

"Megan's brother, Dylan. Knows every event, in every order." Jeanine continues. "In exchange for his sister, he will give us everything we need in order to take control of the entire city AND the outside."

"What the fuck?" I ask incredulously.

Her brother knows the future?

This shit is impossible.

How does Jeanine even know that he'll come back for her?

"What if the girl knew information? Why didn't you check before injecting her?" Max asks harshly, I'm not surprised he knows everything else.

I'm surprised that he's going along with this mad woman.

Jeanine's blue eyes are bright with madness and excitement.

"I'll admit I got a bit. . .overzealous. Can you blame me?" She laughs lightly, placing a hand over her heart. "For now, everything must go the way it's supposed to, down to the last detail. Well, except for the extra precautions."

"Like having half of Dauntless already injected and two separate control rooms." Max says, talking to me.

I wondered why they wanted extra shit done last minute.

The only remaining Dauntless not already injected are the initiates from two years, the current initiates and some of the border patrol.

Total population of 436, about only 204 are serum free. Not including myself and Max.

"Just keep injecting her. No more questions asked. Like always." Max says sliding the metal box over to me, scraping against the table.

I swipe it before it goes off the edge and slip it into my back pocket.

Like hell I'm going to do that.

I'm going to get Meg to explain some shit.

"What if he doesn't come back for her? He didn't come back for you." I say putting as much venom into my voice as possible.

Jeanine's eyes narrow and she glares at me.

"He will." She says through gritted teeth.

I hope so.

Because I'm going to kill him.

.

* * *

.

 **Four/Tobias POV**

When Meg comes back down the stairs with a fresh bandage and color to her cheeks I know they gave her another injection.

I decided to give them some space and sat with Lauren the Dauntless born instructor.

"So how are your initiates? All ready for tomorrow?" Lauren asks me, sliding me a cup of coffee, I take it gratefully, sipping it. Bitter, just how I like it.

And after having barely any sleep, I need the caffeine.

"More or less." I say with a shrug, taking another sip. It's burning hot on my tongue. "How about yours?"

She laughs out loud "A bunch of pansy-cakes! But at least I don't have many trouble-makers in my group." She nudges me with her elbow.

She's obviously talking about Tris and Meg, the talk among initiates.

"By the way there's a Dauntless kiddie party tonight." She adds, leaning in close. Her red hair and brown eyes look devious. "We should go and chaperon."

I nod my head slowly. We would have to.

Any more disruptions from my initiates and it's on my ass.

Lauren smiles at me and I go back to watching Tris and her friends, trowing bread into each others faces.

I wonder if this is better for Meg. If she doesn't remember her world then maybe she can finally start living in this one. Like a normal person.

Tris' eyes meet mine and I give her an involuntary smile, she blushes a bit and looks away, her blonde hair creates a curtain over her cheeks.

From the corner of my eye I see Eric come down and take a seat at a table all the way at the end of the room with Zeke and a few other Dauntless guys, they all glance nervously at him and he grins like he loves the awkwardness.

I stand immediately and make my way over to him, sitting directly in front. Blocking his view.

His pierced brow raises incredulously and he scowls.

"So what, you're going to stalk her now?" I ask with a chuckle, when Zeke and his buddies get up to leave. He gives me a friendly shoulder squeeze when he passes and I give him a nod.

"It's my job to watch initiates." Eric says casually, drinking from his own cup of coffee.

"I know you have feelings for her." I say, hoping that its true, because maybe then he would stop giving her injections.

When she get's her memory back I can ask her all the questions that have been eating away at me.

And maybe stop being so suspicious of her.

"You don't know shit, Stiff." He says and his lips press into a hard line, brows furrow.

"Keep telling yourself that." I say giving him a grin, he leans back and sighs.

"Do me a favor, Four." He says seriously, his face becoming a mask of indifference.

Which is confusing, but I'm definitely interested.

I lean forward involuntarily, pressing my elbows into the table.

"Go fuck yourself." He says and he smiles, sipping his drink.

I smile back.

Fine.

"What If I decide I want to fuck her?" I say darkly, its a dirty thing to say but maybe it'll elicit a response from him. "Since you've got her all drugged up, i'm sure she'd be plenty willing."

Anger flashes behind his eyes and he grips the table, till his knuckles turn white, he almost looks like he'll crush his cup.

"Alright, fine." He finally says, with a sigh, putting his cup down.

This guy is despicable, did he just give me permission?

"I wasn't planning on injecting her again." He adds, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"What?" I ask incredulously, definitely shocked.

Maybe he was admitting to liking her.

Victory.

Then she should get better by tomorrow.

I don't even know how much time we have left.

"But when she starts to withdraw, bring her to me." Eric says standing. "Then we can all sit down and have a little fucking intervention."

An intervention, what a way to put it, considering they're the ones pumping her full of a drug.

But okay.

This should be interesting.

.

* * *

.

 **Christina's POV**

The party is amazing, everyone is dancing, drinking, laughing.

The roof is buzzing with excitement, people perched on ledges and even on the adjoining rooftops. There are a couple idiots jumping into the net and even some spinning on the rotating vents.

Someone hung lights up all over the place and they change colors, it's definitely the most amazing party I've ever been to.

Even Meg seems to be having a good time.

"Meg!" I call to her over the loud pulsing music. The ground vibrates from all the bodies on the roof. I can't believe it can hold all this weight. "Don't drink that!"

I snatch the drink from her hands and she blushes profusely.

I'm not about to let my suicidal friend drink alcohol, who knows what kind of things she might do.

"Woah, over protective girlfriend? That's totally hot." Says Uriah laughing, he's been hanging around us more tonight.

I wrap my arms around Meg's waist and wink at him. "You know it, so don't touch her." I joke. and he smiles widely.

Although if Meg were to ever get a boyfriend, I think she could benefit from a nice guy. . .Not Uriah though. Definitely not.

Will went to go get us some water because I decided I won't drink tonight, so I can keep an eye on her.

Tris weaved her way through the crowd and I can barely see her talking to Four, they look like they're having an intense conversation.

He's probably chaperoning the party.

Maybe Tris will get to leave with him tonight.

The thought makes me smile.

Hopefully she's not the only one getting lucky.

"Here you girls go." Will says handing us both cups.

"Thank you." I smile at him and give him a peck on the cheek, he wraps his arms around me lovingly.

Meg drinks hers thirstily like she's dehydrated, and she wipes a sheen of sweat off her forehead. Its a pretty chilly night but she looks uncomfortable.

"Hey you alright?" I ask her over the music, she nods at me smiling.

"Yeah, I'm great." She yells, the music is extremely loud. "This is so much fun!"

She twirls around and her face is flushed, Uriah puts an arm around her waist, twirling her around more and she laughs, embarrassed.

Trying to get out of his hold, but without hurting his feelings. I'm pretty sure he has a crush on one of the other Dauntless born girls.

Hopefully he's not leading Meg on, I'll kick his ass!

But I smile at her, glad she's having so much fun.

We needed tonight.

With that thought I give Will a kiss on his surprised lips.

His are warm and inviting and they move against mine in perfect rhythm.

He takes over and add a little tongue to it, and I smile against his mouth.

Tonight is perfect.

His brown eyes look me over appreciatively.

"Wanna dance?" He asks, twirling me around and I giggle, placing my cup on the wall closest to us.

"You bet!" I say breathlessly, but I grab Meg's arm because I'm definitely not leaving her alone.

She laughs as I drag them both into the crowd.

And when I turn around we all start dancing.

Will gives me a hilarious hip shake and we laugh hard enough to where I have to clutch my stomach.

I take Meg's hands in mine and we shimmy, shaking our skirts and she can't stop smiling, her cheeks have a permanent blush.

We continue laughing and dancing until the music cuts off suddenly.

We all look around confused.

"What happened to the music?" Will asks.

"How am I supposed to know?" I ask back, pinching him and he slaps my hand femininely. "Owie!"

Meg just stands there smiling, her face flushed, and rolls her sleeves up, putting her hair into a bun on top of her head.

"Oh, here." I say sliding my hair band off my wrist and giving it to her, I brought it in case I decided to do something to my hair after all, but my hair is short so I don't really need it.

"Thank youuuu." She says breathlessly, tying her hair.

That's when I notice that Eric has arrived on the roof.

People all look at him worriedly.

Even I'm worried, did he come to stop the party?

"Well don't stop on my account." Eric says loudly, and not even a second later the music erupts again, louder than before and people start whooping and screaming their excitement into the night air.

Meg laughs over the music and does a twirl, and Uriah comes over giving her a new water cup.

"Oh thanks!" She breathes, and he winks at her before leaving to go hang out with someone else.

"Hey, wheres mine?!" I call after him and I can see his back shaking with laughter as he retreats.

"Want another drink?" Will asks but I shake my head, I don't want him going anywhere.

I start fanning myself with my hand because it's getting hot with everyone around us.

The ground is vibrating through me, it's exhilarating, but still hot.

"Let's get some air though." I say over the music and they both nod following me out, I push and shove bodies out of the way, without apologizing.

At the edge of the roof, Tris and Four join us and we stand in a circle.

It's like we have out own gang.

I love it.

"So." I start, wiggling my brow at Tris and she pinches me in the arm.

"Are you alright?" Four asks Meg, and she nods, taking another sip of her drink, shifting nervously before putting it down on the wall.

She wipes a bead of sweat from her neck.

Will puts an arm around my waist as I lean back.

"This party is so much fun!" I exclaim.

"I know right." Will says, pulling me into a dance stance, and starting a slow rock side to side, I giggle into him.

The music isn't meant for slow dancing but this is just too cute.

Tris laughs and grabs Meg and they start their own mock slow dance, while the music blares loudly around us.

Four is smiling, as though he's enjoying himself for once.

He probably shouldn't dance with Tris though. . .

"Hey what time is it?" Meg asks suddenly, while still twirling around with Tris.

"I don't know." Tris says. I look up to Will who is glancing at his watch.

"It's about 12." Four answers before Will can. He probably couldn't see the time in the dim light anyway.

"Midnight." She nods and smiles dreamily.

Midnight, huh.

That means today we are going to become Dauntless!

"Enjoying yourselves initiates?" Says a loud and intimidating voice. "Four." He acknowledges.

"We sure are." Will answers immediately.

Four gives Eric a nod, they always greet each other like that.

Meg nods vigorously while avoiding eye contact and Tris just smiles, like she isn't afraid of him.

I still hate Eric, and I probably always will.

He takes the cup off the wall and takes a sip, I'm pretty sure that was Meg's water but who knows, there are dozens of cups littering the place.

Is he going to stay by us?

I shift nervously. We all stopped dancing.

The tension in the air is thick.

But soon enough Eric leaves, we all watch him retreat heading over to a different group of Dauntless.

"We-e-e-e-ird." Will laughs and we all let out the breath we've been holding.

Tris laughs out loud. "He's always been an asshole."

"He's definitely intimidating." Meg nods.

But that's so weird, I thought they fought a lot, she never used to be afraid of him.

That's why we all assumed she was suicidal.

"So what happened when we left you in the hall?" I ask curiously.

Meg looks at me in confusion. "I guess he scolded me, or something."

Huh.

He looked like he was going to kill her.

Four gives me a reproving look.

"What?" I ask him incredulously.

"I'm going to get a new water." Meg says smiling. "Do you guys want some?"

I nod my head vigorously and Tris leaves with her.

"Like being a. . .5th wheel?" I ask Four and he scowls at me, I'm referring to the fact that he's just standing around and we were all dancing together.

He stalks off to go hang out with Uriah and his older brother.

"So. . .We're alone now." Will says suggestively, pulling me close to him.

Butterflies fill my stomach and a tingle goes up my spine when he wraps his arms around me.

"We are." I admit.

And then he kisses me.

The most wonderful kiss of all time.

.

* * *

.

 **Meg's POV**

It's starting to get really hot, and I'm fanning myself when Tris and I get over to the Dauntless pouring drinks.

"Three please." Tris says politely and the guy winks at her, filling each cup.

I'm about to say something when the liquid he's putting in the cups isn't clear but my throat suddenly feels really tight. I swallow to test it, nope, its fine.

He hands me two cups and I sniff it. Yuck.

"Tris I think it's alcohol." I say with a light giggle. She gives me a horrified look taking a cup from me and giving it the to person next to her.

Someone else takes the other cup from my hand and I look up confused.

Eric stands there. "Is that for me?" He asks with a grin, taking a gulp.

Isn't it nasty?

How can he just drink it like that?

"Uhm, sure." I say avoiding his intimidatingly gray eyes.

"I wouldn't take you girls for drinkers." He adds, and Tris just shrugs asking the guy for water. "Trouble-makers, but not alcoholics."

The guy hurriedly fills three more cups, obviously as intimidated by Eric's presence as we are.

When we finally have our drinks, Tris links her arm in mine and drags me away.

I peek up at Eric and he glares at me from over his cup.

A shiver runs up my spine.

His eyes are so gray even with all the changing lights.

I turn quickly to watch where I'm walking so I don't trip and drop Christina's drink.

But I feel butterflies in my stomach.

They hurt.

Like their wings are made of knives.

.

* * *

.

 **Four's POV**

Meg looks a bit uncomfortable and it's definitely weird that Eric showed up to the party.

Probably waiting for her to have serum withdrawals, I'll admit I'm waiting for that too.

Tris looks amazing in her dress, It takes all my control not to just reach out and touch her, when she's was so infuriatingly close to me.

I can still feel her soft lips against mine, and it becomes more memorable when I press my own lips to a cup. I wish it were her.

I would drink her all day.

"Hey so how's the trouble makers?" Zeke asks me, snapping me from my Tris filled fantasy. "They look innocent enough to me."

They do, they always do.

"They're getting by." I answer, turning back to him.

"I can't believe they showed that guys suicide, and how she tried to catch him. Must've fucked her up." Zeke says glancing over to them. "And then she had to watch it again. Man."

I nod my head slowly.

That's something I wanted to ask her. If Al was supposed to die.

Cause if he was, then she tried to save him regardless.

She'd be trying to change things.

The thought makes me feel a bit proud of her.

"Yeah, it was pretty fucked up." I say nodding my head, remembering when I arrived at the chasm with Tris.

Tris was pretty messed up after that whole thing too.

"Was that her boyfriend?" Joseph asks.

"Nope, just a friend." I answer, because obviously she had something going on with Eric. Something fucked up and weird.

"Four!" Says a worried Tris, I whip around and she looks frantic.

"What?" I ask incredulously, but worry prickles up my spine.

She heads to the stairwell and I follow her, vaguely aware that Christina, Will and Meg are all gone.

Eric is still preoccupied watching over the party, while a few girls approach him.

"What's wrong?" I ask grabbing her wrist when the door closes behind me.

"Meg's bleeding." Tris says hurriedly, pulling me down the stairs.

"Bleeding?" I ask curiously. She must be having another reaction. Hopefully she's flushing the serum out of her system.

"Will took her to the infirmary." She says and we descend the stairs quickly.

I start to wonder if I should've told Eric, he had asked me to let him know when something happened to her.

But who cares.

He's an asshole.

.

* * *

.

 **Christina's POV**

Will has Meg and she looks extremely pale, blood gushes from her nose and even from her ears.

Her eyes are closed and my heart is beating excruciatingly fast.

Tris went to get Four and I can only hope that he knows what to do.

We run all the way to the infirmary but the lights are out. I frantically search for the switch while Will puts her onto the nearest gurney.

Oh-my-gosh, oh-my-gosh.

When I finally flick the lights on the fluorescent bulbs hurt my eyes.

The nurse is probably at the party.

What do we do?!

She looks lifeless and blood drips down onto her chest, I grab the nearest bandage wraps and press it to her nose.

"Meg?" I call. "Hey Meg, wake up." She lolls her head to the side, and her eyes flutter.

She was fine just minutes ago!

Will runs over to some cabinets, searching for who knows what.

What do we do in a situation like this?

I'm freaking out.

The bandages are getting soaked, she's still breathing.

"Where the fuck is Four?" I ask incredulously.

"I don't know!" Will sighs, bringing me over some towels, to replace the bandages.

He wipes the blood that dribbled from her ears, luckily there isn't any blood coming from them anymore.

"She's burning up." Will comments, walking over to get an ice pack.

"Holy shit." Four says walking in finally, Tris walking beside him.

"Help!" I yell at him angrily.

I'm panicking.

He runs over and checks her pulse and I back away to give him space. My hands have blood on them.

Tris walks me over to the sink and starts the water for me, and I wash them violently.

I feel as though I'm going to pass out.

.

* * *

.

 **Four/Tobias POV**

She's barely breathing and her heart beat is faint, this is much worse than before.

Will hands me an ice pack and I place it on her head.

"Find me the epinephrine." I command. Although I'm not sure if it'll work.

My hands are shaking while I try to remember what could cause bleeding like this.

Will runs back over to the cabinets he was ransacking.

"Hey, Meg." I say slapping her on the cheek. "Hang in there."

Her nose isn't bleeding anymore but she definitely looks paler, if that's even possible.

Then she stops breathing.

I panic, and lean in listening for her inhale or exhale.

None.

Suddenly Eric runs in and stops to assess the situation and I'm shocked, much so that I can't move.

I watch with wide eyes as he checks Meg's vitals and tosses the ice pack onto the ground, and then he starts CPR, normally I would be disgusted to see him put his mouth on hers but she needs air.

He presses on her chest and then proceeds to blow more air into her, but she's not coughing or moving.

"Get me an iv start." He commands calmly, tilting her head backwards.

I finally move and search for the tube, everyone else is standing around shocked barely breathing, obviously jarred by the scene.

He takes his knife out and I realize he's going to perform a tracheotomy.

My chest tightens and my heart is beating like a drum in my ears.

I toss the tube to him and he snatches it cutting it into a section, and puts his fingers on her neck to find the correct spot.

I watch in horror when he takes his knife making the one inch incision, sliding the tube in.

This is horrible, my hands are shaking. I've never seen someone do this before, right in front of me.

Eric is from Erudite so maybe that's where he learned these medical procedures.

I can't watch when he blows into the tube. It's sickening.

"Get me some gauze and tape." He commands.

Will moves before I do, probably because he's the one that threw them all over the place.

When I glance back, Meg is breathing and Eric puts the gaze over her throat, taping it in place.

Shes okay.

Holy fucking shit.

I feel as though I haven't been breathing for the past 10 minutes.

.

* * *

.

 **Eric's POV**

She's breathing again and I actually thank my Erudite days for remembering how to do that.

I almost don't even remember the name of the procedure.

I take an appreciative breath after what feels like eternity, brushing a stray strand of hair away from her face. She has a bit of blood and dark circles under her eyes but she's still too pretty.

It's nerving that she may be pretty even in death.

I can hear her friends breathing behind me, and I turn to grin at them. Having just saved her life.

"Holy fucking shit." The candor loud mouth says, and I almost laugh.

That was really intense.

"She's alright?" Asks the Stiff.

"She should be. Four you start an Iv for antibiotics, she has a fever." I command and he moves, it's almost satisfying watching him shocked into un-moving.

I walk swiftly to the sink and grab a towel, wetting it with water. Picking a bowl off the ground and filling that, to clean the blood off of her.

"Clean this shit up." I command them, and they start moving.

The infirmary is littered with supplies, probably from their freak out.

When I'm over Meg again she's breathing regularly and her heartbeat is still a bit faint, but she'll survive.

With the wet towel I wipe away the blood under her nose, over the ring, that I actually dislike and over her lips, washing the towel out every now and then.

She was even bleeding out of her ears. Man, that's brutal.

The serum was obviously killing her.

"I fucking hate you." She whispers, and I can't help but smile.

My chest swells when I hear her soft strangled voice.

She doesn't open her eyes but I know that she's conscious.

Four comes back and starts an Iv drip, she flinches when he inserts a needle into her arm.

"Hey Meg, you alright?" He asks, concern in his voice.

I look back at her face expecting her to answer, but instead she sticks her tongue out.

Four laughs with relief, and I move so her friends can tend to her.

They cleaned everything up.

I probably don't need to stay.

But I want to talk to her.

Fuck.

I want to kiss her.

* * *

Thanks so much for reviews, I really love them!

Sorry for taking a while to update, I've actually been. . .writing everything out before typing it.

Love you all.

Please review.

Thanks!


	12. Fractured

"And I'd choose you;

In a hundred lifetimes;

In a hundred worlds,

In any version of reality,

I'd find you and

I'd choose you."

-The Chaos of Stars

* * *

.

Christina has my face pressed between her hands and my lips pucker like a fishes.

And I blink a few times to stop the war between my pupils and the harsh lighting.

"You scared the fucking daylights out of us!" She screeches and I try to give her the most apologetic look I can because my throat feels funny and I don't know if I should talk.

"We totally freaked out." Will agrees, and he shifts uncomfortably with a hand through his hair.

Everyone looks sharp, I'm focused.

"You totally freaked out." Tris argues, elbowing him softly in the side and they laugh.

I try to take an assessment of my body but it feels. . .displaced, I'm slowly filling back in.

I'm not sure if I can manage it all.

I feel hollow, small inside of a big space.

"We're so glad you're alright." Tris turns her attention towards me and I can feel a towel being brushed against my collarbone. The fabric gently cleaning away excess blood, its cold and wet.

I remember lots of blood.

Yuck.

But am I alright?

I'm still here.

And I can vaguely feel the presence of some jerk, also still here.

It's discerning how tense and awkward he can make a room feel.

Christina rubs my cheeks between her palms and I can't help but laugh.

The sound comes out like a struggled cough, and I touch my throat with a shaky hand. There's a bandage because I was stabbed in the neck.

Gross.

But also kind of cool.

My mind feels awkward. Like a piece is stuck between two other pieces, and a faint ringing in my ears. It feels like they should pop.

I wasn't drowning, but I'm sure it feels like this.

"She needs to rest." Four says, I'm careful to avoid the direction where I can feel an intense glare, my chest tightens involuntarily.

Four walks over and I have to admit that having the heroes nearby makes me feel a lot safer.

But not safe from the strange feeling in my gut, it's almost as though its expanding or shrinking. . .

Of which I can't be sure.

Tris tugs my boots off and Christina fluffs my pillow, Four grabs a blanket that seems much too thin to make me warm, and I am cold as hell.

They're taking care of me. I want them to stop.

Will adjusts my arm over the sheet comfortably with the nasty IV sticking out from it. My arm is there but it feels kinda. . . Far away. The sheets rub against my skin like silk and it makes my hair stand on end.

"You'll need a lot of sleep, we got finals today." Will says and I begin to panic.

 _But I get to become a Dauntless today._

That makes me relax, I give them a tentative smile and they all look relieved.

The realization doesn't sit right however.

"Alright, now everyone get the fuck out." Says that loud, smooth, intimidating voice.

I like it.

Tris gives me a defiant glance and sits on the edge of my bed.

"You can ask your questions with us here." Christina argues and I feel like maybe Eric tarnished his own reputation by saving me.

It hurts to think he's only ever kept me alive because he was ordered to. . .

That time at the chasm. . .I'm so embarrassed.

I'm so glad I never thanked him.

I close my eyes and use my unhindered hand to apply pressure to my sternum.

It's like my heart is being drained of blood. Ringed dry, squeezed and twisted.

Crushed to dust.

Jeanine said I would be alright.

I take a few deep breaths and although it feels like I'm inflating crumpled paper bags and it hurts, it makes me feel steadier. Better-ish.

"I'll be alright." I say without opening my eyes, but I touch the nearest arm to me, my voice sounds soft. Foreign.

Someone touches my cheek.

"Are you sure?" Christina asks me, and I nod, careful not to scrunch the bandage.

We should probably get this over with.

Eric won't kill me, he wouldn't want to make Jeanine angry.

The fact that I'm awake must mean he has questions.

I wonder if it's his own curiosity or if they realized they should've questioned me before they drugged me. . .

I won't answer any of them.

"Don't keep her up too long." Four says, and I don't catch his tone. "She's been through enough."

Have I really?

"Just routine questioning, Four." Eric says and his voice is filled with venom, the way he says Four makes it sound dangerous. "Sooner this gets done, the sooner she can go."

"It's not her fault, she's sick." Tris argues.

It kind of is.

"Come on lets go." Four urges, and I feel Tris' weight being moved off the bed, her absence screams silently through my head. "I'll check in on her every now and again."

I open my eyes again and Four is walking Tris out, she gives me apologetic glances.

It's weird cause my pupils feel like the lenses of a camera, focusing.

"If I'm not. . .sick again after this I'll explain." I say to them, ignoring the dull ache my voice produces. Tris' pretty brown eyes widen. Four gives me a knowing nod.

Christina pokes her head back in and I smile involuntarily, she's so curious. Will has his arms around her as though he's dragging her out, he does and they disappear.

Four and Tris hover hesitantly near the door.

Eric is being surprisingly calm, but maybe it's because he won't give me a chance to talk to them after they leave this room.

At least not myself.

That Amity girl was doing so much better than I ever was.

If I don't get drugged i'll explain, and if I do get drugged then she can come up with some excuse.

 _'I guess he scolded me, or something.'_

Eric takes another step closer and I elbow my way to sitting position, It feels like it takes an eternity, and the IV tugging at my arm sucks.

A hand helps me, and it sends insects crawling up my spine and makes the hair on my head feel prickly.

"I'll send for you when I'm done here." Eric says to Four who nods but he looks surprised, and Tris does too, her mouth is open and closes immediately.

Probably because Eric is touching me.

Why is he touching me?

Everyone is finally gone and I'm up, the vertigo hits me hard, like a truck.

All I did was sit.

Even my body betrays me.

I cover my mouth instantly to stop it, and breathe heavily to combat the nausea building.

Eric walks away and he returns as quickly, like he teleported, or maybe I'm still out of it.

A bucket is over my lap and just in time too.

Because the bile rises, burning through my throat and filling my mouth like hot lava.

I retch more at the vile taste and let everything spill disgustingly into the hollow basin.

He's rubbing my back and if I weren't puking i'd be telling him to fucking stop touching me.

I should puke on him.

When I start dry heaving I can finally breathe again and I struggle to steady myself, wiping my mouth on the back of my hand.

Yuck.

I slide my legs out from under the blanket fully intending on getting to the infirmary sink, and hang them over the side of the bed, still clutching the bucket.

I'm wearing a dress.

 _Christina bought it for me._

Maybe it's not so bad.

And when my feet touch the cold hard ground it's like the world jumped, Eric grabs my arm as though he's steadying me.

I feel conflicted about his touch, like I want it but I also kind of don't.

"Don't touch me." I finally manage, trying not to let the air get into my mouth and mingle with the taste, the infirmary air is stale and just as gross.

He releases me instantly.

I don't want to look at his face because he's too good looking and I'll puke again.

I pull the IV out of my arm and toss it onto the bed before taking the bucket again and walking over to the sink finally, the contents of the bucket swish around disgustingly.

Each step feels wobbly, I must look kind of like a drunk girl, but I'm recovering.

 _There was a party._

 _I didn't drink._

I can vaguely feel him following me, like a scary shadow or slender man or someshit.

At the sink I dump the bucket out, turning the metal handle and releasing the rush of water to wash it all down.

Chunks of unidentifiable foods a liquids swirl around the drain.

The sight makes me shudder and I rinse the bucket out afterwards, I feel like I need a distraction.

My hands are still shaking but not that much, thankfully.

I cup the water in my hands and it feels strange, I ignore it and wash my face, rinsing my mouth out, spitting a few times, dragging my tongue across my teeth.

My hand catches my nose ring.

 _Peter returned it._

"Just. . " I start and then I close my mouth immediately because I was talking out loud.

"How's your head?" Eric asks and the concern in his voice fills me with rage.

He should stay in character.

I ignore him and take the ring out of my nose gently, tossing it into the sink. Watching as it tinks against the metal and roll around the drain before dropping into the dark hole.

This time It won't come back.

My hair is piled on top of my head and It's too heavy.

I sigh and begin trying to undo the tie in my hair to release it. I plan to tie it into a pony tail maybe not so high up. . .

Eric's hands take over they're much more steady than mine. I don't appreciate his help.

"Did Jeanine tell you to take care of me?" I ask when my hair falls over my back, his fingers run through them, making my skin crawl.

"You don't know what you're talking about." He growls and all of a sudden the tension in the air becomes heavier.

I press my palms into the cold metal counter, pushing down.

My fist isn't injured anymore.

We-e-e-eird.

"It's funny, because I remember you saying you didn't want to babysit the very first time we met." I say and a smile tugs at the corner of my lips at the memory. I was much more scared then. "Did Jeanine give you permission to sleep with me? Or did you decide to make it worth your time?"

He doesn't say anything and instead I feel his arms wrap around my waist from behind. He kisses my neck through my hair.

"You should just shut the fuck up already." He breathes.

I sigh deeply, leaning into him, the human contact is reassuring, I'm weak.

I'm desperate for some kind of moral support, stability.

My mind feels too big, too empty.

I have a bunch of questions but I can't for the life of me remember any of them.

I just remember being really mad, sad, hurt, disgusted and happy.

Maybe I need a little more time.

But is there still time?

"I don't forgive you, you know." I say firmly. "And I never will."

He chuckles and I feel it rumble through his chest.

"I can live with that." He replies, squeezing tighter.

"You might as well drug me now." I add. "I don't intend on answering any of your questions."

Although the thought of being put back under is pretty terrifying.

I feel him tense and his grip loosens, so I pull them off me and turn around to face him, wrapping my arms around his waist, pressing my face against his chest.

After a while his hand combs through my hair again and I can hear his heartbeat thumping at a regular pace, it feels so nice.

I don't care if he's not good for me.

Nothing here is good for me.

"I'm not going to drug you again." He says finally and he sounds deceptively calm.

If he thinks he's doing me any favors he's dead wrong.

In fact it'll make his life that much harder.

"Why is that?" I ask curiously.

"It's annoying as hell watching you walk around all happy." He admits.

"You're so kind. I was beginning to hate being happy all the time." I say sarcastically.

He sighs and I can almost feel his hot breath ghost over me.

I'm cold.

"You can go back to your friends now." He says and It surprises me.

"Really?" I ask incredulously, I don't understand.

He's not mad that I won't answer his questions?

We aren't going to fight?

"Unless you want to come with me instead?" He asks suggestively, his pierced brow raises.

His gray eyes are stormy and for once they look inviting.

 _It's against the rules_.

"That sounds tempting, but I want a shower and I'm exhausted." I sigh, untangling myself from him. "Besides It's way past my bedtime."

He scoffs and I walk around him to the bed I was occupying, my shoes are underneath.

"Want to come tuck me in and read me a bedtime story?" I ask innocently still implying that he's my babysitter, and he smirks.

"You're such an idiot." He sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose, shaking his head, fighting a smile.

I start putting them on and I notice him walking over to the nurses desk.

Instead of watching him I start focusing on my boots, kicking them against the ground to get them on snugly.

And turn back to the bed, wondering if I should just leave it in this condition.

The messed up sheets, IV just lying there precariously, a wet and bloody towel. . .

"Just leave it, it's not your job." Eric says as though he read my mind and I turn to him, he's holding out a cup of the usual liquid painkillers.

I scowl, cringing away from it like its poison.

I hate the taste.

"Just drink it." He commands. "It'll help."

I hesitate and steel myself, and then I shoot it straight down. It seriously tastes like hand lotion or something and I gag.

Eric steps back mockingly like i'll puke on him.

But I honestly don't know if I have anything left in me to throw up.

Besides my lungs or my heart.

I could go without my heart.

"Alright, thanks." I say ready to leave. I stand on tip toes and kiss him on the cheek, his expression becomes bewildered.

But it felt warranted.

I walk past him again and to the nurses desk, tossing the cup into the waste bin attached to the side.

He doesn't say anything else and I feel kind of weird leaving things like that.

After all he was acting like a decent human being.

And I actually really want to go with him.

But eh.

My feet tap the concrete floor and it echoes quietly through the halls.

A few people are out and about, I notice a couple making-out against the wall, and I try to make my hair a curtain so I don't have to see who it is and so that they can continue to have some privacy.

When I reach the dorms it's dark and I hear suspicious noises.

I blush profusely

Rushing away embarrassingly.

I don't even want to think about. . .

I laugh lightly to myself.

Good for them.

Well, what do I do now?

 _There's a party._

But I've always been more of an introvert, I'm not like you.

I start wandering the halls, and I don't go back in the direction of that couple.

I wish I knew where Four and Tris were. . .

It's obvious they weren't in the dorms, but I wouldn't want to interrupt their night either.

I end up walking the familiar twist and turns till I hear the bubbling water of the chasm.

When I peek around the corner I see Peter.

Douche bag.

The opening in the rails is closed off by rope.

A child-proofed Dauntless. It's about time.

For some reason I thought I could come and pay my respects, since I never really got to before.

I sneak near him, trying my hardest to be silent.

"Boo!" I say spookily and he jumps, clutching his heart.

"What in the fuck!?" He yells, his eyes are wide and his chest rises and falls, breathing heavily.

I laugh and clutch my stomach, and I notice he has a drink.

I'm pretty thirsty.

"Ooooh, is that for me?" I ask mockingly, and he doesn't refuse. I take it from him, the cup warms my hand.

Of course it's coffee.

The bitter taste fills my mouth and I have to admit it grows on you.

It tastes much better than vomit.

"Mmm. It's as black as your soul." I joke taking another sip, its hot and burns the tip of my tongue.

It's easy talking to Peter because I don't care about him one bit.

He laughs and shakes his head, taking the cup back before I drink anymore.

"Party wasn't fun enough for you?" He asks and his tone is as bitter as the drink.

"I got stabbed in the neck, auto party fowl." I confess, tilting my chin up to show him my battle scars.

He nods his head drinking from his cup.

"Brutal." He agrees, and he leans casually onto the rail. "You look like shit."

I scoff. "You're one to talk."

He hands the cup back to me. "I think you need it more."

I take it back gratefully. "Thanks, we should do this again sometime." I add sarcastically, and I start heading across the bridge with the warm cup in my cold hands.

My boots feel heavier though.

The coffee starts to cool down and I can actually drink it without burning my tongue, which feels like its barbed now from all the scorching sips I took.

But my bones feel warm.

I find myself at the Pit now, and there are a few people standing around. A group of guys mock fighting and a couple of women who look like they're smoking.

It seems like a really casual, normal Dauntless night.

The last normal night.

Maybe I should've just gone with Eric.

"Hey." Says a female voice and I glance over my cup to where the voice came from.

It's Tori, the tattoo lady.

"Hey." I say back.

"Out late tonight, huh?" She asks but she doesn't sound patronizing.

"Can't sleep." I lie, I would love to just curl up into a ball and sleep right here in the Pit.

"I hear you." She agrees, her piercing gaze falls to my neck, and I feel self-conscious. Do I really look that bad?

We stand there for a bit, the silence becoming awkward. We both watch the mock fight continue and I vaguely wonder if I could fight as swiftly as they can.

They almost look like they're dancing.

"Sorry for your loss by the way. He seemed like a nice kid." She says suddenly and her hand squeezes my shoulder.

For some reason I feel like I've heard that a million times.

It wasn't just my loss though.

"Thank you." I say trying to sound genuine.

I take another sip.

My heart hurts, I push on my sternum, coughing a few times to dislodge the lump I feel but that doesn't work.

She walks away without a goodbye but I'm not offended, I'm hardly good company.

I start walking to the cafeteria, in hopes that I can find some water or something.

My cup of coffee is almost empty.

When I reach the entrance I glance up the stairs where Max's office is located.

I hate Max.

Inside of the cafeteria are several people, sitting around enjoying drinks laughing and horse-playing.

I feel bad.

In a little over 24 hours everything here gets thrown into chaos.

Will there even be a Dauntless left?

I turn and head up the stairs, and before I know it my hand is on the handle to go into Max's office.

Its unlocked.

I press my ear to the door to listen if anyone is inside.

Silence.

I take a deep breath and open it.

The room is dark and empty.

I know what I want now.

I head inside with a purpose, walking around the desk, the door closes with a click behind me.

I open the first drawers my hand finds, feeling around through the dark searching for the familiar rectangular object and the cords.

I check the next drawer and it's empty.

It's surprising that his desk isn't locked.

Maybe because no one is crazy enough to come in here without permission.

I hear footsteps outside the door.

My heart nearly stops and I duck into the knee-hole of the desk, pulling the chair in front of it slowly.

The door opens and a small crack of light filters in. I watch from under the desk.

I try to make myself as small as possible, wrapping an arm around my legs, the ground is cold and hard and it hurts my butt.

I cover my mouth with my other hand to stop my heavy frantic breathing.

It's almost like I'm hiding from a killer in a thriller movie. . .

OH FUCK.

I left my coffee cup on top of the desk.

I'm that dumb blonde that dies first.

I start to panic and the light in the room turns on.

The boots walk all the way inside. Pausing next to the desk.

My heart feels like it's going to explode.

All that's missing is a chainsaw.

I try to steady my breathing and close my eyes.

The boots walk around the desk and to the chair, pulling it out.

I open my eyes slowly.

Eric is smirking at me.

All I feel is relief.

It washes over me like a tidal wave.

My hand moves and I let out a huge gush of air, letting my lungs deflate appreciatively.

"What the fuck are you doing in here?" He asks but he doesn't sound mad. He sounds amused.

Maybe because I was hiding.

He has my cup in one of his hands.

"Oh my god, I'm so glad its just you." I admit but my tone is sarcastic as I begin crawling out from under the desk, he holds his hand out to me and I take it gratefully letting him help me up.

"You didn't say what you we're doing in here." He says sternly, and he puts a hand on my hip, pushing me against the desk.

What is he doing here?

"I was looking for that small device Max took from me the first day I came here." I answer immediately.

A look of recognition flashes over his eyes and he steps away, kneeling down. Opening the last drawer.

He shifts through some things and finally pulls it out, the earphones are tangled.

Max just kept it in here? He didn't think it was a bomb or something?

"This?" He asks holding it up.

"Yes." I say appreciatively and I reach out to grab it.

He gives me a taunting look, holding it just out of reach.

"Why aren't you in the dorms?" He asks incredulously, his tone says he's suspicious of me.

"I uhm. . .Didn't want to ruin someones night." I laugh nervously, shifting uncomfortably.

Now that the lights are on I can see the hole in the wall where the knife stuck.

"So you just decided to wander around?" He asks harshly. "Do you not realize that I took a risk and-"

I cut him off by kissing him softly on the lips, grabbing his jacket lapels.

His lips are so soft and warm.

Deceivingly inviting.

I don't know when I realized I wanted to kiss him.

Maybe when I saw his lips through Amity eyes.

Free love and all that.

 _I just kissed a leader._

Yeah, and I want to do it again.

.

* * *

Sorry it took forever for my to update.

I hope I can get the next chapter up tomorrow.

I've been really busy.

And yeah. . .sorry this chapter wasn't all that action-y.

It's slow because I'm building ;D

Thanks for all the reviews! I loves them lots.


	13. Amity

"Perhaps, everything terrible is,

In its deepest being,

Something that needs our love."

-Rainer Maria Rilke

* * *

.

"Do not do that again, unless you-" He starts and I brush my lips against his again, cutting him off, I pull him down to me, moving my hands to his neck and to his jaw.

He deepens the kiss, pushing against me, my iPod clatters on top of the desk behind me and his hands are free to grip my hips.

 _This is against the rules!_

"But I . . ." I start and I realize I'm talking out loud against his lips, and he pulls away looking at me with a confused and bewildered expression.

His eyes are burning and anxious.

"What?" He asks, and I start to feel embarrassed, I giggle nervously letting the hair fall over my cheeks.

My face feels hot, like I'm blushing.

And there are butterflies.

Fluttering wildly like they're making up for lost time.

It's almost nauseating.

"I think I'm just tired." I admit, honestly. Hopefully.

His pierced brow raises questioningly and his jaw tenses.

"I'll uhm. . .Leave first." I say moving away from him unwillingly, I reach for my iPod but he grabs it.

"I'm not giving this over to you until you tell me what it is." He says harshly.

Suspicious of me.

"It plays music." I admit honestly with a shrug.

His expression becomes instantly angry and his gray eyes are swirling with rage.

"Why the fuck do you want it?" He asks incredulously, he probably thinks it the most useless thing in existence.

"Because it's mine." I sigh, It's the last real thing I have from my world.

No big deal.

"You can have it when you answer my questions." He declares, like an ultimatum.

I'm not that desperate for music or a connection.

The Erudite in him can eat away at his insides with curiosity for all I care.

"You can have it then." I reply nonchalantly. "I'll even show you how to use it."

He scowls, but put's it into his back pocket.

"Just get out." He commands and I listen, walking around the desk and to the door, hesitating with my hand over the cold metal.

I'm pretty sure it should be safe to go back to the dorms now.

They've had enough time. . .I blush thinking about it, but I'm happy they can be together.

I turn around to look at him cause he's making a lot of noise, rummaging through the desk.

I watch as he takes out two plastic, clear rectangular sheets of grid looking things, spreading them onto the flat surface.

He then takes his tablet thing out holding it in his hands, his brows are furrowed again, concentrated.

He has a bright screen up holding it above each sheet and it scans over, imprinting images.

"What're you doing?" I ask curiously, his eyes shoot up to mine, holding them with an intense glare.

"None of your fucking business." He snaps, and he puts his tablet along with the plastics into a pocket on the side of his thigh.

I notice he has his knife.

Suddenly he sighs deeply, almost apologetically. "You always put me in a bad mood." He admits, sitting back in the chair. Pinching the bridge of his nose. I almost always see him like this.

"Good." I say under my breath.

I turn the handle and step out into the hallway.

It's empty but I guess that doesn't surprise me.

My boots tap the concrete ground once again, as I descend the stairs, I keep my eyes down on my feet.

I don't remember lacing my boots up so nice. The criss-cross patterns look neat and meticulous.

I remember shoving the laces into the boot one night. . .

My head hurts.

A strong hand grabs my arm when I'm just about to clear the last step.

"Don't you have any questions?" Eric asks me and he sounds almost curious, deceptively calm.

I'm confused, he told me to leave.

He looks as though he really want's to say something.

I open my mouth and close it immediately.

"Let's go." He commands, and he starts dragging me back up the stairs. "You can shower and sleep, and I'll answer any questions you have."

I try hard to remember my questions.

 _Faction before blood._

Thanks for the reminder.

"Do you know my brother?" I ask curiously.

His grip gets tighter around my arm and I struggle to keep up with his pace as he drags me into a part of Dauntless that I don't know, I trip over my own feet a few times.

I see my iPod earphones swish out of his back pocket with each of his steps, I can imagine him listening to Lady GaGa or something and I smile to myself involuntarily.

We reach a door and he stops to fish keys out of his pocket, it takes him a while to find the right one, while I fight my smile at how suspicious this looks.

Is he flustered?

Like this is a drunken pick up.

When he finally gets the door unlocked, he turns the handle and pushes it open, holding it for me. Motioning for me to go inside.

I step in and notice how plain it is.

Boring.

A large square plain bed at the far left of the wall, with two plain bedside tables, one on both sides, a plain little lamp sits on one.

There's a dresser, a table and a chair.

A kitchen with no fridge, but I guess they don't need to cook for themselves.

I notice a dip in the room to the right, probably his bathroom.

"You're room is so unbelievably plain." I say almost with a scoff, he turns the light on and it's a dim light, thankfully it doesn't attack my eyes.

 _Shouldn't be in here._

"What were you expecting?" He asks harshly.

"Skeletons, dead bodies or a coffin." I admit, and he walks past me to his dresser, pulling open the first drawer.

"You have a really fucked up. . ." He stops.

It's alright though, i'm sure it'll sort itself out after the serum leaves my system completely.

He throws a black shirt over my head and I remember when he did this once before.

I pull it off and hold it up to me.

No pants this time?

"Bathroom is over there." He says pointing over to the right hand corner of the room. "I'll be back."

"And if I leave?" I ask challenging-ly.

I would.

 _I won't run again._

I still could.

"It wouldn't surprise me." He admits with a smirk. "But I'd be even more surprised if you stayed."

Maybe I can decide during my shower.

He walks past me back to the door but he doesn't leave right away.

Instead he puts an arm around my waist, sending tingles up my spine.

He turns me halfway and plants a soft kiss on my lips.

It's a deceptive kind of kiss.

The one that speaks bad intentions to you softly and alluringly.

I can feel a resistance in the back of my mind, like insects scurrying.

 _This is against the fucking rules._

I mentally squash all the insects.

"I'll be back." He says and I nod slowly, making my way to the bathroom.

When the door is closed behind me, I click the lock in.

And turn to the giant mirror over the long counter top.

Even the bathroom is plain.

I look tired, and much more pale than usual, its gross.

Dark circles under my eyes.

 _Eyeliner._

It probably got rubbed off and made my eyes look a little darker.

The small gauze on my neck looks harsh against my skin.

I seriously look like a zombie or a vampire.

I chomp my teeth a few times and laugh to myself.

The shower is small and square, do they not have bathtubs here?

What a sad world.

I start the shower before I undress and the bathroom becomes hot and steamy, the higher ups are lucky they get hot water.

When I undress and step under, the water is scorching against my cold skin, but it feels extremely good and I begin to scrub away all my awkwardness, filling my body completely now.

Trying to use this bliss to push the strangeness out and wake up every muscle.

I use some of the shampoo in the corner and it's just like everyone elses, probably a generic shampoo that everyone in the city uses.

It doesn't smell bad though.

I soap my hair and begin washing it all out.

Tilting my head back and letting the water cascade over me completely.

It's nice to get clean.

Ugh, my bandage got wet.

I peel it off carefully and toss it out, and notice that my nose started bleeding.

Yuck.

I tilt my head back again and breathe through my mouth, I can taste the sickly coppery drops that escape between my open lips and I spit, wiping the blood away continuously until it stops.

The air is thick and I feel like it doesn't fit in my lungs.

I shut the shower off and pinch my nose before stepping out grabbing the only towel here, drying myself off.

When I get my bra and underwear back on I realize that it sucks not having a clean pair, but I guess it's just for tonight, I pull the shirt over my head, carefully avoiding my neck and pull my hair through the top.

And I start drying my hair with the towel.

Maybe I should cut it.

When I feel like I'm completely satisfied, I pick up my dress, toss my bandage into the disposable near the toilet and head out of the bathroom.

The steam spills out into the empty room, and the cold air swirls around my legs.

I pull the shirt down trying to stretch it out to cover more. It covers everything decently but I wish it went down to my ankles.

I wonder where he went.

The room is quiet and the silence screeches through my ears.

 _Go back to the dorms._

I drop the towel and my dress on the ground near the bed and fall into the cold sheets.

It's so comfy.

I reach for a pillow but I feel my iPod.

He left it for me?

I roll over onto my stomach, filled with excitement, putting my earphones in immediately.

Switching it off hold and pressing the circle, willing it to turn on.

It would suck if it died, sitting there lonely in Max's desk.

The screen flashes and the first thing I see is the time, it says 12 lunch time, how confusing.

My heart squeezes painfully.

I wonder what everyone is doing.

If they even miss me.

 _Faction before Blood_

I'm not just thinking about my family, I had some friends. . .

The battery life is at 21%

I vaguely wonder if my time here lasts only as long as the battery life. . .

I go to my music desperate for some sounds, and switch it to random.

The first song that plays is 'Battle Cry' By: Imagine Dragons.

I don't even care what song it is.

I grab a pillow and press my face into it, letting the music start off slow.

It fills my empty mind.

Amity likes music, right?

.

 _ **'Just one more time before I go**_

 _ **I'll let you know**_

 _ **That all this time I've been afraid**_

 _ **Wouldn't let it show**_

 _ **Nobody can save me now, no**_

 _ **Nobody can save me now**_

 _ **Stars are only visible in darkness**_

 _ **.**_

The guitars start to explode through my ears.

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 _ **Fear is ever-changing and evolving**_

 _ **And I, I can poison the skies**_

 _ **And I, I feel so alive**_

 _ **.**_

The drums pound through my soul.

.

 _ **Nobody can save you now**_

 _ **King is crown, it's do or die**_

 _ **Nobody can save you now**_

 _ **The only sound**_

 _ **It's the battle cry**_

 _ **Nobody can save you now**_

 _ **It's do or die'**_

 _ **.**_

So depressing.

I switch the song to something else, without looking.

Some electronic sounds start.

I roll onto my back, bending my knees and I put my other leg over it bouncing it along to the song.

Turning the volume as loud as my ears can handle.

The ceiling is concrete, everything is concrete. Like a prison.

 _'You'll be cleaning guns for the next unforeseeable future'_

My ass.

I'll never clean the guns they want to use on innocent people.

 _Dauntless maintain peace and protect all factions._

 _That's why I want to be a Dauntless._

 _To protect my friends._

Fuck Dauntless.

I remember the feel of Al's leather jacket in my fist and I close my eyes tightly as a sharp pain fills my head.

I change the song again.

Trying to focus only on the words.

 _Because Meg, this is our story. You don't belong here_

 _But don't worry, after this, you'll fit right in._

 _._

 _You are going to be alright Meg. I promise._

Is Jeanine just trying to help me get out of her story?

Or keep me inside?

I want to ask Eric all these questions that I found, but some of them keep slipping.

I turn over and pull the sheets over me, stopping my violent shivering.

A new song starts playing, and I hold the iPod in front of my face to look at the time again.

My home screen picture is of Dale and I.

We went fishing.

I'm holding a fish, smiling.

Wearing a floppy hat.

He has that usual scruffy face and crooked smile, messy dark brown hair.

I'm much younger.

Much more innocent.

I feel a rushing feeling and my nose feels awkward.

I sit up immediately, ignoring the jolt of vertigo and rush to the end of the bed, grabbing the towel before the blood comes gushing out.

I hold it against my face, the fabric tickles and the musty scent of used towel invades my mouth.

Hopefully Eric doesn't mind that his towel is getting bloody.

The music is still blaring in my ears and I sit on the edge of the bed with my legs folded under me.

Closing my eyes, tilting my head back.

.

 _ **Let it go**_

 _ **There's no way you can save it now**_

 _ **Get back, you know**_

 _ **That this city is burning**_

 _ **So the story goes**_

 _ **It makes you wonder**_

 _ **'Cause if we're trapped and we're never**_

 _ **Gonna find a way out,**_

 _ **Get out**_

 _ **We're gonna dance now**_

 _ **.**_

The song makes me laugh because it's Cobra Star ship and it kind of relates to me.

And all of a sudden the earphones are being yanked out.

I snap my eyes open and Eric's brows are furrowed, his gray eyes are filled with concern.

That will never match with his angry mug.

"What the fuck are you doing?" He asks incredulously.

As though I made my nose bleed purposely.

Without the music the world is way too quiet, his voice is way too sharp.

"Trying to force the Amity out." I say jokingly through the towel, but he grimaces.

I think he catches my drift.

He walks away from the bed and I go to turn the music off and save what's left of my life. . .I mean battery.

It's at 19% now.

Jeez.

Eric returns to the bed with a little white container and he pulls up a chair, to sit right in front of me.

He hands me gauze and I rip it in half to shove into my nose, it's weird to have something lodged in there, especially with a guy around but I'd rather not bleed all over his plain apartment.

He tilts my chin up to look at my neck and I obediently comply.

His face is a mask of concentration as he rubs some kind of ointment in, it smells pretty foul and burns.

I stare up at the ceiling trying not to fidget.

"Ask your questions." He says sternly.

"What's your favorite color?" I ask, but I'm only trying to make myself feel less awkward, my voice sounds nasally cause I'm talking and breathing out of my mouth.

"Black." He answers flatly, he doesn't try to argue or say that I'm wasting time.

Black.

Should have known.

"Favorite food?" I ask curious now.

"Don't have one." He replies but I can hear the smile in his voice.

"Oh, I thought you'd say the blood of thine enemies." I joke. "Or the chocolate cake."

Which I never got to try yet.

He does laugh now and I can vaguely sense him shaking his head.

His laugh is really nice, its not hysterical or psychotic.

I peek down at him and he rips a piece of tape with his teeth, and finishes up putting a new gauze on my neck.

"What do you know about my brother?" I ask seriously, and his face becomes hard like a stone and this time his brows furrow for a different reason, which is pretty confusing.

 _Faction before Blood_

But I don't even know my brother here in this world.

He told Jeanine things.

Helped a villain?

I'm sure he didn't tell her who the heroes are though, otherwise Four and Tris would probably be dead by now.

The thought is reassuring, they're safe for now.

As long as Jeanine didn't change anything. . .

"He was an Erudite." Eric begins and I find it hard to believe. Maybe he started off there, like how I started off in Dauntless. "He was a professor. Taught some of my classes."

I scoff and start laughing.

My brother? A professor?

Teaching a class that included Eric?

"That's so ridiculous." I laugh and it hurts, I clutch my stomach, I almost feel like I could snort but I'd hate for the gauze to go up into my brain.

Eric gives me a confused look, bordering on annoyance.

"Not that you're an Erudite transfer, that my brother was a professor. I always thought he was a dumb ass." I say trying to control my laughter.

Eric sighs, patiently.

"Go on." I say but I'm still struggling.

"He disappeared 4 years ago." Eric says through gritted teeth.

"That's it?" I ask incredulously.

"That's it." He replies and I can tell that he's lying, but I won't pry.

Since he's not here.

So he left this world 4 years ago. . .

"How old was he?" I ask curiously.

"I don't fucking know, like 30's?" Eric says incredulously, like his age doesn't matter.

But it does matter because there's an obvious time difference between worlds.

Dale is only 22 years old. 4 years ago he would have been 18. He couldn't have been a professor to Eric.

He's not even close to 30's

My head hurts trying to do the math or calculate a difference.

"What was his name?" I ask trying to discern if they're really talking about my brother.

"Are you sure you're even fucking related to him?" He scoffs, leaning back in his chair. The metal creaks.

I grab my iPod and turn it on, showing him the screen.

He squints his eyes, and when he focuses they become wide and shocked.

"Is that him?" I ask. "He was around 17, and I was 11, there's no way that he's in his 30's."

"What in the actual fuck?" He asks incredulously, and he runs a hand through his hair.

Maybe I can say that we're time travelers or something.

"I honestly don't know what to tell you, I'm as confused as you are." I shrug.

He shakes his head, pinching the bridge of his nose, like always.

I slide my legs out from under me because I was getting uncomfortable and I stand, heading to the bathroom to remove my nose plugs.

I didn't see another trash container anywhere else.

I wash my face at the sink again, and confirm that I've stopped bleeding.

Eric followed me and is leaning against the door frame, he looks calculatingly at me, almost thoughtfully.

"Do you think I'll ever stop bleeding?" I ask curiously, poking my nose in the mirror. "This is the 3rd time today."

He shrugs.

"Do you know what a zombie is?" I ask jokingly, opening my mouth looking at my teeth in the mirror, pulling my lip down to check my gums.

He doesn't answer, and his expression doesn't change.

"It's a dead person that becomes re-animated. They literally eat human flesh and brains." I say spookily, and he smirks. "If you get bitten by one you turn."

I see him from the corner of my eye, trying to fight a smile, he even rolls his eyes.

He looks like someone who would appreciate gory tales.

Were-wolves, vampires, zombies, all that.

He walks intimidatingly over to me, picking me up by the waist, putting me down onto the counter.

 _This is trouble_

I shut my eyes tightly, and reopen them.

I've been in trouble the moment I opened my eyes here in that field.

"I had a ton of fucking questions." He admits and he looks like he's struggling with his Erudite. "But I don't think I want the answers to any of them."

Then we can distract each other instead.

I put my hands on the sides of his face.

My lips brush against his softly, and his warm hands slide up my legs.

Pulling me to the edge and against him, gripping my hips.

The touch sends a shiver up my spine.

I could choke on butterflies.

His lips move against mine, in perfect sync.

He unzips his jacket, shrugging out of it, trying to keep our kiss going, and it falls to the floor.

His hands slide under the shirt and to my back and I wrap my arms around his neck.

His tongue slides in and together they start a slow and almost desperate dance.

He tastes too real.

This could be our last time together.

Maybe he knows it too.

He breaks the kiss and our breaths match, his eyes are deceptively gentle.

The gray storm is calm, and it stirs my sleeping heart.

It kind of. . .really hurts.

He begins removing my shirt, pulling it over my head and I giggle when it's completely off, it's weird to be so exposed.

I pull at the bottom of his shirt and he lets me take it off, helping of course.

And I marvel at the tattoos he has on his chest and arms.

I kiss the design over his heart, and I realize I never knew how he felt about me.

But that's alright.

Because I know how I feel.

Even Amity is silent now.

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RETURN OF SOME SMUT, SKIP IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT

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He tenses under my lips, and I move to his neck, and to the small space between that and his collarbone.

My fingers trace along his jeans.

His breathing hitches, and I can feel his hardness press against me.

He pulls my bra off, gently forcing me back as his hands explore me, and he kisses every part of my bare skin.

Igniting a longing inside me, my heart beats excitedly.

"Can we. . ." I start and he looks at me questioningly. "My first time was on a train so . . ."

He chuckles and it sounds light, almost like he's a different person.

"I knew that was your first time." He admits, and he sounds appreciative.

He picks me up over his shoulder like a firefighter.

I giggle at his playfulness, and he rubs his stubble against my leg.

He tosses me onto the bed and I cover myself with the sheet.

He starts unbuttoning his pants and I slide over to the edge of the bed, taking over for him.

My hands are surprisingly steady, and when I release him, I lick my lips and fill my mouth with him, as much as I can.

His hands tangle them self in my hair as I suck slowly then find a suitable rhythm.

He sucks in a breath of air sharply, before letting out a low groan.

I drag my tongue across his length and I bite down softly, his grip in my hair become tighter.

His breathing becomes heavier and I can feel him trembling, his hands desperate for me to continue.

I force him deeper even though it's uncomfortable and could cause me to gag but his answering moans empower me.

I keep going, my lips glide over his length confidently.

I feel him tense and pulse inside me as he cums, the taste is disgusting and there is way too much for me to handle.

But I swallow it all begrudgingly, it makes my tongue feel barbed, it almost tastes like that nasty lotion painkiller thing

I start sucking again determined to prolong his orgasm and I hear him whimper.

The sound is definitely not something I'd ever think to hear from him.

And it makes me laugh, distracted for a second, but I want to hear it again so I continue.

To my amusement he can't handle it and he forces me to stop, pulling my hair gently.

His gray eyes are filled with lust as he gazes down at me, moving away from him.

"Did you-" He asks bewildered, and he leans forward moving onto the bed after me.

Is he going to ask if I swallowed? I blush.

"If I didn't know better I'd think you did this sort of thing before." He says threateningly.

"Are you trying to give me a compliment?" I ask playfully. "Want to taste yourself?"

I pull him into a kiss and he deepens it, pulling the sheets away from me.

His hands grope me, his skin ghosting over mine, leaving burning trails in its wake.

He's a fire and he's burning me from the inside out.

He pushes me back, onto the bed, so I'm laying down, and pulls my underwear off me.

He gazes down at me and I cover myself, closing my legs.

It's embarrassing being completely naked.

He sighs and gently persuades my legs open, but he doesn't start regretfully, instead he licks me.

Tasting me in swirling motions.

I gasp embarrassed, and he holds me down when I squirm.

His tongue explores me and the pleasure is blinding.

He's obviously experienced.

I don't even care.

His tongue flicks over and around, teasingly, he uses both his mouth and his hand, enticing soft sounds of appreciation from me, my lungs feel like they could burst because it's so hard to breathe.

I grip the sheets trying to control the ache building inside of me.

And then he's on top of me.

His mouth fills mine and I can taste myself on him, its sickly sweet, mingling with his own flavor.

When he finally sheathes himself inside of me I arch against him to accept him, he fills me so completely.

But he moves so agonizingly slow, each thrust feels like he's trying to savor the moment.

Building slowly and moving just a little bit deeper ever so slightly.

He forces the air out of me, and I'm gasping with each slow grind.

His hips rock against mine, and my legs wrap around his firm waist.

An intense feeling builds deep inside me threatening to overwhelm me and I dig my nails into his back.

He notices my urgency and moves faster, harder.

Until I can't take it anymore.

The pleasure escapes me in a breathless gasp and I squeeze around him, as an orgasm rocks and explodes through my entire body.

He slows again, easing me through my climax.

And just when I'm recovering he starts again.

"Eric" I breathe, trembling over the sensitivity all over my whole body.

He gets onto his knees, gripping my hips, continuing relentlessly.

Harder, faster and with one purpose.

I moan involuntarily arching into him, he throws his head back and tenses as he releases inside me, I feel him pulsing as he empties, his breathing is ragged and as heavy as mine.

And he pulls me up against him, in his lap.

His lips are parted as he struggles to steady his breathing, his gray eyes are filled with the same exhilaration that I heave with every exhale.

His forehead has a sheen of sweat over it and he puts it to mine, our breaths mingle and we're both trembling.

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LOTS OF SMUT BUT SMUT SKIPPERS CAN CONTINUE READING AFTER THIS LINE

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I probably need another shower.

The thought makes me laugh and his answering smile is dazzling.

"If only we never had to leave this room." He says breathlessly.

If only, because then I wouldn't want to leave this world.

My mind would be so easily made up.

I pull the sheets over me when he starts to get up off the bed, and I finally get to see him in his full stark glory.

"Enjoying the view?" He asks tauntingly and I laugh, normal Eric.

"Conceited much?" I ask jokingly.

"I'm going to shower. . .You want to shower again?" He asks curiously and his brow raises suggestively.

It sounds tempting.

"Mmmm, I'll shower in the morning. I'm dying." I admit, laying down hugging a pillow. The sheets feels like heaven over my sensitive body, my legs are still trembling.

"Suit yourself." He says, but he climbs onto the bed over to me, giving me a kiss on the cheek.

"Eric?" I ask when he pulls away.

"Hmm?" He brushes hair out of my face.

"Goodnight." I sigh dreamily.

He chuckles, and I close my eyes to the sound.

Vaguely feeling his weight leave the bed and he doesn't close the bathroom door.

I listen as the shower water starts

And it lulls me into an almost sleep like state.

Goodnight Amity.

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I open my eyes sleepily and I feel around me on the bed.

It's empty and I'm alone.

I sit up, glancing around the dark room, it's not too dark and my eyes don't need to focus.

My iPod is on the table.

I yawn, and stretch my tired body out, wiggling my toes.

I wonder how long I was asleep for.

And where Eric is.

I get out of the bed and put my underwear back on, grabbing my dress.

I head to the bathroom and grab my boots, kicking the ground to get them secure, and then I put my bra on, followed by my dress.

I can shower at the dorms.

My stomach starts to turn nervously, the bathroom air is stale.

It's nauseating.

Without warning, my mouth fills with saliva and I bend over the toilet, spitting into the bowl.

I breathe heavily to get control of my constitution and thankfully I do.

I steady myself and stand straight.

Ready for a new day.

I stretch again, filling every corner of my body with energy.

The dull pain at my throat is nothing.

 _I'm going to become a Dauntless today._

Ugh.

Fuck me.

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* * *

The songs I used are:

Battle Cry - Imagine Dragons

Send my love to the dance floor - Cobra Star Ship.

Hope you enjoyed this chapter.

And thanks again for the reviews.

I really appreciate it. :]


	14. Lauren

"People are layers and layers of secrets."

-Insurgent.

* * *

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I quietly dry my hair and hang my wet dress over the bed frame, trying hard not to wake anyone up in the dorms. I showered with my clothes on because I'll never get used to showering in front of people, like some kind of show.

It's pretty freaking weird that they expect you to do that.

A bunch of teenagers showering naked in front of each other.

Ugh.

I'm starting to feel better and even though my nose bled again, I'm starting to think it's just because of the temperature. Extreme heat and extreme cold.

There wasn't as much blood as last time too.

Maybe I'm getting better.

Finally bleeding it all out.

Christina and Will are still sleeping, and Peter is face down on his pillow.

There are two other male initiates but I never got to know their names, their soft breathing is soothing in the quiet room.

I'd like to learn their names though, sometime today.

At the mirrors I peel the bandage off, the tiny red incision is almost unnoticeable and I decide it doesn't need another cover.

Plus. . . I don't want to go back to the infirmary.

My head still feels a bit fuzzy but I have other, more pressing concerns.

Like what I'm going to do now.

I'm still conflicted.

I sit on my bed careful to not make the springs squeak too loudly and slide my boots on, rolling my jeans up a little. I decided on a comfortable outfit today.

I try to do everything meticulously and with careful detail, to distract myself from the nagging feeling in the back of my mind.

Like tying my hair into a ponytail, over and over till it's perfect, and brushing my bangs out of my face a few times, it always falls back so I give up.

When I leave the dorms I don't actually know where I could go, and I don't even know what time it is, I sort of just let my feet carry me.

I left my iPod on Eric's table, deciding he can keep it. It'll die soon and I'm not smart enough to figure out a way to charge it. I never saw any familiar looking power outlets here, and he didn't get my charging cord. . .If it really matters to him, he'll find a way.

At the cafeteria I fall in with the early birds, it must be pretty early cause there are barely any people around. I walk over to the serving area, grabbing myself a cup of coffee and some crackers that look like failed cookies. I wasn't really sure where I was headed anyway.

I take a seat at the usual table, alone, and press my elbows onto the hard surface, holding my warm cup with both hands.

It's kind of chilly, even with my jacket on.

The ambient noise of people eating and chatting around me is soothing, it almost feels nice to sit here alone, but I tap my foot nervously.

The normalcy should be calming.

It would be easy to let go, just go with it.

But my gut turns nervously, I don't know what I really want.

The thought makes me feel a violent sort of desperation.

Not knowing really fucking sucks.

I feel like I'll need to write some things down to sort everything out.

Or like I need a constant distraction to get me through.

Anger begins to build up inside me like a soda that's been shaken violently, but I struggle to keep from releasing any foam or froth.

The coffee is bitter like always but I'm used to it now, the hotness on my tongue feels a little too real while I try to detach myself.

I sigh deeply lowering my cup to the table, trying to control the swirling emotions and apply pressure to my sternum, my heart aches every now and then.

I cross my arms onto the table and lay my head down.

Things are way too fucking complicated.

"Good morning, trouble-maker." Says a lilting female voice, and I peek up.

It's the Dauntless born instructor, Lauren.

Her fiery red hair sparks a jealousy in me.

"Mmmm." I reply, not willing to speak actual words, she's never spoken to me before.

But I appreciate this distraction.

She smiles at me. "You, do not look ready for today." She admits.

She may be right.

"Mmmm." I mumble again, not really trying to get the meaning of her words, and she laughs.

"Hangover?" She asks and I vaguely feel the weight shift as she slides into the bench across from me, she takes my cracker and I can hear her munching on it, its okay though. I don't mind.

"Yes." I lie through my arms.

I wish it was a hangover.

"Here, this helps." She says and I peek up over, to see her dropping a small white object into my coffee. It bubbles and sinks to the bottom.

"What is it?" I ask curiously, I am so over drugs.

"It's to help get rid of headaches and settle stomachs." She replies honestly, her green eyes look kind and caring.

A little more jealousy, damn my plainness.

"Mmmkay." I accept her answer but I don't plan on drinking the coffee now. "Thank you."

"No problem, I had to down one myself. Last night was a real bitch." She says and I appreciate her trying to make casual conversation, I find that I really enjoy her voice. "I think I might take 2, to be safe."

"Yeah, it was pretty. . .rough." I laugh, sitting up, recalling the events of last night, it wasn't that. . .rough, and it was one of my top 5 favorites, begrudgingly. "You had to chaperon?"

"Yep, but I'm not complaining. It was really fun, It was a nice distraction." She admits and she drops one of those small white pills into her own cup of coffee, taking a sip afterwards. "Haven't been many parties lately."

Last night _was_ a nice distraction.

I pinch the bridge of my nose to dull the ache in my skull when I try to remember the stupid party, I can hear thumping pulsing music and twirling skirts.

Oh, what the hell.

I take a sip of my coffee, and let the bitter taste fill my mouth. The taste is as always intense and makes my headache more prominent, but I hope the medicine helps.

I hope it helps with everything.

"Hey, uhm." I start clearing my throat a bit. "What time is it?"

"Hmm." She says pulling her jacket sleeve up, looking at her watch. "It's almost 6."

Wow, early, I should've slept longer.

I really need to get myself a watch. I take another sip of my coffee and since it's cooled down a bit I take a gulp, its warm down my throat and makes my mouth feel all cottony. I drag my tongue against the back of my teeth.

"Mmmm, thanks." I reply and I put my forehead onto the cold table. The coldness helps keep the throbbing behind my eyes at bay.

After a while I feel the weight being shifted as Lauren leaves. Yet again, I'm not good company. I touch my throat and feel the cut, it kind of stings and I decide not to mess with it anymore.

"Hey, uhm Lauren?" I ask before she can get far enough away. She turns around and gives me a questioning look, eyebrows raised, but her lips turn up into a smile.

I have the violent, desperate urge to hit something and I feel like she can help me.

"Need something to do?" She asks, like she already knows, I'm not sure if she can tell. I try to smooth-en my features and dull the flames I feel in my pupils.

"I need something to hit." I admit, curling my hand into a tight fist, the rage is finally seeping into every corner of my body.

I want to hit Jeanine.

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 **Christina's POV**

In the morning I'm positively bubbling with energy and I can't wait to find Tris or Meg. I have to literally fight the words back down my throat and I'm dying to tell them about my night.

I showered in a rush and left Will still sleeping, giving him a quick kiss on his unconscious head before heading out the door, stumbling a few times while still slipping my boots on.

I don't even tie them, I'm too excited.

I head straight for the infirmary, desperate for a listening ear and I do want to make sure that Meg is alright, since I didn't see her in the dorms, she must have spent the night there.

But the infirmary is empty, each bed is fixed up neatly and the infirmary is clean, spotless.

The nurse looks up at me questioningly.

"Everything alright?" She asks me, but I hear annoyance in her voice, and she gives me a look that screams angry bitch.

"Yeah, uhm was there a girl here this morning?" I ask trying not to get angry, today is an extremely good day and nothing can ruin my mood.

But I really want to talk to them, badly.

I'm beginning to get annoyed that Meg is always disappearing.

"Nope, just a gigantic fucking mess." She admits, shaking her head. The short blonde spikes shake with her. She must be talking about when Will ransacked their supplies, We cleaned it up pretty well though. . .

Hmm.

I turn around without another word and head for the cafeteria, my tummy is empty and I'm starving. Hopefully Meg or Tris had the same idea.

Inside there are a bunch of morning people, eating breakfast and getting ready for the day, probably getting ready and fueled for work. I elbow my way to the serving line and grab a muffin and start munching immediately.

Walking back out when I don't notice any familiar faces in the crowds.

But I'm not discouraged.

I'll try to find Tris.

With that thought and the impatience in me beginning to eat away at my stomach I head to the pit from the opposite entrance, the one that begins to ascend higher into Dauntless. Will had given me a detailed description of its layout, when he was still adamantly Erudite.

It actually helps though, to know where everything sort of is, keeping out of restricted sections and whatnot.

I reach the pit and look down to the people at the bottom floor stretching and doing morning exercises, I'm not afraid of heights and it's actually a pretty neat angle of the pit.

You can see just how big and deep the place is.

The muffin tastes great and I vaguely wonder if I should have grabbed one for Tris.

Oh well, we can always head back to the cafeteria together, I can't wait!

I walk confidently up and up till I reach the hall where Four is said to reside in his own little cell, thinking about the many ways I can make Tris blush this morning.

I'm so gonna tease the shit out of her.

When I finally reach the only door down this tunnel my heart is beating excitedly, I really need someone to talk to.

I knock sharply, three times and stand back, trying to be patient.

Shifting from foot to foot, and I put my hands behind my back to keep from banging on the door.

Screw it.

I pound my fist against it a few more times, exhilarated, impatient, agitated.

The handle starts to rattle and turn.

"Oh my gosh fina-fucking-ly." I start but then the words are stuck in my throat and I wish I could shove them back down.

The person at the door is Eric.

My feet become frozen to the ground as his steely gray glare sends daggers through me.

"Did you fucking need something?" He asks and the tone of his voice is venomous and low, I regret pounding.

"No." I say through tight lips, but i'm sure this is Four's apartment, and if Eric is inside. . .

OH MY GOSH, did they get caught!?

He gives me a look that says 'Then why are you still here?'

But where is Tris then? She wasn't in the dorms.

"Isn't this Four's apartment?" I ask trying not to be suspicious but my curiosity is exploding through my insides.

"What does that matter to you?" He asks impatiently, and he pulls a sleeve up, glancing at his watch.

I open my mouth to continue asking questions but before I can say another word he shuts the door in my face and I shut my mouth in response.

What a gigantic bitch.

When I turn to head back down the hall, the door opens again and Four comes out.

He gives me one of those instructor stares.

But thank goodness!

"Did you need something?" He asks me, and I want to punch him in the face, yeah, I need to know where Tris is!

"Where is Tris?" I ask with a hushed impatient tone, like seriously where are my girls?

Isn't it obvious? Why else would I ever approach Four?

"She'll be out soon, just shut up and go wait somewhere." He says urgently quietly, secretively.

"What's going on?" I ask noticing the implication in his words, is Tris in trouble? Is Four in trouble too?

He glances around the hall, like he's looking for something and runs a hand through his short hair.

"Where is Meg?" He asks and his eyes fall back onto mine, but I honestly don't know, and right now I'm extremely worried about Tris. If anything happens to her its Four's fault, he's older and should've been more responsible.

I open my mouth to answer him but the door opens again and Eric steps out, giving Four a death glare. Four nods to him and Eric stalks down the hall.

What the fuck?

Maybe they're secretly. . .

But Tris?

I push past Four, too impatient and worried to care if he wants to fight me, this whole situation is ruining my awesome day.

It doesn't pay to have two trouble-maker friends, and its really weird that one is a Stiff and the other is a hippie. It's like they've never been rebellious before and now that they're at Dauntless they can't help themselves.

When I put my hand on his door it opens, swinging inward and I'm standing face to face with Zeke, Uriah's older brother.

His expression is startled and mirrors mine.

Just what the fuck is going on?

"You are acting way out of line Initiate." Four says sternly, and I feel him grip my arm, pulling me away from the door and back around to the wall, I immediately shrug his hand off me.

"Four." Zeke nods to him before heading down the hall in the opposite direction Eric went down, he gives me a passing nod too but I don't return the sentiment.

He wasn't alone, three other guys come out behind him and my curiosity grows with each bewildered expression that falls on me, my mouth hangs open.

I only recognize Zeke, Bud and Gabe, because Bud is the guy that works at the tattoo parlor with Tori and Gabe has a huge nose ring and slicked black hair, I swear he was a Dauntless born initiate.

They all walk down the hall like they're marching, and their boots are loud in the empty space, slowly receding down the hollow tunnel.

"Where is Tris?" I hiss under my breath at Four and he gives me a warning glance, holding a finger to his lips.

I am so unbelievably confused and agitated. I'm practically about to jump right out of my own skin.

He walks past me and opens his door again, heading inside and he slams it behind him, leaving me alone in the hall.

I flinch at the loud noise and an uncomfortable feeling starts rising inside of me.

The door opens again and Tris walks out but that only makes things more confusing.

I could explode.

When her wide surprised eyes fall on me her mouth drops open, like I've just caught her.

No fucking way.

I'd imagine that my expression is the same now, shocked, bewildered, but I have added disgust.

6 guys?!

And only one girl!?

Not to mention one of them was fucking Eric, the leader of Dauntless.

"Tris, what the hell is going on?" I ask incredulously, my voice raising by several octaves, I'm about one hairs breadth from a total freak out.

My day has been thoroughly rocked and flipped up-side down. Maybe even shaken around and stomped on.

I'm starting to feel a bit nauseous. That muffin isn't agreeing with me.

Suddenly she covers my mouth and I try to step back out of her grasp, but she holds me in place. It's almost like she's a different person, I grab her wrists instinctively.

"Shhhh." She shushes me urgently. "It's not what you think, and I need you to trust me."

I nod my head vigorously, desperate for answers and she removes her hand.

Of course I'm going to trust her but I seriously want to know what's going on.

"First of all." She says whispering lowly. "You can't tell a soul."

I can't promise that but I nod my head giving her a determined look.

"Can I tell Will?" I ask immediately because keeping something from him would just feel wrong.

Four steps up, shoulder to shoulder with Tris, like this is a shake down.

I'm extremely uncomfortable.

"No, and you can't even tell Meg."

.

.

.

 **Meg's POV**

My fist slams into the punching bag, and the resounding thump of my knuckles against the firm object is music to my hollow ears.

Lauren enjoys her coffee sitting on the mat comfortably, she was kind enough to supervise my private fuming in the training room, I feel her eyes on me as I release my pent up anger onto the training equipment.

I've figured out several questions I want to ask Eric, but I have a sinking feeling that I may not get a chance to ask them, I send another punch, and it hits the bag firmly.

And the only person who can answer all of my questions is a flaming bitch with blue eyes.

One. Why is Jeanine not keeping me at Erudite?

I remember that witch saying things like 'He'll be back', and I mentally squash the resistance in the back of my mind, pretending that the punching bag is my invisible opponent.

I am not the enemy of myself. I chant inside, trying to quell the constant conflict and I slam another fist into the bag.

If she means to use me at bait, she should have just held me up in some weird glass cell in Erudite hell.

Two. Where does my brother fit into this?

Beside's obviously fucking things up and disappearing, like what did he even do here? Play teacher, get bored and screw everything up?

Of course I'm unlucky enough to get caught in his shit storm.

Three. What does Jeanine know exactly?

She said she already knew she was going to lose, but she didn't care?

Four. Has she changed anything?

If I were a villain I would want to win, she mentioned that her goal was more ambitious in nature, but I don't understand her risk in putting me back in Dauntless.

Unless she completely relies on her lackeys.

Which leads me to my next question.

Five. Why did Eric not drug me?

Unless the serum was seriously killing me and Jeanine ordered him to stop, but he said something about him taking a risk. . .My head is pounding behind my eyes and I have to take a break for a second.

I grit my teeth to keep myself from bringing my foolish inexperienced heart into the conflict within my brain.

No matter what I can't trust him, even if I really. . .'Like' him.

 _'I actually made this serum for your brother, But you are perfect'_

That whole situation is fucked up and confusing, I try to pry the conspiracy theories out of the cracks in my head, trying to keep a firm grip on what I've finally managed to piece together.

My nose gets a rushing feeling and I hold my hand up to it as several drops fall over the tape around my knuckles. I wipe my nose on the back of my hand.

It's not a lot of blood this time, and I lick my upper lip to clean the coppery nasty shit off. The taste fuels my anger and I punch the bag again.

"Hey, maybe you should stop." Lauren says and I can hear her standing, coming over to me.

I step back and steady the bag, my punches actually moved it for once, and Lauren drapes a towel over my shoulder.

Wizardry. Dauntless have the power to conjure towels up from thin air.

My muscles ache to continue and my fists are throbbing.

But I've had enough time to calm down.

I take it gratefully dabbing at my nose and violently scrubbing the smeared blood on my hand and tape. My nose isn't bleeding it was just spotting.

I must be closer.

I use the towel to wipe the sweat off my neck and forehead too, carefully patting my throat, it stings. I'll need another shower.

"I know I'm not your instructor, but. . .Is everything alright?" She asks me curiously and I hear her take a noisy sip of her coffee. "I promise to keep it confidential."

"Boys." I scoff my lame ass excuse and she starts laughing, the sound is loud in the empty room.

It's not a complete lie, because I'm still struggling to find out what the hell my weird twisted relationship is with my babysitter.

"I know exactly what you mean. Can't live with em' but can't live without em'" She slaps me on the back and I flinch. I'm only in my sports bra and jeans aren't meant for training but I didn't want to change. Her hand is hot against my skin. "Broken heart?"

"Something like that." I shrug, wiping my nose again, I must seem pretty pitiful, but Lauren is a pretty nice person, I like the way she talks. Like she's not an instructor, but a friend.

Seven. What should I do now?

My mind feels like two blocks or icebergs about to crash into each other and I grit my teeth, bracing for impact and shut my eyes tightly, gripping the sides of the bag again.

"Meg!" Says a loud and cheerful voice. Christina.

I open my eyes and look to her. She's smiling and lunges for me, but i'm sweaty and gross so I put my hands up in warning and I give her what I hope is a genuine smile, Lauren gives me a nod before heading out of the room.

It was nice of her to keep me company, maybe she thought it would be best to keep me out of trouble.

Now that my friends are here she probably thinks it's safe to leave.

Christina wraps her arms around my waist despite my warnings, and I notice that Tris is with her. She also comes and gives me a hug. Her bare arms around my skin is hot and it almost makes me nauseous. Too much heat.

But I crave reassurance.

"Are you alright!?" Tris asks me and I nod my head, yes.

I will be.

"What're you doing in here?" Christina asks me and she noticed Lauren leaving.

"Thinking." I reply honestly and I prepare myself for their questions, I had told them that I would explain last night.

"Lets go eat breakfast!" Tris exclaims and she grabs my boots from where I left them, tossing them over to me.

It can't still be breakfast time, but that sounds nice.

"Oh my gosh you guys that reminds me!" Christina gushes "Last night was. . ."

She launches into full detail about her 'first time' with Will and I can't help but enjoy her Candor. It's extremely amusing and her voice is soothing.

Maybe they're trying to give me space, instead of interrogate me.

I slide my boots on and slowly build my resolve, kicking each boot against the ground.

If they don't ask, or don't remember then I won't have to come up with some excuses, I won't have to lie.

I don't want to lie anymore.

Silence isn't exactly truthfulness. But one day I'll tell them everything.

Tris links her arm around mine and I pick my shirt up off the ground, along with the towel before I get dragged down the tunnels.

Christina is still babbling about how awesome it was and how she's so in love and that after we become Dauntless she wants us all to get jobs on the wall and I can be close to home and get them free food.

Close to home.

Tris argues that she wants a job within Dauntless and that makes Christina laugh and tease her, they giggle and jostle me around like a rag doll.

My chest tightens.

And I know what I want to do now, more than everything else. More than getting my own answers.

 _That's why I want to be a Dauntless._

 _To protect my friends._

I will become a Dauntless, and I will not get injected.

I will not go through the sim.

And I won't let Will die.

 _I believe in ordinary acts of bravery, in the courage that drives one person to stand up for another._

It's not a bad goal.

"I need a shower." I say immediately, and I think they already knew because they we're leading me to the dorms, Tris laughs at my declaration and Christina tugs gently on my ponytail.

This feels natural.

"We'll wait for you." Christina says and her bubbly personality feels like its being transferred through her hand and my hair into my skull and spreading like a welcomed virus through my system.

Once inside the dorms they release me and I head straight for the showers, determined to let the spray of water strengthen my resolve, I kick my boots off and slide my pants down till they fall to the ground with the towel and shirt. Turning the handle to start the freezing cold torrent.

My undergarments are wet but they're minor things.

The cold water stings my skin but it invigorates me, I am ready for today.

And I will be ready for anything.

I slowly peel away the tape on my hands, feeling like I'm pulling away my weaknesses, grasping at any strengths I can muster.

My nose is bleeding but only a few drops fall and instantly disappear with the water down the drain, I don't wipe this time. The water will wash it all.

I'm positive that I'm done bleeding after this.

I pull my hair tie out and let my hair get plastered to my skin, running my hands through to separate it.

I don't wash thoroughly because they're waiting for me, so I shut the water off and turn around to head to my bed for change clothes.

Tris hands me a towel and I'm surprised that she was actually still here. I thought they'd wait outside in the hall or something.

"Thanks." I say taking it from her, wrapping myself, suddenly feeling self-conscious, she smiles her pretty, kind, usual smile.

Her Abnegation smile.

"Here this would look totally cute on you!" Christina gushes, bringing me a gray shirt that has several holes in it. It's not my style but I'll go along with it.

It's about time I changed, without being influenced by anger or some serum.

"It is really cute." I agree, walking over to my bed. I use the towel to change my undies and slide into black jeans and I pull Christina's shirt over my head before drying my hair out.

"What was your natural hair color?" Tris asks me and she starts combing through my hair.

"Dark brown." I reply, each stroke calms me down in fractions and my insides finally settle.

No more conflict.

"What made you color it?" Christina asks curiously.

"Impulse." I admit with a sigh.

I don't remember what actually compelled me to do it, but judging by my behavior i'm more than positive it was impulse.

"I want to see it in its natural color." Tris says and she begins braiding my damp hair into a lose design against my back, we settle in on my small bed. The springs protest against our weight and I slide a pair of socks on.

"Maybe you will one day. . .But I actually want to cut it." I admit, with a sigh.

"What? No!" Christina argues, and she kicks my shin lightly. "You can't cut it Meg, or I'll get mad."

"I agree, you can't, it's so long and nice." Tris agrees with her, tying the end of the braid she made.

The mention of my name makes me violently uncomfortable now.

Meg.

"Hey, could you guys call me Megan?" I ask immediately.

"Is that your real name?" Christina asks curiously.

"Yeah." I admit. Where would I have gotten Meg from?

"Megan, I like it." Tris says testing it out. "It sounds nice."

It sounds right.

"Meg sounds more Dauntless though. . .Are you sure?" Christina says questioningly. "Megan sounds a little Amity, to be honest."

"It does." I agree, with a shrug.

But I'm alright with that.

.

* * *

Thanks for reviews! I seriously love them lots!

MyhusbandsaPRICK: Ily so much! Thank you for always reviewing and everyone else should totally go and read your stories! LIKE NOW.

other reviewers: GO READ MyhusbandsaPRICK's stories!

Jfb715: Thanks, smut is challenging for me because I try not to use. . .words that. . .yeah lol. I'm glad that people enjoyed it though.


	15. Deviate

"What screws us up most in life

Is the picture in our head of how it's supposed to be."

-Unknown.

* * *

We're sitting at the table in the cafeteria and this time I'm the one tossing food into their faces and I actually eat some too, more than just some in fact.

It tastes good. My stomach is like a bottomless pit.

The muffins today have raisins and they're sweet, I squash them between my teeth.

"So what's on the agenda today?" Will asks, deflecting a raisin I threw, it was far too crooked for him to catch. "A little to the left." He laughs giving me instructions.

I adjust my arm, narrowing my eyes and toss another. Christina shoves him and chomps down on the flying food, giving him a devious smile before they kiss lovingly.

"I don't know, I think I might need more practice with my fear landscape." Tris admits and she pushes food around on her plate, she looks a bit far away now.

"I'll go with you, I need some practice too." I say, biting into the apple that rolled off her plate, its juicy and the crunch between my teeth is satisfying.

I also want to talk to Four, and maybe both of them actually.

"What are your fears anyway?" Christina asks, suddenly distracted from Will, she's asking both of us but Tris looks unwilling to answer.

I chew my bites and swallow, I don't mind sharing.

"Spiders, drowning, falling, being buried alive, and a pierced Dauntless Leader." I admit, and they give me bewildered expressions, but it's not like I confessed to liking him, and he probably isn't in my fear landscape anymore. "I have a lot more but listing them would take forever."

And it's nice to be a little honest. I take another satisfying bite into the apple, relishing the crunch and I chew slowly while I wait for them to bombard me.

I'm in an accepting mood now.

"We're all a little afraid of him, but he's not in our sim." Christina says deviously, giving my a sly smile. "I'm afraid of moths though."

They immediately leave the subject, but that's fine with me.

"Moths?" Tris scoffs and Christina gives her a guilty smile. "Miss Candor is afraid of little bugs?"

"Oh shush, when they get into your hair of course you'll freak out!" She complains, slapping at Tris from over the table. "Megan is afraid of spiders!"

"Spiders bite!" I complain, with apple still in my mouth, I cover it to keep the spit or food from flying out.

"I'm afraid of dogs." Will admits, and he shrugs. "We were never allowed to keep pets in Erudite, unless they were for research purposes."

At the mention of Erudite I wonder what my brother did there, I swallow my food again and I'm about to ask but Four slides into the bench next to Tris.

He gives us all a patient grin, like he's having a good day today.

"Good morning initiates." He says and he sounds like it's actually a good morning, I bet he had a good night, It's weird to hear him say initiates though. It reminds me of Eric.

I actually want to talk to Four though, tell him about what to expect and hopefully come up with some sort of plan to save Will and avoid Jeanine at all cost. . .In case she knows more than I hope she does.

But I stay calm and continue to enjoy my apple.

I'm sure he'll bring up the conversation on his own and if not. . .When the time comes I'll follow them and do what I can to help.

I'm determined not to get injected, and if Eric is the one who. . .

I'm going to keep my focus simple, just protect my friends.

I'll worry about the other details when they come at me.

"Four." Christina greets him indifferently, they never really saw eye to eye.

"Foooouuuur!" Will says holding his cup up as though he's doing a cheers for our instructor, I hold my cup up and clang it against Wills, careful not to spill it.

"Four!" I exclaim, going along, and Tris laughs. Four tries to fight a smile and he shakes his head.

"You guys! Guess what today is?!" A cheerful male voice screeches high pitched right next to my ear, Tris and I flinch away immediately.

Uriah pokes his head between us, his eyes are bright with excitement and his smile never leaves, so his dimples are permanent.

"Taco Tuesday?" I joke casually, although I'm unsure if they have tacos or a Tuesday. I should probably ask about that. Like what are the days of the week? Do they have birthdays?

"No silly Amity." Uriah jests, and he tugs on my braid, maybe they pass off my weirdness for hippie slang.

"Oh, oh!" Christina practically bounces out of her seat. "I know the answer to that one!"

"Oh here we go." Tris says shaking her head but she's smiling.

I'm not sure where this is going.

Uriah gives Christina a playful wink. "Well?" He asks her.

Christina whips her hand back and throws a half eaten muffin at Uriah. Tris and I duck down away from the spray of crumbs.

And I'm laughing, clutching my stomach, I can't believe what's going on.

Uriah ducks down behind me trying to use me as a shield and Tris get's out of the bench quickly hiding behind Four who looks extremely pissed off.

Will pretends like he's trying to stop Christina but he playfully blocks a cookie that Uriah throws at her, he's her shield.

I slide out of the bench ducking away from the flying food.

We are so going to get in trouble for this, and the look on Four's face says it might not be worth it.

"Initiates stop!" Four yells, standing, but Tris shoves a cookie in his mouth. He chews it good naturedly but he gives her a bewildered look.

I laugh harder, clutching my stomach with my free arm and he looks at me with the same bewildered expression.

There are dozens of people gazing at us disapprovingly, but honestly,

We're all trouble makers, even them.

I realize I still have the apple in my other hand and I take a bite but stop immediately when I sense danger.

Wonderful danger.

"What the fuck is going on here? Four?" Eric's loud booming voice breaks through our little tirade and his harsh voice sends a shiver down my spine.

He comes up from the side and his piercing glare scans over our mess and when his eyes meet mine I'm actually not sure how to react.

I raise my brow at him with my teeth still in the apple, I bite down and my lips brush against it, I wish they were his.

He looks back to Four. "Learn to keep your fucking initiates in line." He snaps and he doesn't look back to me, which gives me a little time to watch him.

Four sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose, like he could ever keep this bunch of rowdy teens in line, he's a teenager himself.

Everyone sits back down mockingly, putting their hands into their laps like good little kids. Uriah even tries to pick up a crumbling muffin but it only makes a bigger mess and he sits up straight, back into a good boy stance, struggling to keep his laughter inside.

I can't help but laugh and I struggle to keep it soft, covering my mouth so the apple doesn't spill out.

They all give me a look that says 'sit down'. Christina pats the space next to her and I comply, sliding in to the bench and I look up at Eric.

His gray eyes are reproving, like I've been an bad initiate, or maybe I look too happy again.

His pierced brow twitches slightly and I take another bite of my apple, its really juicy and sweet, but it's not what I want to take a bite out of.

Too soon Eric walks away from our table. He didn't even tell us to "Clean this shit up."

And it would look pretty bad if I tried to go after him, even if it's just to ask questions. I sigh pressing my elbows to the table.

"So. . .About that fear landscape practice." I say after a while and Four glances at me with a questioning look and Tris stands again, she's ready to go.

"Awwww, I thought we could all hang out." Uriah complains. "I came to invite you guys to the roof, we're having a little relaxing. . .Get together."

"We'll go!" Will says excitedly and Uriah's face lights up again, Will starts to pull Christina up and she pouts at Tris and I.

"Since you guys made this mess, clean it up." Four snaps. "And then you can go."

They all sigh dejectedly but begin cleaning, Four motions for us to follow him, and I stand to walk next to Tris. "Actually, Meg." Four starts, putting a hand up to stop me and I become confused. "You should go enjoy yourself."

I give him a bewildered expression.

"What-" I begin to argue but he gives me a patient expression and his dark eyes look commanding,

They say that there is no negotiating.

I needed to talk to him.

I needed reassurance, a plan even.

To warn them.

Maybe he's trying to give me a hint. He doesn't want to know.

Knowing just hurts.

"Please, please, please come!" Christina begs me and she has my wrist in her firm grip pulling me back to the table.

"You've been through enough." Four continues. "Just go with it, last day as an initiate and all that."

Without another word he leaves the cafeteria with Tris and she gives me a reassuring smile.

But surely to everyone else that conversation was strange, there are people around and they give me sympathetic smiles, like I've just been dissed.

But on the contrary I've just been absolved of all responsibility, right?

Christina successfully drags me back and I have to help clean up the mess, with shaking hands I scoop up the crumbs and pile them onto the empty plate on the table along with my apple.

I feel a bit awkward but also like a weight has been lifted.

Is it really alright?

"YAAAAY!" Uriah gushes and he starts twirling my braid around like a mini-jump rope. "I promise you guys are going to have so much fun."

A distraction.

"Just clean, so we can gooooo!" Christina complains and Will begins rushing, I start to clean faster too, almost desperate for this 'Fun'.

Soon enough Christina is dragging me along after Will and Uriah, and I recognize where they're taking me.

It's back to the roof of the party, the roof where I shoved Eric off.

My boots suddenly feel heavier but I try my best to keep up with the group, and they chatter excessively about who is all up there and about how awesome the party was last night.

Will holds the door open for us and then everyone takes the stairs two at a time, I feel stronger with each step.

It's weird how much confusion and indecisiveness I'm struggling with today, but It'll get better soon.

I have an almost hopeful feeling, like maybe everything will be alright.

I'll go with it.

Last day as an initiate and all that.

When we get outside the sun is bright and it feels invigorating, it's so awesome to be outside of Dauntless, the prison. The air is swirling with heat, filling my lungs with city musk.

But I enjoy it.

"Uri!" A pretty girl with long blonde hair calls and he prances over, urging us to follow suit and Christina gives me an excited glance.

We join a small group of people and to my extreme pleasure Lauren is among the people gathered. "Trouble-maker." She greets me with a smile and I give her a smile back.

"Trouble-maker?" Says an attractive girl with a boyish haircut and tattoos. "Ooooh, the transfer." She adds looking me over. "I'm Lynn."

Could it be that i'm meeting more characters?

I never saw them before. . .Maybe I just never noticed.

"I'm Marlene." Says the pretty blonde girl and Uriah hangs over her like a puppy, which is cute.

"And I'm Zeke." Says a tall guy who looks just like. . . "I'm this punks older brother." He adds and he grabs Uriah around the neck, rubbing his fist against his head, like a nookie, Uriah playfully jabs him in the gut.

I laugh, greeting them with a smile.

But I miss my brother.

In this world, he's a stranger from Erudite.

"She's Megan." Christina introduces me, and she doesn't introduce herself, probably already met them all. I suddenly wonder where I was this whole time that I never got to meet all these people before. "But as you know, she also goes by trouble-maker."

They all laugh and I can't help but smile embarrassingly, shaking my head at the unwanted nickname. I'm not sure whether to feel good about it or be completely offended, but it is my own fault.

"I'm Gabe." Says a lanky but also tall guy with a huge ring in his nose and black slicked hair, he reminds me of a snake and when he talks I notice that his tongue is even split like one.

Woah.

"We are gathered here today. . ." Uriah starts and he puts a hand up in salute, and Zeke does the same, which makes everyone laugh, he doesn't finish his announcement.

Will puts his arms around Christina, and I see everyone relax back. Lynn sits on the ground and Marlene leans against the wall next to her.

Lauren sits up on the wall and the sunlight makes her hair seem ablaze, she reminds me of Ariel. It would be nice to be a mermaid.

The scene makes my insides fill with a sudden bliss, and I get goosebumps, like this is the most peaceful I've been in days.

The sun shining brightly, people with smiling faces. The summer air lifting and gently brushing my loose hair against my cheek.

At least I think it might be summer. . .

I want to remember this.

"We're going to jump again." Lynn says confidently and she has the look of a bad ass.

"Then I will too." Christina joins in.

"That means I have no choice." Will says laughing.

"Count me in." Marlene says smiling shyly.

"Well shit, if they're all jumping. . ." Gabe says running a hand through his hair. "I wan't to go last."

"I'm not going to jump." Uriah says, crossing his arms and giving everyone a stuck up look. "I'm going to fly!" He spreads his arms suddenly and Marlene slaps him playfully.

I smile as everyone declares themselves, and I know that they mean into the net. Like they did the first time they entered Dauntless.

"I'll jump, if Lauren jumps." Zeke says, giving her a wink and she rolls her eyes, shaking her head, even the higher ups can get the same rush, I wonder how many years they've already been Dauntless.

Lauren sighs before saying. "Well I don't want to be the only one that doesn't."

"That means you have to jump too." Lynn says to me, and I laugh, someone brought me into the scene. I realize that I was just watching it.

But I don't have to be an outsider looking in.

"I will, If I can go first." I say, and everyone smiles.

"We've got a while before initiate finals, we should just chill out first." Zeke says. "Relax."

With that I sit on the ground lowering myself and dusting my palms off from the little debris on the roof.

Everyone starts talking about what they're going to do after they become Dauntless, and Zeke explains his job, like he's trying to recruit people. Lauren explains what its like to watch over a group of brats during initiation and we all laugh, everyone seems happy, hopeful.

If I were to be honest, I'd like to work on the wall.

The view is spectacular.

"So is the final going to be public viewing?" Will asks Zeke and Lauren, he's probably curious.

Even I have to admit I'm curious about that.

"Not this year." Lauren admits. "Only the leaders, and instructors will be present. So I'll be there."

And Jeanine.

She said she would be there to wish me luck.

I try to picture myself attacking her and using her as a hostage, but I can't imagine getting a weapon.

But I know my capacity for violence, after fighting Eric.

If I were to attack Jeanine though. . .Would Eric get into trouble?

"I'll bet you points that I'll do better than you." Uriah challenges Gabe.

"Pssh, I'm not going to bet you, it's obvious you're going to do better." Gabe retorts back and everyone else laughs and gives Uriah a look like he shouldn't be so cocky.

I actually probably needed to practice. . .

"I wish we could see everyone fears." Christina sighs sadly.

"Me too." Agrees Lynn. "So I can bully them." She laughs giving a devious grin.

I bet Christina is glad she doesn't know about her fear of moths.

.

We all spread out onto the roof, looking at the sky and calling out the different shapes of the clouds.

With the tall buildings near us we don't have much sky but there's enough.

"That one looks like a gun." Will points out and I squint to see what he means, but I can't tell.

"You're crazy, it looks like a cloud." Christina jokes and I laugh.

It's the same sky in different worlds.

I can live with this one.

.

"Attention, all initiates report for final testing."

We all glance around excitedly and my heart starts beating quickly. It looks to be a little after lunch time and a Dauntless named Baron brought us some bread and cheese, saying to keep our food intake light cause we may get sick after the test.

Christina's eyes are bright and wild looking.

"Time to jump!" Lynn shouts over to us and I walk excitedly over to where they are.

"You wanted to go first right?" Zeke asks me and he puts a hand out to me, like he's going to help me up the wall.

I take it with a surprisingly steady hand.

Christina and Will cheer and whoop for me and it makes me feel confident.

He helps me onto the wall and still holds my hand to steady me as I look over and out into the dark hole below.

My breathing becomes frantic.

"Lets go!" Lauren goads me.

And I step off, holding my breath.

Closing my eyes.

The world rushing around me.

The wind whips my clothing and surrounds me like a force field.

I hit the net and the air rushes out of me in an exhilarated gasp and I get thrown back up and down a few times.

That was amazing!

The rush fills my veins with adrenaline, and it makes me feel wild.

My fingers claw the net holding myself in place.

I look up the hole and I can see heads pop over the side and they call cheers down, whooping again.

And I smile calling up to them before rolling out of the net.

I think I might be in shock though cause when I roll off the net I land on my hands and knees and it really hurts.

But I laugh cause it was so much fun.

Christina comes down next and I help her off and she has the same wide eyed expression that I think I have.

"That will always be terrifying." She laughs breathless.

"I would do it again." I admit with a smile, I can barely feel my face.

We wait for Will to come down and everyone else starts leaving, saying they'd meet us in the pit, where everyone is to be gathered to wait their turn for the final.

"Sit with us." Marlene calls back, leaving with Lynn and Uriah and I give her a tentative nod, watching them retreat down the tunnels.

Will yells the whole way down the fall and even when he's safely in the net he continues to yell which is super hilarious and Christina and I just about die of laughter.

"Never again." He says rolling gracefully off.

"Not even for me?" Christina asks him playfully and he gives her a puppy dog look, before kissing her lovingly.

I shift awkwardly because I'm a third wheel right now.

And I clear my throat.

Christina laughs and links her arm in mine and together we walk into the pit.

Tris is already there and when she sees us her face lights up like the fourth of July.

"You guys!" She yells when we come over. The pit is buzzing with energy as people crowd around, there are even people on the ledges and on the higher pathways.

A large rankings board hangs in the middle, with four faces so that everyone can see.

"Dauntless born have the privilege of being tested first." Eric says and I finally notice him standing on a large platform far in front of the crowd. "We will go by rank, to determine the order. That means Uriah, you're up."

Uriah cheers loudly and throws his fist into the air and he disappears with Eric down the hall as the entire pit calls and cheers, it's almost pretty cool.

I have to admit I'm excited.

I might as well be.

.

It takes forever for the Dauntless born to be gone through and I wait patiently sitting on the ground in a circle with Tris, Christina and Will. By the time the last Dauntless born gets called everyone barely whoops and cheers for them when they leave the room. Like the energy is dying down.

But I try to cheer as loudly as I can for them.

My throat feels sore from that.

"It's almost our turn." Christina says and she sounds extremely nervous.

"Christina you battle those moths." I joke, tapping her boot and she kicks at my hand.

"Good luck you guys." Tris says and she takes my hand in hers, I can almost feel the reassuring energy that she's sending me. I try to send her as much of it back cause I know she must be nervous.

Christina holds her other hand and Will hugs her tightly, I can see that his hands are clasped tightly and his knuckles are white.

Eric walks back into the room and I crane my head to see him but it's impossible to see over the people standing, while we're all sitting. I'm not that desperate to see him.

Or maybe I am. . .

"Tris." Eric's voice calls and Tris stands. We all stand with her to begin calling and cheering.

She smiles at us nervously and I rub her shoulders.

The crowd parts for her and she walks down towards Eric who motions toward the hallway.

The crowd erupts in cheers as the first transfer initiate is called. Tris was ranked first among us.

And that means that Peter is next.

I glance around the room and see him leaning against the wall with the two other male transfer initiates.

His eyes meet mine and he gives me a nod, greeting.

I mouth 'Good luck' and he just shakes his head and I see him mouth 'I don't need it.'

It makes me grin, such a cocky butt munch.

Christina's hand grips mine and I can tell that she's getting more and more nervous.

"Hey, you're going to do great." I say reassuring her, patting her hand gently.

"You will too." Christina says and she smiles at me excitedly.

Eric walks back out not even 10 minutes later and calls Peter.

I start to wonder what rank I am, cause I never really knew after stage 2.

The next to go is Harvey, who is one of the initiates, and I'll remember his name.

We cheer for him too.

Will looks impatient and I can hear him tapping his foot. I feel like I can almost feel the vibration from it.

"You're next." Christina whispers.

"Really?" I ask incredulously.

"Yep, you're ranked 4th, among transfers." She says and she gives me a proud smile.

4th, that pretty cool.

"Meg." Eric calls and I flinch at my name, I dislike it intensely.

The crowd parts for me immediately and they start cheering again, and Christina rubs my arm, Will pats my back.

A bunch of other people pat my back or my head awkwardly and it's really loud.

I feel uncomfortable.

Eric's gray eyes watch me impatiently as I make my way towards the hallway.

My heart is beating extremely fast.

And we get into the long tunnel, walking further and further down till the cheers become silent,

Neither of us speaks.

We just walk side by side.

His steps are louder than mine.

He has a drink in his hand and I try not to watch as he puts like 2 of those little white hang over pills in it, before drinking deeply, he empties the cup and tosses it to the side.

Maybe he's been drinking? I try not to think about whether he was drunk last night. . .

"You ready to become a Dauntless?" He asks me, finally breaking through the silence, his tone isn't harsh but it isn't conversational either.

"Yeaaaah, I think so." I sigh with a small chuckle.

I am ready.

We finally reach two large metal doors and Eric walks in front of me, but his hand hesitates over the handle.

I wait patiently, drumming my fingers on the side of my leg.

He then turns around and walks over to me intimidatingly, and he leans in.

I put my hand over my mouth, in case he means to kiss me.

And he smirks.

"Not till I'm a Dauntless." I say behind my hand, it comes out muffled by the obstruction.

Eric grabs my hand and pulls me in by it, crushing my lips against his.

They're soft and desperate and I kiss him back because he's actually granting my previous apple kiss wish.

His hands are on my waist and he pulls me closer, deepening the kiss.

But we don't have time for this.

I pull away and break the kiss off.

"You're wasting my time." I say trying to sound harsh and I stare forward at the large metal doors.

Although I'd love to waste time with him.

We have no more time.

He doesn't say anything, instead he walks over to the door and slides it open, I watch and it looks like it takes a considerable amount of strength. He must have had to do it a dozen times.

Opening and closing it.

I walk into the large auditorium like room, and it's actually pretty dark.

The room is circular and I immediately get Deja-vu, but its the wrong kind and I feel a bit disturbed.

In the movie there were dozens of people around.

I see Four, Lauren, Eric, Max, Tori.

And no Jeanine.

The room is practically empty.

The metal chair in the middle is orange and silver, it glows intimidatingly.

But I walk over to it confidently.

It almost feels safer without Jeanine here.

I glance around the room at the 4 large screens that will be displaying my fears, and then at the faces.

Four gives me a nod and I try not to react to that when I slide into the chair.

Tori is the one who walks over with the needle of orange-y yellowish liquid.

"Good luck" She says and I feel sort of rushed.

But the needle pierces the side of my neck with that familiar poke.

And I close my eyes.

.

When the spiders start and fill my mouth I swallow and stop my frantic heart.

When I hear water I dive in, without a second thought, swimming until my lungs fill.

.

I hit the ground and roll over onto my hands and knees panting and trying to get my chest to comply and let me breathe, and when I stand I'm facing the white door.

My hand is on the handle immediately.

Even though I'm terrified.

I open the door and step inside.

It's empty.

There's a table in the middle with a gun on it.

And I take it in my hand, but I'm shaking.

The cold metal feels heavy and intimidating.

My heart feels like it's going to explode.

I click the safety off and pull the slide back to load a bullet.

And I hear a noise behind me.

When I turn around,

I see a familiar crooked grin and scruffy face

With dark brown tousled hair

And intense wild dark brown eyes.

The look in his eyes is frantic, insane, and he twitches.

His eyes widen when I hold the gun up to him, aiming, knowing what I'm supposed to do.

I breathe deeply to steady my heart.

My finger curls around the trigger.

.

When I open my eyes I'm gasping, sitting straight up.

And I ignore the vertigo that slams into me.

The first person I see is Four and he put's a hand out for me to take, my hand is shaky but I slide it into his.

He squeezes it reassuringly.

"You did great. . .Are you alright?" He asks in a low voice.

"Yeah." I whisper because I feel like my voice will destroy me.

I slide out of the chair on shaky, weak legs.

But Four helps me stay steady.

"Congratulations Meg." Max says and his voice is intimidating, more so that usual.

When he puts a hand on my shoulder I flinch.

And I look at Eric who doesn't look pleased, his jaw is tense and he looks almost reproving.

"5 minute break." Max says to the room and Eric expression changes, replaces by confusion for a second.

Which causes confusion in me.

I glance around and everyone else looks confused too.

Whaaaat in the hell?

Max puts a hand on my back and starts leading me to the end of the room, his touch sends insects crawling up my spine and I'm beginning to panic.

"Administer the tracker now." Max says, his voice is commanding. "Since she's Jeanine's favorite."

My stomach turns nervously.

I'm disgusted by what he just said.

And I know what 'Tracker' means.

I glance to Four who pretends to be having a conversation with Lauren all the way at the end of the room, his eyes peek sideways and his posture is relaxed.

Tori glares with an intense look.

They're going to do this now? With an audience?

Maybe they don't know because they called it a tracker and a tracker sounds a lot less threatening.

No one else knows.

Max produces a large metallic intimidating object with a handle, an auto injector. It honestly looks like a gun.

Eric takes it and steps in front of me, Max backs away and out of view.

His face is straight and he doesn't look at me.

I stare at his chest and obediently tilt my head.

My braid keeps my hair so he won't have to touch me.

I guess this is where the story goes. . .

So much for my plan to not get injected.

I close my eyes, defeated.

Waiting patiently.

But I feel his warm hand on my neck.

And I open my eyes to look up at him confused, he glares down at me with cold eyes.

He puts the gun over his hand.

And pulls the metal handle.

The hiss is loud in my ears and I flinch.

But he didn't inject me.

He injected himself.

.

* * *

Whew I tried to get two chapters out tonight.

I really, really hope you enjoy it!

Thanks for reviews and I really appreciate it.

It really brightens my day :]


	16. Out of Time

"We're all searching for someone

Whose demons play well with ours."

\- Unknown

.

* * *

 **Megan's POV**

Eric's gray eyes watch me with a cold and calculating expression as he gently pulls my braid over my shoulder concealing the fake injection site at my neck and his fingers brush over the exposed skin at my collar before falling to his side.

The gesture makes my hair stand on end and goosebumps rise all over my body, my eyes feel too wide and the air stings them, but I just can't blink.

I open my mouth but he puts a finger to his lips in a warning, the muscles in his jaw tenses like he's gritting his teeth and I close it immediately in response, clamping my mouth shut, pressing my lips into a firm line.

He doesn't look like the playful Eric from this morning, in fact his expression is harsh. His gray eyes darken and swirl like storm clouds, the piercings above his brow glints off the dim lights in the room creating an intimidating effect as he gazes down at me, he looks at the auto injector still in his hand, turning it over once and shrugs catching my eyes with his once more and his lips curl into a sneer.

Before I know it the cold metal is against my neck on the opposite side and the loud hiss screeches through my ears once again.

I flinch away at the sharp pain that comes with the noise.

A spreading burning sensation starts where the liquid was forcefully injected under my skin, spreading down my neck like perspiration.

My hand shoots over it protectively rubbing over the sore spot as I gape up at his darkly amused mug.

"Hurts like a bitch doesn't it?" He asks, his voice is low, and my eyes narrow immediately watching as he tosses the auto-injector into a small handcart next to a tiny console. It clatters noisily, scattering the other contents. The metallic sounds are too loud for the near empty room.

He's injected us both and I. . .Cannot believe he just fucking asked that.

"What the fuck Eric?" Max's voice is an almost harsher than the hiss of the injection. I could ask him the same thing.

He stalks over to the younger leader with a severe expression and scrutinizes my face, his brows furrowed like he actually cares what happens to the merchandise. I'm just the bait. . .Right? Would a double dose of mindless drone serum kill a person?

Not that any of us are going to find out, although, one dose _could_ kill a person if I had to be technical. . .God, this sucks. I think I could honestly have the largest bitch fit right now. Everything inside me screams, but my outsides are all calm and collected. It's _just_ a tracker.

"Can't be too safe, right?" Eric says with a smirk and a shrug, clamping his hands in front of him casually "Runaways." Max looks at him with a bewildered expression but his mouth turns up at the corners and he begins to laugh raucously, bending over clutching his stomach with one arm, his tablet still in his other hand.

Oh, how I would love to snap it in half and jam it down his throat.

His laugh drowns out the loud beating of my heart in my ears, there's suddenly too much noise in here. The echo of metallic sounds still reverberate against my skull now mixed with his laughter and the screaming silence of the rest of the room.

I glance at the audience, still rubbing over my neck. My eyes first fall on Tori who yawns into her hand like she's bored, leaning against a pillar located a bit near the consoles below one of the screens. Lauren looks busy as she prepares for the next initiate her face focused on her task. Four gives me a raised brow, and a slight frown. I don't know what I expected to see.

None of them even seem slightly bothered by their leaders right now, nor the strangely maniacal way that Max laughs.

Max stands straight and sighs, wiping his eye like he hasn't laughed that hard in ages, and he shakes his head slowly still smiling widely. I'm glad he had a good laugh at my expense, the fucking ass hole.

"Let's hope this doesn't have any unfortunate side effects. . ." He says speaking solely to Eric, he slaps him on the shoulder like they're best friends. I trace the seam of my jeans, resisting the burning desire to explode or implode, or break his tablet in half.

Unfortunate, pssh. I could show them unfortunate side effects.

"We'll see." Eric says with an uncaring tone, his eyes catch mine and he looks bored now. I try to look just as bored but under the surface I'm seething. I give him a sickly sweet smile in return, noticing when his eyes narrow a fraction.

How can he be so commonplace about having just injected himself? Is he seriously not afraid of death?

I've now been injected but I also feel like I've been stabbed.

My shock is hardly over having been injected, it stems mostly from the realization that he's probably worse off than me with that serum in his system.

Ugh god, the heavy ache in my chest is so annoying.

"Tori, you go and get the next initiate." Max commands to the room, I don't look to see if she's leaving. "Oh and Meg, welcome to Dauntless." He adds looking back to me, his welcome doesn't sound genuine at all but he gives me a fake smile, remnant of his previous laughter.

"Thank you. . .Sir." I answer with a steady voice, maintaining eye contact and I almost bow. I stop myself, tensing all my muscles. Normally my mind would go through a million curse words, hoping he didn't notice my slight movement, but the only word in my vocabulary right now is shit.

Shit, shit, shit.

My blood runs cold as his eyes narrow and darken and I shift with forced casualty under his scrutiny, trying hard to appear calm. Disguising my movement as just having been tickled on the nose by my bangs which I flippantly brush out of my eyes before offering a tentative smile.

At least I hope it was a smile.

This one felt like a grimace.

He slowly looks away and pulls his arm up to expose his wrist, checking his watch. I exhale quietly when his eyes are no longer on me, realizing that the ache in my lungs is because I was holding my breath. Even breathing however, doesn't stop the dull ache.

I feel like I've inhaled smoke prepared to breathe fire but I have to hold it in.

My eyes flick up to Eric involuntarily and he gives me a severe look, his brows furrowed, like he knows. His gray eyes have a reproving sheen, and his jaw is tense. He grips my arm and pulls me around to start walking and I can almost feel his annoyance in the way his fingers curl around tightly digging into my arm through the fabric sleeve of my borrowed shirt.

It takes a lot to pull my foot off the ground and place it in front of me to walk, the pace in which he drags me makes it hard to think as I have to focus on each step or risk falling on my face, regardless of his strong grip.

The distraction that walking provides is welcome but falling also seems alright.

If I fell I'd probably just want to lay there, curl into a ball or. . .Maybe, demon crawl all over the walls.

I'm stuck between the urge to sleep forever or to tear something apart with my bare hands. Extremely tired, or uncommonly, terrifyingly, violent. It's not a combination that I like, it's not one that I understand. I've never felt more conflicted.

When we finally clear the door and exit out into the hall Eric's grips loosens but he continues to drag me closely along. The only sounds are from his boots, while mine pitter patter quietly behind, drowned out by his loud and intimidating clomping, it echos through the empty tunnels, reverberating through me with each footfall.

"Welcome to Dauntless, Megan." Eric says over his shoulder without looking back at me. His voice is dripping with sarcasm.

I grunt my response, scrunching my nose up and spider scrawl my fingers up his jacket sleeve. He tenses but doesn't let go like I thought he would, instead his grip becomes tighter."Fuck, you are the most annoying person alive." He tosses like it's a complement.

I did however notice him using the name Megan. . .Did I tell him he could call me that?

"You haven't even seen annoying." I reply, digging my heels into the ground, trying to get him to stop walking. He yanks me forward, keeping the same pace and I stumble, gripping the sleeve of his jacket so I don't fall. "I can walk on my own." I complain, trying not to sound whiny but it still comes out childish.

"Really?" He asks with mock surprise. "You sure you can manage to walk _all by yourself_ without causing some sort of disaster?" He adds condescendingly, like he's talking to a stubborn child, but in his defense I did sound like one.

"Of course I can, I think I did pretty well without you holding my hand all day." I reply with a bitter sweetness, it leaves a nasty after taste in my mouth and a knot in my gut. I actually do feel like throwing a giant tantrum. "Although, a lot could happen in one night." I add, with casual implications.

I can manage disasters and tantrums. That's easy.

"Is that a threat? Or a request?" Eric asks and his tone is low and dangerous even without his intimidating gaze on me, I can feel it. He turns down a new hall sharply pulling me along with him, I have to sidestep the corner like I'm drifting, still slightly off balance.

I hardly have enough time to answer before he stops abruptly, pulling me around him and shoves me against the wall, his palms press into the concrete on both sides of me like I'm trapped. His eyes are that familiar stormy glare and he leans in like he's trying to intimidate me.

The expression he's wearing is smug though, his slight smirk is menacing, like he's just won an argument and it makes my heart skip a beat.

"Suddenly you're in bitch mode?" Eric asks, his smirk widens into a grin. "Where is the ' _I missed you_ ' or ' _how was your day_?'" He asks, putting weight on his arms and leans in. I curl my hands into tight fists at my sides, nails digging into the soft flesh of my palms to distract myself.

"Are you fucking serious?" I ask incredulously, my brows furrow instantly with my frustration.

He expects small talk? Casual conversation? "I'm not going to ask you about-"

"Well, I would ask you about _your_ day." Eric cuts me off and shrugs casually. "If I didn't already know every single detail of it." I press my back further into the wall when he gets dangerously close. "You see, I don't have to be there to hold your hand, but you can damn well bet I'd have someone else do it for me."

The implication and his own underhanded threat is there but I can hardly believe it.

"What?" I ask harshly, without hiding the annoyance in my voice. Shock and embarrassment spread through my body like lightning in my veins, forcefully making every part of me tense, I resist the urge to punch him in the smug face.

"Don't tell me you didn't notice." He admonishes with slight disappointment, I grind my teeth together till my jaw hurts. "Did you even notice that _I_ wasn't around all day?" He asks with an over exaggerated frown, he puts a hand over his heart. "That wounds me."

"That's funny." I reply sourly, I suddenly remember the conversation I had with my mermaid drug dealer, I had told her I was having boy troubles.

I wonder just how much of that she reported back to this pierced bitch.

No wonder she was around so much today.

I take a deep and steadying breath slowly uncurling my hands, flexing my numb fingers to get feeling back in them.

My palms sting slightly.

"You're right Eric, where are my manners? How was _your_ day? I really missed you." My words drip with sarcasm.

"I appreciate the effort." He admits. I try not to react when he very gently brushes my bangs out of my face, trailing lightly over my cheek and under my chin to tilt my face up, it's such a strangely gentle gesture considering the situation. "Now that you _know_ you're being watched, I expect you to behave for the rest of the night and keep your pretty little mouth shut."

"I can't make any promises." I reply through gritted teeth, I glare at him, hoping it's as powerful as his.

"Oh, I think you'll manage." Eric objects his tone still low, he puts his weight on his arms and leans in. I slow my breathing and starve my lungs, trying not to breathe air tainted with him.

He smells too good.

It's nerving that I still notice something like that at a time like this.

"I wouldn't be too sure." I reply but my voice lacks confidence. I hope that my expression doesn't betray me as well.

I've gotten a slightly good handle on my heart, forcing it to slow the hell down.

Eric scoffs and his expression looks mildly amused for a moment before it becomes dark and sinister, his smirk widens into a toothy grin like he was hoping I would say that. I suddenly feel like I've walked right into a trap. My stomach does a nervous flip.

"I would." He replies simply, placing his hand on my shoulder, he rubs soft circles into my neck like he's spreading the serum around. Maybe it adds to the intimidation factor. I forcefully look anywhere but his lips or his eyes."You wouldn't want to risk me, telling Erudite the identity of a certain Divergent friend of yours, would you?"

My eyes snap directly back into his gray steely pools, my brows furrowing instantly as dread fills me, spreading through my body, forcefully making every part of me tense."What are you talking about?" I ask incredulously, feigning shocked ignorance.

A small part of me, a very tiny part is only slightly relieved by the implication that Erudite or rather Jeanine, may not know who the Divergent are after all, well.

Not yet.

He shakes his head back and forth slightly, making a tsk sound with his mouth, narrowing his eyes a fraction.

"You know exactly what I'm talking about." He says, speaking slowly.

Today just keeps getting fucking better.

It's not even the worst day of my life though. Not yet.

He must have noticed my discomfort because his pierced brow raises and he makes an 'Ah' sort of expression with his mouth slightly open, like he's taunting me. I could so just punch him in the smug face but instead I look away to stare at the fabric of his black jacket unwilling to accept defeat.

Eric breathes into my ear, sending an annoying shiver up my spine. "Start's with an F." My palms sting. "Also goes by. . .Stiff." I realize that I started digging my nails into my skin again and uncurl my fingers, flexing them to get feeling back in.

"How do you know?" I ask cautiously, unwilling to confirm that Four is a Divergent. I'm really asking how he found out. I try not to seem too relieved that he wasn't talking about Tris. I realize he said Divergent friend.

Friend, singular.

He only knows of one.

"I have my ways." He replies with a casual shrug without elaborating, normally a villain would monologue or gloat but he seems oddly modest. "Now that I've got your full attention." He adds suddenly serious. "I also have a few questions, I want you to answer them as truthfully as you can manage."

I hear the implication of his words, he doesn't flat out call me a liar but I guess I deserve his tone.

"And no one else has to know about Four. Just me, you, the Stiff and whoever else he told." Then of course he has to make the implication _clear_ , like I'm an idiot.

I have to begrudgingly admit, like a game of chess, In a weird twisted way I've come to appreciate his moves. It doesn't matter that my opponent is much more experienced and smarter than I am, he's got the upper hand for now, in a game that he set up for us both to lose.

I lose no matter what though.

Everything after this is just the aftermath.

"I don't trust you." I reply, crossing my arms. He gives me a Cheshire cat grin, his gray eyes almost sparkle or maybe it's just a menacing sheen. I steel myself for his first question, gesturing for him to begin. I can't make any promises not to do anything, or to be honest, or even to behave.

"I _promise_." He says sternly, putting a hand over his heart, but his expression is smug and I can't ever be sure.

Can I even be sure he has a heart?

I gesture impatiently for him to start already.

"Where were you really trying to go when you ran the first time?" His first question actually surprises me, it seems less ambitious than I thought, it hardly matters now where I was trying to go, in fact questioning me **_now_** seems almost pointless.

I failed. It's like opening an old wound.

"Abnegation." I answer smoothly, without hesitation. I watch his expression carefully, he nods his head slowly with a slight tilt like he figured as much.

He pinches the bridge of his nose and I watch, instantly confused, as his mouth spreads into a toothy smile.

Not the reaction I was expecting.

But I guess at this point the most unpredictable person is him.

Eric starts laughing and when he notices my frustration he laughs more. I glance around nervously in case someone can hear this psycho but I can't look away from him too long because the sound is too genuine and light, his face is almost completely at ease, his posture is relaxed.

I almost feel like he thinks I'm joking, or maybe its because. . .

"Let me guess, you got ** _lost_**?" He asks but he practically sputters and pushes away from the wall, he stands straight waiting, gazing down at me, like he expects me to answer this question too.

I scowl, furrowing my brows and clamp my teeth shut. His pierced brow is raises and his lips curl into a teasing smile.

A slight tremble makes it way below the surface of my skin like my very blood is boiling. I feel extremely ashamed.

But it IS a big city. . .

"Yes." I admit through gritted teeth looking away from him as he cracks up again, I glare at the ground down the hall, fighting the embarrassed flush that heats my face up. At least both Leaders got a good laugh today.

Fuckers.

I push away from the wall, and take a deep breath to keep myself from lashing out like a child.

I get the irksome feeling like he isn't taking this seriously.

This is life or death and he's being a huge douche, treating peoples lives as bargaining tools for useless information.

"Well, that actually answers almost all my questions." Eric admits while rubbing his jaw. His eyes are squinted because despite his fight he can't make his smile go away. "I now know what kind of person you are."

I contemplate helping him with a kick to the shin, I feel its slightly over due. Surely he wouldn't expose Four over it. . .

"I've just got a couple more and then you can go." He motions for me to come closer, but I lean back against the wall again instead, and cross my arms over my chest.

"Remember what I said about behaving?" He asks tersely looking me over calculatingly, he pulls his sleeve up to check his watch and I contemplate asking what time it is, but time probably doesn't matter anymore.

It's almost a little bit sobering, knowing that your life is forfeit, like nothing you do after finding out is scary.

Literally a ticking time bomb.

"I do." I reply with honesty.

"But I don't remember you promising not to turn Four in _even_ if I did listen to you. . .Not to mention the fact that you've probably already injected the other people that have an importance to me. I'd say you've almost run out of things to use against me. . .Now, I'm not sure exactly what Erudite wants from me but I can tell you that I have absolutely no intention of going near there again or of becoming a mindless drone. . ." I trail off, his eyes narrow and his jaw tenses.

I did just give away the fact that I know that injection was no 'Tracker,'

"You'll just have to trust me won't you?" He says flatly, he was the one who said I could never trust him. "Besides, you aren't going near Erudite, ever." He adds with a shrug.

I blink at him confused.

My brows furrow involuntarily.

"For all you know, you might not even become a mindless drone. . .You should wait and see." He finishes.

"What is that supposed to mean?" I ask incredulously, curling my hands into tight fists at my sides.

I'm too aggravated to make sense of his cryptic messages.

"I'm asking the questions." Eric replies, leaning in. He tilts my head up, and I wait for his next question, glaring at him fiercely, but he swallows and I swear his gaze drops to my mouth.

All of a sudden _he_ seems a bit uncomfortable.

"What is your favorite color?" He asks before brushing his lips against mine with a deceptive gentleness.

My heart skips a beat, electricity stems from the brief contact surging through every corner of my body forcing my heart into a painful gallop.

My favorite fucking color?

"What?" I ask harshly, without hiding the annoyance in my voice, a lump forms in my throat. "Are you fucking-" He cuts me off, forcefully silencing me with an urgent kiss, working his lips against mine, I blink completely caught off guard.

I grit my teeth at his invading tongue and he responds with a low growl, and grips my hair tightly pulling my head back but not in a painful way.

"Is it black?" He asks with a low and dark tone, he drags his tongue over the column of my neck, forcing a tremble up my spine.

"Blue like Jeanine's eyes." I reply with a scowl, trying to stop the dull ache building in my chest.

His devious smirk becomes twisted, and he drags his tongue over his canines before crushing his lips into mine with bruising force. Not just a little brush against each other's lips but a kiss like there's no tomorrow, hungry, desperate and longing.

His hand moves directly to the small of my back and the other on the back of my neck, holding me in place as he works his lips with devastating confidence.

Maybe it's just cause tonight could be our last or because I'm actually afraid. I don't know. I really don't know. I kiss him back, hard, like I'm desperately trying to convey all the feelings I never want to speak out loud, but I want him to feel.

That this hurts so, so much.

He deepens the kiss and makes it softer all at the same time, our mouths mesh and part, tongues sweeping against each other, his hands slide up my back under my shirt, his skin is hot against mine, as he claws me closer.

Maybe he's trying to convey some kind of message too.

I rake my hands through his hair, it feels like silk between my fingers and I grip a fist full to keep him close, like I never want to let him go.

But I'm really just trying to commit him to my memory.

His smell, the way he feels, the way he tastes.

Suddenly he lifts me, pulling my legs around his waist, which I am all the willing to wrap around him tightly, as hes pushes me into the wall, the concrete is hard and cold but his body is deceivingly warm and inviting, his hands eagerly grip my thighs and travel slowly under me, then to my waist and back under my shirt, as he pins me with his hips.

He breaks the kiss suddenly and his breathing is ragged and heavy, I'd imagine mine is the same, my lungs ache and his breath is my only source of air, he drops his forehead against mine, his lips hover closely, his gray eyes look hard, stormy gray.

Will I be able to breathe right again?

"And your favorite food?" Eric breathes the question with a short laugh.

My eyes feel watery and I let out a soft strangled laugh of my own, the sound is pitiful. I don't want to cry, but I really just don't want him to see me cry. I band my arms around his neck and bury my face into his chest. "I hate you." I mumble against his jacket.

Tonight is probably the last night I'll see him, whatever happens.

No matter what I do I'll be betraying someone, and it's obvious that Dauntless and Abnegation are more important than one person, way more important than myself.

Eric laughs and it rumbles through his chest, the sound is light and genuine. "What was that?" He asks tilting my head up with his hand to my chin. His gray eyes bore directly into mine with an intensity I can't ever hope to match. I hate that too.

"I said, I. Hate. You." I repeat myself slowly, as though I'm talking to a child. I hate his answering smile, how it makes him squint his eyes.

I hate that he knows I don't hate him, not nearly as much as I should.

Not as much as I want to.

But I feel stronger, sort of, maybe braver, I don't know.

Despite everything, and despite the fact that I can still vaguely feel the area on my neck where I got injected, I can feel the ache in my heart.

I honestly can't tell if I hate him or I love him, it all feels the same. It hurts either way.

The rushing feeling behind my eyes dulls and I take a deep breath to steady the slight tremble of my stupid inexperienced heart.

Eric nods his head slowly like he's accepting it, he kisses me again, softly, tenderly and it all but destroys me from the inside out.

My ribs ache from the effort of keeping the crushing weight off my lungs and heart.

A shrill beeping noise interrupts the moment, and it's coming from him, like an alarm or a phone call.

Eric sighs exasperatedly before nuzzling my neck with his nose, brushing my skin with his stubbly chin. He tugs at my legs and I realize he needs me to let him go so he can stop the noise, so I let him put me back on my feet and watch as he takes a step back, taking the tablet out of his pocket.

"Seems like we're out of time" He sighs before tucking his tablet back into his pocket, his mouth is slightly open and he runs a thumb over his bottom lip

Out of time. It's always time.

Eric's hand brushes lightly along the side of my neck stopping at my collar.

I slide my hands into my pockets and rock back on my heels, his hand drops to his side but his expression doesn't change, his slight smile becomes a wide one, and I don't quite understand it but I'd like to remember him like this, where he doesn't look quite so evil.

Like a guy and a girl saying their goodbyes.

My heart is beating so loudly in my ears and my face suddenly feels hot. I can vaguely feel the stirrings of guilt in the pit of my gut.

Eric checks his watch, I turn slightly to check down the hall wondering if I could possibly wait for Christina.

He sighs before closing the distance to place a soft kiss on my forehead, it's not like him to be that gentle and sweet. "Don't worry about Four or your friends, they will be fine, listen to Lauren and for fucks sake don't cause anymore trouble."

"What?" I ask incredulously.

"Just go with it, you're a Dauntless now." He adds with a shrug before turning to head back down the hall.

I stand there confused, watching his retreating form.

The ground beneath me feels like it's been shifted.

I close my eyes and take a deep steadying breath, using both hands to brush the hair out of my face and press my palms into my eyes until i'm sure everything is standing still.

Just go with it?


	17. Operation

I love you because the entire universe conspired to help me find you.

\- The Alchemist, Paolo Coelho.

* * *

My feet take me down the hall and the sound of my boots echoing off the concrete make my insides feel really, impossibly empty.

It feels weird, unreal.

Did all of that really just happen back there?

I rub my neck unconsciously, almost violently, trying not to use my nails.

I make sure to watch where I'm going and the sounds of a celebration are starting to get louder, I hear faint cheers and excited chattering of people.

The first person I see down the hall is that Gabe, snake looking guy and he gives me a stern look, the nose ring glints off the dim lights. I instantly feel uncomfortable, especially when he kicks off the wall and starts walking towards me.

I slow my pace trying to judge his intentions, but he's kind of tall and lanky. I'm not afraid, and I'm ready to fight just about anything. . .Maybe I should've waited for Christina though.

He suddenly throws a balled up article of clothing at me and I catch it out of reflex, momentarily distracted.

"Put it on." He commands but his tone isn't as harsh and demanding as Eric's.

I hold it up and shake it out, it's a jacket and it's kind of big, but I listen, shrugging into the sleeves and rolling them up so my hands aren't obstructed.

"What is it for?" I ask him curiously, I mean sure I didn't have a jacket on, and I do feel kind of cold.

I realize that I feel _really_ cold and rub my arms through the fabric trying to get warmth from the friction.

"Well?" I ask when he doesn't answer maybe someone told him to give me a jacket, but I mean he's not forcing me out of clothing, he gave me more clothing to put on, so I guess it doesn't really matter.

It's just a jacket.

"Head down that way and turn right." He answers without telling me what the point of a jacket is,

I head in the direction he gave me and he follows silently behind me, I seriously hope I'm not being led into a trap, but I can hear the noises of celebration getting louder and louder. . .

When I turn right I realize I'm headed towards the cafeteria and I can see Dauntless on either sides of the wall calling me to come that way, their faces are bright and welcoming.

My heart begins to squeeze painfully, which sucks cause I thought I was able to tuck it away at least a little bit.

I turn around to thank Gabe for the instructions and the jacket but he's gone.

Like a ninja.

"Congrats!" Says the first Dauntless I see and all of a sudden a bunch of people crowd around me, slapping my back and squeezing my shoulders, offering me congrats and welcoming me as a new member. It's so horrible.

Suddenly I'm being lifted off my feet and I'm instantly disoriented, dozens of hands touch me as they pass me over the crowd like I'm at a rock concert, crowd surfing.

Tris smiles brightly from the top of a table and she reaches a hand out to me.

I reach out to her and our fingers brush against each other.

It's almost symbolic.

She closes the distance and grips my hand helping me off the sea of people and I plant my feet firmly on the table-top as she pulls me into a tight hug. I hug her back and smell her hair, even though its a weird thing to do.

She smells so nice, its reassuring. I'm still stressed over everything that just happened, and i'm not looking forward to the future.

My resolve is weak. Frankly I'd like this to all be over and for everyone to just be fucking safe already. Happy ending.

"What took you so long?" She asks me and she sounds concerned, I watch her eyes notice my jacket but she doesn't ask where it came from, i'd tell her that a snake gave it to me.

I really should tell her, but I remember what Four and Eric both said. Just go with it.

If I keep interfering how much worse could the story get? I must have fucked it up badly enough already.

"I had to fight some moths." I joke and she laughs, the joke is at Christina's expense but i'm sure she fought those moths bravely, just as I ate my spiders.

People start pounding the table tops and I can feel the vibrations through my boots.

"I bet I did better than you!" Lynn hollers in my ear, she's one of the people on our overly crowded table and she grips my arm like she's going to toss me off.

"I wouldn't doubt it." I answer back over the loud cheers and clashing of metal cups, people pound their feet and clap their hands like they're about to break into song.

It reminds me of a viking feast or something.

Lynn laughs raucously and hands me a metal cup, I take it gratefully and gulp the liquid but its disgusting and I crinkle my face before spitting it back out.

It's beer.

Maybe I need a drink to get me through tonight.

I take another gulp and let it go straight down my throat without touching my tongue, my throat is dry and irritated from all the yelling I did before.

"You shouldn't be drinking." Tris says reprovingly and she takes the cup from me, handing it to someone in the crowd, I'm about to tell her that I back washed in it but I don't think other Dauntless would care.

I smile guiltily at her, it was only one gulp.

If tonight is my last night I might as well, but then if tonight isn't my last night I might need the drink even more to deal with the guilt.

My cheeks and ears feel kind of warm and tingly now though.

The room erupts once again in whoops and cheers and I turn to watch Christina get rushed by the crowd and thrown up on top of everyone like I was. Her face is bright with excitement and she has her hands up like she's on a roller coaster.

Tris and I pull her up onto the table together and she puts her arms around our waists.

"We're Dauntless!" She gushes, but we haven't seen the ranking yet. . .I'm sure we all made it, at least, they did _fairly._

"Yeah woo! Dauntless!" I laugh trying to match her enthusiasm, I think I nailed it, Tris just giggles and nods her head.

Our table is getting crowded, and it becomes so much so, that we keep getting jostled around.

Like we're on a narrow log, surrounded by ravenous piranha and everyone is struggling to stay on. It's kind of fun and Christina and Tris are much more balanced than me, they hold me still, secure in their grasps.

The Dauntless around us on the ground and the seats start chanting "Daunt-less! Daunt-less!"

Tris and Christina clap their hands along to the chant, I just listen trying to capture as much of this Dauntless spirit inside myself.

I have a feeling that I'm going to need some Dauntless bravery.

.

"Will!" Christina yells and we all glance over to the entrance to watch a smug looking Will walk in with his arms up accepting the cheers and whoops.

Christina laughs out loud, embarrassed by her boyfriend when he dives superman style onto the crowd and they begin carrying him over to our table.

She disentangles herself from Tris and I to envelop him in a loving kiss as soon as he gets on and the whooping gets louder, people laugh and whistle.

Tris sighs dreamily and puts her head on my shoulder, I bet she wants to kiss Four.

The hero and heroine kiss is supposed to happen soon I think.

I look forward to it, It's one event that I'm for sure is going to happen no matter what.

.

After the last initiate comes out I try to glance around the tall people in front of me because I'm sitting, I didn't want to stand anymore, especially with all the pushing and shoving. I lean back, pressing my palms into the cold surface of the table top while watching all the people around me.

"Get up here you!" Tris says and she grips my arm to pull me up, putting an arm around my waist.

Why? I'm so comfortable.

Just as I stand and steady myself on the vibrating table, Max and Eric walk into the room on the ground level.

I glance around searching for Four and Lauren, or even Tori. Mostly Lauren. My babysitter.

Max and Eric both look over the crowd and it's like at exactly the same time they both look at me, and the funny thing is, they both wear expressions of disapproval.

Should I not be standing on the table?

My heart squeezes when I look into Eric's hurricane eyes, and I look away first.

"Congratulations, new Dauntless." Max says and his loud booming voice quiets the riot in the room. "We welcome you." People whoop and cheer as Max begins leaving. I watch as a couple of Dauntless waiting at the exit turn and follow him out.

Where is he going?

Eric stands on a table now and I watch as he taps a microphone. Where did he even get it?

Dauntless is a mystery, I freaking swear.

I'm almost impatient for the story to just continue so I don't have to keep watching these scenes.

So I can find out what happens next because obviously it's not going to end the way it was supposed to.

I try to focus on the fabric, of Tris' jacket under my fingers.

Or the way the Dauntless in front of me has freckles on the back of his neck like a constellation, freckles are nice.

I can still vaguely feel Eric's hand on my own neck, warm and soft.

It sends a shiver down my spine.

I try to avoid looking at him as much as possible cause well, it just hurts.

The crowd quiets down again as the microphone squeals and a tapping sound resonates through the air, it pierces my ears and I flinch before shaking it out of my skull.

Eric clears his throat and the room becomes eerily quiet, I can hear people complain about the loud microphone noise, he almost looks smug, probably because he likes shrill and annoying sounds bothering people.

He likes causing unease.

"We aren't big on speeches here. Eloquence is for Erudite." He starts, a few people laugh or snicker. He's not funny and I hate Erudite. "So, i'm going to keep this short. It's a new year and we have a new pack of initiates and a slightly smaller pack of new members. We offer them our congratulations."

People cheer and whoop and bang fists on our table. I feel the vibrations again and it almost feels like it rattles my bones.

"We believe in bravery. We believe in taking action." He continues and I look up to watch Tris' face. She has a determined look, like she believes in these things too.

We believe,

We believe,

I used to believe in Santa Claus but now I'm in a world where I bet they've never even heard the name.

"We believe in freedom from fear and in acquiring the skills to force the bad out of our world so that the good may thrive and prosper." His voice is smooth, and I focus on the light brown hair of a girl in the crowd in front of us.

When he says 'force the bad out of our world' I can't help but feel like. . .

My brother and I were the 'bad'

We are the 'bad'

'Our' World, is 'Their' world to me.

Cept', he's gone and i'm still stuck here.

I'm so unlucky.

"If you also believe in those things. We welcome you." He finishes and the whoops get louder and more banging, metal cups clatter against the table-tops. Dauntless would cheer for anything huh?

Christina squeezes me tightly. "We did it!" She gushes, and I let a smile tug at the corners of my lips as they shake me around with their enthusiastic energy, I'm literally a rag doll in their hands, as they jostle me around in their tight embraces.

Will pulls her away and into a sloppy loving kiss behind us and Tris hugs me, putting her head on my shoulder, she seriously smells really nice.

I suddenly wish I weren't wearing a jacket though, it's getting kind of hot.

"Tomorrow, in their first act as members, our top ten initiates will choose their professions, in the order of how they are ranked." Eric starts again, he sounds a bit annoyed, I almost want to look at him cause he looks good angry. "The rankings, I know, are what everyone is really waiting for. They are determined by a combination of three scores - The first from the combat stage of training."

Which I did horribly.

Unless they want to count that time I won against Eric. . .Sort of won, it was a cheap trick but he was pretty crazy.

"The second from the simulation stage."

Which I was alright on, I guess.

I got over my fear of him. . .

My heart aches.

Ugh.

Stupid weak heart.

"And the third, from the final examination, the fear landscape. The rankings will appear on the screen behind me." He finishes and people start gasping.

My rank doesn't mean anything.

It's just a number.

It's cheap because I probably didn't even really earn it.

I decide that I really don't want to look at it and I slowly slide myself down to sit on the table again, pressing my palms against the cold surface, careful not to knock over the cups that people placed between our feet or behind us.

Tris has her hand on my head and I feel her brushing over my hair with her thumb, I watch my boots sway back and forth, and I stare at the fabric of my jeans.

The interlocking threads holding it together over my skin, but my boots catch my attention again.

Whoever tied my boots is a hero too, I've never had to tie them, not even once.

People are touching me again, giving me slaps on the back, shoulder squeezes and unwarranted handshakes.

Did I do good?

I can feel someone behind me twirling my braid like a jump rope, probably Christina.

I give tights smiles without looking at actual faces and without hearing distinct voices as they offer me more congrats.

Tris hops off the table and takes my face in her hands, she rubs my cheeks making me smile.

Her big brown eyes are smiling along with her mouth.

"Follow Lauren." Tris says barely above a whisper and it instantly confuses me.

Does Tris know too? Am I the only one that doesn't know?

"What?" I ask incredulously, and she turns my head to the left, I see Lauren through people in the crowd, giving me a head nod when we make eye contact, before someone gets in the way.

Tris releases me and I look back at her as she turns away, and I see where she's going.

Four has entered the room and he nods his head at me, before being enveloped by Tris, who presses her lips against his surprised ones, throwing her arms around his neck.

I enjoy the scene for a bit, and Christina giggles joining me, giving me a tight side wards hug.

I have to smile at their kiss and it fills my hollow insides with a sort of bliss, the hopeful kind.

The kind that has happy endings and storybook romances.

This story just has to end happily, it fucking has to.

No matter what.

"Fina-fucking-ly." Christina laughs.

She's smiling a devious smile, and gives me a playful wink.

We share this scene.

People cheer louder, some even whistle when they deepen the kiss and Four picks her up spinning her around. It's a beautiful kind of kiss, through and through.

Sure Christina, and I already knew.

But I knew.

Even before they knew it themselves.

They're soulmates.

I'm beginning to feel a tiny bit hopeful of the future.

Of their future, at least.

.

When everyone starts quieting down and people start heading for the Pit, I get that feeling like it's time to move on the next scene, and I walk a bit behind Christina and Will.

He's hugging her from behind, walking like a penguin so he doesn't step on her heels and I laugh watching them be cute.

I run my fingers through my bangs and wonder if I should undo my braid. . .I don't, instead I put it over my shoulder.

The lights are really dim and I get the Deja-vu feeling.

I'm ready to see Eric though and I'm almost filled with anticipation to see his pierced face and tattooed neck, and his handsome gray eyes.

Maybe I'll even kiss him.

But when we get inside, he's not there.

This is the part where he's supposed to tell everyone that they're getting 'trackers'

People stand around chattering conversationally and I see Tori, standing on the platform watching over everyone.

What is she doing up there?

Where did Eric go?

"Hey where's Tris?" I ask Christina and Will.

They both shrug like it doesn't matter.

"Should see her soon." Will says and the tone of his voice sounds a bit off. "Or later tonight."

"Heeey, trouble-maker!" Says that lilting female voice and I turn to greet her, opening my mouth but as soon as I see her red hair she shoves something between my parted lips.

I immediately taste the powdery overcoat and pill-like consistency as it breaks against my teeth and I flinch away from her, but she covers my mouth and my nose tilting my head back forcing me to swallow it.

Lauren, my mermaid drug dealer.

The pill she gave me this morning probably was what got me through today.

"I would've taken it myself." I complain, I did drink a little bit. Although it's hardly enough for a hang-over. She probably force fed it to me because instead of following her I stayed with Christina and Will.

"I know." She laughs, flipping her hair with her hand. Her green eyes look amused.

Christina's face puckers and Will kisses her, they laugh together all cutesy.

And then we sort of just wait.

For the story to progress.

.

And then the ground shakes violently.

People start yelling excitedly.

Lauren grips my arm to steady me.

This isn't part of the story.

I watch as Tori grips the railings, holding on, even she looks oddly excited.

It's almost like an earthquake.

It only lasts for a few seconds.

A shrill siren sounds off then, deafening in my ears and I have to cover them as I search frantically for the danger.

My heart is beating loudly and the sound comes through the obstruction, filling my hollow ears.

Lauren is yelling but I don't hear the words coming out of her mouth.

This seems a little unreal.

This can't be real.

I pry my hands off my ears and strain to hear what she's saying.

Christina and Will look determined, fearless.

Dauntless.

"Go go!" Lauren yells and all of a sudden I'm being yanked forward as Will's hand closes around my wrist.

They drag me through the crowds of people filing out into the tunnels, no one is acting frantic or panicked but I can hear the sounds of their excitement, like there's actual danger.

Dauntless are calm under duress.

This isn't part of the story though.

The siren gets loud and then soft, and loud again, like a hurricane test.

Our feet pound the ground as I struggle to keep up with them.

I recognize that they're heading for the dorms.

But why would we go there?

People head past it and we're the only ones who turn and duck inside.

"Guns!" A tall bald tattooed man yells over the sound of the receding siren.

Lynn, Marlene, Uriah, that Harvey initiate and the other male initiate I don't know start flipping mattresses off our bunks, clothing and belonging's fly everywhere.

When did they get here?

Christina and Will flip hers immediately.

And meanwhile I stand there shocked, feet glued to the ground.

I feel frozen in place.

"Meg!" Marlene screams at me, and I finally move.

Snapped back into the moment.

I help her flip one of the beds and I see now why they were doing this.

Underneath each mattress neatly on the bed frames are guns, full magazines and holsters.

My mind processes things but keeps tripping over itself now with adrenaline pumping through my system.

There are live rounds and I recognize the other clips to be the neuro-stim darts that we used during the war games.

What?

Marlene works quickly to load the magazines into the small pistol and clip a belt around her waist.

My hands move steadily copying her movements.

It's startling that I actually learned things related to guns.

She slips a magazine into her belt and loads the neuro-stim darts.

Is this a test?

When I pick up the unloaded gun it feels strange in my hands, it's light, Marlene takes it from me and puts the gun she already loaded into my hands, and she secures the holster to the belt I clipped on.

No one is saying anything, they just prepare themselves silently, gravely.

Is this real?

I'm the only one that doesn't know what's going on.

"If we split, meet at the trains!" Lauren screeches, into the dorms.

We're going to the trains?

"Don't get shot, and the neuro-stims. . .Aim for the head." The snake like guy says coming in from the door, Gabe again.

Wait, aim for the head?

What the fuck?

I feel a tugging at my belt and look down to see Lynn's hands fastening a different gun into my holster.

"Trouble-maker is a little slow, eh?" She snickers and she grabs my wrist, with the loaded pistol in my hand and she clicks the safety off for me.

Am I seriously the only one that doesn't know what's going on?

My anxiety is sky rocketing and I'm hyperventilating.

The metal is cool in my hands and it sends a shiver up my arms.

I take a few deep breaths to steady myself and let the exhilaration fill me.

This isn't part of the story.

But it's damn exciting.

I'm a Dauntless.

And I'll be fearless.

I'll be brave.

.

* * *

.

 **Christina's POV**

The gun is light in my hands and my heart is beating extremely fast pulsing in my ears, only dulled by the occasional shrill of the siren. It's eerie, even if I was prepared.

This is it.

'Operation take back Dauntless.'

Tris and Four explained that Will, Megan and I would have to evacuate to Candor headquarters.

One group will head to Abnegation.

Another will head to Amity.

It's a bit hard to think straight, but with Will next to me confidently loading his gun, I feel brave.

His brows are furrowed in concentration.

I check my belt once more.

I glance over to Megan who seems to be getting with the situation, she seemed a bit dazed at first but now she looks confident, sure, and that is definitely a good sign.

The neuro-stim darts are a non lethal alternative to deal with our fellow faction.

The half that are prepped to become mindless drones.

The thought is severely disturbing.

Especially because that might have happened to us.

If Four, Eric and the rest hadn't decided to act. . .

"Neuro-stims, aim for the head." Says Lauren this time, and I flick the safety off.

My hands are surprisingly steady, head shots take a lot of skill, I can only hope that my aim is true.

We don't have an unlimited amount of ammo.

"It's to incapacitate them, the instant pain delivered directly to the brain without traveling through the-" Will explains but the siren shuts him out for a moment, his Erudite is showing, but I love when he get's into his Erudite mode. Right now its soothing to listen to his voice.

He uses the words limbic system and prefrontoral cortex and how the pain could possibly bring people to their senses.

At least that's the theory.

The hope.

Lynn nods sharply taking in the information, Uriah scratches his head, still trying to lighten the mood even though it's so stressful and my anxiety is disorienting.

I breathe deeply, filling my lungs, steadying myself. It works, till the siren makes it round again.

We aren't killing people, so that's a relief.

"Everyone ready!? We don't have all day!" Lauren yells from the door, her eyes are wide and angry.

The answer is no.

But everyone looks grim, determined, tense.

We could get shot at.

And I'm afraid.

Terrified.

Not for myself but for the people I love.

Dauntless or not.

"Chris?" Will asks and he's staring at the gun in his hands, his lips are a firm line.

"Yes?"

"I lo-" He starts and I already know.

"Tell me when we get to Candor." I say immediately cutting him off, giving him a kiss on his warm, soft lips.

He chuckles lightly, kissing me back.

We are going to make it. Everyone. Duh.

The explosion was the armory, Zeke and Joseph were supposed to make sure the drones couldn't get guns.

Four and Eric were supposed to steal the Dauntless control consoles data as evidence against Erudite, along with a lot of other incriminating things Eric has claimed to have gathered while he was 'Double-crossing' They also want to try to capture Max.

Tris of course went with Four, but she'll be safe with them.

We're instructed to shoot a neuro-stim to the forehead of our affected comrades.

Everything that's happening seems so unreal.

But the siren means they've succeeded in getting the data. . .Right? Or that Zeke and Joseph succeeded.

We really have the easiest job, evacuate and shoot drones with darts.

I watch as Lauren slides into a jacket, pulling the hood over her fiery red hair before pulling the hood of Megan's jacket over her head, she obediently tucks her braid in.

Marlene and Lynn don the same jackets with hoods up.

I pull my own hood up with steady hands.

We're safer like this.

"Now!" Yells Gabe and everyone moves at once.


	18. WWZ

"I still see you in the faces of strangers and feel you in the souls of people I meet."

-J. Iron word

* * *

 **Meg's POV**

My heart is beating extremely fast and the siren makes my head throb loudly, when it finally cuts off it almost feels like there isn't enough noise anymore and the throbbing becomes a weird off pulse as though it no longer knows the rhythm.

My anxiety is sky rocketing.

I told Lauren I'd been injected, obviously she should know, she was there.

All she said was not to worry about it cause she'll shoot me and drag my body around.

Which is not at all reassuring.

"What about Eric?" I ask timidly, she raises her brow at me and tells me not to worry about him cause he's a bitch and I don't question her further, but that doesn't make me feel better either. I want to know what's going on but it's obvious no one is going to tell me.

We ran into several robot people and Lauren or one of the others took them out with no hesitation, I didn't even have to bring my gun up and it's hard to shoot at actual people, I can tell it's hard for them too with how their expressions are grim.

Even if it's only darts, they're shooting their family, friends, faction.

She kept us running along with a bunch of other Dauntless and we're headed for the train exit, but it's difficult trying to see over or around the others, and I keep getting elbowed or shoved, no one seems scared but they're all way too energetic and excited, it almost makes it seem like black Friday shopping or something.

This whole situation is kind of creepy though, because the drone people don't have guns and they sort of just jump or tackle others like zombies from world war Z.

They don't bite of course, but I saw one knock a guy out.

I can't help but think about Eric, I wonder if I'm the only person that actually worries about him. He told me not to worry about Four or my friends but then how can I not? With what is happening. . .And who cares if I'm Dauntless now.

If there isn't a Dauntless left tomorrow, what will that even matter?

"Where did they go?" I ask Lauren, turning around to find Uriah or the other boys that were with us, she didn't hear me, but I feel someone yank on the back of my jacket roughly, it sends a jolt of false hope through me.

"Just keep going, we'll see them at the train." Lauren admonishes and she's dragging me along. "Or Candor."

I have a really bad feeling about this.

My palms are sweaty and my heart is beating louder than the sound of boots on concrete.

Gabe fires a few shots down a hall and I flinch as bodies crumple and hit the floor with thuds, we have to run down that tunnel and I hesitate and cringe while stepping over them.

If they're unconscious shouldn't we bring them with us?

My thoughts are racing and I can hardly get a grasp on anything that filters through.

Lauren finally lets go of my jacket to lean over the side of a wall to check a new tunnel, she motions her hand for us to go forward.

I'm doing my best to listen to her and follow her but I wish she'd tell me what the hell is going on.

.

* * *

.

 **Lauren's POV**

Gabe and I lead everyone down the hall, Dauntless are rushing around us, it's almost impossible to tell which are normal people.

"Lauren." Bud says and I snap my head around to look at him, he jerks his head down the hall leading to the Pit, he's splitting.

We should take out as many drones on our way out, if we spread we can cover more ground, make it impossible to catch any of us and also to make a diversion.

But the most important thing is to get out of Dauntless.

He doesn't wait for an answer and he's much older, although I can't say experienced because who the fuck could be prepared for something like this?

But I'm not that worried when Uriah and Marlene leave with him, at first I thought they had split already but it's a little reassuring that everyone managed to stay together so far. I don't need to tell them to watch their asses.

Tori has everyone evacuating in haphazard formations making a giant fucking mess but I guess she thought it would be a tactical advantage.

We continue down the halls and the sounds of boots are all around us, several people elbow and shove and I grip Megan's jacket when she gets pushed into a wall behind me, I hear her gasp from the impact.

Four said to keep a close eye on her, but of course she's a trouble-maker and we can't afford that shit right now, he says she is prone to self-destructive behaviors and I got that when she was punching that bag till her nose bled, but I don't see how the situation could get much worse than this.

Eric said if she causes trouble I can shoot her with a dart, but I hope she fucking doesn't, cause I'm not about to waste any on her, unless she becomes a drone or something. . .Which I doubt will happen, because none of them were injected with the real serum.

Speaking of unconscious bodies though. . .

Worst case scenario.

When Erudite feel like the drones numbers are getting dangerously low they'll pull out the rest and retreat to Erudite headquarters, and take the remaining drones as hostages. . .They already have enough of Dauntless under their thumb.

Fuck, we really should have made a more solid plan.

"On your left!" Lynn screams and people duck and cover as I sling my arm with the gun up, steadying it on my shoulder, I'm glad I got the larger gun. The recoil always sends a delicious shock through me.

The tingle of adrenaline through my veins is like electricity and every time I fire, the noise rips through all the other sounds and it continues to echo through my ears.

The drones aren't armed to my extreme relief which means that Zeke and Joe managed to accomplish their task, but they tackle people to the ground, knocking them out cold or getting their droned asses knocked out.

My finger is steady around the trigger and I breathe out before firing a shot directly to the side of some guys head. I've only seen him once before, on the wall. . .I try not to identify anyone cause it just makes me feel real guilty.

At least we aren't killing them.

This whole thing pretty fucked up though.

"Gabe split!" I holler over when a group comes at us from the other intersection, he gives me an annoyed look, akin to a scowl.

And I pull him into a tight kiss gripping the back of his neck, he deepens it for a moment and I feel his tongue ring glide and twist around mine.

Four is just as guilty as me of instructor and initiate relations, It's alright now though because they're Dauntless, finally.

I'm pretty sure even Eric might be too cause he made it clear it was my ass if Megan didn't get out.

Although Four made it clear that they needed her too though, they could've at least told me the real reason why.

They kept giving bullshit answers, like how she's the daughter of the old Erudite rep, although I'm sure she's from Amity and I never met her in Erudite before, I was a transfer from there, so I would fucking know. But whatever the reason is, they both seemed pretty serious about me babysitting her.

Even offering me a position as a Leader of Dauntless, or trying to butter me up, saying how they trust me above everyone else. It was pretty flattering but also extremely fucking weird. I just assume it's cause Eric doesn't want to admit that he's attached to her.

If she's so important they should've told her the plan, or at least told her she wasn't going to drone out.

"Be safe, or else." Gabe commands and I laugh, his pierced face actually looks concerned and I love the way his lips move with each word and when I can see that flash of silver between his teeth. Dauntless safe, hah.

It's a wonder that I never noticed him before initiation, that he's been here the entire time, and I only ever saw him the day he got punched in the face by Shauna.

"Bitch, I'm the one that trained you." I taunt him and he smirks before heading down the opposite hall, I don't watch but I can hear the gunshots ringing through the air, I vaguely feel Lynn head down the hall with him.

He's capable of taking care of himself and she's a little bad ass, maybe she'll keep him safe.

I'm not even sure where the rest of the new Dauntless went. Probably split right when we left the dorms.

Christina the Candor girl watches us surprised but she smirks too and elbows Meg in the ribs, her boyfriend has his back to us watching the rear.

This group is headed to Candor cause Christina has family there.

"Don't gawk, lets get the fuck out of here." I snap but my tone isn't harsh because I did just put them through my public display of affection.

They listen immediately and we continue, I'm leading them through the back tunnels around the cafeteria to the train's loading docks where Tori will have set up a safety barrier, if we don't make it within the time limit they'd probably come look for us or something. . .

We literally have the shortest route.

I stop everyone with a hand to lean out and check down the adjoining hall, they have their guns up, ready.

But as soon as I look out a drone crashes into Christina from my blind side and she's sent tumbling to the ground, he is unarmed and I reach for him to pull him off her, but another lunges from the side, slamming directly into my waist.

It sends a sharp pain through me and I stagger backwards into the wall. I retaliate and knee him in the chest, shove him off and shoot him in the temple point blank. He falls unconscious with a thump to the concrete ground.

It's Davis from the control room. A pang of guilt makes where he hit me feel a lot worse. I wish we could just carry them out, I can just imagine how shitty they'll feel when they wake up alone to an empty Dauntless with no idea of anything that happened.

Meg kicks the drone off of Christina and she has just enough space to fire a dart above the mans ear and he drops, Christina shoves him off, rolling out from under his weight, and we help her up. She sighs and drops her shoulders but gives Meg a soft thanks.

I don't look to see who that one is and I can tell that they try not to notice as well.

Will struggles with another that is determined to disarm him and he gets thrown against the wall, but he recovers to kick the drone in the gut and shoots him.

This seriously feels unreal, nothing like this has ever happened before in the history of the city.

The whole ordeal took a little over 2 minutes and I'm already out of breath, my gun hangs to my side and it feels much heavier despite the expenditure of bullets and I bend over panting, clutching my probably bruising side.

"Too old for this shit." I joke half-heartedly, but I'm only 2 years older than these runts.

They break into smiles but they're all out of breath too, Christina leans against the wall but she laughs guiltily, Meg's hands are shaking but her eyes are bright and wide and she looks at me like she's waiting for instructions.

Everyone enjoys a little danger sometimes.

"Where is Four and Tris?" Megan asks suddenly and she sounds concerned.

Four should be with Eric but shit, maybe Four brought his girlfriend with him.

"We have to focus on ourselves right now." I grip the hood of her jacket and yank it back over her head, she gives me a confused glance.

Four said to make sure we wore them at all times, I get the feeling that it has to do with her and what they need her for.

I suddenly feel like maybe they gave me a hard task and just tried to make it seem simple so I wouldn't stress, this is already stressful enough. Whatever the reason I don't need to know.

We head down the cleared hall and it splits into another, from here we have to go left and then straight, passed the training halls. Then we're Candor bound. Simple. Extremely simple. We should've left asap, but Eric said to make sure we waited till after announcements and rankings.

It's not my fault that I got held up, everything worked out though, more or less. . .

"Hurry up lets go!" I snap, impatiently now, heading down the next tunnel. We really have to get out, and there were way more drones than I expected. It helps that there are people around to distract them or keep them off us.

I bring out the map Eric gave me to check how far off we are from the restricted section.

Far.

There shouldn't be much more drone congestion if they'll be converging on that location and going after them instead of us, maybe just a few here and there. No problem. . .Sort of.

"What is that?" Will asks curiously and I hand it over to him. We don't need it.

Christina and Meg look over his shoulders at it.

"Eric and Four should be there." Christina says pointing at a red dot to the far right of Dauntless. "Tris probably followed Four."

"What?" Meg asks stepping back, her expression is shocked, bewildered and she puts a hand to her neck, rubbing it unconsciously.

Even I'm a bit shocked. But Four told me he shared the plan or situation with Christina so she can explain it to Jack Kang the rep of Candor Headquarters. She should be the only other runt besides Tris that knows.

Once a Candor, always a Candor to them.

They'd believe her.

"The serum was switched out by Eric, stop worrying about it." I say to Megan, she looks as though she'll scratch her neck off. It's alright to at least tell her that, it's not like Candor will use their truth serum on her just cause she knows one small detail.

She just gapes at me, her expression becomes angry, brows furrowed and she opens her mouth.

Boot sounds start at the end of the hall and I immediately aim my gun, kneeling onto one knee.

The others lower themselves behind me.

Their breathing is heavy, intense. The gun presses to my cheek as I rest the butt on my shoulder.

My finger is wrapped firmly around the trigger.

"Don't shoot!" A voice yells from around the corner and a boy peeks out, I almost pull the trigger and I vaguely hear the sighs of relief and annoyance from behind me.

I let out my own gush of air because I was holding my breath.

"Peter what the fuck are you doing here?" Will snaps, Peter is one of the other transfer initiates. Or well ,Dauntless now.

"I don't know what the fuck is going on, everyone just started acting crazy and running all over the place." Peter replies harshly and he looks frantic, like a little bitch.

Even these runts aren't acting like that.

"Let's go." I command lowering my gun, I relaxing a bit and stand slowly, my side really hurts. I grab Peter by the shirt at his shoulder and shove him down the hall we need to go down and he complies obediently without complaint.

Another runt to look after.

Just when they finally grow up and I don't have to watch over them,

I become the babysitter again.

.

* * *

.

 **Meg's POV**

Eric is _with_ Four and Tris.

I seriously don't have any idea what the hell is going on and no one really answers me. I can't believe the serum was switched out, and if Eric knew then he was just. . .He could have told me.

Just what has he done? What are they doing?

And why didn't he tell me? God I feel angry but more worried and extremely confused.

Lauren leads us down a long hall and I know where this one leads, it'll go around the cafeteria, the stairs that lead up to Max's office will be down the next tunnel and to the right. I actually know some of the areas of Dauntless, and I'm kind of proud of that. Not that it does me much good.

Will had handed me the map when I pretended like I was interested and wanted to get a better look, I slipped it into my jacket pocket, no one seemed to mind.

Maybe they don't need it?

The only problem is that I don't know how to get away, and I'm not even sure I'd know how to read it properly or what I'm going to do, or what would happen to Lauren. Plus I can't just leave Christina and Will but. . .

If I find Eric maybe I can. . .I don't know what his intentions are or what the hell he's thinking, but I just can't handle not being able to . . .I mean. . .

Or if I find Tris and Four I can help them. . .

Maybe I'd just get in the way, and make things worse.

Lauren releases Peter's shirt and he relaxes immediately.

I wonder where the hell he came from anyway, not to mention the fact that there were drones in this area and he's just fine.

Christina gives me a hard glance and an eye roll and holds her gun like she's going to shoot him with a dart.

I barely remember seeing him at all after he got called for the test.

Christina acts out how he'd react to getting shot with a dart, crying like a baby. She does a good impression of him actually and I try not to smile, I know she's trying to relieve tension, make it seem less scary.

"Stay with the others." Lauren commands him and he falls in next to Will, she doesn't look happy to have him with us, no one will ever like him and although I don't either, it's not like one person can do anything against us 4.

"Do I get a gun?" He asks and his voice sounds harsh like we're giving him no way to protect himself.

He acts like he's not the brutal, smug, douche he actually is. I open my mouth to protest that there are already enough people with guns and we don't need him to have one too.

But Will graciously takes the gun from his holster and releases the live magazine, swiftly replacing it with a nero-stim clip, and spinning it like a professional, holding it out to him with a stern expression. "Only shoot the droned people, Peter."

I watched with wide eyes of wonder, and I feel really lame with the gun in my hands.

Will is like a super spy with nuts gun skills all of a sudden.

This whole situation is like its a new movie or setting. Seriously a zombie apocalypse type thing. I shot a guy in the head with a dart and one of the drones injected an unconscious guy, Lynn shot him in the head too. Like a double tap.

The drones are infecting other Dauntless turning them into drones too and here we are, like a little troupe of wanna be bad-asses with dart guns.

This is definitely not part of the story at all.

I almost feel. . .Insane, still thinking of it like a story, but I also think that if I were to admit this is actually real, I might have a nervous break down and lose any amount of courage I have. Thinking this is a little unreal makes it seem a little less scary. . .

Will they really be able to snap out of it?

I can't help but wonder how they'll feel when they wake up, alone, with an aching head and no idea what had just happened, it doesn't feel right just leaving them. None of this feels real even if I were to accept that it is, maybe I just can't.

My thoughts are interrupted when Lauren yanks the hood back over my hair, and she scowls at me.

The hood over my head makes it hot but if I take it off, or let it fall again I think Lauren will staple it to my head somehow.

I hear an dangerous amount of boot clomping coming down the hall ahead of us and Lauren spins on her heel. Her eyes are narrowed and she hisses. "Go down that way." She waves her hand down the tunnel that leads to the cafeteria.

We are being deviated from her path.

I feel like the hoods might be because. . .that the drones might be coming after us because. . .I seriously hope it's not because of me.

My chest tightens and I bite my lip, the adrenaline that fueled me turns into something like lead in my veins and I feel heavy.

Almost like my blood is cement and it's drying.

Will leads the way now and I turn around to watch as Lauren leans out, looking around the corner pressing herself against the wall.

We walk quickly, my feet barely feel like they touch the ground but she's not following us and I'm not sure if we should be leaving her.

My heart is beating pretty steadily now though and I'm not shaking anymore or anything. Unless it's just getting weak trying to pump through all the heavy blood because I still feel pretty jittery on the inside.

But I can't tell if the nervous rolling in my gut is madness, fear, or the beginning of rising vomit, my stomach and abdomen are tight, and I can't relax. Every part of me feels tense, and I feel so. . . It's getting a little hard to breathe, I pull the collar of the jacket out to get air and space around my throat.

"Christina, whats going on?" I ask her curiously in a harsh whisper, and she looks up at me, from under her own hood. I swallow nervously but it's more to help the rising nausea.

"Taking back Dauntless." She admits sheepishly and I'm actually pretty surprised at that, my hand tenses around the gun I have and my finger is always over the trigger, I might develop carpal tunnel after this, I can already feel a cramp in my wrist.

Peter glances back at us with a bewildered expression, and Will's brow is raised. I take it neither of them know either.

"Sorry I can't really tell you guys. I promised Four. He said it was safer if you both didn't know." She confesses and I realize that it's amazing that she managed to keep a secret, even from Will.

Christina, keeping a secret.

This world is ending.

Gun shots fire behind us and Lauren turns quickly her hood flies off and her red hair comes spilling around her shoulder and back, her eyes are wide and frantic, greener than I've ever seen, and they bulge at us.

"RUN!" She hisses, I have this sickening feeling that she wasn't the one who fired those shots.

A weight drops to the pit of my gut and I swallow thickly, goosebumps decorate my skin in a lightning fast ripple and it feels like forever before I can lift my foot.

We take off in a sprint and my hands feel even more sweaty, I grip my gun tightly afraid it'll slip and I'll miss or do something disastrous and it'll be all my fault. Everything feels like my fault and I almost just want to stop moving.

The noise floods out of my ears when I let my courage waver, a heavy crushing guilt takes its place and I'm only snapped out of it when drones jump out like flesh hungry beasts.

My heart nearly stops when one comes crashing into me with sheer force and I get thrown against the wall.

The impact forces the air out of my lungs and his knee hits the gun out of my hands as he shoves me into the wall again, sharp pains shoot through my back and chest and I lean forward to keep my head from hitting the concrete. I gasp in a breath but it hurts and gives my lungs no relief.

I frantically duck out of the way of his flying fist and I hear the crunch of his knuckles against the wall near my ear, his eyes are blank with pupils that are much too large, almost all black like a shark and my first instinct is to flail, losing all sense of everything around me.

Christina launches herself at him wrapping her arms around his waist taking him off me, I slide down onto my knees to reach for my gun and notice that the other drone is grappling with Peter.

Will is unconscious.

I gasp and all the noise floods out again when I start to crawl over to him frantically my palms and knees hurt with every movement but i'm immediately relieved when I see the slow rise and fall of his chest.

Time isn't slowing down the way I thought it would and things happen in seconds.

Gunshots ring out over us and the sound is deafening in the concrete space. It rips through my hollow ears, I glance back blankly to see Lauren firing around the corner, but she runs out of ammo and chucks her gun.

It clatters against the ground and I blink each time it connects.

Christina managed to knock the guy out and is struggling to get up, I push off the ground and rush over to her to grip her arm, the new shock of adrenaline or whatever the fuck is fueling me makes me feel stronger and I haul her up onto her feet.

My chest seriously hurts though, my ribs ache and my heart pounds against them like it'll burst through. My lungs hardly have any space and feel like they shrink every time I exhale, like they aren't able to hold air at all.

Wordlessly and quickly we grab Will under his arms and start dragging him up the stairs, Christina looks fierce and determined and I push myself to try and make It easier for her.

His face is peaceful like he's sleeping and there is no blood or anything anywhere which is a good sign.

I've never been one to pray for anything but I find myself on the verge of selling my soul, anything, to just have this end happily, to have Will open his eyes and do something stupid or funny.

Or have some talk show host walk out and tell me that I've been punked.

Peter grabs Wills legs and helps, I didn't see him subdue his attacker but his gun is snug in his pants.

Lauren enters the stairwell below us and I notice that she's clutching her side. I grit my teeth and watch my steps following Christina's lead, taking the stairs two at a time, without tripping over myself.

No one says a word and when we reach the top Peter slings Will over his shoulder and Christina pats his cheek as though trying to wake him up.

I didn't see what happened to Will and I suddenly feel really guilty because Christina helped me instead of him, the guilt is unbearable and my heart squeezes.

I have to tell them, this might be all my fault. The story, everything, is so fucked up now.

They need to get out of here, if its possible that Erudite would trade, if they want information, I can fake some bullshit future or anything if it gets them out alive.

I'll do anything if all this can just stop, if it means that it'll end.

I rush over to Lauren and pull her arm over my shoulder and her weight presses against me, I gasp and grit my teeth as I help her rush down the hall after them, she's doing her best.

I'm actually terrified now, and I can feel a tremble building inside of me, a violent sort, like I'm freezing cold.

This is really happening, isn't it?

I'm not sure if we're still being pursued and I don't know the extent of Lauren's injury but she's gasping and it's really discouraging.

My thoughts are becoming frantic and I struggle to keep some measure of calm.

Where should we go?

No one says anything and one thought invades like a light bulb being turned on forcefully in my skull. Jeanine's Erudite office here in Dauntless.

"Go straight!" I yell to Peter when he's about to turn into a hallway that leads to god knows where, he adjusts Wills weight and complies. I hope to god this pans out and I haven't just fucked this up even more. Maybe I should just not say anything.

Seriously, I should've learned by now.

Christina rushes over to me taking Lauren's other arm and supporting her, taking much of the weight off of me, and we speed walk trying not to jostle her too much.

"Where are we going?" Lauren asks me and her voice sounds strained, breathless.

My hand around her waist feels sickly hot and wet and a rushing feeling starts behind my eyes, while I blink to stop it and swallow the saliva that builds.

"There was an office around here with glass windows." I reply, swallowing thickly again while trying to come up with the plan as I go. "We can bust them out and. . .Fuck I don't know scale the building?" I think about spider-man and try to calm myself, distract myself from the sickening bile that rises to my throat.

Just go with it? Just fucking go with it? Why couldn't I just go with it from the very beginning.

Lauren laughs and the sound is light, I realize that I left my gun back there but I have the other one. . .but fuck I wish someone else would come up with something. I don't know Dauntless that well, I could barely navigate a new Walmart for fuck sake.

My pulse is loud in my ears and it feels like it's throbbing behind my eyes, my lungs are tighter than ever before and it feels like I'm breathing at a hundred miles per hour but i'm not getting any air. I'm slipping grasping at invisible cracks in myself.

A violent desperation fills me and I move faster or at least everything inside me feels like it's moving too fast, and I'm trying to calm my frantic breathing, I can tell how close to a panic attack I am. I breathe deeply, in and out, and take each step one at a time.

There are no sounds behind us or maybe it's Lauren's harsh breathing in my ear but my back is tense, I'm so not prepared to get shot from behind or from any direction. I don't want anyone to get shot from any direction. I will all guns to just disappear.

Peter is far ahead of us and he didn't ask where we were headed, he starts running and he drops Will against the wall near a door that I'm hoping is the right one.

And I watch as he starts messing with the keypad on the side and he curses before punching it with his fist, square on, and the door unlocks. He shoves Will inside so his unconscious body holds the door open, I don't appreciate him treating Will so poorly.

Christina doesn't either cause when I look under Lauren's red hair she's scowling, she's unusually quiet but I take it that she's focused or worried about something.

I'm pretty sure there was a time limit to when the train comes around, I don't even remember how to get to Candor.

Peter runs back over to us with a stone straight face and he takes Lauren roughly, I hear her sharp intake of breath and I don't feel right handing her over.

"Ow, fucking fuuuuuck." Lauren complains and I feel her shudder or convulse a little at the pain.

"Be fucking gentle." I hiss at him, but I release her slowly like i'm still unsure if I should give her up, I almost feel like I need to hold onto her forever.

It's a weird thought but I try not to think about why I'm afraid to let her go.

"You'd like that." He replies, the dirty joke is so not appropriate at the moment and I have to resist the urge to punch him in the face. If I did, I'm sure all my stress and anxiety and everything would make it a gazillion times more powerful.

I wipe my hand on my jeans careful not to look at it, it's only sweat.

I un-clip the gun in my holster and click the safety off as Christina runs over to Will. I feel like it's what I should do.

I watch as Peter steps over Will with Lauren, and as Will's feet disappear inside when they drag him.

"Megan!" Christina calls peeking out the door, she motions for me to hurry up, and I'm not sure why I just stood there for a second.

I just felt blank and undecided, maybe even hollow, I can still feel and hear everything inside myself so I know I've not emptied or shut down.

Peter props Lauren against the desk and I immediately shrug out of my jacket, dropping the gun and the map on the surface. I ball it up and kneel down, pressing it against her side where she has a hand clamped down.

There is definitely red.

I've seen enough movies to know what people do to stop blood or whatever.

But god this is real and it's so fucking scary and someone. . .Someone else should do something, I start thinking maybe I should've tied it around her waist. . .Or I have no idea. I'm reluctant to touch anything or say anything because what if I'm seriously ruining it all?

What the fuck do we do?

Christina has Wills face pressed between her hands and his eyes flutter, I think he hit is head. What if he has a concussion or doesn't wake up?

Fuck.

Fuck.

"Peter." Lauren calls to him. His ear is pressed to the door as though he's listening. "How high up are we?"

He rushes over to the large glass windows that replaced the wall and I flinch when I see the Erudite building lit up far into the dark distance from over the desk, and wipe my forehead with the back of my hand. Closing my eyes for a moment to force the spots out of my vision.

It's nighttime.

"What?" Lauren asks me and she sounds annoyed but I ignore her, she takes my jacket pressing it herself and I move.

I grab Jeanine's desk chair and it's much too heavy for me, break the window.

"It's 4 stories high." Peter says and his forehead is pressed up against the glass, he sounds defeated and he looks like he want's to say that it's hopeless. "The building next to us is lower but its too far to jump."

"Use your goddamn brain." I gasp under my breath and he walks over, picking the chair up with me, I grunt from the effort and my lungs crumple, my arms ache.

Am I using my brain? At first I wonder why I have the chair. If it's too far why even break the window out?

Together we throw the chair against the glass and it clatters back down against the ground with no effect whatsoever, it was almost pitiful.

Well it's not glass, obviously.

Peter grabs my gun off the desk and immediately fires into the window, I flinch and turn away in case the bullets ricochet.

Christina shields Will and gives us both a concerned accusing look, and I have half the mind to apologize but I'm distracted when the window starts to finally crack.

It's not enough so he slams his boot into it, kicking at it repeatedly, it becomes a streak of lightning against the darkness outside, spreading, until it breaks off and falls into the outside air, slicing through the nighttime.

I scramble over to the ground and look outside, it's an empty alleyway. The air is cold and thick and it doesn't cool me off one bit.

My neck is slick with sweat and I plop myself onto my butt and run a hand through my hair while leaning against the wall behind me.

The dizzying feeling of looking out over a giant drop makes me nauseous, I'm not afraid of heights but I think I might be after this. I close my eyes and even though it's not time to rest I try to imagine something peaceful, quiet to get rid of the screaming in my head.

Well, what can we do now?

We've got an injured chick bleeding out, and an unconscious boy.

And none of us can shoot webs, not stupid Peter. . .I don't know his last name but I know it isn't Parker.

"I think I have an idea." Peter says.

.

* * *

.

 **Four's POV**

"Anyone in there?" Eric voice yells into the control room from outside.

I glance at Tris who is pressed up against the wall right at the door, her eyes are wide and she holds the neuro-stim dart filled gun to her chest. She jerks her head for the scared Erudite scientists to get out and they scramble up onto their feet to run out the door, I already told them not to say anything.

We could've just shot them, they'd be unconscious and it's obvious they would've done much worse to us, shit they planned to do much worse things. A dart is barely a scratch in comparison. They'd kill us the first chance, and despite that, neither Tris nor I _wanted_ to shoot them.

My adrenaline is pumping and pulsing through my veins like liquid fire but I keep my breathing steady, calm, and continue my work at the console, the data transfer is almost complete. There's no use in freaking out now that we're almost done.

Eric warned me that as soon as I started it, the sim would become active and everyone injected before today would become mindless drones.

We have no way to shut the sim off from here because there's a secondary console that has override privileges, located in Erudite.

Once one is activated the other is too, and the only way to end the sim is to shut them both off.

The plan is to get everyone out of Dauntless. We meet at Candor, hand over evidence of Erudite's plot against Abnegation, get them on our side and against Erudite. Then contact Erudite to have them relinquish the Dauntless they have under control and surrender.

If they don't we will use Max as leverage, maybe Megan too because Eric claims that Jeanine want's her badly enough to shirk everything but of course we have no intention of handing either of them over.

If Erudite accepts we'll think of a new plan to trick them or something, anything, and if they reject it, then we'll use force to apprehend them. Whatever the case, Erudite is going down.

The reason we split and had Megan with the others is to determine priority, if Erudite would send more drones to go after her or to come after us.

It helps both sides, but it's also a gigantic fucking risk, one that I hope pays off and created a diversion for both our ends.

No one but Eric and I know about Megan's secret and we decided to keep it that way for now.

It could cause chaos if let out, in fact it's almost a bit of a precaution, there's no guarantee of her safety if anyone found out the truth, if it's really even the truth. I'm still conflicted, but I refuse to think of that right now, it's too much to comprehend.

We deliberately kept her in the dark about the plot because once we all get to Candor they'd have no reason to use their truth serum on her if she doesn't know what _our_ plans are, assuming she doesn't, I'm not sure how her mind works or anything like that.

There is no telling what kind of crazy shit she might spew or what would happen.

We just need to get to Candor, fix whatever shit we can, get Dauntless collected and give Tori the evidence, get a head count and then Eric, Megan, Tris and I head to faction-less to find my mother, before they can even try to use the truth serum on any of us. . .

We have to try and get a confession out of Max without them using the truth serum on him too though. . .

Fuck, we really should've thought of a more solid plan.

The evidence _should_ be enough.

I just hope this fucking plan works, more or less. Whatever obstacles arise we'll have to tackle them one at a time.

When Eric walks in, his expression is stern and he gives me a raised brow and gestures silently to Tris and I can almost hear him ask ' _why the fuck is she here_?'

She wasn't supposed to tag along, but I couldn't convince her not to.

She's one of the most stubborn people I've ever met and it's not my fault no one trusts Eric just yet.

I can't lie though, after the morning I've had I start to wonder if my dislike for Eric is even real.

I can't find a solid reasoning for every decision I've ever made in my life, how we even got to this point.

"It's all clear." Eric calls back, and he strides over to the opposite side of the door across from Tris, just as Max and two others walk in with grim determined, pissed off expressions on their face.

Max's face become a bewildered rage when he sees me and I almost smirk at him.

Tris immediately fires a dart into the head of the closest person to her, and Eric does the same, they drop to the ground with loud thuds.

"What the fuck?" Max asks before he spins with his gun raised and I have mine up to shoot him from behind.

Eric disarms him quickly and Tris put's the barrel of her gun against Max's temple when he falls to his knees gritting his teeth.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing Eric?" He sputters, he's almost foaming at the mouth.

"Just shut the fuck up." Eric snarls at him.

Tris glares at Max and I wonder if she would've told him to shut up as well. I know she doesn't trust Eric but after what he did for her today, I have to admit it's the most unexpected thing you'd ever think of.

Instead of going through her fear simulation for practice, Eric signed out a vehicle and let me drive Tris over to Abnegation to warn her parent's ahead of time. If anything fails at least they'll all be out of those crappy gray houses and somewhere safe.

I turn back to the screen to see how much longer till it's done, just a bit more.

My hand hovers over the drive on the side of the console ready to extract it and get out of here, I have this really weird feeling in my gut and the sooner we leave Dauntless the better.

When I hear gunshots behind me, I look back and several more people lay unconscious on the floor. Tris has her gun aimed at the door and Eric looked oddly impressed, maybe he'll appreciate the extra gun, she's the number one initiate.

"Four." Tris says sternly, she tilts her head at me and I huff impatiently, nodding before leaning on the console, putting my weight on my hands.

I know we need to hurry, but I can't make this shit go any faster.

I drum the cool surface with my fingers, and stare at the percentage climb slowly.

"Why aren't you with the others?" Eric asks her harshly, I listen to them without looking. "Never fucking mind, what is taking so long Four?"

Eric shoves me out of the way and I move to take his spot near Tris without argument or responding, it's pretty obvious that I can't really force a machine to go faster. At least I got the thing to work and was able to get the data we needed.

Max fumes silently glaring at Eric's back.

His hands are bound and I see the dart protruding from his leg where I shot him, which keeps him on his knees. I'll shoot him again in about 5 minutes.

If things keep going smoothly, we meet Zeke outside and drive over to Candor.

Joseph should've been able to steal a vehicle or something. It's not like we can drag Max onto the train or walk all the way.

"They should be out by now." I reassure Tris, her brown eyes are swirling with worry. I have to admit that i'm worried too, Lauren doesn't know how important it is that Erudite don't get their hands on Megan, even I'm not sure what they could do with her and I realize that I was trying to reassure myself too.

They should be out by now, and probably waiting patiently at Candor or at least, on their way there.

Max starts laughing, and the sound is menacing, just like in the testing lab.

Everyone was injected right after they finished their fear landscape, but Eric switched the serum out with a vitamin supplement beforehand.

One with the same piss yellow color, we administer it to the people that work long periods of time on the wall. Completely harmless.

"Why are you laughing?" I ask and my voice comes out harsh, his laugh bothers me, a creeping unease fills my gut, and my finger curls around the trigger.

It's only darts.

Tris's eyes narrow at him, and she looks the way I feel but so much more controlled about it. I relax the hand holding the gun.

Max sigh and shakes his head slowly, but a wide smile is plastered to his mug. I glance at Eric and he looks tense, his back is turned to us but I can tell he must be effected the same way by Max's laugh.

"Done." Eric says and he snatches the drive up, while clacking at several keys and shooting a few times into the screen shattering it into little specks of glass over the floor and console top before tossing me the drive.

I catch it reflexively with one hand and slip it into my pocket, while he forces Max to his feet.

It's strange to be allied with someone I never once thought of as a decent person but the thought of doing something not even I expected I could, makes me feel much more in control of my own destiny. No one, not even ourselves could expect us to become 'friends.' Or at least try.

Eric feels the same way, our mutual camaraderie is our way of saying 'fuck you' to the world.

"If you're all here, who is with the _girl_?" Max asks but his smirk never leaves.

"That's none of your concern." Eric replies flatly, he shoves Max forward, forcing him to walk. His tone is calm, we all have confidence in Lauren and the others and if anything Megan would listen to her friends at least.

Tris gives me a raised brow, she knows who they're talking about, but we never told her exactly why they'd be interested in her.

She accepted my half lie, and my promise that I'd tell her the truth or at least give Megan the chance to, after we talked to my mother about the whereabouts of her brother, or father, or whoever the fuck the guy really is.

We can find him somehow and get some much needed answers.

We all know the guy, even Tris does and that makes it all the more confusing.

Dr. Alric Dylan Matthews, the ex representative of Erudite, but Eric says that Megan _doesn't_ know him.

I'm seriously confused as to what is really going on but it's obvious it's something completely fucked up. I can't even begin to comprehend and Eric was just as confused, he's Erudite and probably knows him best but even he doesn't understand.

It's insane to think that one man could have manipulated entire factions, lives, relationships. . .It was a hard bit to swallow and I'm desperate for answers. So desperate for explanations and for some confirmation or resolve.

Tris and I lean out looking down the tunnels, for any incoming drones or anyone but its quiet, eerily so, and that could either be a really bad sign or Erudite has called drones back because they started to run low.

When it's safe Tori will take a party back to Dauntless sometime in the morning to help all the unconscious people.

It'll be alright, I remind myself, there is always something we can do.

Abnegation is safe, Dauntless are strong, they'll get through it, and Erudite _will_ surrender.

We'll get some answers, the world will go back to normal, or some kind of normal.

"It might not be my concern, but it should be yours." Max admits with an uncaring shrug.

"Why the fuck is that?" Eric asks harshly, his forced calm gets thrown and he glares daggers at Max who doesn't seem to mind one bit, he's much too comfortable for someone who might be executed in the near future. Eric holds his gun up like he's going to shoot Max in the head.

Tris aims her gun at Eric in warning, but I keep mine pointed at Max.

"We had a bunch of Erudite transfers this year, didn't we?"

* * *

Thanks for the reviews and for continuing to read.

Feel free to PM questions and stuff. . . :D


	19. Peter

"We're all of us, beholden to the beauty of the world, even the bad ones of us. Maybe the bad ones most of all."

-Alden Bell

* * *

I hear scraping noises and I glance at Peter who is pushing Jeanine's desk, his brows are furrowed and I actually think I know what he's getting at.

It glides across the hard floor without much effort from him, he makes it look like pushing a food cart on an airplane, about to ask if we want nuts or a drink.

Will starts moving, sitting up slowly, and I hear Christina curse at him repeatedly with a relieved tone. He laughs guiltily, rubbing the back of his head and even I let out a relieved sigh of my own. I cover my face and pull my cheeks down exasperatedly.

"I uh, guess I hit my head." Will says, like it's nothing. Christina shakes her head, her entire face is relieved and she looks like she might cry, or strangle him. Or both.

"If we push the desk fast enough, we can use the momentum to send someone across . . . It could clear most of the distance-." Peter explains when he catches my eyes watching him, that's sort of what I thought he was going to get at.

I stand immediately like that's my cue, and he starts emptying the desk of all the drawers. There is really nothing in it, it's completely empty already, and he just hollows it out to make it lighter I guess.

The building is pretty far, this seems like a crazy ass idea. Definitely Dauntless to their standards a little too much for mine but it's something.

I can imagine how it could work but despite optimism I can still imagine a million ways it could go wrong.

Right down to the wind blowing or the moons position in the sky.

I take a moment to look outside again and think of where I've seen this done before, in another movie or something, although not quite with the same circumstances or tools. . .And I can't think of any right now. I guess I've never been much of a movie goer. What did I do with all of my time?

"I'll help push the desk." Lauren says before gripping my arm, I help her up and I can't help but notice the way she winces and the way her face is almost always a grimace now. As if that's just the way she's going to look.

She needs to see a doctor, or get some kind of medical attention but how can we even decide who should go or stay? How far away is a doctor?

"Peter and I will push the desk, all the girls get on." Will says while standing, he's only been conscious for like a minute but he's already got the plan in his brain, which is reassuring if _he_ thinks it would work.

Only that's not the way it's going to go.

I see him stagger a bit and Christina catches his arm to help steady him and I find myself wondering if the story will try to right itself by taking the lives it was meant to.

There is no way that I'm letting Will stay here, I won't chance it.

Christina has a hand on his chest and around his waist, and I already know she won't leave without him, he wouldn't leave without her.

And I won't even try to separate them, nor do I want to, I won't let them stay here.

"Lauren can you jump?" I ask and my voice sounds hoarse so I cough once to clear my throat. It sounds comical or like I'm trying to be nonchalant.

She shakes her head no, and she's giving me a tight smile, like she'll fight me if I try to get her on the desk and I wouldn't put it past her.

I could probably take her right now though. It's probably not fair that she's injured but really it's only cause I want her to get out of here and _not_ die. I know that she can jump if she really tried. Does she die? Is she supposed to die?

She chuckles darkly, shaking her head again. "Try me, I can still kick your ass."

She probably knew my expression, I sag my shoulders in defeat because if she really can't jump it'll just be us pushing her to her death rather than her bleeding out.

"Get on." Peter commands her. "Meg, Christina you too."

Megan. I want to say but I stop myself. Who really fucking cares.

"No." Christina says sternly and she doesn't let go of Will. "I am not going to leave ANY of you."

"You guys can go get back-up and we'll find a way to barricade the door or something." Will says reassuringly to Christina but she's glares at him.

I walk over to the window and kick at the edges of the ground to make sure there isn't a lip or any of the window left on the edges, so the desk won't catch and look out onto the roof of the building next to us and past it.

I'm not sure if three people can even . . .

I take a moment of silence to myself, closing my eyes, breathing deeply, hoping to god this doesn't fail and I won't be pushing people out of a tall building because there is no way that I'm going to live with that kind of guilt.

"Christina, Will, you guys please get on the desk." I sigh with a hint of finalizing tone, like I'm not really asking. I'm not.

I sound more bad ass than I feel but it's almost a begging pathetic tone. "Peter and I will push it, and we'll get Lauren out somehow, piggy-back her if we need to."

Lauren scoffs and I roll my eyes at her.

"I like how everyone just assumes I want to be stuck here." Peter laughs and when I turn around he's running a hand through his hair, his expression is flat. "But fucking fine, you can be a meat shield for real this time or something. . .Or Lauren cause she's already got one bullet in her."

Lauren laughs but it comes out as a strangled cough that makes my chest tighten.

"I don't want to leave you." Christina argues and her voice breaks a little, she frowns at me before pressing her lips into a firm line, but she sucks in a sharp breath like she's holding everything in.

"I'll be alright." I assure her, but I don't know that, and I really don't care.

It really doesn't matter what happens to _me_ because I shouldn't even exist here in the first place.

It's almost. . .Kind of. . .Freeing in a way, albeit super selfish, I'm far from invincible but it's an oddly reassuring thought.

I still don't know what would happen if I actually died.

I'm not dead yet and who knows right?

I feel like the story might be pissed off at me or everyone for fucking it over and it's going to try and take what it was. . .I don't know, promised? But I want _them_ safe, and I want _them_ out of Dauntless. I wanna try, and it hurts so much.

Will laughs when I swear at myself but it's only because I'm so surprised at how settling it is inside of me, what _I_ want, cause fuck what the story wants and fuck the story. Period. "Alright lets fucking do this."

Christina smiles sadly, but shrugs out of her jacket and drops it on the ground.

She gives me a tight hug, wrapping her arms around my waist, squeezing the air out of me and I guess because I _am_ actually terrified this might be the last time I see them, I hug her back with almost all the strength I can muster without crushing her.

I'm trying to convey my deepest apologies and my most sincere thanks.

The tight feeling in my chest becomes uncomfortable, I know it's not from the hug, but I squeeze her tighter and pretend like it is

Like holding her is holding me together, heck, it could be holding her together too.

"We'll get help." Christina says, her voice is muffled against my shoulder. "Just stay safe and we'll come find you."

"Be safe okay, like seriously?" Will asks me, his expression is concerned and his eyes are a little glazed, he should get his head checked out as soon as possible too, he could have a concussion. "We'll find Four or anyone and-"

I nod my head. "Or. . .I'll see you guys at Candor." I say with a slight smile, but I know it would be pretty fucked up to promise that and then not deliver.

I regret my response and swallow thickly, but they both look appreciative or relieved, like I've managed to assure them that it means I'll do my best.

Which I will, definitely. How could I not?

Together they climb up onto the desk and Peter walks over to the end of the room, probably to give a running shove, he cocks his head and rolls his shoulders like he's going to give it all he's got, and it's weird because he might actually be doing something good for someone else.

I seriously hope this works and we aren't just pushing them out of a tall building, I close my eyes and say a silent prayer.

I join Peter at the end of the room and I suddenly feel really unsure. I mean, Peter was the one that came up with this plan and he _could_ be evil.

I'm almost positive he's a bad guy, but then Eric is too or was, but I really don't know at this point.

I can almost hear his harsh voice telling me to 'just fucking do it.' But then I probably wouldn't because he told me to. . .I wish he were here. My chest aches when I think of him, and I press on my sternum but it doesn't work this time. Maybe it never really worked.

"Alright, on the count of 3." Peter says nodding to me, my eyes focus on the edge of the desk that I'm going to put my hands on, I can already feel the cool surface beneath my palms and I think hard about how I'm going to put everything into this.

Christina and Will are crouched down, holding the front end like they're going to go surfing.

I've never gone surfing before.

"1"

Peter sways forward.

"2"

I take a deep breath and hold it, I feel like I'm holding my heart.

"3"

We launch ourselves forward and to my surprise so does Lauren.

Together we shove the desk with impressive speed and everything I've got inside of me, like rage, guilt and sadness. It's like a cacophony of all my emotions just collide in the form of me, my hands on the hard edge of the desk.

It glides across the floor out of the window and across the empty space between the buildings.

My heart leaps out with them, as if I've thrown it.

Time goes extremely slow like the adrenaline mechanisms are working again after the desk takes off outside.

I hold my breath as Christina and Will kick off from the desk at what feels like the very last second and just barely make it onto the other roof.

My lungs were about to burst, and my jaw hurts so much because I realize I was clenching it.

My eyes feel wide and dry, so dry that it feels like they're beginning to water.

Maybe they _are_ watering.

They tuck and roll across the ground of the rooftop and the desk goes crashing against the opposite building's wall, all the way to the alley below.

The noise is loud and at first I'm afraid that it will attract attention and instead of safety they'll just get captured but, it's silent again.

So quiet I can hear Lauren and Peter breathing.

Christina and Will look back at us and she helps him up, as they dust rooftop gravel from their knees and palms.

"We'll get help." She calls over the space through cupped hands, and she wipes at her face it's hard to see their expressions but I'm hoping she's not crying.

Will nods his head slowly, and starts pulling her away casting glances back at us like they're hesitant to leave. They don't want to leave.

I take a deep breath and hug myself.

"Well, what was next?" Peter asks, like he's suddenly bored.

I think he feels confident now because he had a hand in saving people's lives.

For the most part.

Or maybe he feels better about himself and if he were to die he wouldn't feel so bad, I wonder what they think of the afterlife or of ghosts. What they'd think of me.

It actually does feel good though, and maybe Peter isn't such a douche.

I realize the only difference between us as people, is that he's a bad guy that shows it and I'm. . .Honestly probably a horrible person but I don't show it. . .I'm trying though and he might be trying too. People can change. . .I only hope their destinies can too.

These aren't one dimensional characters. . .they're. . .People.

"We go back out there and do something Dauntless, obviously." Lauren shrugs and her voice is a little weak, she's out of breath from pushing the desk, but shes still so fearless. She smiles at me like she knows that I'm thinking about how bad-ass she is.

How Dauntless she is.

I stretch my arms above my head and do a few washing machine exercises to try and get my courage back up to par, I'm determined not to fail this time.

I'm a Dauntless too damn it, I mean I have a tattoo and I'm definitely crazy and I have colored hair and we just pushed people out of a building.

I can do this.

Peter pulls Lauren onto his back, giving her a piggy back ride, like I said, and she complains while I go around the room, retrieving the guns they left behind.

Christina had a few darts left, so I take hers, sliding the lethal back into my holster, it might be empty anyway, I actually don't know why I'm taking it.

Peter has his gun still in his waist band and Lauren holds her pistol around Peter's neck. We look. . .non- threatening, kids with guns.

She shouldn't shoot it, I know they're real bullets.

"God, this really fucking sucks." I say with a sigh and my hand over the door knob.

But then I get the crazy and twisted thought that,

Maybe the drones won't shoot me, maybe that's what the jackets are for, so that they'd check first, Lauren only got shot after her hood came off. . .At least I think so. Didn't I think I was bait before?

Am I really that important though?

Max did see me in a jacket at the announcements. . .Lauren made sure it stayed over my head. . .All the girls wore one. . .That's actually kind of. . .Woah.

Fuck me.

.

* * *

.

 **Eric's POV**

"Shooting him won't help." Tris warns, she glares at me from over her gun but her eyes flick over to Four who is aimed at Max.

I disagree with her, shooting him would help me.

Max has a triumphant grin which only makes it all the more tempting. My finger curls tighter around the trigger and I grit my teeth and glare at him.

"Have you gone soft Eric?" Max asks. "That's really out of character."

There it fucking is. _Character._ I take a deep breath, in and out, moving my finger off the trigger. This is my life, everything I've done up until this point is

Four raises his brow at me and before I can say something to him about his face he shifts his gun and fires a dart into Max's leg.

Max howls in pain and that makes the ordeal a little less shitty.

"Four." Tris hisses at him.

Then I realize how just how much we fucked up, how much I fucked up trusting him, thinking that we were in the same situation. He's the one that came up with the plan because no one would listen to me and we assumed he was supposed to be the 'Hero' because Megan automatically confided in the douche.

But then I'm supposed to be the bad guy, and she still-

We should've gotten her out the first chance we got, but no.

It wasn't enough to have Max see her and have the others dress like her, she just _had_ to physically be here too.

I know they don't trust me, and that's why they didn't let _me_ take her away from here, but why would they fucking risk her if they were her friends?

"She'll be alright." Four says and oh, does that bitch sound like he's trying to convince himself too.

"How do you know that?" I ask, but Tris asks at the same time, and her voice sounds much more concerned than mine. I can't help sounding like a dick all the time, and I hate it now that I think about the fact that maybe Four can't help being a loser anymore than I can help being the way I am.

But who knows what Erudite could do to her, what Jeanine _would_ do to her and no one knows what kind of things they can do _with_ her.

If anyone else found out what we know, they'd probably kill her right away so that no one could use her.

That's the thing though, _we_ were going to use her.

"No she won't." Max answers with a wry laugh, his breathing is labored. "You could turn these fuckers in, and pro-" I punch him square in the face and snap my gun into it's holster to keep from using it. He laughs as a trickle of blood begins to flow out of his nose.

I pull his arm over my shoulder. Four does the same and I'm not oblivious to the looks they give me, as we begin to drag him out into the hall.

I'm sure they'd expect me to do just that. It crossed my mind, I'm not going to lie. I asked myself why I'm even doing this. He asked me why I was doing this.

I told him the truth.

That I want to kill Dr. Matthews because he killed _my_ brother. That I want answers. That I want to know if everything I've done in my life. . .That everything wasn't planned and thought out by some mad-man, mastermind watching under a magnifying glass. That he didn't just do it over some 'story'.

That he didn't just set the stage, choose the characters and make them the way he wanted.

Today my entire life had been reevaluated. I was no longer sure what kind of person I would be right now, if I had never met Dr. Aldric Dylan Matthews.

Would I hate Divergent? Would I have come to Dauntless?

It turns out Four want's the exact same things, besides the Divergent part. And he has information that he's not willing to share unless I cooperate with him.

As if I'm not. As if I didn't just fucking leave her with a million unanswered questions. As if I didn't agree to their terms and drop everything I've ever worked for.

Megan will hate me when she finds out what we intended to do, she'll just assume this whole time I was using her to get my revenge.

I wouldn't even blame her because I was.

I _was_.

"It's clear." Tris calls from down the hall, my head snaps up and out of my thoughts.

"Eric, no matter what she'll be alright." Four says.

I told her she wasn't going to go near Erudite again.

"Oh, yeah Eric, listen to the Stiff." Max says. "She'll be alright, cause she'll be _dead_."

Before I can say anything Tris put's dart in his head.

.

* * *

.

 **Megan 's POV**

The halls are eerily quiet and I follow Peter and Lauren closely, straining to listen over their labored breaths and my beating heart. I keep watching our backs and staring like an eagle at every movement, but in actuality there is no movement at all just flickers of my imagination.

Christina's jacket is a little smaller than mine and I decided not to zip it up because it's getting uncomfortably hot and. . .restrictive.

Lauren lays her head down occasionally and I poke her softly to make sure she stays awake but it's really because I want to make sure she's alive.

Every time she stops moving I have a mini-panic attack.

When I put the hood over my head she laughed and told me I was a 'good girl' and she pulled hers on too, I was going to do it for her because she kept doing it to me but that's one triumph I can do without.

There aren't a _lot_ of unconscious people lying around, but there's enough to make the scenes creepy, Dauntless is like the scene of a battle. Dark halls, flickering fluorescent lights, bodies lain in random places.

I'm hyperventilating and for the life of me I can't calm my heart only because I half expect a monster or something to appear. Pyramid head or Slender-man.

I have to remind my self over and over that these people are going to wake up, sometime soon or in the morning, just. . .That they ARE going to wake up.

This is like a giant Dauntless slumber party. That's all. That is all it is. Everyone is just asleep after a huge spring break party.

If only.

"Which way should we go?" Peter asks and I see him shrug his shoulder, like he's asking Lauren and trying to get her attention, he stops after we get past the training rooms and we find ourselves at a sort of intersection.

We haven't run into anyone, drone or normal and it's kind of reassuring but kind of scary. Really scary.

Lauren looks around and holds the hood over her head before mumbling that we just have to go straight and we'll see one of the exits that leads to the train platforms, the one that we should have remembered because we used it to go running outdoors during initiation, and she calls us idiots.

"Someone is grumpy." Peter comments, but we listen and keep going straight.

He stops suddenly and Lauren grumbles when I almost run into her from behind. "The fuck Peter?" She asks.

"Do you think it's alright going to the exit? I mean don't you think there might be. . .Drones or something just waiting outside?" He asks and he actually sounds concerned. I can imagine it.

"W-" I start at the same time as Lauren but we hear boots on concrete and Peter hurries forward, I hear him say 'fuck it' and Lauren laughs and urges him forward, like he's a horse.

We run from the noise and hop over unconscious people. . .Unconsciously.

I glance down tunnels and halls that we pass and most are empty, I end up tripping over a boot and tumbling to the ground.

My elbow connects with the concrete and sends shooting pains up my arm but I can't help but think that it's like me. To trip and fall while running from danger. How many times have I almost died already?

"Dumb ass." Peter gripes turning half way, his breathing is heavy from carrying Lauren and he's starting to look tired.

"Don't be a bitch." Lauren sighs with equal breathlessness, I push myself up off the ground and stop on my hands and knees as soon as I see who I've tripped over.

My throat tightens and I almost feel like I might puke my guts out.

It's the nurse lady from the infirmary.

And I don't even know her name.

When did all these people get injected anyway?

"Get up, we have to go." Peter commands, he grabs my forearm and starts to pull me up and i'm surprised at how strong he is considering he's also holding Lauren.

I nod my head blankly and stand to follow after him.

But really, when the hell did all these people get injected?

I stop and kneel to pull the dart out of her head and it's actually really stuck in there. . .But she's breathing and she's alive.

I apologize for the dart in her head and for always messing up her infirmary and thank her for spreading ointment on my stomach that one time.

"You gonna make-out with her too?" Peter asks me with a mocking tone and I almost shoot him.

I swear I almost just pull the trigger aimed at his stupid leg. Just one dart.

But I'd be sorry for that too. No amount of "I'm sorry", is going to be enough and not everyone can hear me. Not the ones that I need to really apologize to.

I wonder if I'll get the chance.

.

Peter was wrong.

Outside is quiet, and I imagine I can hear crickets chirping.

It's not only eerily quiet but it's also extremely dark with only a little light from weird street-. . . old streetlamps or security lights.

The train is gone, but Lauren already told us it would be.

"Think she'll make it if we wa-"

"I ain't dead yet." Lauren snaps, and I get that she's pissed, and tired because we keep prodding her to keep her awake, but fuck can she blame us?

.

We walk for a while under the train overpass and it's a familiar path, one I'm sure goes to Candor, it's the way I went. At least I'm sure it is.

Lauren is hanging in there. More or less. We don't poke her as often and she seems to be a little more spirited after leaving Dauntless. Like the fresh air rejuvenated her.

I listen to Lauren talk about all the things in Dauntless that "suck ass." And occasionally Peter will throw something in.

They list people too but I mainly watch my boots as I walk.

Left foot, right foot.

The crunch of the gravel under Peters boots and Lauren's voice guide me.

I start to wonder about how far I could walk, over the wall and just how far everything goes, not that I would leave things the way they are but, does it end?

Is there an Illinois? A. . .China?

If everyone could just leave. . .

"Peter where are you going? I said straight." Lauren says and I glance up, noticing that he's turned down a different street.

"We should take a short cut." He answers.

"Uhm no." I say and Lauren gives me a look that mirrors mine, he could be leading us into a trap.

"Peter." Lauren hisses, as he continues to walk away from the train overpass.

I follow closely, panic welling up inside of me and I frantically glance around before un-clipping the gun from my belt, preparing myself just in case.

"Peter stop!" I yell, I reach for Lauren's jacket.

"Keep your voices down." Peter snaps, he turns to face me and his eyes are blazing.

"Peter put me down!" Lauren snaps back.

He glances at the gun in my hands.

"Megan!" We all hear the sound of my name being shouted, and we all turn towards the voice.

"Will?" I call back, instantly confused.

* * *

Hey sorry for not updating for a really long time, I want to thank you guys for the PM's and stuff, everything is all G, just been busy.

I'll try to get the next chapter out asap.

Any questions or stuff just send me a pm.

Thanks for reading, reviewing, following and the favorites and _everything_ else.


	20. Will

"Will?" I call back. I glance around and I don't see him yet but, I'm sure that was his voice. They heard it too. They had to.

Everywhere I look is just shadows and nighttime darkness, where is the moon when you need it? I swear to god I'm not just hearing things.

"Meg, shu-"

"Peter put me the fuck down." Lauren hisses. "I won't tell you again." She threatens him with as much venom in her voice as a snake.

Her fists beat against his shoulders and he relents, lowering her to the ground while I crane my neck in search of Will or Christina.

I jog back under the train overpass to peer down the distance, squinting like it could make things less dark. I hear the sound of boots crunching gravel behind me and I know they both followed me.

When I spot Will coming into view, he's waving a hand over his head.

Only,

He's _alone_.

Maybe Christina is already at Candor?

I turn to Lauren and she's squinting into the night trying to see who it is and Peter glances around, ducking and craning his own neck.

It's Will, obviously. Unless he's looking for Christina too, which I doubt.

"You guys it's alri-" before I can get my sentence out, Peter's ducks down and rushes forward. I hardly catch my breath.

His shoulder collides with my stomach and throws me off my feet. For a perverse moment I see the stars through metal rails and broken concrete slabs.

And then I land flat on my back and all the air gets crushed out of me.

A blinding white hot pain shoots through my vision when my head smacks into the ground. It feels like I got punched in the back of the head right through to my nose and eyes.

The stars this time are imaginary.

The gun skitters across the gravel out of my hands and I hold my arms up to guard my face in case he intends to knock me out fully because the ground didn't.

Lauren jumps at him instead of the gun and his weight gets wretched off of me in an instant, they go sprawling and my first attempt at getting up to help her fails.

The world is ringing in my ears and spinning around me. I try to elbow my way up again, ignoring the white specks in my vision like ghostly orbs floating around when I blink.

I roll onto my stomach and see Lauren lunge for the gun or maybe she was thrown, I can't tell with the way she landed on the ground. I see two of her.

She covers it with her body, and gives me a pained look, with her eyes blazing, I blink at her trying to understand hat look. My heart starts racing and I search for Will.

Before I can get to my feet the sound of more boots fills my ears, along with Peter's groaning and it looks like he's clutching his groin, lying in fetal position.

Will approaches us with a gun drawn, aiming directly down at him.

"Don't move!" Will yells. He is flanked by two other guys and I swear one is Harvey, but the other is some guy I've never seen.

I didn't see _either_ of them a second ago.

My hands are shaking while I try to get over my shock and I glance at Lauren again. She eyes them all out suspiciously. My head really hurts.

But, it's _Will_ and he just helped us. . .What the hell was Peter thinking? If he wanted to do something why wait till now?

"How did you guys find us?" Lauren asks with a heavy breath.

"Where is Christina?" I cut in, obviously they could've just ran down the train tracks to find us, it's the path any of us would've taken.

"She's headed to Candor." Will answers. "She should be there by now actually."

I breathe out a sigh of relief and touch the back of my head where it collided with the ground. I'm not bleeding, there is definitely going to be a bump though.

It could be worse.

I wince at the sore, tender spot and stand, albeit a little wobbly, to help Lauren up as she tries and has difficulty, clutching her side. She still looks at them like they're going to bite her and I can't help but feel uneasy.

Harvey and the other guy move to detain Peter with their guns aimed at him as if he isn't already out numbered, he wouldn't attack again.

I don't know why he attacked anyway, seriously, why did he act so late? We were alone with him for how long?

I grip Lauren under her arm and she falls on me with all her weight. I clutch her shoulders to keep from dropping her but she wraps her arms around me and slips the gun into my back pocket.

"Are you alright?" I ask her, she's paler and out of breath but she nods and manages a wry smile. Her expression is haggard and hard.

Like. . .Like a _warning_. She's warning me?

Will trots over to give me a hand by pulling Lauren's arm over his shoulder and she lets go of me, reluctantly. Her hand slips from my shirt and suddenly I feel the weirdness creeping up on me.

Why wouldn't Christina come back with them?

"Did you guys see Fo-" My sentence stops short when I see the third guy turn his gun around at the grip and _hand_ it over to Peter.

He smiles and my blood runs cold.

That's when I hear the tell-tale hiss of an auto injector and I whip my head back to see Lauren slump, unconsciously into Will's arms.

The panic hits me then, strong and fast and I can hardly contain it. It's like the world suddenly implodes and my heart skips a beat.

"Will, what are you doing?" I screech, jumping back to grab her but Will tilts his gun _at_ me and turns to drag her half behind him.

"I'm really sorry." He answers, shaking his head.

He tosses the metal onto the ground and the unidentified guy snatches Lauren up over his shoulder like a kidnapper. I see her red hair spool over his back and her arms dangling uselessly as he walks behind Will.

"You're sorry about what?" I ask incredulously taking a step back from them. "What did you do to Lauren? Where is-"

Harvey and Peter come up from behind with their guns aimed at me. Surrounding me, and I have no escape. A trap? By Will?

I look back at him, shock and confusion all over my face. It has to be because that's all I feel inside. I just don't understand. Did I miss something?

Is this seriously happening?

All at once it overwhelms me and the dread that shoots through me sparks a desperate movement. My hand finds the gun in my pocket, my palm on the hilt.

Lauren sensed something was off but I didn't. Are they all drones?

What am I supposed to do? What would she do? What did she expect me to do?

What the hell is going on?

"Don't." Will says, raising his gun to aim directly at me. "We don't want to hurt you if we don't have to." He sounds like Will, and looks like himself. He can't be a drone.

I start hyperventilating and the air has no space in my lungs. Every part of me screams to run but I can't move and there is no where to run.

What do I do? What about Lauren? What about Christina?

His expression is apologetic and I just don't understand. Will? "What are-"

"We're taking you to Erudite." Will says slowly, as if he wants it to sink in.

"Nothing personal." Peter adds and I turn to see him shrug. "I tried to knock you out so you wouldn't have to. . .Well, this. You know, go through having one of your friends—"

"Why?" I ask angrily. My hand curls around the gun, but I can't use it, I know I can't.

I look to Harvey and for the first time, I notice that he's a drone and so is the guy holding Lauren but, not Will? What he fuck has Will done?

Why would they do this? Why would _he_ do this?

"Don't do it." Peter warns, he takes a step to the side and aims his gun at Lauren, leaving only Harvey behind me. "If you cooperate she lives, if you don't. . ."

I gape at him and then at Will, but, Will just frowns. "It doesn't have to be like that, all you have to do is come with us to-"

I draw the gun, holding it with both hands, aiming it at Will.

It feels wrong. So, so fucking wrong.

This _whole_ thing is just wrong.

He looks surprised, but _I'm_ more surprised.

Will is supposed to be good. Erudite is evil. _Right_?

My hands are shaking now and I'm actually scared shitless. I can't shoot Will, I know I can't but why am I aining my gun at him?

From the corner of my eye I see Peter scowl and press the barrel of his gun into Lauren's side, she doesn't respond and he holds it there. My gut pinches and twists painfully.

"Don't touch her." I turn and aim my gun at Peter instead and his eyes narrow but he doesn't listen. He grabs her hair in a fist and pulls her head back she doesn't react.

"Or what?" He asks. "She's as good as dead anyway." He jabs her again and my insides start trembling. What did Will inject her with?

"They just want _you_ , we'll let her go." Will says but his entire body looks tense like pulled wire. "No one else has to get hurt."

"Did Jeanine tell you that?" I ask bitterly before shaking my head disappointedly. "What about all the people who got hurt already? That was Erudite!"

"You don't understand Mega-"

"Where the hell is Christina?" I snap. For all I know he could be lying, what if she's not even at Candor? Would he hurt her?

If he doesn't—Didn't die would he have become a bad guy? Was he _supposed_ to die? Was he a bad guy this whole time?

I don't know. I just don't know.

The irony isn't lost to me, knowing more than I should but never enough. Never what I _want_ to know. Never what I _need_ to know.

"Your friends were going to use you as leverage anyway." Peter quips. "Four was going to offer you and Max up in a trade for the other half of Dauntless and then-"

"What the hell are you guys doing then? Why don't you _let_ them?" I ask incredulously. If I was going to end up in Erudite anyway. . .

It doesn't make sense.

At least that way Dauntless might be freed, I don't understand why Peter and Will would try to jeopardize that. What do they get out of it?

If they hand me over then what would Eric and Four use to get Dauntless back? How does Erudite have any Dauntless anyway?

Why the hell does Erudite want me THAT badly?

"I only know _half_ of their plan. . ." Will says when I look to him accusingly.

Will's entire face becomes pinched and his brows knit together as though it's something shitty and a sinking feeling sets in, like I could puke.

"Tell her." Peter says. "No reason not to."

"Four and Eric never planned on _handing_ you over. . ." Will continues. He says it like they were going to. . .No fucking way. They wouldn't. . .

Then I remember Four saying "Just go with it, last day as an initiate, enjoy yourself, you've been through enough. Blah blah blah."

Did that mean more? Did it mean something else? My last day?

And Eric. . .

"I don't believe you." I snap, but I can feel doubt, stronger than even my fear and trepidation. I don't know what's real.

Everyone knows that sometimes heroes make tough calls.

Sacrifices for the greater good.

 _'Force the bad out of the world.'_

Why wouldn't they get rid of me? From the very beginning I was a threat to them because I know of their Divergence, among other things.

I know too much. . .Or they probably _think_ I know too much, though to me it's not enough but. . .Just enough to be dangerous to them.

That's not even considering what Erudite could do with me. I convince myself that I'm just some girl but am I? What could happen if Erudite get me?

"What about Eric? Christina said he-"

"He's working _with_ Four to get information." Peter says. "Information he thought _you_ had. Four promised that if he cooperated, that he would-"

"But Eric said that I would never go near Er-" I stop myself and blink at Will who frowns sympathetically. He said I wouldn't go near Erudite. . .

Suddenly it makes a little sense. I can't go near Erudite if I'm. . .

Wait. Information that Eric _thought_ I had.

About that professor? The one they _think_ is my brother?

I don't know that professor but I know my brother and they can't be one in the same.

Eric acted weird when I brought it up, he doesn't _like_ this professor person, maybe even _hates_ him, they think the professor is my brother. . .He hates my brother.

He wouldn't tell me more and I didn't pry, I _should_ have.

Then. . .Eric got close to me because of my _suspected_ relation, not because he. . .Maybe the whole time he never. . .

"Eric wouldn't-" But would he?

All I feel is a sinking, wretched disappointment, a positive knowing, a confirmation of dreadful things I already knew but didn't want to admit to myself.

"So you do like him." Will says as if he knew or suspected it and he shakes his head slowly. "Megan he isn't-"

"If Eric cared about you why didn't he get you out of Dauntless sooner? He didn't protect you from anything either. Obviously the information was more important." Peter snaps. "I've been working for Erudite so I know how much they value that kind of shit. If Eric cared about you why wouldn't he—"

"Peter!" Will snaps.

Harvey and the other guy turn to face Peter as if Will ordered them.

I stare at Peter, who, despite his face, looks like he's trying hard to convince me and the longer his words sit in my ears the heavier my body becomes.

It's like I can't really comprehend anything he said, I can't make sense of any of it and it's not because of my fear, or the pain or the deep large empty feeling that threatens to consume me.

But he's right.

Eric left me alone and I'm—I've never felt more alone in my life.

"Why didn't Eric tell you that Al is alive?" Peter continues, his voice lowers conspiratorially like a careful whisper. "That Al is at Erudite right now?"

"Al?" I ask, my voice comes out as a squeak. "Al is alive?" Is there no end to the deceptions? What the fuck? That's just too much.

A tidal wave of thoughts and emotions flood my brain and my mouth drops open.

I'm so confused but when I look to Will he nods slowly. He knows too?

"Jeanine just wants to _help_ everyone and most of all help _you_." Will assures, he lowers his gun and takes a step towards me. "Erudite won't hurt you."

"Do you even know _why_ they want me?" I ask, my voice comes out like a maniacal laugh. I try to steady the gun in my trembling hands and ask. "Do you know what they'll do? What they could do?"

Even I don't, but I know manipulation.

Jeanine would tell them only what they want to hear. She wouldn't help me, she wouldn't help anyone but herself.

That's what villains do.

They _all_ just want to use me. All of them.

And since _she'd_ go to such an extreme I'm sure she's got worse plans for me than Eric and Four. Does everyone hate this professor guy?

"You're _sick_ Megan, and they— _We_ just want to help you." Will assures, he lowers his gun and holds a hand out. His expression becomes soft and understanding. "I'm your friend, you can trust me. I just want everyone to be alright."

 _'You can trust me.'_ Yeah, right. I can't trust anyone.

I can't _ever_ fucking trust anyone, I can't even trust myself to know what's real and what's fake. It's terrifying, like I'm trapped in my own head.

I turn the gun on myself and press the cold barrel under my chin. My other hand curls into a fist at my side and I suck in a sharp breath.

Will's eyes widen like they'll pop out of his head. "No!" He surges forward but stops when I tilt my head up and furrow my brows.

The two drones turn to me. The big one drops Lauren and her body lands with a loud thump on the ground. As if she's already dead.

"No, no! Please! Megan don't!" Will pleads, his voice comes frantic and fast like vomit. "Erudite has my _sister_!"

Peter takes a step towards me and I curl my finger around the trigger. He doesn't move again. They don't come any closer.

I didn't know Will had a sister.

More lies?

"They have my sister." Will pleads, he tosses his gun to the ground. "I don't know why they want you but they do okay? I don't know what they're going to do to you but they promised you wouldn't be hurt. Please! That's all I know!"

"You're just confused! Erudite aren't the bad ones! Your 'friends' and the Dauntless traitors are the ones that would hurt you!" Peter argues.

I am starting to feel short of breath as the revelations begin to work their way into my mind and heart. My hand moves to my chest to try to steady myself but I end up clutching at the fabric over my lungs like I can tear into it.

I'm scared, I'm so fucking scared and I just want to go home.

That's all, is that too much to ask for? Just to go home?

What I would give to forget all of this, pass it all off as a nightmare. Wipe it from my brain. From my heart. None of this was supposed to happen, none of it should be real.

 _Just pretend none of this is real._

The thought strikes a blow like a hammer to my chest, and the monster of grief awakens, clawing at my eyes and throat.

I push the barrel further into the soft skin under my chin to stop my teeth from chattering and my eyes water.

 _'He was brave enough to see himself out.'_

I clench my teeth as the tears come. I'm so tired. I'm tired of tears and weakness and feeling and hurting. It's as if that's all I'm made of.

 _I'm sick._

"If you want to do it then do it." Peter says and he takes a step towards me, with his gun swinging to his side and his hands up.

His expression tells me that he doesn't think I will, would I? Would it hurt?

Of course it would hurt, but then, _everything_ hurts.

"No!" Will yells. "Please, don't." My finger twitches against the trigger. "Stop it Peter!" He holds his hand out as if he could stopPeter but he's afraid to move.

Peter takes another step towards me and his expression is taunting.

At least this way I'll be the instrument of my own demise.

I'm so stupid for thinking the story could be beaten, that these characters could be more than one dimensional. Fuck the story, and. . .fuck the characters too.

Two competing notions fight for control and I don't know which is stronger.

The first I recognize as pure hatred.

The sting of betrayal, and humiliation at realizing how utterly duped I had been all this time and the nearly all-consuming desire to watch this world burn.

To burn it all _myself_.

And then there's the crushing disappointment and helplessness.

The desire to give up and let them all deal with this shit on their own. I don't have to be here for them to get reduced to ash, the fire already started and was going to burn through everything with or without me.

I don't owe these people anything. I don't owe these _characters_ anything.

The story can have them, but not me.

It can't use me.

I shift the gun to my temple instead and wrap my finger around the trigger. I'd hate to leave my brain behind for Erudite to pick through. I know how they do it in movies.

 _None of this is real. None of this is real._

My hands are sweaty and my heart is loud in my ears.

I'll wake up under the tree in the pokey grass and everything will be alright.

I close my eyes and imagine I can feel their bladed tips through my clothing and the soft breeze swaying the tree branches in the canopy above me.

Taking a deep shaky breath, the air feels fresh and cold in my lungs.

The only thing between me and my world, between me and waking up, is the trigger.

At least, that's what I tell myself.

"No Megan! NO!"

They all jump at me.

I pull the trigger.

.

* * *

.

 **Christina's POV**

I shove passed all the Dauntless and Candor standing around on the Merciless mart steps. No one fights me or pushes back but they're not moving out of the way either.

"Get out of my fucking way!" I growl. I know they"re all just waiting for someone to show up, maybe a friend that got lost. . .My desperation and worry are like sharp knives in my gut and I have no patience for this shit.

Will should've been back by now, with Megan and Lauren.

I already explained everything to Jack, and he doesn't exactly believe it but when I swore that they could fill my ass up with truth serum, he settled for at least hearing Four and Eric out.

Problem is, Eric and Four are _late_. So he has to settle for Tori. Who may or may not even know everything.

Tori, was appointed acting leader of Dauntless and she can probably handle it on her own, I'm more preoccupied with why the fuck Will isn't back yet.

I knew I should've went with him but he was right about how they might show up and someone should be here but I can't help but feel like I made a horrible mistake.

Its eating away at me and I can't wait any longer.

"You can't—" Someone grabs my arm and I turn around to snap at them but another person yells. "All Dauntless and Candor to the auditorium!"

Just as the crowd begins to pull me back towards the doors I hear a horn being blared. Worry and hope prickles up my spine.

The giant Dauntless truck skids to a stop and the driver door gets thrown open. I recognize Joseph but he looks frantic and wild as he sprints for the side door.

I hurry towards the truck and a couple of others do the same.

"We've got injured!" Zeke yells when he gets out. I want to scream for these assholes to get out of my way. I need to know if Will is with them.

Joseph and Four get out of the truck and I gasp when I see that Four is injured and limping. They both support Tris, who is bleeding from her shoulder.

Did they get shot?

"Tris!" I yell, several Candor rush over to them and I can't get passed.

She looks up, like she heard me but she can't find me and they drag her inside like she's a prisoner. I make my way to the truck as Zeke and Eric drag an unconscious Max out for other Dauntless to take away.

I just barely reach them when Eric turns on me. His eyes are blazing and he looks even scarier than when he made me hang from the chasm.

It almost makes me turn and hide in the crowd but he already saw me, there's no escaping it. His expression can only mean one thing. My chest tightens and a lump forms in my throat.

"Where is—" we both start to ask and he grabs my arm roughly jerking me forward. His grip is harsh and cruel but his face gets this frantic look and I can feel panic inside me like it's radiating from him.

I can't help the tears that begin to well up and blur my eyes. His lip curls back into an angry sneer and his grip tightens to the point of pain.

Will isn't with them and neither is Megan.

"Where the fuck is she?" Eric asks, his voice is low and threatening and he leans in.

I open my mouth to answer but I'm suddenly overcome with guilt and fear. He looks at me accusingly, like its my fault and fuck, it really feels like it.

"Where the fuck is she?!" He shakes me.

.

* * *

.

 **Four's POV**

The Candor force us to get medical attention. Dozens of people in black and white crowd around other injured and they lead Tris away.

She struggles against them and searches the room frantically. I have to admit that I'm looking too. That sinking heavy feeling in the pit of my gut grows.

"It's alright, I'll find you." I call to her and I'm not sure if she heard me over the commotion but she doesn't struggle quite as much.

I convince them that I don't need immediate care because my wound is just a graze and they leave me at an unattended stretcher to see to the others.

I clutch the drive in a secure fist like its my lifeline but I can't get rid of that helpless feeling it gives me, like its not enough. That Candor is not enough.

That maybe we've lost.

I shove myself up and a burning pain shoots up from my thigh, I ignore it and grit my teeth against the intense sting. I have to get the drive to Jack and. . .

"Four!" It's Christina and she sprints at me with tear streaked cheeks, the confirmation of one of my worries just makes things a thousand times worse and my stomach churns.

The first question out of my mouth is, "Where the fuck is Eric?"

But I get my answer when I hear yelling and chaos. It takes several Dauntless to detain Eric and force him down onto a stretcher. If he knows then he might try to go after her, he might. . .

I don't hear anything Christina is blubbering about as I push past her, limping my way over to them. He punches Zeke in the jaw and the Candor start eyeing him.

Joseph tries to reason with him but Eric isn't listening to them. The Candor flee and Christina tells them to hurry and get Tori or Jack, or even Harrison.

Hes going to make himself look worse.

"Eric, this isn't—" I start but he shoves Joseph out of the way and grips my collar. On reflex I grab his arm, I expect him to punch me in the face but it never comes.

I'd let him.

In fact I'd much rather he hit me than look at me with that accusing glare. I don't see his rage or anger, all I see is desperation, a pleading look for me to understand him.

The drive in my other fist suddenly feels all the more insignificant. It can't fix anything, can it save anyone? Can it stop Erudite?

"Give me the drive." Eric says lowly. Zeke and Joseph widen their stances, prepared to fight, but I take my hand from his arm and hold it up to keep them off.

He should know that he won't get very far with it, he has no chance. Not against us or Candor, or the rest of Dauntless. Not even against Erudite.

"Four, give me the drive." He repeats himself.

"Four don't—" I raise the fist with the drive in it and Eric holds his hand out.

If they have her, it won't get her back.

Still, I place it in his hand.

"You don't have to be the bad guy" I tell him when he releases my collar and shoves me. I hold my hand up again when Zeke and Joseph block his way. "I trust you, Eric."

He stops at the door for only a moment, long enough for everyone to hold their breaths before he walks out.


	21. Civil War

**Four's POV**

There are only a few of us in the lobby.

Candor is 18 stories high with more window than wall, overlooking the river and the rest of Dauntless is spread out somewhere in the building waiting to hear what's going to happen. Waiting to hear what we're going to do about it.

Jack sits uncomfortably among the handful that were directly involved in the 'incident' or so he calls it. The incident _we_ caused.

None of us can sit and I pace back and forth agitatedly along a ring of white marble tiles in the center of the room that form the symbol of Candor:

A set of unbalanced scales, meant to symbolize the weighing of truth against lies.

But for all the truth we give him, it's not enough.

It's like everything we say is still a lie unless it's spoken under the truth serum.

"What confuses me is this plan you claim Jeanine had to attack Abnegation, to steal sensitive information and assassinate important political figures. You say that _your_ actions and the actions of these party individuals were to _prevent_ that from happening." Jack says, his lips are pressed in a firm line and everything he says always points the blame back to us. "Yet you have no actual proof that Erudite was 'going to launch an attack'. Attacking your own faction, otherwise unarmed and unaware-"

"Were we supposed to just let them attack Abnegation? Would it have been justifiable then?" Tori asks with a bewildered tone before Eric can answer. "They were unarmed because we stopped them in time!" Zeke and Joseph nod fervently. "They were unaware because they were under a simulation run by Erudite!" Her voice rises, and everyone else nods in agreement. "Most importantly they are _alive_ because _we_ acted."

We knew it would be difficult to get Candor on our side and even more difficult to justify our actions with no _real_ evidence besides our conviction that Erudite was _about_ to do something horrible but, this is insane.

He's focusing on what _we_ did, in his eyes we're rebels that attacked our own faction and half of Dauntless is in Erudite seeking refuge.

Jack's forehead creases with frustration. My hands curl into tight fists and my body shudders with anger. He wipes a bead of sweat from his forehead and shrinks under our stares.

"I ask again, where is your proof? We saw video footage of several of you _running_ the attack. You give us the word of a Dauntless traitor, and that of a handful of vigilantes who refuse the truth serum-"

"How could you have seen footage? We took the data." I shout incredulously, throwing my hands up into the air.

"You took one copy of the data. All the footage of the Dauntless compound recorded during this incident was also sent to other compounds throughout the city." Says Jack. "All we saw was you running the "simulation" and Eric, former leader of Dauntless along with her—" he gestures to Tris. "Attacking and usurping Max."

Jeanine must have thought to blame us.

"We were trying to _stop_ the simulation." Tris argues. "We weren't-" Jack holds up his hand to quiet her, and I want to punch him in the face. I can tell she does too.

We are getting nowhere and wasting time.

"We _captured_ Max. He can back up what I told you of Jeanine's plan. Use your serum on _him_." Eric doesn't argue further than that, instead he looks exhausted, his posture slouched like he could collapse inward.

He explained what he knew and said nothing more, and despite being in on Jeanine's plot he really only knows what they told him.

It would be stupid to confide your entire plan to one person. It's infinitely smarter to give little pieces of it to each person working with you.

That way, if someone betrays you, the loss isn't too great.

We have Eric _and_ Max. Someone who did betray them and someone who didn't.

Not to mention not everyone in the room knows about _our_ plan. We didn't share everything and yet it seems like someone still betrayed us. We don't know who.

Off the top of my head I think of Will but when I look to Christina, who believes he's been captured along with the others, I can't accuse him.

What if he's actually dead?

Eric hasn't once mentioned the drive himself and when someone else brought it up, he said it was destroyed during our escape. No one speaks of Megan.

Zeke, Joseph and Christina all keep their mouths shut but they look to me again, like they're asking why. Why isn't Eric handing it over to Candor?

It's not so much that he didn't run off with it that is keeping me from questioning his reasoning myself, it's the fact that I don't trust _Jack_.

What we've given him _should_ be enough, he wants the drive. Candor and Erudite are close and Jack is a coward. No telling how quickly he would toss us to them.

I'm guessing they all trust my judgement enough to go with Eric as well because everyone keeps quiet, and those in this room all stopped treating him like a traitor.

I drum my fingers on my leg to stop from tapping my boot on the ground.

The echo gets louder and louder and I'm not sure if they were raising their voices to speak over it or just because.

For a long time I just stand there and I pretend to be listening to the rest of the argument but my mind is made up, just like I can tell where Jack wants this to go.

We can't stay.

Not unless we _all_ go through with their serum.

The Candor sing praises of truth but they never tell you how much it costs.

I for one think the cost is too high, the world already has one unknown to fear and Erudite were killing over it.

They—We don't need another one.

.

"There's something you aren't telling me." Tris says accusingly. We stand side by side in the elevator and I'm not even sure what floor she chose.

That's an understatement. There's a lot I'm not telling her.

Instead of arguing or denying it, I cradle my head in my hands and pull at my hair. She touches my shoulder lightly and I feel the guilt of lying and secrecy.

Having something to hide is a burden that you don't feel alone.

She lets out a frustrated sound and turns away from me. When she turns back her cheeks are splotchy and I can tell she's holding back some choice words.

"I'm sorry Tris." I shake my head. I don't know how to tell her or what to tell her exactly, or even if I should be the one to tell her.

Part of me, a part of me that I hate, wonders if it would be easier if Megan were dead. We could bury it and pretend none of that nonsense exists.

Another part of me thinks Eric could feel the same, or maybe I want him to feel the same because thoughts like that make _me_ feel like the bad guy.

I worry fervently that these roles are asking or taking from us, more than we can provide.

"That's it? That's all you have to say?" She asks with a huff.

"I promise to tell you. . .When I can." I sigh but she shakes her head and her shoulders slump. I hate doing this to her.

"I wish you could trust me enough to tell me." I open my mouth to say that I do trust her but the elevator doors open with a ding and I close my mouth.

"I'll be at Christina's." She says before walking off.

I watch her disappear down a crowded hall while the doors shut again. I feel a space has opened up within me, expanding so rapidly it will break me apart.

.

I stand in a large, open room, that reminds me of the building's lobby.

Unsurprisingly, the floors are black with a huge white symbol in the center of the room, but most of it has been covered up with bunk beds.

Dauntless men, women, and children are everywhere, and there isn't a single Candor in sight. Despite it being morning, it looks like people are settling.

I guess they did stay up all night.

"We're sending a team back to Dauntless to help with retrieving. . . Are you even listening?" Tori asks me sharply.

I feel her elbow dig into my side and I blink before nodding. I could hear her but I wasn't really listening. I never really had time to let everything sink in.

This daze I'm in seems like shock or maybe exhaustion. Either way my mind alternates between a blank slate or un-organizable chaos.

"Anyway, more than half of Dauntless is unaccounted for, we don't even have names or a way to tell if they're dead, captured or just run off to Amity." She continues.

"We could try to contact Amity but I think they have their hands full with Abnegation and Dauntless." Zeke says and he wants to check up on Uriah.

"We tried. Jack has agreed to let us stay here because we intend to 'negotiate' with Erudite, but we're waiting for their reply." Tori adds with a sneer. "In the meantime I guess we. . ..Wait to hear back from _anyone_."

I nod again and scan the room, when I find Eric leaning against a window with his head down, my stomach twists into a knot.

How long can we wait before we resign ourselves to accepting that our friends are possibly dead? Or worse?

.

Tris' arm jerks like she was thinking of touching me but decided against it. Then she reconsiders and slides her arm around me, pulling herself against me.

Suddenly I think maybe I'll let someone else make all the decisions, I'll just let Eric or Tori or Harrison choose what to do. Like they have been.

It's easier letting someone else make a cruel decision and understanding them for it than dealing with people struggling to understand you for the one you made.

I just want to bury my face in her neck and forget everything else exists.

So I do for a second, and I smell the floral shampoo in her hair. A warm feeling curls in my gut but it's sharp and equally as painful as the guilt I can't seem to shake.

"I think we should go after the information Eric mentioned that Erudite wanted to steal from Abnegation." Tris says. "He said it was a box?"

"We could get to it before she does." Eric cuts in, I didn't see him come over. "There is no doubt that she'll still go for it. Abnegation is empty."

"But if it was really that important wouldn't Abnegation try to keep it from her? You really think they'd leave it behind?" I ask.

I don't want to say that I'd rather not go to Marcus or that I think we should go to faction-less first. We can't have Candor but faction-less. . .

"My parents-" Tris starts but her expression changes and her grip around my waist tightens. "They didn't leave Abnegation. . ."

.

"QUIET DOWN, EVERYONE!" Jack Kang lifts his hands, and the crowd goes silent.

I stand among the crowd of Dauntless, there were no seats left but I wasn't really in a sitting mood despite the pain in my leg. It almost feels like I deserve it.

A flash of light catches my eye—lightning. It's not the best time to be meeting in a room with holes in the walls instead of windows, but this is the biggest room they have.

"I have heard many reports from a variety of perspectives, and have gotten a sense for what is straightforward and what requires more deliberation."

All around the Dauntless look grim but the Candor nod and murmur.

Jack looks tired and flustered, a red flag.

He has dark circles under his eyes, and his short hair sticks out at random, like he's been pulling it. I find Eric and he nods at me.

Desperate people make rash decisions.

"Fortunately, we have a Dauntless leader in custody and will be able to put him on trial. However, we must keep in mind that the Dauntless soldiers did not give any hard evidence against _Erudite_."

I hear irritated murmurs all around me.

So basically he makes it out to be a civil war within Dauntless.

"Their premature but otherwise peaceful protest suggests to me that it may be possible to negotiate a peace treaty with the Erudite and the other Dauntless to clear any misunderstanding between them," he continues. "A meeting with Jeanine Matthews has been arranged to discuss that possibility."

" _Our_ premature fucking _protest_?" Joseph shouts. "We—" Tori puts a hand to his shoulder and he shuts up.

It's no use arguing. We came to Candor after all, hoping to get them on our side but if anything we can't afford to make them enemies.

We have our chance to negotiate.

"I thought so," Jack says smugly. "The meeting has been set for 5 this evening. I suggest you appoint your representatives wisely."

.

Eric slams a fist into the tabletop and the plates rattle.

No one has the stomach to eat.

Several Candor glance in our direction and I assume Jack has people watching us closely. "They could have gone to Abnegation by now, and then they'll have one more thing that we won't."

Tris agrees with him and her eyes are bright with concern for her parents.

Eric might not be concerned for _them_ but I can tell he hates the idea of sitting around wasting time, just as much as we do.

Not to mention the occasional Duntless that walks by and whispers 'traitor' at him under their breaths. He doesn't pay them any mind but I know it bothers him.

I don't know what to do here.

On one hand we could go to Abnegation right this minute but, we miss a chance to get Lauren, Will, and the rest back.

I haven't even spoken to Eric about Megan and it seems like he's bent on avoiding it.

"The meeting is with a _representative_ of Jeanine Matthews," Tori says as she leans against the wall near the table.

"A representative?" Zeke asks. "She's not going herself?"

"Yeah, and stand out in the open where a bunch of angry people with guns can take aim?" Eric smirks a little before scoffing. I see the veins in his hand bulge.

"So I guess the real question is," says Harrison, folding his hands on the table, "Who are _we_ sending to this meeting?"

His eyes narrow and at that moment I think taking Tori, Tris and Christina is a bad idea. I don't think Eric should go, but I know he'll try.

They all nominate Harison and I, and of course Eric demands to accompany us.

He still has the drive and though everyone worries what he might do with it, they all want to get our friends back. Maybe enough to go his way, but he hasn't made any suggestions.

Which means I can't go to Abnegation and I have a feeling Tris won't wait for me even if I asked her to. Would Eric go with her instead?

"Would it be smart sending someone important?" Tori asks.

"If I were in this situation, staring at a group of Dauntless guards and Jack Kang, I probably wouldn't resort to violence, right?" I ask.

"Well, you might, if you had your own Dauntless guards. And then all it takes is one shot—bam, dead, and Erudite's better off," says Zeke. "Last I checked they had a bunch of Dauntless."

I pinch the bridge of my nose. I already have a headache.

"Whoever they send to talk to Jack Kang isn't going to be some random Erudite; it's going to be someone _important_ ," Tris says. "It would be a stupid move to fire on Jack and risk losing whoever they send as Jeanine's representative too."

Everyone nods.

I try to put myself in Jeanine Matthews's place. I already know she won't negotiate with Jack Kang. Why would she need to?

He really has nothing to offer. She will use the situation to her advantage and back him into a corner because they have more to offer him than we do.

They have more to use against him too. Like his whole faction.

Theres no getting out of it.

I have to go, I just hope I'm the right person for it.

.

* * *

.

 **Christina's POV**

After Eric, Four, Tori, Zeke and Joseph leave the table Tris leans in. "We have to be at that meeting."

It surprised me but even stronger is the relief that it's Tris who decides it.

I nod my head furiously.

If there's any chance to get our friends back we have to be there.

I feel brittle, and on edge constantly while everyone around me just advances.

No one says anything but I can tell they think Will betrayed us. I never told him anything though and I don't think he would do something like that.

I know him.

.

It getting dark, but just barely, when we reach the bridge, which is two-tiered, with stone pillars at each corner. It's just me, Tris, Eric and Zeke.

We descend the stairs next to one of the stone pillars and creep with silent feet at river level. The sun is setting; we have to get into position.

Eric was supposed to go with Four but when they somehow found out that we were still going to the meeting but secretly he ended upcoming with _us_.

For lack of a better word it's weird. Then Zeke came because Eric came.

It doesn't sit right with me, like we're doing something wrong but then we kind of are sneaking around to eavesdrop.

Tris goes first, her back pressed to the stone as she inches along the lower lip of the bridge supports.

I follow her, with Zeke behind me and Eric behind him.

The bridge is supported by four curved metal structures that secure it to the stone wall, and by a maze of narrow girders beneath its lower tier.

Tris wedges herself under one of the metal structures and climbs quickly, keeping the narrow girders beneath her as she works her way to the middle of the bridge.

I let Zeke go in front of me because I can't climb as well. My left arm shakes as I try to balance on top of the metal structure.

I crouch low to fit in the space between the bottom of the bridge and the girders beneath me. I don't make it very far before I have to stop.

"Move up." Eric commands lowly.

But I can't and it's mainly his fault.

It's too much like dangling over the chasm. I can feel my heart begin to race and my palms are too sweaty to climb further.

"Just go around me." I settle to make my intention clear.

His expression becomes a harsh scowl and he does go around me but he's pretty large and maneuvers slowly and curses a lot, threatening to push my ass off.

I think I'd be more mad at him but I feel like we both have a reason to hate each other and maybe. . .He was just trying to teach me a lesson.

.

Four knows we're here but Jack and Harrison don't. If they looked down though, they might see Tris and Zeke through the mesh under their feet.

I glance up through the metal net above me at the other Dauntless that have come along. Jack, Harrison and Four are too far down the bridge and I can't see if the Erudite have arrived.

I'd ask Eric who stopped in between but I'm afraid of being too loud.

"Hello Jack." I hear a guy greet them, the voice makes me shiver.

Tris's eyes become wide, wider than I've ever seen them and she looks directly at me and then to Eric and Zeke. I see them both mouth the words 'what the fuck?'

"Who are you? Where is Jeanine? I thought she would at least have to courtesy to show up herself." Jack says snidely.

I breathe as quietly as I can but I'm afraid the Dauntless above me can hear my heartbeat pounding in my ears as I try to climb higher to get closer.

"I'm sure you can understand the precaution." The voice says. It sounds too familiar and Tris' expression makes it impossible to resist seeing who myself.

"Fine," says Jack. "I came to—"

"I should inform you that this will not be a negotiation between Candor and Erudite" The voice says. "In order to negotiate, you have to be on even footing, and you, Jack, are not."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that you are the only disposable faction. Candor does not provide us with protection, sustenance, or technological innovation. Therefore you are expendable to us. And you have not done much to win the favor of your Dauntless guests either, so you are completely vulnerable and completely useless to both of us. I recommend, therefore, that you keep your mouth shut while we talk."

I'm more than positive the person means while he talks to Harrison and Four.

"How dare you—" Jack starts. I climb as fast as I can and wipe my hands on my pants occasionally. I'm more curious than scared now and I reach Eric.

"We have three requirements," says the voice "First, that you return the Dauntless leader you currently hold in captivity, unharmed. Second, that you allow your compound to be searched so that we can extract the Divergent; and third, you turn over any data—"

"How are you— _You_ have demands?" I hear Four and at first he sounds confused. " _We_ demand that _Erudite_ return the Dauntless that they have held—"

"We fully intend to release those that aren't in Erudite by _choice_." The voice cuts him off. I'm not close enough to see who it is and everyone's reaction is making me antsy. "But for the most part everyone in Erudite is there because they _want_ to be."

"They don't want to be there, why are you—"

"I've heard nothing of Divergent." Jack interrupts. "How can we find—"

"They know who they are." Comes the bored answer.

Tris and Zeke begin climbing back towards us and Eric motions to start heading back down but why?

I have to stop and slide back when Eric's boots almost smash my fingers. Something in Tris frantic expression tells me we have to leave. Now.

"It's Al." Her voice is a soft whisper and I can't believe it. "It's Al." She repeats. "He's not dead. . .He's—He's alive."

"What are you talking about?" I ask and I cover my mouth quickly because I practically yelled. Eric scowls and rolls his eyes.

The accompanying Dauntless begin shouting, unsure if we are Erudite hiding in ambush and the Erudite begin shouting that Dauntless broke the arrangement.

Eric shoves me off the beam and I land in the mud. My legs sink in and make sucking noises as I struggle to pull them out and run. Panic hits me like a truck when I hear a gun shot.

Eric lands near me followed by Tris and Zeke. "I'm stu—" I'm about to say when Eric turns to me and grabs me.

He tosses me over his shoulder before sprinting for the wall under the bridge for cover and I'm too grateful to feel weird about it.

And then I see him.

I see Al, on the bridge, lookin down at us with his head tilted in confusion.

He died. He's supposed to be dead.

How is it even possible? Erudite sent Al as their representative?

What the fuck?

.

I lost a shoe but we keep running and I notice that Tris doesn't have either of her shoes so I kick the other off and stumble, Zeke catches my shoulder.

"Halt!" I hear someone yell.

We stand just yards away from three Erudite, at a standstill, as they aim guns at us. They caught us. I can still hear shouting behind us too.

But the Erudite in front of us, blocking our escape. . .One is Harvey, another is some tall guy and the third is Peter. They aren't Erudite at all.

"You traitors!" I yell at Peter. "I just fucking knew it! Where is Will?! Where the fuck is Megan and Lauren?!"

We don't have any weapons, we don't even have our shoes but I want to beat his face in and I would if Zeke didn't keep his hand on my shoulder and hold me in place.

I throw and angry confused look at Eric, why isn't he doing something? He just stands there with the his hand in his pocket.

The drive! Maybe he can trade it. . .

A flash of a smile appears on Peters face or maybe he bared his teeth but I can't tell.

"Destroy the drive, and you can get Lauren back." Harvey says.

"What?" Eric asks incredulously.

"Kill Max and you can get Will back. Turn In the Divergent, and you can free Candor." He speaks but his voice is flat. "Make things right."

Why give us different terms than he ones they gave Four? Are they trying to start a fight?

"What do you mean free Candor?" Tris argues angrily, a tight feeling drops to the pit of my gut. "What if we get the box first, Jeanine?"

Jeanine?

Then they're drones and she's speaking through them. I glare like I can see straight through them and to the bitch herself.

"We'll see who gets there first." Harvey says with a high pitched laugh, it's off and makes a shudder crawl up my spine. "You might want to check on Candor first."

.

* * *

.

 **Four's POV**

Candor is in complete chaos. Apparently while we were gone a group of drone Dauntless came in an knocked a bunch of people out.

No one was killed.

But I hold a giant needle up to the light and turn it over and around, examining it. I have a really bad fucking feeling about it.

"Yeah. Anyway, no one gets it," Joseph says, perching on the edge of the bed. "Why storm in here and fire those things and knock everyone out? Why not just kill us?"

"No idea," I say. "The only use I see for it is that it helped them figure out who's Divergent and who's not. But that can't be the only reason they did it."

I rack my brain for the answers but I wish I had Tris here or Eric with his insight to the enemy brains and plots. They must've gone to Abnegation.

"I don't get why they have it out for us. I mean, when they were trying to mind control themselves an army, sure, but now? Seems useless."

I frown as I press a clean paper towel to his shoulder, to stop the bleeding. He's right. Jeanine already has an army. So why does she need the Divergent?

"Well Jeanine wouldnt kill everyone," I say slowly. "She knows that would be illogical. Without each faction, society doesn't function, because each faction trains its members for particular jobs. What she wants is control."

"So she's planning another simulation then." Tori says grimly. "Same thing as last time, only, with Candor, to control them."

"Actually they got a bunch of us too." Joseph sighs as he pokes at the little hole in his shoulder, stained with blue dye. "We aren't in a sim right now though."

"But the transmitters only last for a certain amount of time, they expire in minutes, it's only useful for accomplishing something specific. . ." Harrison trails off and everyone frowns like we are all thinking the same thing.

.

"What were the terms?" Tori asks. She sits in a chair between a few of the beds.

I frown and try to pay attention but my stress is skyrocketing. I stand leaning against one of the bunks, with my arms crossed, staring at the floor.

What if Tris ran into some trouble? Do they know what's going on in Candor?

I clear my throat. "There were three. Return Max to the Erudite. Turn in whatever data we stole. And deliver Divergent to Erudite headquarters."

"And now they know some of Candor are Divergent." Tori sighs.

"I don't think that's all it is though." I shake my head. Everyone looks to me like I have all the answers. "My guess is that the needle did inject everyone with a transmitter. . ."

"No fucking way." Tori says and she touches the bandage at her sternum. "For simulations? They don't work on Divergent and they couldn't have developed. . ."

Everyone becomes quiet and thoughtful.

For all we know Erudite could've created a longer lasting transmitter and now everyone in Candor is wired for multiple simulations.

"We should always expect the worst and hope to be wrong then." Joseph chuckles but it's a depressing notion.

"Jack suggests we listen, and if we don't, I think he'll force us. He's afraid for his own faction and it's clear he'll sacrifice any number of us." Harrison says.

Another thing that bothers me is how Al said most of those in Erudite _want_ to be there. Well, it also bothers me that Al is alive.

"If Kang is making deals with the Erudite, we can't stay. And if Candor are wired and go under a sim, anyone not under would be considered Divergent and a target." Tori says. "Where do we go?"

"Home," Harrison says. Everyone is listening. "We should take back what's ours. We can break the security cameras in Dauntless headquarters so they can't see us. We should go home."

Someone assents with a shout, and someone else joins in.

That is how things in Dauntless are decided: with nods and yells.

Only, I'm not sure if leaving Candor to fend for themselves is the right thing. Jeanine might have had this in her plan all along but I can't help but feel as though we brought this to their doorsteps and now we're leaving them with it.

"What about Max?" Someone asks.

"Max is Dauntless." Tori says. "Which means we decide what happens to him—"

"Are we all just not going to talk about how Erudite brought someone back from the dead?" Joseph blurts out. "Or the fact that—"

The speakers crackle and Jacks voice blares out on the intercom.

"Attention all occupants of Candor headquarters. A few hours ago I met with a representative of Jeanine Matthews. He reminded me that we, Candor are in a weak position, dependent on Erudite for our survival and that peace can be achieved by meeting a few of their demands."

I stare up at the speaker, stunned. I shouldn't be surprised that the leader of Candor is this forthright, but I wasn't expecting a public announcement.

"In order to comply with these demands, I ask that everyone make their way to the Gathering Place." he says. "The Erudite have also ordered all Divergent to be turned over to Erudite. I do not know for what purpose."

He sounds listless. Defeated. Well, he is defeated, I think.

Because he is too weak to fight back.

One thing Dauntless knows that Candor does not is how to fight even when fighting seems useless but I'm reminded that Candor know something that Dauntless do not as well, and that is how not to get carried away.

Sometimes I feel like I am collecting the lessons each faction has to teach me, and storing them in my mind like a guidebook for moving through the world.

There is always something to learn, always something that is important to understand. But then, what if I miss something?

Tori shouts orders and the Dauntless rush through the room, throwing their things into bags and the rest of us stand there.

The decision has been made.

.

"It seems clear to me," says Jack, "that we were attacked so that the Erudite could simply identify the Divergent among us."

"That was not their intention, they mean to kill the Divergent." Tori argues. "They've been killing Divergent before any of this happened."

"That sounds very much like a conspiracy theory." Jack replies with knit brows and a frown. "What reason does Erudite have to kill Divergent?"

"Obviously we don't know." I say. "There are nearly a dozen mysterious deaths recorded in the past." I think about Amar and about Tori's brother. "But they aren't just after the Divergent. They shot you with needles," I insist, changing the subject. "Needles full of simulation transmitters. Simulations that can control you like it did to—"

"We know how simulations work," says Jack. "The transmitter is not a permanent implant. If they intended to control us, they would have done it right away."

"But—"

"While I am also concerned for the safety of Dauntless, Abnegation and Erudite alike your accusations are wildly biased and we can't take action just because you claim they want to harm or kill members of my faction."

"Killing you isn't the worst thing they could do!" A Dauntless girl yells.

"I suppose not to a Dauntless but I don't see how Erudite could manage to control a faction against their will."

He doesn't see that Erudite is doing that right now, through fear. Jeanine is making them act out of fear. I can't help but think that Jack is going to turn over the Divergent in his faction for safety.

"Just because you can't see doesn't mean it's not the truth." Harrison argues.

"Regardless, Erudite had several _simple_ demands to be met, and I implore you to do so." Jack starts. "One was to hand over—"

"You don't make decisions for us." Tori says. "You are not the leader of our faction!"

All around me Dauntless shout their assent and Jack waits for the shouting to die down before saying.

"That is true. If you want to, you can feel free to storm the Erudite compound by yourselves. But you will do so without our support, and may I remind you, you are greatly outnumbered and unprepared."

"It looks to me like we don't need you, you need us." Tori says and even though Jack is right, so is Tori.

He can't meet any of Erudites demands without us.

.

The Dauntless stand in a semicircle around the interrogation chair, where Max now sits. He is slumped, sweat shining on his forehead.

He stares at each of us in turn with his head tilted down.

I try to keep my eyes on him, but his smile—is almost too awful to take. It reminds me brutally how unmatched we are. What we are up against.

That he doesn't care if he dies because he's so confident that they've already won.

Rain sprays against the side of the building and streams down the walls.

The storm is louder here. Every crack of thunder and flash of lightning makes the back of my neck prickle, as if electricity is being infused into my skin.

"Do I _deserve_ to die?" Max asks with a raised brow. "For doing what I was made to do? For fulfilling my purpose?"

His words have a chilling effect and lightning flashes outside, followed by a crackling of thunder. Perfectly timed.

"If that was your purpose, then obviously you were meant to die." Tori says. "And we are fulfilling ours by dealing your death."

"We have the right to execute you by the laws of Dauntless." Harrison says before crouching by the three guns on the floor near Max's feet.

One by one, he empties the chambers of bullets. They almost jingle as they hit the floor, and then roll, coming to rest against the toes of our shoes.

He picks up the middle gun and puts a bullet into the first slot.

Then he moves the three guns on the floor, around and around, until my eyes can't follow anymore. I lose track of which one holds the bullet.

He picks up the guns and offers one to Tori, and another one to me.

Does Max deserve to die? Never mind that but one of the demands was to turn him over unharmed. . .

"Wait." Max says when Harrison steps up. "I have a request."

"We don't take requests from—" Tori starts but I interrupt her with a hand to her shoulder.

"I am a leader of Dauntless." He says. "And all I want is for Eric to be the one who fires that bullet."

"Sorry to disappoint you." I say but I'm not sorry at all. "Eric isn't here."

"Then I guess that leaves you, Four, if you would do the honor." Max says with a widening smile. "After all, you are the _hero_ of the story _._ "

I kneel and pick up a bullet, sliding it into the empty chamber of the gun and I try not to let his words get to me. No one has said it quite so bluntly.

"I hope you find your happy ending."


	22. Horns

**Will's POV**

"You've done well." Jeanine says with a terse smile that raises the hairs on the back of my neck.

I thought the swollen feeling in my throat would go away but I struggle to keep breathing evenly and I swallow often like I could make the lump disappear.

"I did what you asked." I stare at her and try to make sense of that bored but anxious look she has, like she on the constant verge of contradicting herself. "Where is my sister?"

"Jack says that the Divergent rebels have killed Max." An Erudite reports, she completely disregards me and my question to nod her head slowly at him. "They have left Candor and are headed to Dauntless."

"What of the others?" She asks, she stares down at the surveillance footage of Megan with some kind of look. A smug but relieved expression that I don't understand.

"En route to Abnegation as we speak ma'am." He says and Jeanine turns to begin leaving, but she hasn't answered any of my questions. "We have several Divergent ready for phase two, and Jack is willing to comply." He follows her.

"What are you going to do to her?" The question is out of my mouth with an almost manic undertone and I take a step in their direction to go after them only to be halted by a hand to my shoulder.

Of all the lies we told Megan. . .I'm not sure which one will come back to haunt me later.

All of them possibly.

I can feel this tight feeling in my gut and an equal tightening of my throat, like someone has a hand wrapped around my neck.

"Make it believable." Jeanine says before waving her hand dismissively. Several of the Dauntless drones close in around me and I glance around in confusion.

"Make what believable?!" I ask angrily. "Where is my sister?"

"You can't appear a hostage and victim if you are unharmed, can you?" She asks. "Now that they are no longer at Candor, you can return without fearing being exposed by truth serum, your assistance is no longer required. You are free to leave."

My surprise is genuine and I gape at her, trying to tell if she's serious. I'm not even sure if I should go back or not. Or if I have a choice on the matter.

I can't imagine looking Christina in the eyes after this.

How long can I lie to her about what I've done? How long until she sees through it?

Until they _all_ do?

Maybe that's why she's letting me go, maybe she's betting one of them will kill me. . .Maybe I should just stay.

.

I cradle my arm close to my chest and breath with difficulty. My left eye is swollen shut and every time I swallow I can taste my blood.

Peter offers me some water and I slap it out of his hand. It spills all over the ground and the cup clatters across the hall. I don't want the fucking water.

He shrugs and takes a seat at the end of the cot.

"How did you know?" I ask him between breaths. I'm sure one of my ribs is broken, that and there are many other questionable aches and pains.

My lips feel stiff and tight and swollen and pain begins to beat through my entire jaw.

I feel like I deserve it, physically this is nothing.

What I'm not looking forward to is seeing Christina again, looking like this, feeling like this, playing on her sympathies. I'd rather get beaten again and again.

A part of me thinks she'd understand if I confessed.

Cara is my sister and Christina has a sister too. . .But then, another part of me doesn't want her to understand, doesn't want her to forgive me for the choices I made.

"Know what?" Peter counters obliviously.

"That her gun was empty." I snap.

I want to think that being a captive of Erudite is better than being dead, but I don't know what they'll do to her.

She would rather have died than come here, so that says something.

A sharp pain shoots up when I breathe too deeply and I close my eyes against it. "Did you even know when you told her to shoot herself?"

"Well I used all the ammo on the window in Dauntless." Peter replies with another shrug, like it was some lucky guess. "But hey, they're sending Lauren back too so. . . Yeah, you might want to. . .I don't fucking know. They already let Cara go, she's headed to Amity though, I recommend just going there."

At the mention of Lauren I sit up, a little too quickly and my entire body aches.

That's why they're sending me, Lauren will tell them all for sure.

I think about going to Amity instead like he suggested, and then, I realize how cowardly that is. I need to face them and I need to tell Christina.

"What about you?" I ask, with a steady breath.

I know what I'm going to do, I just hope Lauren doesn't beat me to it.

"Aww, afraid to go alone?" His brows turn up in mock sympathy and I scowl at him. "I'm joking, chill out. I can't leave even if I wanted to and well, this is where I _want_ to be."

"Why—"

"I owe someone." He sighs. "No big deal."

.

* * *

.

 **Lauren's POV**

"Where the hell are you taking me?" I demand at the back of the Erudite dressed in a crisp ugly ass navy blue suit. Things are bad enough but they even dressed me up in Erudite threads.

I don't want to die like this.

He doesn't respond but I know he's not a drone because he's commanding the ones that drag me around in cuffs, pushing and shoving, but the worst part is the fact that there are other Dauntless here who _aren't_ drones.

They don't answer any of my questions and after patching me up they stuck me in some windowless room. Now, they have a use for me?

The Erudite walks me down long corridors and I recognize the way they're taking me.

They're taking me _outside_.

It's just barely morning and a thick and heavy fog has descended over the city during the night. Despite that I take a deep breath, it feels wet and large in my lungs.

I keep thinking, this is it. They're going to shoot me.

They lead me down the steps and to a large truck. A drone opens the doors and the other two shove me into it. I land hard on the dusty ground and my side starts to burn the way it does when I stretch my wound.

I immediately shift and turn towards the door, trying to maneuver my way to sit and I kick my legs till I can use the wall to slide myself up.

"You are free to go." The Erudite finally says. "Those will be removed upon your arrival at Dauntless." He gestures to my cuffs.

I stare at him and think maybe they're joking, like this is some sick joke and they're just gonna kill me. "What?"

He shuts the door and I'm alone in the dark.

.

Around 20 to 30 minutes later the truck still hasn't moved and the air back here is getting stuffy. I try to breathe as little as possible in case I do happen to run out of air.

I get restless and my arms are sore from being behind my back. I slide down to lay on my side, on my arm and I press my face to the otherwise cold metal ground.

There in the dark, I contemplate my return to Dauntless.

I failed, messed up, got caught, and yet, somehow they managed to find a way to get Erudite to release me. What about the rest of them?

I feel conflicted as I try to go through the conversation that's probably awaiting me. I made mistakes but they made mistakes too.

In the end it doesn't matter who did, we're all going to pay for it.

Before I can get to the part where Eric strangles me, the doors open and they toss someone in. He lands hard on the ground, much harder than I and he cries out in pain.

Immediately I realize who it is and I start to sit up. Anger and confusion well up inside me but I don't care if he's hurt, or why.

I get onto my knees and when he tries to sit up to see who else is in here with him I throw myself forward.

I head butt him in the chest and he falls against the truck wall, scrambling onto his side while clutching his arm close to himself.

The drones climb in and before I can move to kick Will, the drone grabs me and basically throws me on the other end of the truck on my ass.

The impact is hard and I nearly bite my tongue but I'm too angry to just back off. "Give me one reason why I shouldn't kill you!" I yell at Will who groans and tries but fails to sit up.

"I don't have one." He coughs out just lying on his side.

I get a good look at his condition and it diminishes some of my anger to see his remorseful eyes, one is swollen shut but his expression isn't just sad.

Instead of anger I feel pity for the jerk and a crushing helplessness because I don't want to hit him again. It's not even worth it.

The drones jump out and shut the door, this time we don't have to wait long and I feel the truck begin to shudder and vibrate beneath me as it starts to move.

He's fucked either way. We're headed to Dauntless.

"You're a fucking idiot, a sell out-" I come up with other choice words and insults but none of them make me feel better, I just feel worse and worse.

He just says I know, I know.

Everyone else will know too. He can't fool them, I'll make sure he doesn't.

"As soon as they throw our asses out at Dauntless I'm telling—"

"Please, let me do it." Will says. "I—I'll tell them myself, I swear I will, just please. . ."

I scoff. "Not a fucking chance."

.

* * *

.

 **Peter's POV**

"Sedative." A stern voice commands and they stick Meg with another needle. All I can think is that it's about fucking time they drugged her and shut her up.

Her screaming is so high pitched and continuous, I'd think every window in Erudite would shatter, never mind my eardrums.

Every time she stops I hear a shrill ringing noise and I feel it behind my eyes.

I'm not sure what hurts her more.

The machine they stuck her in, whatever it does to her, or her own screams. Whatever it is, even I'm finding it kinda unpleasant to watch.

Then again she might just be screaming to irritate Jeanine.

The only thing that makes this worth it, is when they have at it.

My favorite insult is when she calls Jeanine a 'flaming bitch'. And I'm not sure what the titanic is but apparently, it sunk because Jeanine is a fat ass.

"Fuck you!" Meg spits at the Erudite. But since she can't move, her spit sort of just dribbles on her chin. Her eyes are wide and wild, and her teeth are bared.

"Again. This time up the current rate to 50 Jules." Jeanine says as though she means to pay her back for the language with physical pain.

"But her heart rate exceeded reg—"

"Do it." Jeanine commands, the Erudite glance warily at each other and I watch but I can't help but feel some kind of nervousness.

This seems like torture but they aren't even trying to get information out of her. I'm not sure why I need to be here but when I glance down the line at the other Dauntless that may or may not be under simulation, I'm guessing it's another type of torture.

This could happen to any of us, I assume.

I glance to Caleb next, who can't take his eyes off their "subject" his face is almost a pale green like he could puke any second and he's gripping his knees.

Meg snarls but a sinister smile blends into her scowl. I actually kind of want to know what they're trying to accomplish.

Frying her brain for fun?

Whatever it is, Meg's smile gives me the impression that it _isn't_ working. Not to mention the annoyance radiating in palpable waves off Jeanine, and the way she grips the desk with bloodless knuckles.

She's pissed.

Its definitely not working.

"Detecting inter-cellular electro bloating in both atrium." "Subject has an irregular en-tropic beating." I don't understand their gibberish and I don't hear it for long when she starts screaming again.

She always starts off strong, but can't manage to hold it in. A sort of morbid curiosity overcomes me and I wonder what it feels like to be in her position.

I'd like to cover my ears but no one else does, not even Caleb and I doubt it would block her out.

Her arms pull against the metal and the blood begins to trickle down the sides of her face where the metal rods were inserted at her temples, like horns.

"Ventricular fibrillation, subject is going into cardiac—"

"Double it." I almost miss when Jeanine speaks.

"I can't!" The Erudite woman yells. "That could damage the subjects cere—"

"I said double it." Jeanine repeats calmly but her voice teeters on a low and threatening tone and a chill creeps up my spine.

"She'll die!" Another Erudite woman argues with a hint of panic.

I raise my brow. Never thought Erudite could have empathy.

Jeanine turns and slaps the Erudite in the face. I clasp my hands tightly in front of me but I felt that slap in my own face.

Paired with her screaming and the tense atmosphere I can feel the stress getting to me. My heart is beating loud in my ears even over the noise and my mouth begins over salivating, the way it does before you hurl.

"Sedative." Jeanine says finally, and she begins to rub her temples and shakes her head. An Erudite bounds out of his seat even before she finishes the command. "We will continue on to phase two tomorrow."

"But she hasn't shown signs of repre—"

Caleb pukes and Jeanine walks out of the lab before the Erudite can even finish his sentence. It wasn't a suggestion.

I let out the breath that I feel I've been holding this entire time.

.

"You can hear it from here?" I ask in disbelief, or maybe it's not that hard to believe. I'm sure sound proofing can only go so far.

I fill a cup of water and drink deeply before filling it again at the sink.

My mouth is dry. Parched.

Al wheels his way across the room. "Yeah I can hear it, I don't think anyone within a mile radius can't. What the hell is that? It sounds like a banshee, is it you whacking off?" He jokes with a chuckle.

It's actually pretty funny, but I'm not in the mood, I guess.

I shrug and watch as he opens the fridge to get himself a beer.

It seems like he's getting the special treatment. A nice little apartment, some Dauntless guards. . .Getting him out of here is going to be impossible enough with his wheelchair. I don't think he even wants to leave.

He doesn't even remember being put under a simulation, or used in Jeanine's. . .Game or whatever.

But the wheelchair. . .Fuck me, at least I can knock him out and wheel him out of here without too much trouble.

I wouldn't have to carry him.

Fuck, then there's the train to think about and Amity isn't paved for a wheelchair.

I figure I should wait till I even have a chance to get out of Erudite and worry about actually getting out too, before I worry about. . .Being out.

"What's up with you, Caleb?" Al asks. I lean against the kitchen counter and turn to Caleb who lies face down on the sofa. "Do you need a beer or something?"

"He lost his lunch in front of Jeanine." I answer before filling my cup again.

They became 'friends' during Al's 'rehabilitation', which I think is ridiculous and a load of bullshit.

"No way!" Al starts laughing and my stomach starts churning.

It's a good thing I haven't eaten since before all this shit.

.

"Will you fucking cut that shit out?!" I yell at her and take a step like I'd force her to stop if she didn't. My unspoken threat does nothing.

Meg just looks at me blankly before thrashing the chains around more violently.

The jingling and clanking of metal is so grating and she's been at it for over an hour. My jaw aches from clenching my teeth and for the first time I think the other guard, the one that's droned out, is lucky to be.

Not that I'd want to be.

Fuck that.

I know she's doing it on purpose. Or, maybe not.

The way she sits on the ground with the gauze wrapped around her head makes her look completely mental, maybe they did fry her brain.

There's not much else she can do though.

I think they offered her some paper and a crayon or something like that but she lost her coloring privileges. And her reading privileges, and probably everything else they thought to give her.

They cuffed her wrists and ankles to a chain that anchors her to the ground but the cuffs aren't just cuffs. It's like they're made just for her.

And some kind of bulky collar that, if triggered, will give her a quick dose of some kind of muscle relaxant or paralytic.

 _To keep her here_ , is what Jeanine said.

Where the fuck is she gonna go though?

She's literally like a dog tied to a post.

Black tape marks her area and the length that the chain can reach up to, and only designated personnel can step over it. Me being one of those.

She has round the clock guards and four cameras dangle in the corners of the room. Every hour on the dot, an Erudite comes to check on her, poking at her, drawing blood, changing bandages. She can't even go to the bathroom or eat in privacy.

Other than that though.

She has a nice comfy couch in her little circle and if she'd actually eat they'd get her whatever she wants, all she has to do is ask.

Cake, ice cream, you name it.

Not to mention she has a beautiful view of the city and Dauntless right outside her window.

.

* * *

.

 **Caleb's POV**

My hand shakes over the keypad and I take deep gulps of air before pressing my thumb to the scanner. It beeps twice and the door clicks before swishing open.

The first person I see is Peter because he's the only one who looks to the entrance. The other guard is a drone and stares straight.

The girl, or what Jeanine calls our 'subject' is curled into a ball with her arms around her shins and her head down.

"Jeanine sent _you_ this time?" Peter asks and he frowns. I'm about to answer when he says. "Never mind, just. . .Let her sniff you before you try to pet her."

The girl looks up and glares at Peter with fervor, her cheeks are red but her skin is pale and sallow. The gauze around her head is darkened with blood from being pressed against her knees and I gulp.

I know Peter is joking but when I get to the edge of the tape I can't step over it. It's almost as if i'd be trespassing.

In a way it's cruel to confine her to such a small circle, but then I can see clearly that she'd prefer it. It's her space.

The drone guard moves but Peter holds a hand up. "I got it this time." He says before walking briskly into her circle like that boundary means nothing, to me he says. "She bites."

"Just go away." She speaks but her voice is hoarse, possibly from all the screaming. Thinking about it makes me nauseous again. "Tell Jeanine I want new guards."

"But we get along so well." Peter argues as he kneels in front of her and motions for me. He steps on a length of her chain as though to keep her down.

Like she'd actually attack. She looks harmless.

I look back to the tape an inch away from my shoes and then at the medical bag and finally at her.

It never occurred to me that I would feel light headed and weak kneed when Jeanine told me to start tending to her because, I was good at it when I was Abnegation, taking care of others came naturally.

It was second nature, even if it was pretend.

I'd understand if that was the reason Jeanine asked me to take over, but if the other Erudite couldn't handle it, I don't see how she'd think I could.

I'm not Abnegation, haven't been.

.

The drone guard hasn't moved so I suppose we aren't breaking any rules, or maybe the Erudite behind the screens are on break.

It doesn't matter because that feeling of being constantly watched doesn't leave me so I try to behave the way I'm expected to.

I sit on her couch, rigid as a plank and Peter sits comfortably, cross legged in front of her like they'll play a child game of patty-cake on the floor.

That is, if it didn't seem like she wanted to strangle him with her chains.

I have so many questions and they practically stir in my throat like vomit waiting to spill out, but, one look to the cameras and I bite my tongue.

Instead she asks questions and I answer them. It seems harmless enough.

One question she doesn't ask is 'What are they doing to me?' And I wouldn't have an answer for her. The fact that she doesn't ask, makes me think she already knows.

Which is why I want to ask _her_ because I really want to know myself. I really desperately want to know, even with distractions it eats away at the back of my mind.

Occasionally Peter answers or stops me when I get too carried away in my explanations, which happens often, whether I can control it or not.

She just listens without interrupting, which reminds me a bit of Abnegation.

When I'm able to make little similarities between her and something familiar it helps me relax around her. She's not a 'subject' but a person.

Most if her questions are about the factions and specific things, things everyone should already know. She's kind of like an ignorant child and I become curious as to why she wouldn't know things even children know.

"Who is professor Aldric?" She asks.

I look at her with mild confusion, I haven't heard that name in years.

"Aldric Matthews was the former representative of Erudite, after Norman and before Jeanine, he and Norman established—"

" _Matthews_?" She asks with verve, her face morphs into a scowl and then her eyes widen a bit before she breaks out into an off sounding scratchy laughter.

At that moment the drone Dauntless steps forward and I stand immediately, unsure if I did something wrong and I look to Peter.

Peter wordlessly jerks his head towards the door, and when I don't move the drone grabs my arm roughly and forces me out, the last thing I hear before the door swishes shut behind me is more of her eerily maniacal but hoarse laughter.

.

Jeanine is furious. Beyond furious.

I've known her to be stern, but I've never known her to be this rough, distant and frightening. Never seen her attempt to dole out her own punishments or return words with equally sharp retorts and argue with someone like this before.

An Erudite just came in and reported that the Divergent rebels have gotten a hold of an important piece of information before her soldiers could, so she was already in a bad mood, but now. . .

It's worse.

Because Meg is laughing, and if anyone can get under Jeanine's skin it's her.

If I'd have known that simply answering a question could have this sort of consequence, I think I never would've went into that room.

Meg's brows are turned up in mock sympathy, but the blood streams in thin lines down her temples. It's the kind of laugh that makes my insides feel displaced.

It's wrong.

She seems like someone who should have a warm and kind laugh, not cruel and cold.

Jeanine grips Meg's chin and I can see her nails digging into her cheeks like she'll gouge them out. "We'll see who's fucking laughing." she says to her.

I've never heard her curse before, she detests that kind of crude language.

Her voice is a low and ominous tone with a threatening pitch, but Meg just smiles like nothing could ruin her day. I'd imagine Jeanine could find a way.

I keep my eyes on the ground but my face and ears are flaming.

My shoulders slump and I drop my chin to my chest, despondent, waiting for Jeanine to focus her attention on me, but it never comes and I try not to feel hopeful that it won't.

Instead she goes right back to the console, and doesn't look at me when she passes.

I look up at Meg's face when the screaming starts, and I try to find a way to make this end, a way to make the time pass faster.

My body shakes and I cannot control my muscles.

Her screams today are mixed with pain filled laughter, and it is the most frightening and terrible sounds I think I've ever heard.

.

"Bring in another one!" Jeanine practically screams. No one questions her.

She already had me replace one of the other Erudite and now I sit behind a monitor that displays the vitals of Meg against the vitals of the Divergent that they put in an adjacent machine consisting of a series of cords tubes and the like.

The machines connect them and place them in a simulation.

The Divergent are known for their ability to control aspects of simulations at their will and at first it just seemed like Jeanine intended for the Divergent to overpower Meg within the simulation and weaken her ability to resist.

But the more I watch, the more I realize that it isn't a simulation at all.

The landscape changes because _Meg_ is making it change.

Jeanine is putting Divergent into Meg's. . .Mind, I think, and she wants them to manipulate it or break it, weaken it.

She want's the Divergent to treat it like a simulation and bend it to their will.

It's incredibly fascinating.

My hands shake as I uncouple and activate the release on the screen so that the drones can remove the Divergent from the adjacent machine.

They droop in the air, unconscious and the tubes and cords detach themselves as they are lowered.

Meg regains consciousness but her once sharp eyes are now dull and the blood is dry and caked to her pasty skin. Her breathing is labored and I'm not sure how much more she can take.

That was the third Divergent.

I wish I knew what the real purpose was.

Maybe it would be easier on her if she just cooperated and let the Divergent do what they must, they would only be in while they are connected by the machines and when the tether is active.

The Erudite next to me can break it off at the push of a button.

"Wait." Jeanine says when the drones begin to leave to fetch another Divergent. Apparently Jack Kang turned over a bunch of them hidden within Candor. I can't believe Divergent even exist, let alone the large number of them in any faction. "Bring Peter Hayes."

"He's not a Divergent." The words are out of my mouth before I can stop it.

I expect Jeanine to anger quickly like she has been but for a perverse moment she becomes thoughtful and the room is silent.

It would seem like no one is breathing and my heart pounds loudly in my ears.

When I turn to Meg she's staring straight at me with a look of pure hatred.

Does she want Peter in her head? Is she mad because I stopped it?

I glance at the unconscious Divergent, his face is pale and his eyelids flutter and I think, yes, she would. She's been dominating them in horrifying landscapes.

But, if I were Jeanine and I wanted to get Meg to lie down and give up, I wouldn't put her against just anyone.

A strong Divergence wouldn't be enough either, though its is slowly wearing her down, it's not fast enough for Jeanine's liking.

I would put Meg against someone that she wouldn't hurt.

"We are finished for today." Jeanine says finally, before waving her hand dismissively, but the look on her face makes my insides grow cold and she leaves the room.

I'm out of my chair in an instant.

.

* * *

.

 **Peter's POV**

Meg stares out the window, sitting at the very edge of the tape.

I'm watching the way the light plays off the tops of the buildings outside, the way everything outside undulates. But, occasionally I'll look to her, thinking that she'll move or do something.

She's quieter today, not even the sound of her chains moving or a bored sigh.

The colors of the sunset reflect off her pale face, and it's almost like she isn't even breathing. I don't think I've ever looked at her this much, but I guess I'm supposed to be watching her.

When she touches the gauze at her head I realize that she's looking at her reflection and not at what's outside and I almost laugh.

At first I think she's conceited and I'd tell her there isn't much to look at, but then I remember thinking how those metal bars looked like horns.

I bite my tongue and wonder if she thinks the same thing. Knowing her I'd say yes.

She presses her fingers over the already stained red gauze at her temples, and I start to feel uncomfortable as tears gather in the corners of her eyes.

The fading sun glints off them as they bulge and spill down her cheeks.

The air begins to feel thick in my throat and I stare at the ground instead, god this is awkward. I don't even know why she needs guards.

"I'm going to destroy you." Meg says and I can't help but scoff and look up.

The light slides down the sky behind her, and it stretches her shadow until it goes past the black tape all the way to the ground near my feet, like it could grab my ankles and drag me into her little circle of hell.

I smile a little, to try and hide my unease.

.

Three days pass since her threat and though I'm never in the lab to witness what they're doing now, I can see that she's getting weaker physically.

Al mentioned that he doesn't hear the screaming anymore.

I was actually on edge since she said that shit, but I've relaxed because she hasn't tried anything and she's just. . .Existing, who knows for how much longer.

I give it a week tops.

She doesn't eat, but she's started chewing her nails and biting the insides of her cheeks and she has fitful bouts of sleeping and waking up like she doesn't know where she is.

It was funny at first, watching her jolt awake and look around frantically, until she starts crying. Which she does often and sometimes there are no tears.

The last news I heard of the outside was that Jeanine has demanded Dauntless turn over a box, that has rumored to have disappeared along with Tris Prior and Eric who may or may not have been captured by faction-less.

Then there's news of how several Abnegation leaders wound up dead and my guess is as good as anyone's when Caleb started drinking heavily.

Faction before blood though, I guess, and it seems like he doesn't care all that much.

He's become meaner but in a creepy way, passive aggressive. I watch him sit on a small stool and comb through Meg's hair as he snips off long lengths of it.

The black locks drift and coil on the ground around her legs, folded beneath her. I listen to the way he tries to coax her into eating, something, anything.

Eventually he'll give up and just have the drone hold her down and they administer vitamin supplement shots or intravenous fluids.

Just keeping their 'subject' alive.

Whatever they're doing now it has him erratic and excited, he almost slipped up and told Al yesterday. It would be impossible to get him out if he knew she was here.

Unless I tried to get them both out.

Staring at her now, I wish there were one more bullet in her gun that night, but, I have a feeling she wishes the same thing, maybe even more than I do.

"Alright then." Caleb sighs before raising a brow at the drone. He's much different now. It kind of reminds me of Jeanine. "If you don't mind—"

I hold my hand up. "I'll do it." I say before stepping over the black tape.

I'm much nicer about it than they are.

.

* * *

.

 **Caleb's POV**

When they usher Peter into the lab I'm not surprised but the look on his face tells me that he is. His expression becomes an almost bewildered rage.

I can't lie and say that I don't feel bad about it but with the minute progress we've been making, some bigger steps needed to be taken.

Meg needs to give up willingly and cooperate before Jeanine decides to break her forcefully and that would have unknown consequences.

Instead of listening to Jeanine telling Peter why he's here I begin to set up the machine's parameters on my screen and checking Meg's vitals.

I can feel Peters eyes on me and a tightness begins in my gut and I know it's because I gave her the idea. I tell myself she would've come to it on her own, why else would she keep Al here?

I don't know why Jeanine wants _Peter_ present but I can only assume it's meant to intimidate him, or remind him that Al is Eridite property now.

I sneak a look to Meg but when our eyes meet she closes hers and I know she won't fight him. After this I'm sure she'll be more compliant.

Jeanine will stop hurting her and it'll make things easier, smoother and faster.

"He's not a Divergent." Peter comments. The tubes and cords already attach themselves to Al. He won't even remember this, won't remember seeing her.

Hes not a divergent, so the serum works on him and Jeanine can control him while he is connected to Meg. It's devious and brilliant but I know that it's horrible.

"That is why he's perfect." Jeanine says simply, she taps her cheek with a fingernail and peruses one of the screens that have just begun displaying Al's brain activity.

"Initiating in three. . .two. . ."

One.

* * *

 **SIDE NOTE:**

 **I know it says I updated the story but I didn't, just had to fix something.**

 **I went back and compacted some short chapters and changed the alignment, I got a review saying it was annoying to read it like that XD**

 **Let me know what you think of the change, I can always change it back. . .Haha.**

 **& thanks for all the reviews and everything. Megan's brother will be in the story shortly. ;D**


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